Depressed Hubby

[Sweeterthanhoney]

my dear husband has struggled with depression ever since I've known him, but really only became a factor after we got married. We had many tough years when we first were married. For the last 13 yrs I thought it was pretty much under control, only to find out that it isn't. We had a pretty tough year the last year with loss of jobs etc, and too much change. He doesn't do well with change and stress.
He is under Dr. care and on anti-depressants, and the first one seemed to be working really well, and then it would taper off, increase it, then better again for a few weeks, off again, so, you can imagine the frustration of my husband when he got a taste of what it felt to be normal only to go back down into "the pit". The Dr. added another med that is supposed to work well together with the one he is taking but it seems to be making things worse.
The problem is, when he is depressed like this he gets angry very easily and takes things out on us. Especially our 16 yr old daughter when has just been diagnosed with Crohn's. She has a boyfriend of 9 months, and they have very strict rules to follow and can only be together when there is someone with them etc. They have no problems following these rules. But my hubby doesn't like it if her bf calls too often. We live in the country and he lives in town and is the same age as her. This is causing tremendous stress on all of us, and stess is the last thing she needs for her health. Then he takes it out on me too.
I don't really know how to handle this situation any more. My daughter is hurting, as she is a Godly girl and is very respectful and obedient and doesn't understand why this is such and issue for her father. I think it is a non issue, but I get accused of not letting him make any decisions regarding her dating etc.(he would of rather her not date till 18).
Can you pray for us and if anyone has any advise it would be greatly appreciated!

 

[ephraimanesti]

my dear husband has struggled with depression ever since I've known him, but really only became a factor after we got married. We had many tough years when we first were married. For the last 13 yrs I thought it was pretty much under control, only to find out that it isn't. We had a pretty tough year the last year with loss of jobs etc, and too much change. He doesn't do well with change and stress.
He is under Dr. care and on anti-depressants, and the first one seemed to be working really well, and then it would taper off, increase it, then better again for a few weeks, off again, so, you can imagine the frustration of my husband when he got a taste of what it felt to be normal only to go back down into "the pit". The Dr. added another med that is supposed to work well together with the one he is taking but it seems to be making things worse.
The problem is, when he is depressed like this he gets angry very easily and takes things out on us. Especially our 16 yr old daughter when has just been diagnosed with Crohn's. She has a boyfriend of 9 months, and they have very strict rules to follow and can only be together when there is someone with them etc. They have no problems following these rules. But my hubby doesn't like it if her bf calls too often. We live in the country and he lives in town and is the same age as her. This is causing tremendous stress on all of us, and stess is the last thing she needs for her health. Then he takes it out on me too.
I don't really know how to handle this situation any more. My daughter is hurting, as she is a Godly girl and is very respectful and obedient and doesn't understand why this is such and issue for her father. I think it is a non issue, but I get accused of not letting him make any decisions regarding her dating etc.(he would of rather her not date till 18).
Can you pray for us and if anyone has any advise it would be greatly appreciated!

MY DEAR SISTER IN CHRIST,

What a difficult situation for all concerned. MAY OUR GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU--both as individuals and as a family unit!
You have perhaps already addressed this, but if not, i would suggest that you sit down with your daughter and discuss what is going on with your husband--as fully and as honestly as you can. Make sure that she understands that her father's feelings and actions towards her and her relationship with her boyfriend have solely to do with his illness and his medications, and are not indicitive of the loving feelings he has towards her in his heart. If she can understand and accept this, her feelings of hurt will be healed or at least greatly lessened. (If appropriate, you might also talk to her boyfriend as well.)
Secondly, i was wondering if your husband is a Christian. Depression is a Spiritual illness, and treating it with chemicals--as most Doctors do--is like putting a bandaid on a cancerous lesion. (Of course chemical interventions are sometimes necessary in crises situations to prevent suicide, etc., but this sounds like it has been going on for years.)
If your husband is a Christian, you might seek out a Christian Counselor to help him address whatever the root cause of the depression is--depression often being a means God uses to get our attention and tell us that something is wrong in our lives.
Anyway, i pray that God will bless you and your family and lead you all out of this darkness and into His glorious LIGHT.

MUCH LOVE IN CHRIST,
ephraim

 

[tapero]

Dear Lord, I pray for this family, and especially the dad that he would get stable on his medicine. I pray that he would trust his daughter more; see her godliness and willingness to be obedient. I pray for the one with Chrohn's that it would go in remission; if it does that. I pray for peace to reign in the family. Please help the dad with his mood swings. Give the doctors wisdom in helping him. May he learn to be light hearted. In Jesus name I pray. Amen

 

[Sweeterthanhoney]

MY DEAR SISTER IN CHRIST,

What a difficult situation for all concerned. MAY OUR GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU--both as individuals and as a family unit!
You have perhaps already addressed this, but if not, i would suggest that you sit down with your daughter and discuss what is going on with your husband--as fully and as honestly as you can. Make sure that she understands that her father's feelings and actions towards her and her relationship with her boyfriend have solely to do with his illness and his medications, and are not indicitive of the loving feelings he has towards her in his heart. If she can understand and accept this, her feelings of hurt will be healed or at least greatly lessened. (If appropriate, you might also talk to her boyfriend as well.)

Secondly, i was wondering if your husband is a Christian. Depression is a Spiritual illness, and treating it with chemicals--as most Doctors do--is like putting a bandaid on a cancerous lesion. (Of course chemical interventions are sometimes necessary in crises situations to prevent suicide, etc., but this sounds like it has been going on for years.)
If your husband is a Christian, you might seek out a Christian Counselor to help him address whatever the root cause of the depression is--depression often being a means God uses to get our attention and tell us that something is wrong in our lives.
Anyway, i pray that God will bless you and your family and lead you all out of this darkness and into His glorious LIGHT.

MUCH LOVE IN CHRIST,
ephraim

Yes, my husband is a Christian, and we just recently talked again about councelling (definetly Christian). Depression is something that runs in his family. I am sure there are some spiritual issues involved here, but if it was just spiritual then I don't think any medication would help, as the one he is taking has help for a number of weeks before falling back. So I don't know. We have realized that the new one the dr added is making things worse, so he is calling he dr today to get off of it and see what to do.

He did have a good talk with our daughter yesterday, and he also explained to her about his depression etc, tho she knew somewhat about it as her and I have had discussions about it. She and I are extremely close and I don't know what I would do with out her. He boyfriend knows there are some issues but to what extent I don't know. He is such and awesome caring guy for one so young.
My daughter also told her father how it made her feel when he "talked" to her in the way he does when he is depressed. She is very open with her feelings in this way which I think is a good thing.

I myself have numerous health issues that this stress is not good for, in fact, I strongly believe that when we were first married the abuse I put up with etc is what set off my illness. But that is water under the bridge and is covered by The Blood.

He does have anger issues, which he did go for anger management classes this past winter, but I guess it is hard to put into practise when you are in the depths of dispair. He went on his own free will, so I know he wants to change that part of him.

 

[Sweeterthanhoney]

Dear Lord, I pray for this family, and especially the dad that he would get stable on his medicine. I pray that he would trust his daughter more; see her godliness and willingness to be obedient. I pray for the one with Chrohn's that it would go in remission; if it does that. I pray for peace to reign in the family. Please help the dad with his mood swings. Give the doctors wisdom in helping him. May he learn to be light hearted. In Jesus name I pray. Amen

Thank you, dear sister, for your prayers! May God richly bless you for this!

 

[Sweeterthanhoney]

Dear Lord, I pray for this family, and especially the dad that he would get stable on his medicine. I pray that he would trust his daughter more; see her godliness and willingness to be obedient. I pray for the one with Chrohn's that it would go in remission; if it does that. I pray for peace to reign in the family. Please help the dad with his mood swings. Give the doctors wisdom in helping him. May he learn to be light hearted. In Jesus name I pray. Amen

Thank you, dear sister, for your prayers! May God richly bless you for this!

 

[Anti Existance]

Your husbands depression is dragging everyone down in a pit. You and your daughter, and her bf are suffering from it.

Your husband is like a huge tree that needs a broad basis of stability in order for it to stand firm in life. I want you to understand clearly that the anti-depression is only a symptom supressor and not a problem solver.

The big problem is that you are not saying here what is the primairy cause of his depression. Is it job loss? Did he get a sudden change of enviroment? You see, basically if he would go back to that enviroment, and back to that certain job if possible, i believe the depression should subside. That's only a wild guess tho , because both you and i need to understand 'fundamentally' what lies on the core root basis of his depression, because if that is taken away, then the depression will be taken away. And trust me no medication can solve that.

 

[Taylor43]

I am praying for your husband. I also struggle with depression it is a hard thing. I am also praying for you and your family. I am glad he and you are thinking about going to counseling i think it is a step in the right direction. I hope he gets on a med that can help him feel better
Love in Christ
Taylor

 

[UnitynLove]

Did you know that God wants to make a trade with you? He has a standing offer every minute of every day and it's amazing how few of us actually take Him up on His offer. He wants you to give Him all your cares, your problems, and your failures. In return He will give you His peace and joy. On top of that, He promises to protect and take care of you.

God really does want to take care of us, but in order to let Him, we've got to stop trying to take care of ourselves and worrying about every little thing we can't control. Many people would like for God to take care of them, but they insist on worrying or trying to figure out an answer on their own, instead of waiting for God's direction. They wallow around in puddles of their own worry, wondering why God doesn't give them peace. God will give us peace, but we must first give Him our worries.

We give God our worries by trusting that He can and will take care of us. By trusting God, we are able to rest in Him, knowing that He has the situation well under control. Worry, on the other hand, is the opposite of trust. Worry steals our peace, wears us out physically and can even make us sick. If we are worrying, we are not fully trusting God, and we'll never be able to experience His peace.

What a great trade! We give God our worry—He gives us His peace. We give Him all our cares and concerns, and He gives us His protection, stability, and joy. That is the privilege of being cared for by Him.

Because He cares for us, He wants us to live in peace and not all tied up in knots of worry. He has ways of guiding us toward peace, if we are alert enough to sense His direction.

Imagine that you are driving down a road. Along the way, there are roadside signs that provide direction or give warning. If you pay attention to the signs and follow the words, you will be able to drive on that road and safely reach your destination.

In the same way, on the road of life there are spiritual signs along the way. In order to stay under God's protection, you must obey these signs that tell you to trust Him and not to worry. Don't be afraid, have courage. If you'll pay attention to these signs, you'll find that it's easy to stay on course. You will experience the protection, peace and joy that only God can provide.

However, if you fail to heed the signs, you may notice that the road seems a little bumpier than usual and you're not as confident in your ability as you once were. You may become anxious about the unknown things waiting around the corner, and you may even veer off the road.

Anxiety affects us like a double portion of worry. It's an uneasy feeling that lingers like a haze, even after we think we have dealt with it. Once we disregard the signs and go our own way, we are moving in the direction of fear--especially fear of tomorrow and fear of the unknown. The result is anxiety.

Anxiety is like putting on a heavy coat on a hot summer day. It weighs you down. It's difficult to move, and it's stifling to wear. According to Webster's Dictionary, anxiety is "a state of being uneasy, apprehensive, or worried...." Sometimes this uneasiness is really vague—something we just can't put our finger on. All we know is that we are uneasy.

You and I don't need to be anxious about tomorrow when we have all we can handle today. Even if we manage to solve all our problems today, we will just have more to deal with tomorrow...and even more the next day.

Why waste time worrying when it is not going to solve anything? Why be anxious about yesterday, which is gone, or tomorrow, which hasn't arrived yet? Trade your worries in today for God's peace. Remember, everything's going to be all right

 

[silentpoet]

I pray for your family. God can deliver people from depression. He delivered me before. Now I am there again for whatever reason. What I am saying is I can fully empathize with your situation. I pray your husband is delivered.

 

[goldenviolet]

how about family therepy... different from counselling.
family therepy of making two days a week to do something together. we do one night we make dinner together. a mini taco buffet or fancy din... and just spend it being fun. other day we go feed ducks; go for drive, watch movie or we just sit around and talk about non-stressful things. we also have 'family conferences'... not on a therepy day. we sit down and everyone gets to talk about what they are working on or anything else.

another thing that helps depressed people is having edifying scripture to build you up. you being his wife, (and he may struggle with reading when blue) will have wonderful ideas to place scripture on the mirror or frig. etc.

*prayers*

my fav scripture about trials...
James 1:2-8
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6 But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.