Devoted or Obsessed?

[GreekGrl]

I love to attend Sunday Divine Liturgy. I feel it helps me maintain my relationship with Christ and also I feel that since I want my children to value the Orthodox faith they should know that we should attend as often as we can.
Now here is the thing, I attend DL by myself most Sundays(my hubby is not Orthodox and rarely attends), I bring my 3 kids (ages 1, 3 1/2, and 6) only my oldest is old enough for Sunday school so I have my 3 year old and baby with me and spend most of the DL keeping them quiet and occupied,or making trips out into the hall.
Last Saturday night my husband and I had an anniversary party to go to so the 3 kids slept over my parents house. So I started to discuss arrangments for the next morning. I said why don't I go to church then pick them up after, or I could pick up the baby (shes the hard one to watch anyhow) and take her to DL and then come back and get the boys, or I could just come early and pick up all 3. And my mom replied, why don't you just take the day off. Have the morning to yourself. I then said to my mom that she should not try and talk someone out of going to church. She then said to me don't be so obsessed and that its ok to 1 day. Her saying This really bothered me.
I ended up not going to DL today. I didn't want to complicate everyones morning schedual and I know my folks were tired from watching the kids all night and then taking them to the park early in the morning. And then they were dropping them off at my house. I was not sure what time services would be over and I don't like sneaking out early. I only miss a few times a year and usually I have a real reason. Today I had no other reason other then that comment that my mother said. (For some reason when ever my mother says something I always feeld like I have to follow her suggestions otherwise I get anxiety)
What do you think? Is it ok to miss DL once in a while or should I have gone today?

 

[Orchids]

You must be of the age to be able to make discisions for yourself. I know what you are going through, as my mother was very dominating, and demanded I obeyed her every wish. By the time I was 30, I decided it was time I stopped taking her demands, and decide for myself. Yes, you should have gone to DL if you needed it. It is okay to miss some of them, and again, if you need to. Did you need to miss it? That is question you should be asking yourself. I surely hope that you learn that not obeying your mom in everything should not cause an anxiety attack. (Been there, done that) ... and in many cases I do not tell my mother what I decided to do, especially if it was against her wishes. Then pray about it, too, because doing what God wants and what our parents want are sometimes contrary.

 

[GreekGrl]

it is not so much that she "demands" I do or don't do something as it is for some reason when ever she suggests or says something it always makes me question my decisions, thus causing anxiety.

 

[ClementofRome]

The fact that your heart desired so much to be there is a glory to God! We pray for those absent for honorable reasons.... Glory to God for all things...

 

[ArmyMatt]

well it's a fine line with family who might not be devout, or as devout. on the one hand, you don't want to cause scandal. however, on the other hand, Jesus Himself said blessed are you when men shall revile you and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely for my sake. rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven.

I'd say talk to your priest about this one

 

[Orchids]

it is not so much that she "demands" I do or don't do something as it is for some reason when ever she suggests or says something it always makes me question my decisions, thus causing anxiety.

Actually, I never said your mother "demanded" it of you, I was just saying mine did, so she would also do a heavy "guilt trip" on me if she ever learned I did the opposite. What I was saying that I understood your anxiety. It seems I have it worse than you do.

 

[Eutropius]

If you feel comfortable with this, then perhaps you did the right thing. However, you asked the question, which rather shows you were not comfortable with it. Believe me, there will be less insecurity with your decisions the older you get. For now, I would suggest you pray about it, as well.

 

[howdydave]

This sounds like a great topic to bring up with your priest the next time you confess.

 

[MKJ]

In Western culture, attending church services, even on Sunday, is seen as optional by most people. It's very common in my Anglican parish to hear parents say they won't be there next week, or much at all because of their kids hockey - it drives the priest crazy. And not long ago, games wouldn't have be scheduled on Sunday mornings because of church - there has been quite a radical change. People used to go to service on feast days in the week - now they are celebrated on the next Sunday in many places so people don't have to go to Church twice. I wonder if it is partly related to the tendency for us to become busier and more scheduled every day.

I think you are quite right to resist it.

The situation with your mom is tricky - I understand the feeling you mean. If my mom suggests that something I'm doing is not a good idea "You shouldn't let that baby sleep in your bed, you'll regret it" I feel very unsure, even if I am sure of the course of action. And it's not even that she is trying to be controlling. I have gone with just thinking about what she says, and then making a decision and living with it, and ignoring the nagging voice in my head - what other answer is there?

I also understand that you felt pressured because you were relying on them for childcare, and grandparents do get tired, and you don't want to ask too much.

Perhaps, in the future, just keep in mind that they may not be up for an evening of sitting and a morning too, and plan accordingly? But I think you are right to try to get to service as a priority. It could be hard to make your mom understand it in those terms though.

 

[Barky]

it is not so much that she "demands" I do or don't do something as it is for some reason when ever she suggests or says something it always makes me question my decisions, thus causing anxiety.

You have to look at it this way: We go to Liturgy to live. If we don't do these things, we die (spiritually and often physically). It is not a matter of deciding to see a show or not, it is a matter of choosing a step towards life or death. The stakes are that high.

When I miss Liturgy I can feel myself slipping away, and when I go back I feel recharged like none other. If we don't eat, we die. If we don't pray, go to DL, read scripture, commune with God, we die. It's that simple.

 

[cobweb]

When I miss Liturgy I can feel myself slipping away, and when I go back I feel recharged like none other. If we don't eat, we die. If we don't pray, go to DL, read scripture, commune with God, we die. It's that simple.

Me too. Liturgy was cancelled for a couple of weeks because Fr. was on vacation. It was awful.

 

[Monica child of God 1]

In Western culture, attending church services, even on Sunday, is seen as optional by most people. It's very common in my Anglican parish to hear parents say they won't be there next week, or much at all because of their kids hockey - it drives the priest crazy. And not long ago, games wouldn't have be scheduled on Sunday mornings because of church - there has been quite a radical change. People used to go to service on feast days in the week - now they are celebrated on the next Sunday in many places so people don't have to go to Church twice. I wonder if it is partly related to the tendency for us to become busier and more scheduled every day.

I totally agree. It surprised me when I became a Christian how many people thought it was weird to go to church every Sunday. My own mother (not a practicing Christian) said something about not getting too fanatical. Two hours on Sundays makes one fanatical?

A priest told me that we should live our lives oriented toward the altar. We are always coming from our last Eucharist and preparing to approach the next one. Living this way helps us to remain grounded in Christ and actively working our salvation. It is not obsessive

"Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." --Hebrews 10:25

Since most of my family is not Orthodox, they don't understand this way of thinking. So, sometimes I do miss services especially feast days out of deference to them.

M.

 

[Blackknight]

Me too. Liturgy was cancelled for a couple of weeks because Fr. was on vacation. It was awful.

Same here, I just went to a different church for those few weeks.

 

[ArmyMatt]

A priest told me that we should live our lives oriented toward the altar. We are always coming from our last Eucharist and preparing to approach the next one. Living this way helps us to remain grounded in Christ and actively working our salvation.

awesome way of putting it. not obsessive, I'd say preparatory.

 

[NyssaTheHobbit]

I grew up in a Fundamentalist Protestant church where weekly attendance (three times a week, actually) was normal. So it's amazing to me how many people at my church rarely show up, that I'm called a "model member" as if I were doing something unusual by showing up to as many services as I can.

Me too. Liturgy was cancelled for a couple of weeks because Fr. was on vacation. It was awful.

Happens to me, too. We're not a mission parish, but we share our priest, we're very small, and except during Holy Week, we don't get substitute priests. If for whatever reason I can't hitch a ride with friends to another church while the priest is on vacation, I don't go anywhere. If he's off for a couple of weeks, I start feeling restless. This happened even before I began taking the Eucharist.

 

[Mozartboy]

I grew up in a Fundamentalist Protestant church where weekly attendance (three times a week, actually) was normal. .

Did you grow up in the churches of Christ?

 

[NyssaTheHobbit]

No, Nazarene.

 

[Mozartboy]

No, Nazarene.

OK, thanks. The churches of Christ is what I grew up in (and now I'm on my way to the Church of Christ - The Holy Orthodox Catholic Church!).

 

[fuerein]

I grew up in a Fundamentalist Protestant church where weekly attendance (three times a week, actually) was normal. So it's amazing to me how many people at my church rarely show up, that I'm called a "model member" as if I were doing something unusual by showing up to as many services as I can.

Happens to me, too. We're not a mission parish, but we share our priest, we're very small, and except during Holy Week, we don't get substitute priests. If for whatever reason I can't hitch a ride with friends to another church while the priest is on vacation, I don't go anywhere. If he's off for a couple of weeks, I start feeling restless. This happened even before I began taking the Eucharist.

Read this and thought "I can relate." I'm at nearly every service and don't think much about it other than when people comment on my attendance.

No, Nazarene.

Ah this explains. I also grew up Naz. While there are plenty of Nazarene's that are Sunday only or Sunday morning only, if you want to be taken seriously you're there Sunday morning, night and Wednesday night.

 

[gzt]

You should go to church every Sunday. You have my permission. It's not fanatical to think so. Don't feel bad about missing it this time, though.