Did I commit blasphemy? Please someone help

[Victoryismine]

hi everyone I'm back again. I've been struggling for a while very intrusive unwanted blasphemous thoughts and I feel like for the past few days my sins and thoughts have become worse. While I was engaging in a sinful activity it landed on the number "28". Part of my ocd I believe is kind of ignoring numbers when I'm listening to music or doing things because I feel like if I'm engaging in a horrible sin God will kill me at the number at lands on and it makes me feel super angry with God and scared so much. I have this mindset that God will kill me and i haven't been confessing my unwanted thoughts lately which is good thing I suppose because I'm told that it creates my fear and causes the thoughts to come back. anyways back the point at lands on the number "28" when I'm engaging in the sin and I rebuke it in prayer afterwards. Then later on it lands on the number 28 again and I called God in my head "very eveil" because I feel like his been so so so vile and eveil to me for the past few days which has made me stop praying. I feel like all the time I have a fear God always sends me signs of the fear coming true for example constantly seeing numbers that scare me to die at young numbers. Even as I'm writing this I'm crying because I'm so afraid of what gods going to do to me I just feel like I'm so sinful and the unwanted thoughts don't help so I feel like his going to harm me. I've just felt so full of anger with God for the past few days and I blame things on him and I don't know why. I didn't mean to call God that in my head,as soon as I did I prayed straight away for God to forgive me. Please please someone help me I feel like I don't have love for God because I don't feel the love he has for me due to me constantly feeling like he wants to punish me and restrict me from things. I litterly feel like I can't do anything I even had thoughts saying that I can't Wright this forum and I feel like it's God which is frustrating because I just want to know why? I feel so lost depressed and lonely and angry. I feel like God is so so so "horrible" to me which gets me so angry. I've never heard his voice as other Christians do and I'd love to just feel the peace the bible says christ is all about. Please God forgive me I didn't mean to call you evil in my head I was so frustrated and angry and I thought you were sending me evils signs of death. Please someone help me in prayers and answer this forum with advice! I need help please someone.

 

[pinkjess]

My goodness this is horrible what you are going through....

I went through very very similar things as you because I have OCD as well (and I also get the same feelings that God is out to get me or make my life miserable etc.) when you feel that way, even though you know it is not the truth, how can you not be mad at God? The way you perceive Him is that of a cruel tyrant taskmaster waiting to punish you for every little thing.

I think what you should first address is the sin you engage in...do you do it purposely? If you are really struggling with overcoming a sin or bad habit, you really need to not be afraid to reach out for help. If you avoid confronting the issue it will only cause more heartache and the underlying problems will never be solved.

When we purposely do things we know are not right, we put a hedge between us and God. It is like fogging up a window. We can no longer see anything. When we are "clouded" by our sins (done on purpose) we cannot feel the peace of God. We feel frazzled and our emotions are a mess. This is a signal that we need to check our hearts and ask ourselves why we do the things we do. Is it because it is hard to quit? Do we not want to give it up? An honest evaluation is what is needed in times like this. Don't be afraid to be honest with God when you come to your conclusion. A lot of times in my walk with God I will tell Him things like, "God, I know this is not what You want for me, and I am having a hard time letting it go and going Your way--please give me strength to overcome it and be free from it.". We are not meant to struggle with chains alone. It is not our job. Jesus came to set us free. It says so in the Bible.

When you are so wrapped up in anxiety and stress from your thoughts it is impossible to see God and who He really is like. That is where your problem is. You feel like God is this horrible person who is ready to kill you for messing up. This is not the truth. The Bible says He wants you to be saved and free from sin and burdens. Jesus said His burden is light (you shouldn't have to strive in your relationship with Him). Your anxiety has painted such an ugly picture of God because it makes you feel like He is the problem, He hates you, etc. when nothing could be farther from the truth.

Feelings, I have found, are not good indicators of truth. My feelings can say God doesn't know what He is doing and that I need to do what I think is best...but instead I recognize when I feel this way and choose to remember key verses that speak on that. For you, you need to look at verses like 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." and 1 John 4:18 "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

I used to believe God hated me because of the thoughts I got from my fears (I once though I committed the blasphemous sin too) and it breaks my heart to look back on that because now that my anxiety has lessened, I can see that none of it was reality. That wasn't the truth. It was my own mind tormenting me.

 

[Darkness Flame]

Why exactly are you afraid of these numbers? That's what I'll ask first. Hopefully I didn't miss anything in your post.

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[GoodGRACEshus]

Hey VIM, another verse for you is, "..greater is He who is in me, than he who is in the world."

Don't let satan tell you this isn't for you because you know, if He wasn't in you there is no way you would be concerned about displeasing Him.

Something that might help with the 28 number, try turning this around into a tool to help you in closer fellowship....when it hits....read eg John 3:16 X 28 or 28 verses of your current Bible study....the nasty one will not get any satisfaction out of that!

Blessings!

 

[Victoryismine]

@Darkness Flame because I'm afraid that God will kill me young and it terrifies me

 

[Victoryismine]

@Tadpole thankyou and the reason I am afraid is because I'm afraid of God killing me at that age or something horrible happening to me at that age. I just feel like I've been seeing the number not a lot but a little which makes me feel like gods threatening me and wants to kill me at that age.

 

[Victoryismine]

@pinkjess Thankyou so much God bless you I still feel worried though so worried angry and scared I just need help honestly please continue to help me and give me courage xx

 

[Albion]

Hi, "Victory."

Blasphemy does not refer to one's thoughts or feelings, so stop worrying about THAT being blasphemy. It's not.

 

[Victoryismine]

@Albion are you sure ??

 

[Albion]

@Albion are you sure ??

Yes. Blasphemy is about an action or something that's said.

 

[GoodGRACEshus]

@Tadpole thankyou and the reason I am afraid is because I'm afraid of God killing me at that age or something horrible happening to me at that age. I just feel like I've been seeing the number not a lot but a little which makes me feel like gods threatening me and wants to kill me at that age.

Ah, I see. Will continue to pray for you. God Bless

 

[Darkness Flame]

@Darkness Flame because I'm afraid that God will kill me young and it terrifies me

Do you love him and try to keep his commandments?

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[pinkjess]

I really think it would help you a whole bunch if you talked to somebody about what you are going through. A therapist, someone at church, an understanding family member--anybody. You can't sit there and let these thoughts consume you or you will grow weaker and live in a constant state of anxiety. You must understand that what you are going through is not a spiritual issue but a mental one. Are you able to seek help from the people around you?

 

[com7fy8]

I've been struggling for a while very intrusive unwanted blasphemous thoughts and I feel like for the past few days my sins and thoughts have become worse.

Hi, Victory is mine God bless you First, you ask for prayer; so - - -

Thank You, God our Father, in the name of Jesus, for however You bless Victory is mine, and encourage her . . . and correct her, however she needs > Hebrews 12:4-11. And she will need, then, to help others, how You have helped her . . . to be a cup running over. May she have the prayer of intercession of Jesus Himself, praying for her according to His faith with His results so more and better than she or I or anyone here on earth could think and wish for her! May she become deeply stable so wrong things are less and less able to mess with her; and may she discover how You, Jesus, give us "rest for your souls" (Matthew 11:28-30). And may we all grow more so we know more Your love and Your way of relating in love with You and one another and with enemies and ones needy for Jesus. So, we glorify You and thank You. Amen, in the name of Jesus Your Son and our soon-coming Groom

While I was engaging in a sinful activity it landed on the number "28".

So, I suppose this means you are about 28 years old. While we are sinning, we can get ourselves into more and more evil, including how things show up in our lives, plus in us more and more bad things can get the better of us while we keep on sinning < not all people studying the Bible agree with this, but it is well-known to a number of us, how this can work > I understand how our worldly nature can have us feeling not satisfied and so we seek for pleasures and excitements and entertainment in order to make ourselves feel something nicer than our deep-down lousy and even painful and tormenting stuff. Only God's almighty power of love, is able to cure us of our selfish nature so we become immune to personality torments, and truly loving, instead. I find that 1 John 4:18 helps to confirm what I mean, here.

So, we need our attention with Jesus, with loving. This is more interesting, by the way, and even with better quality of pleasure, in God's love which we do have in "our hearts" (Romans 5:5) in the Holy Spirit. So, I am discovering, in God's loving I am perfectly content, plus we have His almighty immunity against evil and cruel stuff messing in us . . . more and more as we grow in this love. By the way, you talk about fear > here is how things work in the almighty safety of God's love >

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." (1 John 4:18)

Even if we have trusted in Jesus, we still can be not perfectly like this in love. But we do continually seek our Father for His correction > Hebrews 12:4-11. But, remember, we have Jesus Himself praying for us (Romans 8:34) . . . like He did with Peter > Luke 22:30-32 < Peter had messed up, big-time. But, even before Peter denied Jesus three times . . . which certainly was very blasphemous and he was very strongly verbal about denying Jesus . . . even before he did that, Jesus had already prayed for Peter's faith not to fail. Also, Jesus told him to strengthen his brethren after he returned to Jesus. So, the intercession of Christ for you will not only help you back from sin trouble, but also Jesus strengthens us so we even become able to strengthen others!!!

Part of my ocd I believe is kind of ignoring numbers when I'm listening to music or doing things because I feel like if I'm engaging in a horrible sin God will kill me at the number at lands on and it makes me feel super angry with God and scared so much.

According to what I see of Hebrews 2:14-15 > "fear of death" is slavery to Satan. But even we Christians can still get into fearing death. But this can be because we have not been obeying God in His peace.

Having God's peace, by the way, is not only having a nice feeling even during troubles, but we need to obey this peace > submit to how our Father rules us in His peace >

"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)

So, all of us Jesus people are "called in one body" to this! This is not some special thing only for ones super-spiritual and specially chosen, but "in one body" for all of us.

So, yes, first a person needs to turn from one's sin and trust in Jesus for forgiveness and reconciliation with God. But, also, trust Jesus for correction and how Jesus teaches us and guides us > Matthew 11:28-30 < so we find "rest for your souls".

unwanted thoughts

I am not saying what goes for you, but in general I understand that there can be different reasons why we get "unwanted thoughts" > please, note . . . again . . . not all Bible believing people agree with what I am offering here; so in case anyone disagrees, here in this thread where arguing and debating is forbidden, I am not going to disagree back >

(1) It can be an attack of Satan to mess with us and get us distracted from God. It can be because of no fault of our own. But then we need to submit to God and how He has us handle the attack >

"Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you." (James 4:7)

(2) In 2 Corinthians 10:5 we have how we need to bring every thought into obedience to Jesus. So, if we are being lazy and negligent about this, we can be leaving a door open for thoughts which are against God and against our attention being with Him. So, yes, while I am doing things more in ego, it can be easier for blasphemous things to get into my mind, even though I feel I would never INTENTIONALLY think such things. Peter was so sure he would never turn against Jesus; but in his ego, boasting himself, yes he did. So, be humble before God about if you could do things that are wrong. And trust Him to make us able and stable so we don't We all need this, not only you, Victory is mine.

(3) Our attention is away from God, with our selfish thinking; and so it is easy for Satan to then bring in more mentally wrong stuff . . . where you have already been allowing yourself to be elsewhere from God. And the items which come can be not what you want to be thinking, but your negligence has helped get you away from His safety, so worse can come. It is like this with sinning, Victory is mine > how in sinning we get away from having control, so then we can break down and be broken down into worse and much worse than we intended to get into. Therefore, no sin is safe!!!!

(4) Jesus says that out of the abundance of our hearts, our mouths speak; so, I understand, what we think can also be coming out of our hearts. But you have made clear how those thoughts of blasphemy were not with your consent; yet, it seems that you also did blame God in a wrong way. So, both can be true, I would say. And take heart and be encouraged how our Father does please to generously forgive us; but . . . then . . . now . . . we need to also be generously forgiving. Yes, our Father loves us unconditionally, but this is our example which is required of us!!! > Ephesians 4:31 - Ephesians 5:2.

(5) Have you read about Paul's "thorn in the flesh"? This is not what all Bible scholars agree about, but what I see is this, Victory is mine > Paul could get into ego; so Satan was allowed to use a "messenger of Satan" to test Paul; and whenever Paul got into ego, he was weak and slow enough so that thorn devil could parry past Paul's own defenses and get to Paul, and that thorn could then inject his ego with . . . troubling thoughts, frustration, worry, shame, blaming . . . unforgiveness. And Paul pleaded "three times" for Jesus to make that demon go away.

But Jesus was not going to just grant Paul a miracle of convenience. Jesus said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." I think Jesus was saying, "Now, Paul . . . if you would only stay and pray and obey Me in My grace, then Satan and anything he could do against you would not be able to get the better of you . . . if and while you submit to Me and do only what I have you doing in my almighty and therefore unstoppable grace." So, after Paul had a little talk with Jesus, Victory is mine, then was when he got the real meaning of that messenger's messing. So, do not trust how unloving and discouraging and cruel and mean and stinking thinking has you seeing things; but with Jesus find out

So, if you have begun in Christ, trusting Jesus for forgiveness and reconciliation with God, now we have more to do > a few things I think of, about our Christian calling are >

(1) Jesus called the apostles "that they might be with Him", we see in Mark 3:14. So, like our example apostles, I understand, we all are called to be with Jesus, not only called to serve Him >

"But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him." (1 Corinthians 6:17)

(2) Our Apostle Paul tells us how we are called to love > Ephesians 4:1-4.

(3) And we are called "in one body" to obey how our Father personally rules every one of us . . . "in one body" . . . with His own peace in our "hearts", Paul says. If our Father in Heaven is ruling us in our "hearts", this is in every one of us who has a heart lololololololololololololol lolol

(4) And we are "first of all" to care in prayer with hope for any and all people > 1 Timothy 2:1-4.

(5) And since I have not been so exactly perfect, myself, Victory is mine, I have not been instant to think of how we are called to be holy even as He is holy; but in my mind I am hearing ones saying how I need to say and obey our calling as Christians to be holy the way God is holy > 1 Peter 1:15 >

"but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct," (1 Peter 1:15)

So, it is wise not to waste our attention elsewhere. Take heed to what you are thinking, right now, then. Your thinking now could be the prayer which God hears.

Do not worship or trust any excuses. Because Christianity and being saved is about how God is able. With any of us, Victory is mine, it is "impossible" (Luke 18:27, also Matthew 19:26 and Mark 10:27), not only for you > Jesus says, "the things which are impossible with men are possible with God." (in Luke 18:27) We all need to do what you need to do So, as you get more and more victory, please help us with however God is blessing you

 

[Victoryismine]

@pinkjess not really at the moment because I know if I tell my teen pastor at church she will tell my mum and I've tried to talk to my mum before and she was not having it and got worried and scared and refused to accept that something was wrong with me mentally.

 

[pinkjess]

@pinkjess not really at the moment because I know if I tell my teen pastor at church she will tell my mum and I've tried to talk to my mum before and she was not having it and got worried and scared and refused to accept that something was wrong with me mentally.

You've got to tell somebody, this is a real issue and avoiding it will not help it get better. Sometimes having another authority figure explain things to parents makes it easier for them to understand. They may realize, "hey, she may really have a problem with this...we should look into it more,".

 

[11god11]

hi everyone I'm back again. I've been struggling for a while very intrusive unwanted blasphemous thoughts and I feel like for the past few days my sins and thoughts have become worse. While I was engaging in a sinful activity it landed on the number "28". Part of my ocd I believe is kind of ignoring numbers when I'm listening to music or doing things because I feel like if I'm engaging in a horrible sin God will kill me at the number at lands on and it makes me feel super angry with God and scared so much. I have this mindset that God will kill me and i haven't been confessing my unwanted thoughts lately which is good thing I suppose because I'm told that it creates my fear and causes the thoughts to come back. anyways back the point at lands on the number "28" when I'm engaging in the sin and I rebuke it in prayer afterwards. Then later on it lands on the number 28 again and I called God in my head "very eveil" because I feel like his been so so so vile and eveil to me for the past few days which has made me stop praying. I feel like all the time I have a fear God always sends me signs of the fear coming true for example constantly seeing numbers that scare me to die at young numbers. Even as I'm writing this I'm crying because I'm so afraid of what gods going to do to me I just feel like I'm so sinful and the unwanted thoughts don't help so I feel like his going to harm me. I've just felt so full of anger with God for the past few days and I blame things on him and I don't know why. I didn't mean to call God that in my head,as soon as I did I prayed straight away for God to forgive me. Please please someone help me I feel like I don't have love for God because I don't feel the love he has for me due to me constantly feeling like he wants to punish me and restrict me from things. I litterly feel like I can't do anything I even had thoughts saying that I can't Wright this forum and I feel like it's God which is frustrating because I just want to know why? I feel so lost depressed and lonely and angry. I feel like God is so so so "horrible" to me which gets me so angry. I've never heard his voice as other Christians do and I'd love to just feel the peace the bible says christ is all about. Please God forgive me I didn't mean to call you evil in my head I was so frustrated and angry and I thought you were sending me evils signs of death. Please someone help me in prayers and answer this forum with advice! I need help please someone.

you need to talk to a Christian pastor imo friend.good luck god bless

 

[11god11]

god is love

 

[FireDragon76]

You really need to find a pastor with training in counselling or be under the treatment of a psychologist because your OCD sounds like its causing you distress.

I have mild OCD, it's very common in adult autism, but its also not rare in the general population of people. I've had it since a young teen. It doesn't always involve religious obsessions, but it can. I used to be obsessed about germs and microwave ovens leaking. Having OCD doesn't mean you are crazy or not a good person- some very good people have had OCD.

Harmful religious teachings and physical and spiritual abuse can also be a problem, because it will hurt your trust in God. I have to admit this has been an occasional problem for me. I attend a Lutheran church now and I take the doctrines seriously and I haven't really experienced this kind of worrying as much. Lutherans don't teach that people are responsible in any way for their salvation, and I believe this is a good attitude to have if you have this sort of problem. Some kinds of Christian churches make unreasonable demands for perfection, or they teach that God is angry and this can hurt you as you start to believe your actions aren't good enough, and maybe you aren't good enough either.

You mention not feeling the love of God. That's too bad, but that doesn't mean God doesn't love you. You need to learn to depend less on your feelings for guidance. Some churches teach that being a Christian is all about the experiences you have about God, but that is just setting you up for problems like this. This isn't to say I am against spiritual type experiences, I have had them myself. But you need to be careful. Your feelings don't necessarily reflect what is real.
Whether you feel or good or bad when you look at these numbers has nothing to do with God's attitude towards you, which from the Bible is clear, that God loves you (and God, who is merciful, doesn't punish people for innocent failings). So whether you feel something doesn't change God's attitude towards you. That is why you can trust God.

Also, you need to read up on abuse and make sure you are not the victim of it. That's a sure way to get religious worry into your head. Unfortunately, I have first hand experience of spiritual abuse and it can be very damaging to faith.

It's good to reflect on your thinking, but don't carry this to extremes where it causes you to worry. Merely having blasphemous thoughts pop in your head is not sinful and it's normal. The best thing to do is not try to hide from them, resist them, or deny them, or to do anything about them at all. You'll start noticing them less and less. But this requires faith that God is merciful. That he can see you struggling with this problem and that you believe he still loves you. If you can't believe God is good and merciful, then you are not going to make progress.

The things you should look for are joy, peace, love. Fear and anger are signs something is going wrong. The point of being a Christian is not to be fearful or angry, and people that are fearful or angry or teach through fear and anger are not the types of people you should be looking for guidance. Those things aren't fruits of the Spirit.

You really need to talk to somebody about this. If the church won't support you in this and help you, you need to find another church to go to. It's a serious problem, and its not your fault. It's both a spiritual and mental problem, people are made of mind and spirit and both need to be worked on together.

 

[David4223]

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