Discipline for babies...

[Leanna]

Hello! My son is 9 months. I have read mixed reviews on whether timeouts and hand squeezing works as discipline for a baby this age. Some people think it works, other people think there is nothing you can do to begin behavior modification. Opinions and experience needed please.

So far I have been doing, first time doing something say no and take him away, second time do it again, third time squeeze his hand and take him away and fourth time he gets a time out. He is very persistant. He wants to see if I still say no after the 500th time in the same week. I am pretty tired already. Has anyone tried this approach and is the hard work worth it? I have heard that I shouldn't expect him to listen more than 60% of the time for his age group, and if he listens that often then he is doing well. What do you think? I want to raise a child that has learned to listen when I tell him no when he is older. I don't want to let him have no "no"s now and then suddenly introduce discipline later. And that's all I have to say for now!

 

[Leanna]

P.S. It is because he has recently learned to walk that I am getting so tired. There are so many things he can get into now. Crazy little man!

 

[Beth1231]

A nine month old will not remember that two days ago something was a "no". Hand squeezing at this age may or may not actually get connected with whatever he isn't supposed to be doing/touching etc. And he won't remember what happened the day before (hand squeezing or time out connected with whatever he wasn't supposed to do). Dr. Dobson recommends that a parent not discipline (take away priviledges, spank, time out, etc) until at the earliest 15 months. This is the age they will start to willfully test you in a "who's in charge" attitude. I know a nine month old (and younger) will cry and seem to get willfully disobedient if they don't have their way. But at that age they honestly cannot connect the concept of "no, I should not do that". They are only thinking "I'm hungry, I'm wet, I need a change of scenery" etc. I'm not a mother, but I am a nanny for a seventh month old and I read a lot. "The Baby Whisperer" is a fantastic book about communicating with your baby and understanding their "language". One more note. The first year is crucial. It's the time that you as a parent lay the foundation for whether they will trust you (and others) or mistrust them. Hand squeezing at such a young age may lead to a mistrust of whoever decides to play with their fingers or put something in their hand. And time outs? There is just no way a nine month old will comprehend the connection. Some 18 month olds are too immature for this. I hope all this helps

 

[Carri20]

Yeah I don't think you can effectively discipline a 9-month-old. I have a 9-month-old daughter right now who is constantly getting into things. I know it's harder for you because your son is walking and he's probably still in the phase where he wants to grab everything dangerous and stick it in his mouth, but I've personally found that the best way for me to handle it is to distract her. Try moving your son to another room, putting him in a playpen or crib with some favorite toys for a while, or even take him for a quick stroll outside. Anything to remove him from danger and keep his mind occipied with child-safe things. =) I wish I could offer more advice, but this is kinda new territory to me. I do have an older daughter as well, but she was never grabby like her sister! Lol. Well anyway, I wish you the best of luck.

 

[MyLittleWonders]

Yea, 9 months is way to young to begin disciplining a babe. Your son is simply exploring his world and trying to figure out how it all works. It won't be for at least another 6 months, if not even longer before he begins to associate "no" with not doing something, but even then, he won't have the impulse control to actually do something about it. You can usually tell they are entering this stage because they may even shake their heads "no" or say "no" when they are doing something wrong ... but they can't stop themselves. It's not until closer to 2 that they can begin to stop themselves before doing something wrong, but not always. The best thing to do now is:

*child proof your house ... put things up that he can't touch, put up a baby gate to the kitchen to keep him out, put plug protectors in the outlets ... make his world as safe for him to explore as possible. He'll be able to do more around the house and you won't be spending your days saying "no" all the time.

*redirect him when he is nearing something that's a no-no. Tell him, "no, we don't play with/touch that/put it in our mouth ... but we can throw the ball instead ..." Try to stay one-step ahead of him (hard, I know ... my second son walked at 10 months).

*engage him in play throughout the day. He's at an age where he might begin to "play" by himself ... putting rings on the holder, stacking soft blocks, rolling balls, but remember - even though he's walking, mentally he's still such a little baby. He's only been out of your womb almost as long as he was inside. If you are doing laundry, give him the socks to play with while you fold; build block towers and let him knock it over; read picture books together; laugh at Elmo with him ... go for a walk outside (let him walk with you) and look at buggies, flowers, and leaves ...

In time, you'll look back and remember this time and wonder how it went so fast. But, you want to make sure you encourage his curiousity and inquisitiveness rather than stiffle it. It seems tiring now, but making his world safe for him to explore and engaging him in it will pay huge dividends in the long run.

 

[Manna]

When my daughter started getting into that stage, I used it as an opportunity to teach her what "no-no" meant. I also started exercising my tones of voice. When she was getting into something that she shouldn't have, I would lower my voice and say "no-no" and then move her to another part of the room that was legal for her to get into. When she started playing with the "legal" toys, I would raise my voice into a higher octave and say something along the lines of "good job, Breanna! Mama's so proud of you!" She QUICKLY learned! She still tests me, of course, but obeys very quickly to any "no-no"'s!

 

[Beth1231]

Distraction at that age is definitely a good way to go. Shiny, brightly colored or noisy things still work wonders when you want your baby to stop heading toward the electric outlets. And I totally agree with the tone of voice idea. It's a great beginning to the idea of "Mommy means no" and possible discipline for disobedience about a year down the road.

 

[Princessperky]

I disciplined my two at 9 months,

First I said NO and removed the thing if possible or distracted them if it wasn't.

If they wen't straight back I then said no again, and distracted again or put myself between them,

If they still went back, I said no and used a time out (about 10 seconds of sitting still, I restrained them), followed by a distraction.

Generally that worked, though there were lots of times we repeated the same thing OVER and OVER and OVER again. I didn't use any physical dscipline for them that young though.

 

[U R my Sonshine]

Wow! Walking? My Miah is barely even crawling!

She is willful and I try to discipline....

Just "no" and voice tones and explaining. She may not understand....but I have to get into the habit...or one day she'll be a little 2 year old tyrant and I will realize I should have started.

The really get that "twinkle in their eyes: around 8 months and you can see they want their way and they intend to get it.

 

[Katydid]

I disciplined as soon as crawling started. Very mildly, but tone of voice is one of the most important things. I never ever ever said, "no-no sweety". It was always, "No" very sternly, the first time followed by a thump on the hand. They may not remember WHAT they were doing wrong, but they will remember that "No" is not a good thing. After a couple times of adding the thump on the hand, I would remove the thump on the hand unless they didn't listen to the "No".

 

[Zoomer]

We used redirecting. We also baby proofed and moved many breakable things to a higher place and replaced them with things that were child safe. I think it is good to let a child explore their environment at a young age. It is also good to set up areas throughout the house that the baby can play in. Example--in the kitchen have a place where he/she can play with plastic containers or bang on pots and pans with a spoon. If the child goes for the oven, say no and redirect to the safe toys. I believe that time-outs are ineffective for anyone under that age of 2.

 

[Addicted2~Jesus]

Gee, I disagree with all em folks who said you cain't disicpline a 9 month old. I've seen them member what is a no no an what isn't, albeit a few thins have had to be re-enforced from time to time.

Hand squeezin.... in my opinion it's a waste of time. My wife squeezes my hand when we're out walkin so why would someone want to make hand squeezin a disicpline tool? I've often squeezed my daughters hand jes to remind er I'm still here er not to forgit bout me etc. No I disagree that hand squeezin is worth much of anythin.

We started young as well, bout 6 to 8 mo mark I guess, maybe a bit sooner dependin on what she was messin with. Then as she got to movin round an what not dependin again on what it was she was messin with got a sharp "no" an if that didn't do it, she got another sharp "no" with a smack on er hand. Ya'll will have to interupet smack on er hand how you will. It wasn't enough to hurt but enough to know that she didn't like it. I honestly cain't member havin to ever git after er again while she was a baby an we did that. Now that she's older I have to say no, no again an follow with if you do it again you get a spank.

I would rather be the one to smack my daughters hand an cause her pain if need be then I had her find out for ersef and wind up in the hospital cause she pulled sumthin off a table er stuck sumthin in a light socket.

edit to include: I received a notice from a particular person who thought that my use of the example that my wife squeezes my hand durin sex above was a sign of a low self-esteem..... well whatever. The reason I included that was to show jes how abusrd I thought squeezin someones hand was an how bad an idea I thought it was to equate a squeezed hand to sumthin they've done wrong. If that were the case, er if it was sumthin taught, what would a child think when someone shook their hand? Or was tryin to comfort them in a hosptial etc. Perhaps I don't understand jes how much pressure is bein used when one squeezes anothers hand. If it's not much then what I've said above seems true, though, if it's enough pressure to cause pain... how is that different then smackin their hand?

 

[jesusfreak3786]

Hello! My son is 9 months. I have read mixed reviews on whether timeouts and hand squeezing works as discipline for a baby this age. Some people think it works, other people think there is nothing you can do to begin behavior modification. Opinions and experience needed please.

So far I have been doing, first time doing something say no and take him away, second time do it again, third time squeeze his hand and take him away and fourth time he gets a time out. He is very persistant. He wants to see if I still say no after the 500th time in the same week. I am pretty tired already. Has anyone tried this approach and is the hard work worth it? I have heard that I shouldn't expect him to listen more than 60% of the time for his age group, and if he listens that often then he is doing well. What do you think? I want to raise a child that has learned to listen when I tell him no when he is older. I don't want to let him have no "no"s now and then suddenly introduce discipline later. And that's all I have to say for now!

BE CONSISTANT! You will have to tell him 500 times, and more, it doesn't take any physical action other than the removal of your son from the situation, or the taking the object in question. But don't falter, if you tell him not to touch something, or to come to you, and he doesn't listen, take the something and tell him why, and go and get him, make sure he knows without a shadow of a doubt that you make the rules, and they don't bend. He is way to young for spankings, or even hand sqeezing, it will send mixed messages until he can fully understand the action, consiquence sequence. But also don't underestimate his potential for understanding, talk to him, explian why he can't play with the nick-nacks, they are incredably smart even young.

 

[TheTruthinFiction]

Hello! My son is 9 months. I have read mixed reviews on whether timeouts and hand squeezing works as discipline for a baby this age. Some people think it works, other people think there is nothing you can do to begin behavior modification. Opinions and experience needed please.

So far I have been doing, first time doing something say no and take him away, second time do it again, third time squeeze his hand and take him away and fourth time he gets a time out. He is very persistant. He wants to see if I still say no after the 500th time in the same week. I am pretty tired already. Has anyone tried this approach and is the hard work worth it? I have heard that I shouldn't expect him to listen more than 60% of the time for his age group, and if he listens that often then he is doing well. What do you think? I want to raise a child that has learned to listen when I tell him no when he is older. I don't want to let him have no "no"s now and then suddenly introduce discipline later. And that's all I have to say for now!

Hold him close, don't squeeze his hands, hug him and he will listen. He is very persistant because you are hurting his hand and he thinks that is love so he does something to get you to squeeze his hand again. Try it and see

 

[dllewis1958]

I agree TIF..I ran a day care in my home for 8 years...I watched so many children that came from families that used spanking as discipline..You show a child real love and you talk to them at their level get down on the floor and get face to face don't stand over them and talk...hugs are the best thing to cure a tantrum. By the time that I closed my daycare the parents all changed their way of disciplining they saw such changes in their children when they'd come home they were more calm. Also children act out sometimes because of the types of food they eat..be very careful of sugar..I never spanked either of my children or used any time of physical discipline. My 2 sons are now 22 and 16 and they are very well mannered..they both respect their elders....as far as your 9 month old getting into things..that's normal but you do need to child proof your home, gently remove them from what they are getting into and distract them by sitting down and playing with them for a few minutes, give them a toy, sing songs as he gets a little older bring back items into the rooms and then teach him that these things belong to mommy...I never had to move anything in my house the kids knew they couldn't touch them. I used time out in my day care but I didn't have to use it very often. Only for the real extreme circumstances and then I would put them in time out for a very short period then I would go sit down next to them and talk things over then it was hug time and off to play..My day care was very structured and I really believe that children need structure in their lives. Hope this helps..please don't squeeze his little hand that makes me real sad.

God Bless

Diane

 

[Katydid]

He is way to young for spankings, or even hand sqeezing, it will send mixed messages until he can fully understand the action, consiquence sequence. But also don't underestimate his potential for understanding, talk to him, explian why he can't play with the nick-nacks, they are incredably smart even young.

You seem to be contradicting yourself here. He is too young to understand discipline, yet he can understand an explanation as to why he can't play with something? I'm sorry, truly, maybe I am misreading this but I don't understand.

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

I guess I just have a very different view of what discipline is...
when my baby is a newborn and I have to keep unlatching him or her to reposition to nurse properly- that is discipline. When I have to hold their hands so they don't get in their diaper as I am changing it-that is discipline. When I have to keep telling my toddler to whisper in church, that is discipline.

I see discipline as a means of gently guiding a child to be able to self regulate their behaviour. As someone who has many vices to overcome, I know that results are never instantaneous, and in fact, I have vices that I have been struggling to overcome and alter my behaviour for years!.

This is one of the things about child rearing- it takes consistency over long periods of time. It is not merely quality of time, but also quantity.

Teaching a little one not to put things in her mouth, is not a one time deal- but rather an ongoing effort.

For us, we try to eliminate as many"no's" from our toddler's lives as possible. We move plants, knick-knacks, etc., and close dangerous cabinets- so that we do not have to say "No!" all of the time. As the child gets bigger and grows in understanding then we can leave more things out and around and unlocked. I have tried to not view disciplining my children as an adversarial role- but a symbiotic one- one in which I need to continually re-evaluate my motivations and methods, and they need to continually seek to have safe, kind, and courteous behaviour.

I don't think babies and toddlers are manipulating me, nor out to get me-- in a bad way. I believe thay are merely trying to gain control over their environment, and try all different ways that they can. My job is to help them develop the ways to master their environment that are positive and healthy and to deter them from ways that are negative or harmful.

Someone on here once wrote something that resonated with me so much-- that parenting is "life coaching". Just as a gymnast who fell off the beam wouldn't be screamed at or spanked, nor should we view our children's falls as deserving punitive treatment. Children need our coaching- a going back and learning the skill, or training to learn how to perform the skill well (ie discipline). When an athlete is trying to master a new skill-what do they do?? They perform the skill over, and over, and over again. The same is true with our children and how we must guide them. I believe if we try to view discipline as a means of teaching our children how to behave, rather than how not to behave that it increases our stamina to hang in there for the long haul. It is exhausting, it is tiring, and I personally believe it is the most important thing we will ever do for our children!

 

[Leanna]

I think I have been misunderstood and by one of the first responders unfairly judged. My son is very secure and loved. That is not the issue. The issue is grabby hands. The doctor says he is developmentally advanced and I'm not trying to parade that but that means he is also emotionally advanced. So maybe he can handle more than a normal 9 month old, maybe like a 12 month old. I don't know. I don't want to push him, but neither do I want to let him walk all over me because he WANTS to play with the lamp and I can't say anything because he's 9 months. I can't go lightless in the living room. I agree with this:

For us, we try to eliminate as many"no's" from our toddler's lives as possible. We move plants, knick-knacks, etc., and close dangerous cabinets- so that we do not have to say "No!" all of the time. As the child gets bigger and grows in understanding then we can leave more things out and around and unlocked. I have tried to not view disciplining my children as an adversarial role- but a symbiotic one- one in which I need to continually re-evaluate my motivations and methods, and they need to continually seek to have safe, kind, and courteous behaviour.

I don't think babies and toddlers are manipulating me, nor out to get me-- in a bad way. I believe thay are merely trying to gain control over their environment, and try all different ways that they can. My job is to help them develop the ways to master their environment that are positive and healthy and to deter them from ways that are negative or harmful.

Someone on here once wrote something that resonated with me so much-- that parenting is "life coaching". Just as a gymnast who fell off the beam wouldn't be screamed at or spanked, nor should we view our children's falls as deserving punitive treatment. Children need our coaching- a going back and learning the skill, or training to learn how to perform the skill well (ie discipline). When an athlete is trying to master a new skill-what do they do?? They perform the skill over, and over, and over again. The same is true with our children and how we must guide them. I believe if we try to view discipline as a means of teaching our children how to behave, rather than how not to behave that it increases our stamina to hang in there for the long haul. It is exhausting, it is tiring, and I personally believe it is the most important thing we will ever do for our children!

I redid my living room to the best of my ability to where he could have a free space to roam. However, I can't eliminate every single one of the the "no"s no matter how much I would like to-- it would make my job temporarily much easier!! There are four main issues in my living room, only two are available at the moment. One, there is a cord from a lamp to the wall that I can't block off. (He has already once pulled the lamp off the table on top of him before I got there) There are also the curtains, which he can't pull on because they may come out of the wall. (They are not very stable and he thinks they are great for using to pull into standing position). The other two are the VCR and the bookcase, which right now have plastic storage bins in front of them so he can walk along those but not get into the stuff on the other side. Before I put them there he already managed to mess up the VCR "door" and it won't go back to the way it was. The problem with this is that he can almost climb on the bins now. It won't be long. I can't do anything with the bookcase because there is no room anywhere else in the house for it, we already moved the other one that may tip into our bedroom. The VCR sticks out in our entertainment thing and we can't afford a new one. He absolutely needs to learn not to touch these things or I am going to suddenly one day have to just put him in his play pen. How boring! I want to teach him discipline for his own freedom. He has a lot of energy and he needs to get it out. But I have done all I can on babyproofing and the remaining obstacles need to be "no"s. The two that are available we have been working on. I would just like to know how to teach him not to return to them, but maybe there isn't a way I just always have to say no a lot.

 

[Princessperky]

Don't get rid of everything! The natural response when a parent sees a kid mess with something (or reads it about another parent) is to get rid of it, and lots of times that is a good thing, but somethings have to stay (even if you could get rid of them) so that your DC learns what NO means, how on earth will they learn if they never hear it?

I did manage to get rid of the curtains, I have one big one in the living room and I set it up top of a bookcase during the day instead of pulled to the side, not the most profesionally decorated look, but it works and at night we put it back.

We also have all the electronics on one wall, Easier to avoid a wall than half a dozen things around the room.

And we have two totally baby proofed get into anything you want rooms (the kids rooms) and the rest are as good as can be without going crazy.

Anyway, you can discipline a 9 month old, but physical discipline isn't neccessary. Discipline means to teach, and children were made to learn (thats the way God designed them) I love the way you said for his own freedom, that is exactly why I discipline my kids! not so I can have quiet kids (though I love that) but so they can explore and play in my house, and other places, not in a small cage.

No matter what route you take, you will have to say NO alot (a whole lot) for years to come, it isn't easy, but it does work. After you teach him about the VCR he will pick a new bad habit . I asked my son this morning what phase he was planning on next, he is 3, I see no end to the tunnel, but I am a bit nearsighted! .

http://home.earthlink.net/~guin_dt_sales/id56.html

link to what we did

 

[jesusfreak3786]

You seem to be contradicting yourself here. He is too young to understand discipline, yet he can understand an explanation as to why he can't play with something? I'm sorry, truly, maybe I am misreading this but I don't understand.

He will understand a lot quicker if you expose him to explinations, he won't understand right away, but it will help. Hand sqeezings, and spankings on the other hand might confuse him, some children will feel resentful, or angry. We communacate through speach and not only will this help him understand in the future, but will help him develope speach skills.