Difficulties with finding a church

[dms1972]

I'm not sure if I am going to ever settle in a church. I think I prefer to just attend now and again. I attended one a good few years ago. Got baptised (again) I wasn't sure if I needed to, as I had been christened as an infant, became a member, but that fellowship seemed in-turned to me. They were debating and drawing up and discussing five year vision documents. How much the church needed to grow, how many people they wanted to be taking part in house groups, which to me was a kind of nuisance thing were people met in others members houses mid-week (for no good reason - such as lack of church building to meet in, or need to avoid persecution and move around) - it was at times of somewhat dubious spiritual value, partly because I didn't always wish to go to it. They emphasised the sense of togetherness. Fortunately the church also had a mid week church based prayer and bible study and I went to that occasionally instead (which i think is a much better type of mid week service than a house group)

I went to this church because I couldn't pass the muster in the fundamentalist (some of them called themselves evangelical and attempted to down play their fundamentalist leanings) churches which emphasied certain beliefs (pious opinions?) about the Bible that I don't hold in the manner they do - such as Inerrancy - I pretty much do accept inerrancy but not in dogmatic form some of these churches teach it. Note that the JWs also hold to inerrancy but are astray from christian orthodoxy, so clearly something more is needed.

Eventually the Pastor moved to another flock, and that church had no permanent Pastor for three years. Others pastors from the denomination visited, and in the meantime elders and deacons led the services, but I'd stopped going by then.

 

[seeking.IAM]

I think an error many churches make is trying to give people what they (leadership) thinks would be good for people to have rather than meeting people where they are and serving what they actually want or need, sort of trying to fit square pegs into round holes -- the small home group as an example. That said, I think a search for the right church for you is worth it. I suggest taking some time to visit a bunch. Even have a look at traditions different than your prior experience. When you know, you'll know. Leastwise, that was my experience when there when one day I wandered into that one place I kept getting drawn back to over and over. Know what you value in a church and know what things you can't abide. That place is out there, it just takes some searching sometimes to find it.

 

[BobRyan]

Ezek 18 says each person is accountable for themselves when it comes to going to heaven or hell. We cannot point to someone else in the Rev 20 day of judgment as if some other person would be cast into the lake of fire instead of ourselves if we simply find fault with others.

At the same time I do agree with the theme of finding the most Bible approved group as you possibly can find.

And I agree that if you can't trust God's Word as the map/guide to the narrow path in Matt 7, then "to each his own" is the rule and "just be sure you feel good while sliding down the slippery slope" is the best one can do.

 

[dms1972]

I visited many churches years ago. One problem was I went to one in particular and to some extent some of the deacons there they helped me with an area of my life were I was sinning, yet after being helped I'd drift again, I didn't feel like I wanted to be part of that church somehow, and I am not sure why. Some churches are voluntary sect-type, practice adult baptism, or are fundamentalist or cessationist and that wasn't my background. So while being helped a bit I felt still some reluctance to keep going there and I drifted again.

As far as "Bible approved" those that think they are tend to be fundamentalist and sometimes separationist - sometimes these can be hard and lacking in warm fellowship, proscribing various activities, or judging one slack or worldly for listening to some secular music etc. I actually searched high and low though at one time for a fundamentalist who was a super-naturalist. You'd think they all would be, but they are not.

 

[dms1972]

I think an error many churches make is trying to give people what they (leadership) thinks would be good for people to have rather than meeting people where they are and serving what they actually want or need, sort of trying to fit square pegs into round holes -- the small home group as an example. That said, I think a search for the right church for you is worth it. I suggest taking some time to visit a bunch. Even have a look at traditions different than your prior experience. When you know, you'll know. Leastwise, that was my experience when there when one day I wandered into that one place I kept getting drawn back to over and over. Know what you value in a church and know what things you can't abide. That place is out there, it just takes some searching sometimes to find it.

Some like the house-groups. Personally I don't. I prefer a mid-week church bible study or series. These can be small enough and should be friendly enough for new-comers to get to know a few others. There is too much "social" in some churches. The one I went to would have cup of tea after evening service or the band would start to practice. How can individual ministry to those who need it take place while people are standing around chit-chatting or the band is practicing?

 

[bèlla]

We had a similar problem as well but I wouldn’t say it’s the fault of the church per se. The settings were warm and engaging and the teachings weren’t off course. The churches were nice but weren’t enough for what we’re seeking at this juncture. I realized we’d have to build our own and foster the connections we lacked.

What one person requires for spiritual fulfillment will differ from the next and that’s okay. Churches come in many flavors and the majority find what they need to some degree. But when that isn’t so you may have to think outside the box and that’s the gray in all of this. How do you address instruction and fellowship outside of that setting? Worship and study isn’t hard to do alone but what about support? There’s a lot of people on the site who don’t have a home church and loneliness is a common complaint. Maybe you can work together?

I think it’s best if you know what you want and note what matters. Defining your musts and maybes can make the search easier.

~bella