Disappointments, criticism, & the need for everything to be RATIONAL.

[melancholy991]

I've had disappointments in my life.

Have fallen out of church for the time being, as it's my o levels, and in the midst of finding another church.Just couldnt click with the people there. There individualistic, very ang mo people. And when they make friends with each other, they form cliques, and just talk among themselves. I've tried to make friends with them, but there different topic interests.

There, i just feel so insignificant.
But now i'm starting to think that, hey, maybe it's been ME all along. I dont really get along well with others. I criticize the church,and in general i'm a very critical person.

I used to think that maybe, God didnt matter much to me anymore, and that it didnt hurt. But whenever i see lovely verses in websites etc, my heart feels pain. WHY? Why do i feel a pain in my heart?

I have very low self esteem.
I am loud, attention seeking, very dependant, very critical,not very people oriented.
I dont really like myself, and i really wish at times to be someone else.
I'm also very very dependant on my mum.

Will things get better?
Will i have a life filled of hope, and happiness??

At times, i feel that God isnt rational.
I cant rationalise God. You must have faith to believe that he exists.
I need to create a logic for myself, to convince myself that God does exists.
And it's so hard.

Has someone ever experienced what i'm experiencing now?

 

[DreamsAreFree]

Well, if you feel you have been that way, you can choose to change On the other hand, don't be too hard on yourself ... none of us are perfect and you must have lots of great things about yourself too.

Do you get involved in small groups at the churches you go to? Often people who don't get lost and then do feel lost. So it may be not so much a personality thing as a need to get out there more.

 

[Radagast]

Have fallen out of church for the time being...

Sorry to hear that. It's not good to be away from church. I hope you find a good church soon.

Some people in what I think is your part of the world have recommended Bible Presbyterian churches, but I don't know from personal experience what they're like.

...as it's my o levels...

I pray they will go well.

...There individualistic, very ang mo people...

You mean they are ang mo, or they act like ang mo? (and in what way is that bad?)

But now i'm starting to think that, hey, maybe it's been ME all along.

In conflicts between people there are usually faults on both sides. We're all flawed human beings. Sometimes I'm not sure why God loves us so much!

But whenever i see lovely verses in websites etc, my heart feels pain. WHY? Why do i feel a pain in my heart?

Perhaps because you feel inside that your relationship with God isn't good. Praying and reading the Bible (especially the gospels) is one way in which you can do something about that now.

Will things get better? Will i have a life filled of hope, and happiness??

Of course. Hope is what God offers.

"When our hearts are saddened, grieving or in pain,
By Your touch You call us back to life again;
Fields of our hearts that dead and bare have been:
Love is come again, like wheat that springs up green."

I cant rationalise God. You must have faith to believe that he exists. I need to create a logic for myself, to convince myself that God does exists.

God certainly exists. I'm reminded of that when I see the stars at night, when I read the Bible, and when I talk to God in prayer (I think of myself as a rational person, but I see no conflict between rationality and faith in God).

I hope that you will feel God's presence in your struggles also.

God bless you.

 

[drich0150]

WHY? Why do i feel a pain in my heart?

Because there is a God shaped hole in your heart, and you have cut yourself off from the only way you know to fill it.

Will things get better?

They will if you want them to. It all depends what you want and to what end your willing to seek a resolution.

Will i have a life filled of hope, and happiness??

In all of our True Relationships with God, we come to a cross roads where God enlightens us to our hearts condition, and shows us what is in there, that is keeping us from him.. Your "confession" looks to be apart of that Divine "revelation." And now you stand at the cross roads.. This is the Part where you choose to Die to yourself or to continue to live life as you see fit. Most people think to die to self, means that from this point on you will sin no more, but in reality, it the point in your relationship with God where you put him first, and you stop being all the things you listed.. This is not a natural thing to do.. It something most of us will have to Goto God and ask help in changing.. If you hearts intent is to "die to the list of selfish behaviors" that has been revealed to you, and you take this to God, you will die to self and proceed with an renewed sense of purpose.. Just know it doesn't happen overnight.. It's taken you a life time to compile this list and it will take some time to break it all down. So again it all depends on what you want and how urgently your willing to seek God.

At times, i feel that God isn't rational.
I cant rationalise God. You must have faith to believe that he exists.
I need to create a logic for myself, to convince myself that God does exists.

One thing is certain, Our thoughts and His thought are not the same.. What we consider rational, he knows to be foolish.. It's kinda like my niece, Last night she got a bunch of candy, and she thought it to be perfectly rational to dump it all on the floor and eat it till she fell into a sugar coma.. But because we knew where that road leads, her intent, and what is best for her in the long run, we took the bulk of the candy from her and gave her a few pieces.. Now at 3 years old she wouldn't understand all of the reasons why, even if we took great care to explain everything to her. So without a firm grasp on what was going on like any 3 year old she did get upset and cried alittle but we reassured her that if she could be "good" (Have faith) she'd get some more tomorrow.. She doesn't have to understand why, only believe if she stops living for her want for candy now, and throwing a fit, she'll get every single piece of candy promised her.

We and our understanding of everything on God's level puts our best efforts at comprehending the infinite, like a three year old understanding why she can't eat an entire bag of candy in one sitting. It is only when we put down our need to full fill our own selfish wants and desires, and pursue the wants and desires God has for us do we begin to understand him and how he does things. Why? That will be revealed to you when you've accomplished the task of dieing to yourself. This is a measure of your progress, and if i or anyone simply tells you it won't make the kind of sense your looking for now..

If you want a direction to take, as a child of God goto Him as a child would a parent and ask for understanding and help with your problem. If we being evil, can give a "good gift" to our children, How much more will our Heavenly father Give if we ask of him?

 

[wonderwaleye]

Maybe it's time to stop playing church. There is nothing wrong with you as GOD made you exactly as you are and HE don't make mistakes.

You know that what is happening is wrong and they are playing church. If you want to really become a part of GOD'S KINGDOM you will find you will have to travel up a different road.

If you really want to find GOD you need to read the NEW TESTIMENT until the next time you read it you will already know what it's going to say. For then it's locked in your heart. You will never be sorry you did.

Then devote your WHOLE life to GOD and seek HIM in every decision. When GOD finds your heart is complete HE will send HIS HOLY SPIRIT upon you.

For then you will find the MISSION GOD has for just you. You will no longer be tied to those lost souls that are just playing church.



ALWAYS REMEMBER:

JESUS IS RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE AT!!! EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T SEE HIM!!!

( left click and hold over the above to see your personal message )

 

[sinnergalore]

I've had disappointments in my life.

Have fallen out of church for the time being, as it's my o levels, and in the midst of finding another church.Just couldnt click with the people there. There individualistic, very ang mo people. And when they make friends with each other, they form cliques, and just talk among themselves. I've tried to make friends with them, but there different topic interests.

I know the feeling. I attended a church for about 7 years when I decided to leave. God was pulling me in a different direction. But instead of plugging into a new church right away, I became comfortable in just being a sheep. I faded into the background. Tried to make new friends, but, like you said, they form cliques, and its so difficult to break into those...

There, i just feel so insignificant.

But now i'm starting to think that, hey, maybe it's been ME all along. I dont really get along well with others. I criticize the church,and in general i'm a very critical person.

Here's a hard truth, you may have played a small role in how you're feeling. I know I know... the people aren't accepting and you're not fitting in. But why is that? You said it yourself, you're a critical person. God does love and accept you how you are, but a ton of people can be turned off by criticism. What about the church do you normally criticise? Have you talked with someone you trust spiritually and emotionally about these things? It might be a good idea...

I used to think that maybe, God didnt matter much to me anymore, and that it didnt hurt. But whenever i see lovely verses in websites etc, my heart feels pain. WHY? Why do i feel a pain in my heart?

I'm a firm believer that if you love God, He will always matter to you. You can push Him away, be rebelious, think that you don't need Him, but He's still a part of you. And thats why you feel that little tug on your heart. He's trying to bring you back...

I have very low self esteem.
I am loud, attention seeking, very dependant, very critical,not very people oriented.
I dont really like myself, and i really wish at times to be someone else.
I'm also very very dependant on my mum.

People come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, different personalities, different likes and dislikes... and God loves us all. I once had a friend tell me that God created us in His image. We all know that. Then she quotes a passage from Psalm, the one that tells us that God knit us together in our mothers womb, that He knows us inside and out. God made you just the way you are! And you want to be someone else? How do you think that makes God feel? He created you! He loves you! Just as you are.

Will things get better?
Will i have a life filled of hope, and happiness??

Seek the Lord with all your heart.

At times, i feel that God isnt rational.
I cant rationalise God. You must have faith to believe that he exists.
I need to create a logic for myself, to convince myself that God does exists.
And it's so hard.

Has someone ever experienced what i'm experiencing now?

I've been told plenty of times before that my faith isn't rational. By those who don't believe. Faith is believing in what you cant see. Its hard. And its a struggle. As far as having to create logic for yourself, why not explore your questions? We all have them. In school, one of my teachers told me that in order for us to really understand something, you have to research it yourself. Again, having someone you trust spiritually can help with this a lot! If you don't have a mentor, find one! And you can always PM me with any questions you have. I'm praying for you!

 

[rogsr]

Peace,

I can tell from your post that you are a very intelligent person. That being said, I am afraid that you may be suffering from a combination of symptoms related to being beyond the intellectual scope of your contemporaries at the present moment, as well as being in the late adolescent period of development. I think something that you can do for yourself is to cultivate an active prayer life, an intellectual study life which hopefully leads to higher education, and the constant remeberance that you are not any label but rather an Individual child of God.

Peace.

 

[wild@heart63]

Right now you may feel down, but never doubt that God loves you and has not moved.

Hear the words of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ

"Come to Me all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart and you will find rest for your souls, for My yoke is easy and My burden is light" Matthew 11:28-30

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, but in all you ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path" Proverbs 3:5-6

Seek God in prayer, he knows your trouble and your heart. Ask Him to help you, to remove from you the critical nature in you. Learn to rely on Him and walk with Him daily.

In Christ

John

 

[anonymousAdviser]

I've had disappointments in my life.

Have fallen out of church for the time being, as it's my o levels, and in the midst of finding another church.Just couldnt click with the people there. There individualistic, very ang mo people. And when they make friends with each other, they form cliques, and just talk among themselves. I've tried to make friends with them, but there different topic interests.

There, i just feel so insignificant.
But now i'm starting to think that, hey, maybe it's been ME all along. I dont really get along well with others. I criticize the church,and in general i'm a very critical person.

I used to think that maybe, God didnt matter much to me anymore, and that it didnt hurt. But whenever i see lovely verses in websites etc, my heart feels pain. WHY? Why do i feel a pain in my heart?

I have very low self esteem.
I am loud, attention seeking, very dependant, very critical,not very people oriented.
I dont really like myself, and i really wish at times to be someone else.
I'm also very very dependant on my mum.

Will things get better?
Will i have a life filled of hope, and happiness??

At times, i feel that God isnt rational.
I cant rationalise God. You must have faith to believe that he exists.
I need to create a logic for myself, to convince myself that God does exists.
And it's so hard.

Has someone ever experienced what i'm experiencing now?

Yes, we all have, and life has a lot of hurtles. We are all insignificant. The mighty, what are they to God? People follow after vanities, even us Christians, doing things, thinking they make us "something". We achieve in sports, sciences, arts, and anything in between... and that can be difficult if we forget humility. That we are nothing, and it is God who decides whether we can succeed at anything or not. Even if we do succeed at anything, what does it mean? Nothing.

The true state of ourselves is as nothing. One should not feel miserable about this, but rather seek to be a servant of God. One should seek to listen and obey God first. We should accept not knowing everything, and put God's will before our own. There is no higher calling then being as devoted as servants to God as possible.

We are not gods. We are made in the image of God, but we have seen the Image of God true, in Jesus Christ, God incarnate. Jesus showed us that God's way is as a servant. He didn't not lord it over mankind. Far from it.

Embrace your nothingness, because later in life you will be tempted to build around yourself all manner of vanity... through successes in college, in life.

Look not for personality nor achievement, nor anything worldly to fill that void, but look to God, and God alone.

Seeing your own faults shows your own pureness of heart. You invariably will see impurity in the world and churches. But what is important, what you can work on, is your own impurities. As slight and common as they may be.

And that is some good news, these personality "problems" you see are as imaginary as anything else. You might be introverted, extroverted, you might just be a bird of a different flock, an ugly swan hanging out among ducklings. There is no reason whatsoever to pass judgement on such things.

God has made people noble and loud, quiet and ignoble, colorful and bland... all these things are meaningless. What matters is truth and God.

It can be hard as a young man who has not yet made a place in the world, but I have to tell you... even after many accomplishments... you would find that these things are all but chasing after the wind. We might take hope in them or pleasure during our days, but in the end accounting, they are nothing.

What matters is love, then. Love for God, and through love for God, love for His Creation, and people.

Serve the cause of love, find the love, build the love up, and use that as the motivation to build your house. Such a house stands and you will beam as the sun shining in glory.

 

[wayseer]

Has someone ever experienced what i'm experiencing now?

Yes - when I was 16. Sounds like you're a pretty normal 16 year old working out their own way in society.

You live in a very confusing time - you are in between - no longer a youth and not yet an adult. And in this you are not alone - we have all had to go through the process. Yet despite the pain and confusion somehow we survive.

So, point one - you're normal.

Second point - God is nearer to you now than you are to yourself.

Third point - find a mentor - not a friend nor your Pastor - a mentor, someone you can trust - and talk about that confusion.