- Jul 9, 2018
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I’m really struggling and discouraged that I’ll ever be saved in the end. I mean, I don’t know how more people aren’t in despair as to their salvation. How can they not be? That gate they must enter is so narrow, so minute, so hidden and so difficult to enter. Entering that most narrow gate is too arduous, too difficult, too agonizing, too excruciating, and too unlikely to enter. Jesus said, “"Strive to enter through the narrow door. For many, I tell you, will seek to enter and will not be able.” (Luke 13:24). What! It’s impossible! How am I, a mere man, going to enter that gate when better men than me have strove with all their might to enter and yet perish at last. How am I not to despair? And yet that’s not all. That conditions to enter is even more difficult. One must cut off their arms and pluck out their eyes. One must climb a mountain so high you can’t even see the tip and it’s so steep one mishap will make you fall. You have to forsake your sinful desires and worldly pleasures. And everything is against you. The devil is a roaring lion seeking to deceive souls to sin, presume or despair. The world is also against you while they try to entice you to partake of their lust, and if you are entangled in it then you’re done. And worse of all, your own flesh is against you. Your worst enemy is yourself. Your own desires, pursuits, lusts, and self is against you. What! How can we not be despondent when we see all of these things against us? And yet, God gets mad at us when we despair? How can we not? Why does He command things that are contrary to our very nature? Why does He add pain to pain and heap sorrow upon sorrow by condemning us because of original sin imputed to us by Adam which causes us to be weak in our obedience? Why does He command things in the gospel that’s more difficult than the law? The law only forbade adultery, but the gospel forbids lust; the law forbade murder, but the gospel forbids hate. Why does God seem to be that Pharaoh in Exodus that commands the Israelites to build bricks without straw? I don’t think I’ll ever be saved and this devastating.
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