Difficulty with Forgiveness

[URA]

In May, a very good friend of mine, who shall be called "Jen", was almost raped at a frat party. Since then, over 100 people on campus, myself included, have decided that we want to kill the guy that did this, especially because he was the person who led the on-campus movement against domestic violence.

I've had a few posts about it since then, some more violent than others, but in this one I've realized very strongly that I need to forgive him. I never knew the guy, but a friend pointed him out when we were in a car, there was a guy walking down the sidewalk, and she said, "I will kill you."

I just said a Chaplet of Divine Mercy, and other prayers, for the guy who nearly raped Jen, which was very difficult & something I really didn't want to do, but I could feel Christ & Our Lady of Sorrows comforting me as I did so, and gently encouraging me to take these steps to ask forgiveness for a man I hate. What triggered all this was, when thinking about him, I happened to look at the crucifix on my rosary, and just knew that Jesus died for his sins, too. I can't deny him forgiveness if I expect the same forgiveness for my own sins. And while I can justify it by focusing on the fact that I've never done anything that evil, it's still forgiveness, and forgiveness I need to give (and receive).

But, how? I know I need to come to my fellow Christians, the Church Militant, for help--this isn't something I can do on my own. I know I'll be talking about it with my accountability group, too, but that's not until Friday, and I need prayers now.

Also: If the time ever comes where I end up talking to the man I hate, what should I say, and how? I know you don't even know the guy, but some guidelines of some kind would be nice, if you have any.

Please pray for this man's forgiveness & conversion to virtue.

 

[TuxAme]

I've been a practicing Christian for almost three years, and I wasn't able to find it in my heart to forgive most people until several months ago, when the Catechism teaching on the death penalty was updated. Prior to that, I had been a huge supporter of the death penalty, and I felt that its use was warranted not only if there was a chance that the imprisoned could escape, but that it could (and should) also be exercised as an act of retribution. Once the teaching was put forward, I gave it my intellectual assent, and very quickly I learned how to forgive. Acknowledging that I was obligated to obey the teaching was the first step in my "journey" to believing the teaching, and it softened my heart to practice forgiveness in every other facet of my life as well.

If you see him, my suggestion is this- pull him aside, tell him that you know what he tried to do, and tell him that you forgive him. Then tell him that God will forgive him, too, if he seeks His forgiveness. You know that forgiveness is something that you have to give- even if you're just giving it lip service at first, the more you practice it, the more genuine your forgiveness will be.

 

[eleos1954]

I've been a practicing Christian for almost three years, and I wasn't able to find it in my heart to forgive most people until several months ago, when the Catechism teaching on the death penalty was updated. Prior to that, I had been a huge supporter of the death penalty, and I felt that its use was warranted not only if there was a chance that the imprisoned could escape, but that it could (and should) also be exercised as an act of retribution. Once the teaching was put forward, I gave it my intellectual assent, and very quickly I learned how to forgive. Acknowledging that I was obligated to obey the teaching was the first step in my "journey" to believing the teaching, and it softened my heart to practice forgiveness in every other facet of my life as well.

If you see him, my suggestion is this- pull him aside, tell him that you know what he tried to do, and tell him that you forgive him. Then tell him that God will forgive him, too, if he seeks His forgiveness. You know that forgiveness is something that you have to give- even if you're just giving it lip service at first, the more you practice it, the more genuine your forgiveness will be.

In May, a very good friend of mine, who shall be called "Jen", was almost raped at a frat party. Since then, over 100 people on campus, myself included, have decided that we want to kill the guy that did this, especially because he was the person who led the on-campus movement against domestic violence.

I've had a few posts about it since then, some more violent than others, but in this one I've realized very strongly that I need to forgive him. I never knew the guy, but a friend pointed him out when we were in a car, there was a guy walking down the sidewalk, and she said, "I will kill you."

I just said a Chaplet of Divine Mercy, and other prayers, for the guy who nearly raped Jen, which was very difficult & something I really didn't want to do, but I could feel Christ & Our Lady of Sorrows comforting me as I did so, and gently encouraging me to take these steps to ask forgiveness for a man I hate. What triggered all this was, when thinking about him, I happened to look at the crucifix on my rosary, and just knew that Jesus died for his sins, too. I can't deny him forgiveness if I expect the same forgiveness for my own sins. And while I can justify it by focusing on the fact that I've never done anything that evil, it's still forgiveness, and forgiveness I need to give (and receive).

But, how? I know I need to come to my fellow Christians, the Church Militant, for help--this isn't something I can do on my own. I know I'll be talking about it with my accountability group, too, but that's not until Friday, and I need prayers now.

Also: If the time ever comes where I end up talking to the man I hate, what should I say, and how? I know you don't even know the guy, but some guidelines of some kind would be nice, if you have any.

Please pray for this man's forgiveness & conversion to virtue.

Forgiveness does not mean we let offenders off the hook for their bad behavior. Some people need to be held accountable for their actions by the laws of the land. Nor does forgiveness mean we let people constantly use us as a physical or emotional punching bag.

Rather, forgiveness is giving up bitterness and resentment. It is choosing to release malice, putting the other person into God’s hands, and being willing to pray for your enemy.

The incident you stated was a criminal offense and it should have been reported. Police should have been called.

God Bless.

 

[Daniel Marsh]

In May, a very good friend of mine, who shall be called "Jen", was almost raped at a frat party. Since then, over 100 people on campus, myself included, have decided that we want to kill the guy that did this, especially because he was the person who led the on-campus movement against domestic violence.

I've had a few posts about it since then, some more violent than others, but in this one I've realized very strongly that I need to forgive him. I never knew the guy, but a friend pointed him out when we were in a car, there was a guy walking down the sidewalk, and she said, "I will kill you."

I just said a Chaplet of Divine Mercy, and other prayers, for the guy who nearly raped Jen, which was very difficult & something I really didn't want to do, but I could feel Christ & Our Lady of Sorrows comforting me as I did so, and gently encouraging me to take these steps to ask forgiveness for a man I hate. What triggered all this was, when thinking about him, I happened to look at the crucifix on my rosary, and just knew that Jesus died for his sins, too. I can't deny him forgiveness if I expect the same forgiveness for my own sins. And while I can justify it by focusing on the fact that I've never done anything that evil, it's still forgiveness, and forgiveness I need to give (and receive).

But, how? I know I need to come to my fellow Christians, the Church Militant, for help--this isn't something I can do on my own. I know I'll be talking about it with my accountability group, too, but that's not until Friday, and I need prayers now.

Also: If the time ever comes where I end up talking to the man I hate, what should I say, and how? I know you don't even know the guy, but some guidelines of some kind would be nice, if you have any.

Please pray for this man's forgiveness & conversion to virtue.

We are on our knees, has he been exposed in the media as of yet? If not, contact media sources and give them leads for a story. He has to ask people to forgive him. Ask Jesus to help you walk in the Holy Spirit. See Romans 8. I think it is. Remember I John 1:8-10

 

[Tolworth John]

First off has this attack been reported to the police?
What is being done to support the victim?

Now the contraversal bit.

You or the victim do not have to forgive the attacker.
All you have to do is copy Jesus when he prayed for his murders saying, 'Father forgive them.'
Hand him over to God to deal with, pray for him that he will repent of his sins and come to God.

 

[pink318]

In May, a very good friend of mine, who shall be called "Jen", was almost raped at a frat party. Since then, over 100 people on campus, myself included, have decided that we want to kill the guy that did this, especially because he was the person who led the on-campus movement against domestic violence.

I've had a few posts about it since then, some more violent than others, but in this one I've realized very strongly that I need to forgive him. I never knew the guy, but a friend pointed him out when we were in a car, there was a guy walking down the sidewalk, and she said, "I will kill you."

I just said a Chaplet of Divine Mercy, and other prayers, for the guy who nearly raped Jen, which was very difficult & something I really didn't want to do, but I could feel Christ & Our Lady of Sorrows comforting me as I did so, and gently encouraging me to take these steps to ask forgiveness for a man I hate. What triggered all this was, when thinking about him, I happened to look at the crucifix on my rosary, and just knew that Jesus died for his sins, too. I can't deny him forgiveness if I expect the same forgiveness for my own sins. And while I can justify it by focusing on the fact that I've never done anything that evil, it's still forgiveness, and forgiveness I need to give (and receive).

But, how? I know I need to come to my fellow Christians, the Church Militant, for help--this isn't something I can do on my own. I know I'll be talking about it with my accountability group, too, but that's not until Friday, and I need prayers now.

Also: If the time ever comes where I end up talking to the man I hate, what should I say, and how? I know you don't even know the guy, but some guidelines of some kind would be nice, if you have any.

Please pray for this man's forgiveness & conversion to virtue.

Hi- Sorry for all the things happened. When we are deeply hurt, forgiveness is hard and sometimes impossible. But in the Lord's prayer, we ask God to forgive us the same way we forgive others. While Jesus was hanging on the cross, He forgave those people who have mocked him and watched him die. The Bible says that we are imitators of Jesus, if we want to imitate Him, we must forgive, and trust Him that He will heal our wounds. Trust Him that He is in control of everything. I pray that as your surrender your whole life to Jesus, the Lord will soften your heart so you can forgive that person.

In case you see that man and have the chance to talk, pray first and tell him that you know what he did but you already forgive him. You can also tell him that you will pray for him. I hope things will get better.

I pray that this man will come to God and repent for what he has done. Please keep us posted. God bless.

 

[FireDragon76]

In a delicate situation like this, my religion doesn't encourage people to try to hastily forgive people if it means sweeping over injustice, if forgiveness just isn't in them. Things like this take time to heal, and it's understandable that people would be angry and feel a sense of betrayal. I think its OK though, to own up to our anger, but also to recognize that revenge is not appropriate.

Having said that, there is nothing wrong with prayer.

 

[URA]

The incident you stated was a criminal offense and it should have been reported. Police should have been called.

It was reported, and police have been notified & investigating. It was very promising at first, but I'm not sure what happened, but everything pretty much stopped, and the police isn't doing much anymore. Just from what the guy admitted, they had enough material for prosecution, but things just aren't moving along now.

Thank you all for your support, I'll answer more when I have more time.

God bless

 

[eleos1954]

It was reported, and police have been notified & investigating. It was very promising at first, but I'm not sure what happened, but everything pretty much stopped, and the police isn't doing much anymore. Just from what the guy admitted, they had enough material for prosecution, but things just aren't moving along now.

Thank you all for your support, I'll answer more when I have more time.

God bless

ok ... thanks for the additional info. Happy it was reported, it is in their hands now.

God Bless.

 

[URA]

I've been blessed with a church across the street from my college campus, and I've made it a goal to go there for some quiet time with the Lord daily. This evening, I went over there, and sitting on the bench outside (it's typically locked at night), I was praying about it, and felt moved to pray the Rosary. Doing the Sorrowful Mysteries, Jesus really helped me learn the importance of forgiving him as the continuation of Christ's merciful love. Going through the agony in the garden, to the scourging at the pillar, to the crowning of thorns, carrying of the Cross, and Crucifixion, I was very strongly reminded of how much Jesus was willing to go through to forgive us. Hitting even closer to home, I realized how much different things would've turned out if Jesus hadn't forgiven the people who caused Him so much pain, those that whipped & nailed & stabbed Him. The story of salvation wouldn't have happened if Jesus had chosen any route besides love & forgiveness!

Then I thought of earlier in my own life, a few years ago, after getting hurt so badly by my high school girlfriend when she dumped me. How much different things would've turned out, if I had forgiven her sooner! It would've taken me much less than the 2 years to recover, and I would've accepted much more of Christ, which means I could've taken much better care of Paige, and I don't expect you to know enough of my life story for this part to make sense, but God very strongly revealed to me all the serious troubles that happened after getting dumped that would've turned out so much better if I had just forgiven her!

God did an amazing thing this morning. My alarm went off at 7:30, for me to get to daily Mass before breakfast & classes. I was too tired to go; I went back & forth, discussing the situation with myself & God, because I knew I should offer this Mass up for the man who tried to rape my friend, and eventually went back to bed, realizing I wouldn't be able to stay awake well enough to really do much with the Mass, and a few other key factors. It wasn't until I woke up a few hours later to get to classes that I realized what had happened--never did I think anything bad of him this morning! It was sincere desire to pray for him, to call upon God for His conversion!

The Holy Spirit and Our Lady of Sorrows have really worked wonders here--the aforementioned Rosary, and a small but significant fast, was for this man's conversion.