depressed husband

[wifeindespair]

I am new here. I came here out of desperation. I am feeling so defeated. I don't know what to do. My husband has been sinking deeper and deeper into depression. I don't know what to do. He has been this way for about a month now and shows no sign of improvement. He says that he doesn't know if he believes in God or Christ anymore. He is hopeless. He doesn't see the point in living. I try to be stong and stay positive and happy, but it's starting to get to me.

 

[Protinus]

Thank you for coming and sharing wifeindespair...and welcome!!

A month is not very long to describe depression as a propensity or a predisposition for the illness. Has there been an acute event in his life? Have there been major stress events like the loss of a job or financial difficulties that would trigger this mood consistently for the last 4 weeks??

Please know that you can come here and share and it is the first step in helping him!!

 

[wifeindespair]

Thank you for coming and sharing wifeindespair...and welcome!!

A month is not very long to describe depression as a propensity or a predisposition for the illness. Has there been an acute event in his life? Have there been major stress events like the loss of a job or financial difficulties that would trigger this mood consistently for the last 4 weeks??

Please know that you can come here and share and it is the first step in helping him!!

That's just it, this completely came up out of the blue. He went to see a counselor yesterday and she has advised him to seek medical attention. My husband states that he doesn't know what prompted his feelings. Twice now he has almost had an accident while riding his motorcycle. The last time could have been fatal. He told me that for a moment, he was disappointed that he didn't die.

 

[Protinus]

I'm glad he is seeking medical attention with a psychiatrist. If this is a temporary dysthymia, he will still benefit from a course of medication. Please do not feel afraid or stimatized, or feel guilty. You are doing the right thing by helping him seek medical care and asking questions. You need some help too as I sense you are frustrated and suffering as well. It is very hard to see a loved one go through this.

You are doing the right thing by being aggressive and follow-up with medical advice. I don't know about riding the motor bike now as he seems very troubled.

YOU'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING!!

 

[wtopneuma]

I am new here. I came here out of desperation. I am feeling so defeated. I don't know what to do. My husband has been sinking deeper and deeper into depression. I don't know what to do. He has been this way for about a month now and shows no sign of improvement. He says that he doesn't know if he believes in God or Christ anymore. He is hopeless. He doesn't see the point in living. I try to be stong and stay positive and happy, but it's starting to get to me.

Get your husband to a doctor for medical tests right away. This can be caused by either physical, spiritual, or psychological problems. Your doctor can eliminate some of the possible causes then refer him to one who can help. Whatever the cause, you will need to also seek God's answers through prayer and Bible Study. Yours in Christ, wtopneuma.

 

[wifeindespair]

Are there any men out there who have struggled with this, that can offer me some advice? I don't know what to do for my husband. I love him so much and it kills me to see him like this.

He has no joy, no peace, no hope. He says that everyday is a bad day. He doubts the existance of God and Christ. He doesn't believe that there is a purpose for his life.

My name is Rose, my husband is Robert. We are both 27 years old. Your advice and prayers are much appreciated. God bless you all.

 

[Protinus]

Are there any men out there who have struggled with this, that can offer me some advice? I don't know what to do for my husband. I love him so much and it kills me to see him like this.

He has no joy, no peace, no hope. He says that everyday is a bad day. He doubts the existance of God and Christ. He doesn't believe that there is a purpose for his life.

My name is Rose, my husband is Robert. We are both 27 years old. Your advice and prayers are much appreciated. God bless you all.

It's obvious that you love him Rose. I can sense that you are so close to him that you are experienced his pain as if it were yours. Very admirable and you must be his soulmate...to trust, to bear witness, to love.

But as you are so close to his being, you must step back and gain perspective. Don't you love him enough to do this? What are the things that you haven't thought about that might be precipitating this? What other stressors is he expressing? Step back to help with his care, you can do this! He needs a medical evaluation and a steady influence...help him through. And take some time by yourself to think, don't be so hard on yourself...you guys will pull through this!!

 

[jess144]

Hi Rose,

I am sorry to hear that your husband is struggling with depression. I can relate to some of the things that he is feeling...when you are depressed you usually feel disconnected from others and from God. When I had my first bout of intense depression, I thought that because I felt disconnected from God, that meant that I was. But now I know that that isn't true. It actually says in the Psalms that God is close to the broken hearted and those who are crushed in spirit.
Although I am not married, I can tell you what I appreciate from my loved ones when I am depressed. I really appreciate it when people don't treat me any differently. I felt like my dad would walk on eggshells around me and treat me like I was a little kid and I hated that. My mom, on the other hand, treated me just the same. She would still pick on me (in a humorous way) and wouldn't let me use my depression as an excuse to get away with things.
Anyways, I don't know if any of that helps. Make sure that you are taking care of you during this time. Talk to friends or family so that you are getting the support you need. You're in my prayers.
Jessica

 

[Goobersmooch]

I am new here. I came here out of desperation. I am feeling so defeated. I don't know what to do. My husband has been sinking deeper and deeper into depression. I don't know what to do. He has been this way for about a month now and shows no sign of improvement. He says that he doesn't know if he believes in God or Christ anymore. He is hopeless. He doesn't see the point in living. I try to be stong and stay positive and happy, but it's starting to get to me.

Take him to the doctor or a therapist. Has he gotten this way before? If there is a pattern he may need to be on meds. The biggest thing you can do is pray for him and I will do the same. I am a bi-polar and have struggled with depression for many years. Now that I am coming out from under that dark cloud i see things so differently. It's great but I wouldn't be here without God and the Meds I take. He has been awesome. And whether he says he believes in God or not God believes in him and will listen to your prayers. If you ever want to talk just pm me okay? I'll try to answer your questions.

 

[PurpleOrchid]

Rose,

I came here for the same reason, my husband is depressed and has said he's struggled with suicidal thoughts (We are also both 27.)
It's so hard when the man you love is talking about ending his life, you feel so helpless, at times guilty like you should be doing more and carrying dread because you fear he may take his own life.
He's going to go to his doctor to get a check-up, blood work, etc and we're going to look into counseling.
I just feel so broken now, like I can't focus or relax to enjoy anything because he is so miserable, I'm so afraid he'll take his life.
I pray to God we'll both make it thru this, I know God is able and we are not alone.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

I agree with wtopneuma; go to a doctor, get tests done (thyroid, etc). Do the tests before considering medication. Beware of doctors who make make a diagnosis and prescribe medications without really getting to know the patient first or without ruling out alternative causes of his symptoms. Unfortunately, there seem to be a lot of doctors who do just that.

 

[wifeindespair]

Hello All,

About a week and a half ago, my husband did go to the doctor. He was diagnosed as being clinically depressed. The doctor prescribed Effexor-XR. He has been taking it and says that he does not feel any different. We were told that it could take a couple of weeks for the medicine to begin to help. He has a follow up appointment next week. Robert is also seeing a counselor.

Thank you for your prayers, kind words and advice. Please continue to pray for us, as I will continue to pray for you. God bless you all!!

 

[Protinus]

Thanks so much wifeindespair for checking in!!

Effexor is a good agent and you must insist that he take the required dosage daily. Effexor has a longer half life so he has to take it for a while to see results. It has minimal side effects compared with most mood agents.

He must not STOP taking it abruptly!!

We are saying many prayers for you, your husband and your family!! Please contribute as we could learn from you as well!!

Bless you!!

 

[eccl12.13]

I am new here. I came here out of desperation. I am feeling so defeated. I don't know what to do. My husband has been sinking deeper and deeper into depression. I don't know what to do. He has been this way for about a month now and shows no sign of improvement. He says that he doesn't know if he believes in God or Christ anymore. He is hopeless. He doesn't see the point in living. I try to be stong and stay positive and happy, but it's starting to get to me.

wifeindespair, I know just what you're feeling because my situation is the exact same. I've come to realize the biggest thing I can do for him as well as for myself if just leave him and the situation in God's hands. I love my husband so much I can't even properly express it, yet getting frustrated and allowing his depression to pull me under and then getting angry at him for it is the worst thing I can do for either of us. I simply HAVE to draw back and allow God to do with the situation whatever He chooses. This means not worrying about whether or not my husband will take his life, not getting stressed and worried as to whether or not my husband won't come home from work one day, just relax and enjoy every second of every minute I have with my husband and just leave it at that! Pray for him, fervently, too.

God's in control and while it took me a long, stressfully long, amount of time to realize this, He will do what is best and will not allow anything short of that to come about. Trust Him, and if you want to talk more, pm me.

~eccl12.13

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Thanks so much wifeindespair for checking in!!

Effexor is a good agent and you must insist that he take the required dosage daily. Effexor has a longer half life so he has to take it for a while to see results. It has minimal side effects compared with most mood agents.

He must not STOP taking it abruptly!!

We are saying many prayers for you, your husband and your family!! Please contribute as we could learn from you as well!!

Bless you!!

It also would probably help if he can manage to take the medicine at roughly the same time every day. Back when I was on meds, I kept forgetting to take the pills or I would take them them at different times of the day. I was sleeping a lot back then and could not wake myself up and take my medicine. Eventually, I did start taking them at the same time every day and I noticed a difference.

 

[wifeindespair]

wifeindespair, I know just what you're feeling because my situation is the exact same. I've come to realize the biggest thing I can do for him as well as for myself if just leave him and the situation in God's hands. I love my husband so much I can't even properly express it, yet getting frustrated and allowing his depression to pull me under and then getting angry at him for it is the worst thing I can do for either of us. I simply HAVE to draw back and allow God to do with the situation whatever He chooses. This means not worrying about whether or not my husband will take his life, not getting stressed and worried as to whether or not my husband won't come home from work one day, just relax and enjoy every second of every minute I have with my husband and just leave it at that! Pray for him, fervently, too.

God's in control and while it took me a long, stressfully long, amount of time to realize this, He will do what is best and will not allow anything short of that to come about. Trust Him, and if you want to talk more, pm me.

~eccl12.13

I agree. If we are both depressed and miserable, what a struggle that would be!! God is AWESOME!! He is giving me the strength to fight the fight. I feel renewed and so uplifted!!

I pray for Robert alot. Satan has no hold on this family. We are children of the ALL MIGHTY, MOST HIGH GOD!! Right now as I'm typing I can feel the goodness of God flowing through me!! I am not going to lay down and die and be defeated. God will deliver us from evil!!!

I have to stay positive for Robert. I almost feel like a soldier. I can't leave a fallen soldier behind! I will be strong and help Robert through this. I promised to love Robert through better or worse and be his helpmate. It's time for me to step up and answer the call! He would do it for me! I love my husband SO MUCH!! Jesus is with us every step of the way. Praise God!!!

 

[eccl12.13]

I agree. If we are both depressed and miserable, what a struggle that would be!! God is AWESOME!! He is giving me the strength to fight the fight. I feel renewed and so uplifted!!

That's awesome! I've experienced this side of the situation, too, and know how much better it feels than allowing myself to be pulled under and get depressed. Keep up the good work!

I pray for Robert alot. Satan has no hold on this family. We are children of the ALL MIGHTY, MOST HIGH GOD!! Right now as I'm typing I can feel the goodness of God flowing through me!! I am not going to lay down and die and be defeated. God will deliver us from evil!!!

Praise God!!!!

I have to stay positive for Robert. I almost feel like a soldier. I can't leave a fallen soldier behind! I will be strong and help Robert through this. I promised to love Robert through better or worse and be his helpmate. It's time for me to step up and answer the call! He would do it for me! I love my husband SO MUCH!! Jesus is with us every step of the way. Praise God!!!

You sooo rock, girl!!! You're doing great!

 

[PrairieGurl]

Dearest Rose

I SO agree with Protinus !!!

I am the one who has struggled with depression for most of my life I have been SO blessed to have a husband who has loved me and supported me (as you are doing for Robert) through the last 20 years together. His unconditonal love amazes me!

I also am on Effexor... it took quite some time before it "kicked" in (and after a very wise pdoc added another med)... all people on these kinds of meds are affected differently.

Robert is blessed to have you for a wife.

I will add you and Robert to my prayer list.

With s & s,
Wendy

 

[wakeuplucid]

I am new here. I came here out of desperation. I am feeling so defeated. I don't know what to do. My husband has been sinking deeper and deeper into depression. I don't know what to do. He has been this way for about a month now and shows no sign of improvement. He says that he doesn't know if he believes in God or Christ anymore. He is hopeless. He doesn't see the point in living. I try to be stong and stay positive and happy, but it's starting to get to me.

I hope that my wife when I am married is like you! Caring, loving, and helping, UNCONDITIONALLY!! Im sure that Jesus is smiling! I know things will get better for you both! Love will make it through anything! 1 Corinthians 13:4-7