depression- self harm

[daughter of the king]

hey
i haven't posted much about myself for a while.
but am getting worse, i am findding myself wanting to harm myself more and more.
I don't cut (yet) i have tryed but the stupid knife wasn't sharp enough. i snap hair ties a heak of a lot. i was talking to my friend who made me take the hair tie off and don't touch it for the rest of the day. which is proving to be very hard!! Just not to do it for a few hours.
another friends trying to get me to talk to this lady but i don't know. i am freaking out.
well g2g i just was wondering if you guys could pray and give me any advice or help you might have.
thanks
sorry
bye
Lizzie

 

[kristi124]

I'll be praying for you and I know what you're going through. I've had those urges quite a bit and I posted a thread on this a while ago. I hope you don't ever end up cutting because it really can be hard to stop. I'll pray and good luck with everything. You probably should talk to someone so you aren't going through this alone.

 

[seebs]

Praying for you. Also, *please* talk to a counselor. A pastor or priest should be able to help you find someone. Almost always, this is a result of medical conditions which can be treated.

 

[aaron]

I will pray.

 

[daughter of the king]

yeah i know i should talk to someone i am thinking of going and talking to this lady my friend can hook me up with. but i don't know that i can, i don't know that i can physicaly do it i know that sounds weird. but i completly am freaking out.
i haven't touched a hair tie yet but i didn't know how hard it would beto be sitting here looking at my hair tie and not being able to touch it.
I like the pain it brings, i want to do it but i am forseing myself to stop.
well better go
Lizzie

 

[seebs]

I understand, that sounds scary. You might want to see if there's someone else you *can* talk to. Or, if you find it easier, PM me some contact info for someone, and I can contact them for you; that way, they can approach you, if that's easier. It is for some people.

 

[daughter of the king]

there is no one i feel i can talk to. i think this lady wold be one of my best bets.
just the thought of talking to anyone freaks me and i start to shake.

 

[seebs]

Oh, man, that's rough. Well, if it helps any, just know that you're not alone; this happens to a lot of people, and it's treatable. God'll watch out for you.

 

[Amy]

Sometimes speaking face to face is very hard. You sit in front of that person, see them so close - and you just can't open up, can't bring yourself to share those deepest things. But you know what - that's when computer helps! See, you're talking about it here in the forums, you're sharing with us! You don't see us, we don't see you. But we're here to listen. Would you like to talk more? Would you feel better if you tell us more about what you are going through?

May God bless you, Lizzy.

 

[daughter of the king]

Originally posted by Amy
Sometimes speaking face to face is very hard. You sit in front of that person, see them so close - and you just can't open up, can't bring yourself to share those deepest things. But you know what - that's when computer helps! See, you're talking about it here in the forums, you're sharing with us! You don't see us, we don't see you. But we're here to listen. Would you like to talk more? Would you feel better if you tell us more about what you are going through?

May God bless you, Lizzy.

Ok Amy
What do ya want to know???

 

[Amy]

I can remember hating myself when I was a teen, yet it never got to the point of cutting/hurting myself, so I am not sure what exactly causes it.

Is it because you hate yourself? If so, why? Do you feel you're not good enough and deserve to be punished? Can you identify the reason(s) of your depression?

 

[GodOwnsMe]

mhh if it's that hating yourself stuff.....
I got these kind of thoughts recently aswell...sometimes it's not that bad ....
I guess this is a bit complicated prolly just the does God really forgive me stuff..

..mhh if I remember right I used to freak over stuff....'beg' God to help me.. but I dunno really myself anymore what exactly it was but I kinda tried to get thru it or whatever ..well God got me thru it but ..mhh maybe I came to blame myself for stuff cause I thought that was right (still not sure) & all

and I ended up thinking stuff like blah I just hate myself when I failed or anything......

well I think it's really good to just keep fighting (eh )....as in keep asking God to get you out when you feel like that.... ask Him to show you how much He loves YOU and makes you really pure when you repent & ask for forgiveness.......... just keep turning to Him

k for me the I'm forgiven stuff was not really the whole part.. dunno if I should be talking about this cause um this is still confusing me but he if ya wanna know just uh ..lemme know

oh I'm praying for ya sista *hugs*

 

[seebs]

Originally posted by Amy
Can you identify the reason(s) of your depression?

Just a note: In most people with severe depression, the "reason" is chemistry.

 

[carmen]

Lizzie. Have you thought of contacting Brian T from Destiny Church Auckland.
via e-mail.They would be able to help you to talk to or someone that could help with experience. He has an excellent auto teaching series on what you are going through as well.

 

[daughter of the king]

Originally posted by Amy
I can remember hating myself when I was a teen, yet it never got to the point of cutting/hurting myself, so I am not sure what exactly causes it.

Is it because you hate yourself? If so, why? Do you feel you're not good enough and deserve to be punished? Can you identify the reason(s) of your depression?

Yes I hate myself. Yes I do deseve to be punished, because I suck, and i am a loser. No i don't know why am depressed.

 

[daughter of the king]

Originally posted by carmen
Lizzie. Have you thought of contacting Brian T from Destiny Church Auckland.
via e-mail.They would be able to help you to talk to or someone that could help with experience. He has an excellent auto teaching series on what you are going through as well.

no i haven't though of contacting someone like him. i guess i could think about it.

 

[Jenna]

Hello "Daughter of the King",

I know that we haven't really talked, as I just pop on from time to time to chit-chat, but I felt that I really needed to come on in and talk with you for a minute. As a good number of the folks here know, I struggle with depression on a daily basis. My problems with depression are primarily chemical, but can be worsened by emotional stresses of life. Anywho, I can empathize with everything that you have mentioned thus far. I am a "cutter" and self-mutilate when I become deeply depressed or anxious. It can be so hard to say something to another person about it, especially when you are face to face and have to worry about how they are going to react, if they are going to treat you differently, or even if they will give you the look as though you are just crazy. I know how all of this goes. The only person I have ever been able to talk to about this has been my therapist, and I have only been seeing her for 3 weeks now. Still, talking really helps. If you ever want to talk to me, whether via email, microphone, telephone, snail mail.....whatever, just send me a note. Ok?

Obviously, there is nothing that I can do to help you flip a switch and instantly be happy and in love with yourself. No one can give that to you, no matter how much we hope and search. Sometimes it takes time to learn to love ourselves, mostly because we know ourselves so much deeper than anyone else can see. We know every fault, every feeling, every shortcoming....and the depression makes it hard to see all of the good that is there that outweighs the bad by far. I understand the self-loathing.

My offer is a standing offer. If ever you want to talk, chat, or just scream and cry- I am always here. My shoulders are broad.

With love,
Jenna

 

[Amy]

Yes I hate myself. Yes I do deseve to be punished, because I suck, and i am a loser.

This is not true, dear. Look at your own sig: "Princess Lizzie a child of the most high King." This is what is true. The King loves His child. He does not want you to hate yourself or endure punishment - this is why He sent Jesus.

I am sure you know all that, yet the enemy is still trying to attack you with those dark thoughts. And not just you - we all have our times of feeling worthless, feeling that we're failing God. We still have that sinful nature, and it is so easy for the enemy to point out stuff, to bring guilt. But God has forgiven us.

 

[daughter of the king]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

[GodOwnsMe]

naw wow thats absolutely not true Lizzie you're not a loser at all....what it takes to really be a winner in life is to got Jesus inside ya know

I sometimes imagine myself getting like a beautiful white dress & walking around in that when I've asked for forgiveness.... it says something about that in the bible for example in Revelations (sp?)

Theres a reason why Jesus died He took all the punishment we all deserve
(theres also some passage in the old Testament that so amazed me like so saying how he was innocent and all but died the death we deserve )