I have a rather involved situation, that I do not know how to handle.
I will try to keep it as brief and concice as possible.
(all of this takes place before i became a christian, up until I mention I am one)
I am 31, I met my ex wife when I was 18, she was still married to her aleggedly abusive ex husband.
I bought into the whole abuse story which at the time was primarily verbal, with some minor possible physical.
On a side related note she told me she ran away from home at 17, and moved near where I live from 60 miles away, she lived in her car for a while, but ended up sleeping with many guys for a place to stay, until one of them raped her, she then later met her 1st husband.
I helped nudge her into a divorce, even though they had 3 kids togehter.She Got pregnant with our daughter. And we married.
I found out she had some abuse as a child, from a grandfather, and her cousine nearly raped her , and he did rape her sister.
2 years into our marrage She just up and told me she didnt love me anymore, and didnt want to be married. She was being treated for depression, which was later changed to bipolar disorder ,after she purchaced a car. I agreed to the divorce thinking giving her space might make her reconsider. She ended up involved with an even younger guy than me, I was 21 or 22, and he was 18, she was 6 years older than me. I gave her an ultimatum to work for our marrage or get out. They left, I didnt know where she was for over 3 months. our daughter was 2 . I have physical custody. They eventualy broke up, and she tried to commit suicide. She called me fro mthe hospital ,and we sort of reconnected. It was semi platonic at this point, we started hanging out, and she asked me jokingly if I wanted to have sex, I said yes, and we got a motel room. She didnt seem interested in getting back together at this point, because she was still in recovery. Later on after getting drunk She told me it was the bipolar and that she was sorry, and didnt know what she was doing. I told her we should take things slow ,and I didn't want to just jump back into things.
She never spoke like that again. She started bar hopping after I took her to a bar a friend showed me. She was almost raped when she went off with 3 guys to smoke a joint. They too kher back to the bar to get her drunk and she escaped. she moved into a college dorm, and lived there for a while, until she was carjacked while vacuming her car. He pulled a knife on her, and she managed to escape after turning on a side road a nd jumping out of a car while it was moving. I picked her up from the police station, and she was hysterical.
I took her back to her parents house. She did not want to stay with them for some reason. So I rented a hotel room for her. We were going to have sex again, but she just started crying shortly after we started, I stopped, and she said go on, and I couldnt with her crying, she told me she felt obligated since I was helping her out. I ran out of extra cash and was about to take her back to her parents when i jokingly mentioned a goofy friend might let her stay a few days. she was there for a few months, until she called me and had me take her to the mental hospital again. I then found out she had slept with my friend the 1st night or so. Again out of obligation
.She later Got a job localy at a marina, which also provided her housing, and since it was close by, I took our daughter often. I again sort of felt like we were connecting , maby as buddies, and then one day she told me to leave, since her brother was bringing some frineds down, and I was not envited.
She met one of her brothers friends, and they were living together by the end of the week.
a year or so into this she was in the hospital again for stabbing herself. she later told me the new boufriend punched her, and tpit a pair of scissors into the wall next to her head.
they got back together. She called me several months later, and had driven back near our home, I went to meed her, and she told me it was over again. didnt last.
during this time I became a christian.
Then one day I called because my daughter missed her so badly, and her father told me that she had a new boyfriend, and had left the state with him. A week later she calls, and upon visiting her, I hear the boyfriend had done it again, and she was now living with andother Guy friend and she went with him out of state to keepherself safe fro mthe bf who attacked her again. I took my daughter to visitand durig the visit. she went to the restroom, and I saw brusing arouund her waist, and wrist, I originally thought he had beat her up, but upon talking with the guy she was staying with, I found out that,
while she was sleeping at her parents house, he came in and raped her. Her family treated him like a son in law as he was also a friend of her brothers. I started boiling with rage, something I thought I had no longer had, since I became a christian, and had forgiven everyone . Luckily I had to take my daughter home, or I might have done something wrong that night. I was consumed for around 2 weeks
Even going so far and tellin ga friend of my thoughts, Then It passed. (this is a sort of seperate topic i am going to ask about later.)
while she was staying with the new guy she always maintained they were just friends even though, he wanted more. I did notice some peculiar behavior for platonic friends, like sitting together in a love seat, and possibly sleeping in the same room.A bit later she calls me fro m another house, with her brother, I was told the new guy cussed her out for some reason (he was an alcoholic) and she was back at home. durin gal lthis The boyfriend that raped her had sent her a letter, from some sort of christian recovery camp, and apoligized to her and her parents. She said she forgave him, but didn't want to get back together, and e was still a way off from being released. Well she moved back in with the alcoholic. And then a few months later I get a call from the train station, she went with him on another out of state trip ,and he got drunk and beat her up, his sister Gave her money on a train ticket , and drover her to the station, and she needed a ride home.Me and her brother had a long talk with her telling her to stay far away from any man for a while. Well I took my daughter up and let her spend the night, and when I went back to pick her up, loe and behold shes sitting on the porch with my ex, and the Bf who raped her. I was not pleased. I didnt say anythin gthen, but I felt like she intentionally betrayed my trust, beacuse my daughter told me she called him to come visit right after I left , and that she spent the whole time with hi maround. I called her and told her That I was not comfortable wth him being around my daughter, and she informed me it was my problem, because h had changed. I said no visits as long as he is around. I didnt tell her to break up or anything. This was some time last year, And i am thinking it was before thanksgiving. She visited her other kids arount christmas, and told her 1st ex that i said she wasnt allowed to see our daughter at all. (but she didn't even bother to call) I told him it was as long as he was around, if he left fot the visit i was fine. the last time she called was for our daughters birthday, where she left a message. My daughter misses her mom badly, But I have caved into her over, and over, and I feel like I need to draw the line at this. I am not saying I dont forgive the Guy, or that he can never be around my daughter again, But I have seen no example, that either of them have changed, She claims to be a christian, sort of, and I assume he is, yet they still live in sin.
Her parents are wierd, in that they rarely ever call, to check on their grandchild. as in once or twice since she was born. they struggle, with money yes, and have many other kids, and grandkids, but no call.
Am I right in this, My daughter misses her mom, But I feel like she can make a small sacrifice for our child. And I know she is messed up from her obvious behavior ,and the stuff She has told me about abuse/molestation.
My second question I alluded to, is Could I have possible been molested, and blocked it out, I do have a pretty vivid imagination, But I have extreme, feelings, when I love i LOVE, and when i hate I HATE. I am also touchy about being touched, by people, as in i whince in pain, I had a heart catheter back in oct, and i physically wretched in pain in my muscles when they shaved my leg, and close to my groin.
I also have fibromyalgia, which some (thought not nessesarily myself) believe to possibly be triggered by stress or trauma.
But When I wanted to hurt her bf for raping her, I literally wanted to cut him into little pieces, and torture him. I get that way whe n I see rape, or something like that in movies, and tv.
sorry for the essay, just been thinkin gabout it some lately.
I will try to keep it as brief and concice as possible.
(all of this takes place before i became a christian, up until I mention I am one)
I am 31, I met my ex wife when I was 18, she was still married to her aleggedly abusive ex husband.
I bought into the whole abuse story which at the time was primarily verbal, with some minor possible physical.
On a side related note she told me she ran away from home at 17, and moved near where I live from 60 miles away, she lived in her car for a while, but ended up sleeping with many guys for a place to stay, until one of them raped her, she then later met her 1st husband.
I helped nudge her into a divorce, even though they had 3 kids togehter.She Got pregnant with our daughter. And we married.
I found out she had some abuse as a child, from a grandfather, and her cousine nearly raped her , and he did rape her sister.
2 years into our marrage She just up and told me she didnt love me anymore, and didnt want to be married. She was being treated for depression, which was later changed to bipolar disorder ,after she purchaced a car. I agreed to the divorce thinking giving her space might make her reconsider. She ended up involved with an even younger guy than me, I was 21 or 22, and he was 18, she was 6 years older than me. I gave her an ultimatum to work for our marrage or get out. They left, I didnt know where she was for over 3 months. our daughter was 2 . I have physical custody. They eventualy broke up, and she tried to commit suicide. She called me fro mthe hospital ,and we sort of reconnected. It was semi platonic at this point, we started hanging out, and she asked me jokingly if I wanted to have sex, I said yes, and we got a motel room. She didnt seem interested in getting back together at this point, because she was still in recovery. Later on after getting drunk She told me it was the bipolar and that she was sorry, and didnt know what she was doing. I told her we should take things slow ,and I didn't want to just jump back into things.
She never spoke like that again. She started bar hopping after I took her to a bar a friend showed me. She was almost raped when she went off with 3 guys to smoke a joint. They too kher back to the bar to get her drunk and she escaped. she moved into a college dorm, and lived there for a while, until she was carjacked while vacuming her car. He pulled a knife on her, and she managed to escape after turning on a side road a nd jumping out of a car while it was moving. I picked her up from the police station, and she was hysterical.
I took her back to her parents house. She did not want to stay with them for some reason. So I rented a hotel room for her. We were going to have sex again, but she just started crying shortly after we started, I stopped, and she said go on, and I couldnt with her crying, she told me she felt obligated since I was helping her out. I ran out of extra cash and was about to take her back to her parents when i jokingly mentioned a goofy friend might let her stay a few days. she was there for a few months, until she called me and had me take her to the mental hospital again. I then found out she had slept with my friend the 1st night or so. Again out of obligation
.She later Got a job localy at a marina, which also provided her housing, and since it was close by, I took our daughter often. I again sort of felt like we were connecting , maby as buddies, and then one day she told me to leave, since her brother was bringing some frineds down, and I was not envited.
She met one of her brothers friends, and they were living together by the end of the week.
a year or so into this she was in the hospital again for stabbing herself. she later told me the new boufriend punched her, and tpit a pair of scissors into the wall next to her head.
they got back together. She called me several months later, and had driven back near our home, I went to meed her, and she told me it was over again. didnt last.
during this time I became a christian.
Then one day I called because my daughter missed her so badly, and her father told me that she had a new boyfriend, and had left the state with him. A week later she calls, and upon visiting her, I hear the boyfriend had done it again, and she was now living with andother Guy friend and she went with him out of state to keepherself safe fro mthe bf who attacked her again. I took my daughter to visitand durig the visit. she went to the restroom, and I saw brusing arouund her waist, and wrist, I originally thought he had beat her up, but upon talking with the guy she was staying with, I found out that,
while she was sleeping at her parents house, he came in and raped her. Her family treated him like a son in law as he was also a friend of her brothers. I started boiling with rage, something I thought I had no longer had, since I became a christian, and had forgiven everyone . Luckily I had to take my daughter home, or I might have done something wrong that night. I was consumed for around 2 weeks
Even going so far and tellin ga friend of my thoughts, Then It passed. (this is a sort of seperate topic i am going to ask about later.)
while she was staying with the new guy she always maintained they were just friends even though, he wanted more. I did notice some peculiar behavior for platonic friends, like sitting together in a love seat, and possibly sleeping in the same room.A bit later she calls me fro m another house, with her brother, I was told the new guy cussed her out for some reason (he was an alcoholic) and she was back at home. durin gal lthis The boyfriend that raped her had sent her a letter, from some sort of christian recovery camp, and apoligized to her and her parents. She said she forgave him, but didn't want to get back together, and e was still a way off from being released. Well she moved back in with the alcoholic. And then a few months later I get a call from the train station, she went with him on another out of state trip ,and he got drunk and beat her up, his sister Gave her money on a train ticket , and drover her to the station, and she needed a ride home.Me and her brother had a long talk with her telling her to stay far away from any man for a while. Well I took my daughter up and let her spend the night, and when I went back to pick her up, loe and behold shes sitting on the porch with my ex, and the Bf who raped her. I was not pleased. I didnt say anythin gthen, but I felt like she intentionally betrayed my trust, beacuse my daughter told me she called him to come visit right after I left , and that she spent the whole time with hi maround. I called her and told her That I was not comfortable wth him being around my daughter, and she informed me it was my problem, because h had changed. I said no visits as long as he is around. I didnt tell her to break up or anything. This was some time last year, And i am thinking it was before thanksgiving. She visited her other kids arount christmas, and told her 1st ex that i said she wasnt allowed to see our daughter at all. (but she didn't even bother to call) I told him it was as long as he was around, if he left fot the visit i was fine. the last time she called was for our daughters birthday, where she left a message. My daughter misses her mom badly, But I have caved into her over, and over, and I feel like I need to draw the line at this. I am not saying I dont forgive the Guy, or that he can never be around my daughter again, But I have seen no example, that either of them have changed, She claims to be a christian, sort of, and I assume he is, yet they still live in sin.
Her parents are wierd, in that they rarely ever call, to check on their grandchild. as in once or twice since she was born. they struggle, with money yes, and have many other kids, and grandkids, but no call.
Am I right in this, My daughter misses her mom, But I feel like she can make a small sacrifice for our child. And I know she is messed up from her obvious behavior ,and the stuff She has told me about abuse/molestation.
My second question I alluded to, is Could I have possible been molested, and blocked it out, I do have a pretty vivid imagination, But I have extreme, feelings, when I love i LOVE, and when i hate I HATE. I am also touchy about being touched, by people, as in i whince in pain, I had a heart catheter back in oct, and i physically wretched in pain in my muscles when they shaved my leg, and close to my groin.
I also have fibromyalgia, which some (thought not nessesarily myself) believe to possibly be triggered by stress or trauma.
But When I wanted to hurt her bf for raping her, I literally wanted to cut him into little pieces, and torture him. I get that way whe n I see rape, or something like that in movies, and tv.
sorry for the essay, just been thinkin gabout it some lately.
