Difficult topics in confession

[leeand00]

I'm having a hard time brining up a difficult topic in confession, I guess cause I'm too ashamed. Last time I had one of these difficult topics (not the same one but similar) I went to a priest in another town for confession. I'm still young yet and just learning the Faith, even though I was born into it, but I just learned the major signifigance of confession. Now I just wish I had the gull to say something. I know what I should do...(confess of course)...now the big question is how can I do it?

 

[brewmama]

Priests are used to everything under the sun and nothing would surprise them. I read a great book one time, written for priests in hearing confession, but it had great stuff for the layman too. I'll have to try and remember the name...

Anyway, just take a deep breath and think how much better you will feel when it is all over.

 

[leeand00]

But is there anything wrong with going to another Church for that?
(Just wondering)

And your right it would feel alot better...

 

[MariaRegina]

It's best to go to the same priest, as he knows you and will be more understanding. Going to another priest is like running away. Soon all the priests will know you and then who will you go to.

Whenever I have done something stupid and feel ashamed. I always say to the priest right away, "Father I did something really stupid and I really feel embarrassed." He usually will say first, "I know the feeling, I've been there and done that too."

Then the priest will say, "remember you are confessing to Christ, not to me a poor sinner." If I still hesitate, not knowing how to express it, he will say firmly, "Out with it." And out it comes.

Hope this helps.

 

[Matrona]

Well, the best thing is of course to just be out with it completely without holding back. Then your sin can't hurt you anymore.

However, if the "human" aspect of confession is really bothering you, perhaps try thinking of a way to phrase it that's not so specific. That's what my nouna said when I was biting my fingernails off about first confession. If this sounds weird or wrong to some of you, let me explain something: my church's priest and my confessor is my friend's dad. If I were to sin in some way involving my friend, how am I supposed to confess that? It's the sin itself that I need help with, so what's the need for all the specifics? I don't really have anyplace else I could go to for confession. And if I were to sin WITH my friend (hypothetically, nobody get any ideas! "Your son and I knocked over a liquor store last week!"), that too would bring up a "conflict of interest", so to speak, if I were to name names, as it should be up to my friend to confess the sin on his own to his own confessor. So there you go.

However, I have to stress again, it is best to be completely open with your confessor so that you can be sure to get whatever help you need and expel this sin and the guilt it causes from your life.

One more thing--another thing you might try is just blurting it out really fast. Christ can understand you no matter how fast you're speaking and it'll be over in an instant. That's what I do whenever I have bad news or something else unpleasant that I have to tell someone.

 

[ChristianOrthodox]

Be open as you can. Remember you are not confessing to a priest, you are confessing to Christ Himself. Though it may be embarassing, once you say exactly what you have done, it will feel as a load has been lifted off of you; plus, you would not kick yourself (like your doing now) for not mentioning everything you are supposed to mention. Repentance and Confession (the actual name of the Sacrament) are not only to rid us of our sins, but through confession we are actually humbling ourselves. Makes us realize who we really are. Plus, be thankful you are not in the early church, where they had to confess in front of the whole congregation! YIKES!

James 5:16
Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.

 

[MariaRegina]

Well, the best thing is of course to just be out with it completely without holding back. Then your sin can't hurt you anymore.
...
One more thing--another thing you might try is just blurting it out really fast. Christ can understand you no matter how fast you're speaking and it'll be over in an instant. That's what I do whenever I have bad news or something else unpleasant that I have to tell someone.

Dear Orthodox friends:

That reminds me of a true story I heard on a retreat.

At St. Vladimir's Seminary, the seminarians were in the process of making their weekly confession. There were two lines. In the longer line, the person ahead of them was confessing and the priest didn't understand him, so the Priest responded in a loud voice, "You did what?" Almost all of the seminarians quickly moved over to the other line.

Moral: Don't blurt out your sins so fast that the priest doesn't understand you, or it could be more embarrassing to you in the end.


Your friend in Christ,
Elizabeth

 

[MariaRegina]

St. John of Krondstadt had so many penitents coming to his church that he received permission from the bishop to have confession the way it was done in the early church. He would begin by mentioning a few common sins, then he would ask the people if he had missed any of their sins. Everyone all together would start confessing - shouting their sins outloud.

If you were on a plane that was crashing, would it really matter if other people heard you?

What you don't confess now, the whole world (all people of all times) will know at the Last Judgment. That's far worse. Better to repent now, I'd say.

 

[katherine2001]

I agree with what another person said, don't be afraid to confess whatever it is. I think it's almost impossible to truly shock a priest--they have heard just about everything. Once it is out in the open, you will be free of it and be absolved from it. I know that this is a huge help to me. Before I became Orthodox, I was always wondering if I was truly forgiven and had trouble forgiving myself. Now, I know I've been forgiven and can go forward.

It is important to confess before one priest as much as possible. Sometimes, you may have to do it before another priest--for instance, if you are traveling and attend another church. That depends on the priest, as some won't require confession beforehand, as long as they know you are current on confession. That's one of the reasons why you contact the priest beforehand and let him know that you are coming and that you want to take communion. It is important to remember that you are confessing to Christ. If it helps, think of your priest as a spiritual physician. It is important for him to know everything, so that he can counsel you and help you to overcome your weaknesses. You (and all of us) are spiritually sick, and your priest has treatments to help cure you, but he needs to know everything. Also, I can guarantee that your priest (and God) loves you unconditionally. Yes, your priest may be hard on you sometimes and give you a kick in the butt, it is done out of love. Also, it's been my experience (most of the time anyway), that when I am the most afraid to confess something, that is when my priest has often been most compassionate with me. And the couple of times when he has given me a kick in the butt, I knew he was right when I really thought about it. Just remember that your priest loves you no matter what and won't reject you (and this is certainly true of God), no matter what you tell him.

Confession is one of the sacraments that I value the most. I was Baptist before my conversion. We were told that confession was between us and God, so people kept all of this inside and suffered so much. You can be afraid to tell anyone because you are afraid of rejection. Once the sin is out in the open, you can be free of it. And your priest can counsel you on how to fight it.

There's a wonderful little book called "The Forgotten Medicine: The Mystery of Repentence" by Archimandrite Seraphim Aleksiev that you should get. It is published by St. Xenia Skete Press.

 

[MariaRegina]

...
Yes, your priest may be hard on you sometimes and give you a kick in the butt, it is done out of love. ... And the couple of times when he has given me a kick in the butt, I knew he was right when I really thought about it. Just remember that your priest loves you no matter what and won't reject you (and this is certainly true of God), no matter what you tell him. ...

Confession is one of the sacraments that I value the most. I was Baptist before my conversion. We were told that confession was between us and God, so people kept all of this inside and suffered so much. You can be afraid to tell anyone because you are afraid of rejection. Once the sin is out in the open, you can be free of it. And your priest can counsel you on how to fight it. ...

Dearest Katherine,

Please don't scare our friend away with your "kick in the butt" mesage. I've never come across a priest who actually resorted to those tactics. Oh, I might have been given a good correction or a godly rebuke. But like you experienced, I needed that.

Elizabeth

 

[leeand00]

Yeah see that's what I learned, at the Bible Study about confession..."about the hidden things" your absolutely right. See I guess another thing that's bugging me is that I have a loud voice. And at my old Church where I had confession before it was in a separate room instead of out front in the open. But then we started going to an OCA parish where it was up front, and I'm always afraid somebody will hear me. Not only that I got out of the habit of going to confession because they have this thing called absolution there, and they didn't at my old Church. In fact the last time I had a sin like this to confess I went back to the other Church to do it just because I felt confortable. I know this isn't good and I should get over my fear.

 

[MariaRegina]

Yeah see that's what I learned, at the Bible Study about confession..."about the hidden things" your absolutely right. See I guess another thing that's bugging me is that I have a loud voice. And at my old Church where I had confession before it was in a separate room instead of out front in the open. But then we started going to an OCA parish where it was up front, and I'm always afraid somebody will hear me. Not only that I got out of the habit of going to confession because they have this thing called absolution there, and they didn't at my old Church. In fact the last time I had a sin like this to confess I went back to the other Church to do it just because I felt confortable. I know this isn't good and I should get over my fear.

Dear Lee (Is it okay to abbreviate your call letters?),

If you wish to have the priest hear your confession outside of the normal "Saturday Great Vespers", you could make an appointment when fewer people are around - after school, or whenever it is convenient for both you and the Priest. Sometimes the lines were just really long during Great Lent, even before Pre-Sanctified, so I made arrangements to go to confession on a weekday afternoon or weekday morning.

Yours truly,

Elizabeth

 

[Matrona]

In the longer line, the person ahead of them was confessing and the priest didn't understand him, so the Priest responded in a loud voice, "You did what?"

LOL!!! Sorry, that just gave me the funniest mental picture.

I hope I didn't come across as irreverent in my earlier post, I just have a lot of trouble with this confession stuff, you know, being friends with the priest's kid and all that. I am hoping this will become easier as I get older. I was kind of young when I made the decision to convert and I didn't have anybody with me, so it's not like I have a lot of people I can talk to "in real life" about what's troubling me. (It made things really uncomfortable recently when a bishop visited my parish and he noticed I was always standing alone and he wanted to know who my family was, and I had to explain that my family's not Orthodox and that's why I was all alone... )

 

[MariaRegina]

LOL!!! Sorry, that just gave me the funniest mental picture.

I hope I didn't come across as irreverent in my earlier post, I just have a lot of trouble with this confession stuff, you know, being friends with the priest's kid and all that. I am hoping this will become easier as I get older. I was kind of young when I made the decision to convert and I didn't have anybody with me, so it's not like I have a lot of people I can talk to "in real life" about what's troubling me. (It made things really uncomfortable recently when a bishop visited my parish and he noticed I was always standing alone and he wanted to know who my family was, and I had to explain that my family's not Orthodox and that's why I was all alone... )

Dear Matrona:

The poor bishop probably thought that your parents had just dropped you off and weren't faithful anymore. That happens sometimes. Don't feel uncomfortable.

Once when a visiting Bishop from Cyprus came to visit, I was wearing our choir robes and he thought that I was a visiting protestant because he had seen protestant choirs dressed in robes. Therefore he wasn't about to give me Holy Communion. He asked the pastor three times if I was Orthodox. Afterwards, we laughed when I told him that it was the Greek Festival that really won my heart - I just loved the Greek food and dancing. The spirituality was my cup of tea also.

Hope this helps,

Elizabeth

 

[Matrona]

The poor bishop probably thought that your parents had just dropped you off and weren't faithful anymore. That happens sometimes. Don't feel uncomfortable.

That's what I figured. I guess my story isn't the typical convert story. I forget that sometimes. He had every right to be curious, it was just a little depressing to have to explain that painful situation in front of the whole church, on top of having a serious case of the Newest Convert Jitters.

Once when a visiting Bishop from Cyprus came to visit, I was wearing our choir robes and he thought that I was a visiting protestant because he had seen protestant choirs dressed in robes. Therefore he wasn't about to give me Holy Communion. He asked the pastor three times if I was Orthodox. Afterwards, we laughed when I told him that it was the Greek Festival that really won my heart - I just loved the Greek food and dancing. The spirituality was my cup of tea also.

LOL! That just reminded me of something... my priest asked me if I'd gotten any closer to getting my parents to visit an Orthodox church, and I said, "Well, I was able to get them to try spanekopeta, and they liked it, so I think that's progress!"

 

[leeand00]

Oh leeand00 that's my username for my school that's all.

It's not Abrevated or anything.

Say what's with the blessings thing?

 

[leeand00]

Could you guys pray for me that through the grace of God I have the guts to go through with this?

Thanks

 

[Orthodox Andrew]

Could you guys pray for me that through the grace of God I have the guts to go through with this?

Thanks

Sure can.

 

[Matrona]

Could you guys pray for me that through the grace of God I have the guts to go through with this?

Thanks

Don't worry, nothing bad will happen to you as a result of confessing! I will add you to my prayer list so you don't get cold feet. A big agape hug to you!

 

[brewmama]

Absolutely!! Off you go.