Depressed and Losing Faith in God

[faroukfarouk]

Hi; John 14 and Psalm 46 are strengthening passages for the believer, which draw the reader away from introspection. John's First Epistle has assurance of faith in the Son of God as an important theme.

 

[Noxot]

thanks to those who have shared their struggles with us, I know that God has an expected end for all of us. I have given up the hopes of finding a wife only because I don't want to base a relationship on transient things. my hopes are eternal hopes and though one out of infinity seems hopeless I know that in the end God will give all goods to us, far more than we could ever hope or comprehend.

it was during some of the darkest of my times when I truly found God though I had to first reject who I thought he was due to my poor sight not seeing his true beauty for what it is.... and God also sees each of us as this beauty.

 

[OutOfPlace_Christian]

I don’t know how to start. I guess I will say that I am losing my faith in God. I don’t want to. But I’m not sure how I can hang on anymore. I just haven’t had many reasons to believe that A) He exists, and B) that He even cares that I question Him. I have prayed repeatedly for Him to reveal Himself to me, to give me some sort of sign, and to help restore my faith. It seems as if the door is shut to me. I used to be able to feel God’s presence when I prayed, I could see Him at work in my life and I could even hear Him speaking through my heart. I no longer feel His presence, I think that the times I thought He was working in my life were just coincidences or my own doing, and anytime I think I might be hearing God’s voice in my heart, I heavily doubt it, and wonder if it’s just me telling my own self what I want to hear.


I can’t pinpoint how and when this crisis of faith came to be, but it has been ongoing for a good year now. Even though, on the surface, I seem to have a very blessed life (great career, independence, secure finances, strong/healthy family, long-life friends, and the chance to travel and live abroad like I’ve always dreamed) it’s been a very difficult year for me emotionally. I am 40 and single; I’ve never been married, and I’m pretty sure I will never have kids. I know my single-status is mainly due to my being shy and reserved around men, and I’m not very fit. I just don’t think I’m very desirable to men. I have low self-esteem. I know that…but it’s hard not to, when no one has really ever given me a reason to feel good about myself.


In my head I know I can’t rely on others to make me feel worthy or loved. I know I have to put myself “out there” and open myself up to others. I know I have to have trust and faith in God. I know I have to trust His timing and His plan.


However, in my heart I don’t feel any of that. It’s really hard to feel worthy when no one in my life gives me reason to believe I am. It’s hard to show confidence and put myself out there when I don’t think anyone would want me anyway. It’s hard to have faith in God when I continually pray to Him about this very aspect of my life, but repeatedly get no response. It’s hard to believe in Him when I plead and cry out to Him night after night, with virtually no response.


I am rambling now. But I guess I just want to know: how can I hang on to my faith and belief in God when I just don’t feel it anymore? How can I regain hope?

Hi there. This really broke my heart and I wish I could just give you a really really really big hug. You are loved. You are beautiful. Fearfully and wonderfully made. Don't lose hope in Jesus. Keep crying to him. I myself am dealing with similar things. My faith has also been tested. I just have to believe that holding on will be worth it in the end. I really hope things are better now or, that at least the enemy is as loud today. Hold on to Jesus.

 

[Chaplain David]

I don’t know how to start. I guess I will say that I am losing my faith in God. I don’t want to. But I’m not sure how I can hang on anymore. I just haven’t had many reasons to believe that A) He exists, and B) that He even cares that I question Him. I have prayed repeatedly for Him to reveal Himself to me, to give me some sort of sign, and to help restore my faith. It seems as if the door is shut to me. I used to be able to feel God’s presence when I prayed, I could see Him at work in my life and I could even hear Him speaking through my heart. I no longer feel His presence, I think that the times I thought He was working in my life were just coincidences or my own doing, and anytime I think I might be hearing God’s voice in my heart, I heavily doubt it, and wonder if it’s just me telling my own self what I want to hear.


I can’t pinpoint how and when this crisis of faith came to be, but it has been ongoing for a good year now. Even though, on the surface, I seem to have a very blessed life (great career, independence, secure finances, strong/healthy family, long-life friends, and the chance to travel and live abroad like I’ve always dreamed) it’s been a very difficult year for me emotionally. I am 40 and single; I’ve never been married, and I’m pretty sure I will never have kids. I know my single-status is mainly due to my being shy and reserved around men, and I’m not very fit. I just don’t think I’m very desirable to men. I have low self-esteem. I know that…but it’s hard not to, when no one has really ever given me a reason to feel good about myself.


In my head I know I can’t rely on others to make me feel worthy or loved. I know I have to put myself “out there” and open myself up to others. I know I have to have trust and faith in God. I know I have to trust His timing and His plan.


However, in my heart I don’t feel any of that. It’s really hard to feel worthy when no one in my life gives me reason to believe I am. It’s hard to show confidence and put myself out there when I don’t think anyone would want me anyway. It’s hard to have faith in God when I continually pray to Him about this very aspect of my life, but repeatedly get no response. It’s hard to believe in Him when I plead and cry out to Him night after night, with virtually no response.


I am rambling now. But I guess I just want to know: how can I hang on to my faith and belief in God when I just don’t feel it anymore? How can I regain hope?

Hello,

I've questioned at times myself. What I believe is that it is difficult to concentrate on God, faith or almost anything else when we are depressed.

But you are writing a post where you share your feelings with others and that is a good thing. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and as we used to say, "keep on keeping on." You will come out of your depression and be glad that you kept as much faith as you do even if it is small in your own words.

God bless you and I'm praying for you.

Faithfully,

 

[Bella15]

Alessandra, have you been a part of any faith community, attending church or bible study groups with other believers in recent years? We all experience attacks on our faith, and feelings can be misleading - the battle is real and we need each other for spiritual strength. It's how we were designed and admitting this need can be very freeing. You once felt God's presence, you don't feel it now.. but that doesn't mean He has gone. Our minds can be attacked, distracted, thoughts implanted that are not our own and don't agree with what we know in our hearts. I would encourage you to look for a church to get plugged into (if you don't have one already, or aren't finding help where you are), for spiritual nourishment, for community.. if you are shy and the process of attending any strange new place seems daunting start with some place large where you can hide in the back a few Sundays
If you have a doubt you have a belief.. choose to believe because without Christ there is really no hope for any of us!
Praying for you Hunny. You are not alone.

 

[LuckyCharmWA]

Alessandra, how are you doing now? I found this thread through a Google search of "losing my faith," and your original post could have been written by me, word for word. I try to pray, but often end up in tears when it seems there's no one on the other end of the line. I gave up cable TV for Lent and have only been watching movies and documentaries about Jesus, hoping my faith would spark to life again. I've been reading books people have recommended to me. I've even asked for some sort of sign. And just, silence.

I do have combat-related PTSD with depression, so often, as I'm praying and "listening" for God's voice, all that comes back are dark thoughts, sometimes violent. It's gotten to where I'm almost afraid to pray. How can this happen? I've spoken with several spiritual counselors, but so far I'm getting nowhere.

Bella15, you mentioned that thoughts can be implanted in our minds. I just don't see how that can be. I feel like this is all coming from me. How can I be sure that something is from God, from the Enemy, or from my own imagination?

I hope you're doing better, Alessandra. Please let us know if you've found your way out of the "pit"!

 

[Jeshu]

Alessandra, how are you doing now? I found this thread through a Google search of "losing my faith," and your original post could have been written by me, word for word. I try to pray, but often end up in tears when it seems there's no one on the other end of the line. I gave up cable TV for Lent and have only been watching movies and documentaries about Jesus, hoping my faith would spark to life again. I've been reading books people have recommended to me. I've even asked for some sort of sign. And just, silence.

I do have combat-related PTSD with depression, so often, as I'm praying and "listening" for God's voice, all that comes back are dark thoughts, sometimes violent. It's gotten to where I'm almost afraid to pray. How can this happen? I've spoken with several spiritual counselors, but so far I'm getting nowhere.

Bella15, you mentioned that thoughts can be implanted in our minds. I just don't see how that can be. I feel like this is all coming from me. How can I be sure that something is from God, from the Enemy, or from my own imagination?

I hope you're doing better, Alessandra. Please let us know if you've found your way out of the "pit"!

Alessandra hasn't been back unfortunately. P.T.S.D makes depression harder to treat i know from experiences but it can be done. You relationship with God can be restored as well.

Understand that bad life lives in you put there by the events/trauma you have been through. However we can reprogram our brain and learn to deal with the negativity that is alive within us.

Honest there is hope for you. The way i went about dealing with my P.T.S.D (assault related,) was to make sure i worked through the layers of my fears, and then my anger underneath that, and then my hurt underneath that in little bits working the trauma through again but conscious what i stored unlike i done before. i haven't raged for many moths now so that is greatest, and although depression does still come around it has been nowhere as deep as it used to be.

Wishing you the best.

Good counseling can get you away from the pain you have to endure

 

[Bella15]

LuckyCharmWA, I'm sorry about what you're going through. I can relate to many aspects, definitely having been on the receiving end Satan's attacks on our minds. The concept of "The Battlefield of the Mind" is a commonly talked about one in Christianity. In fact understanding this battle is necessary to our survival if we are going to follow Christ. Learning to hear and correctly discern the voice of God is a journey, and confidence comes through time spent walking with him- pursuing him by reading his words in the bible, sending up prayers in faith.. and trusting in his good nature and character to reply with kindness and love.
One way you can know if the voices or thoughts in your head are from God or from Satan, is to compare them to what the word of God actually teaches in the bible. This works well in decision making, but if the thoughts are of a condemning nature, you can be sure it is the enemy at work. God wants us to obey him, but he draws us with love and we can have faith he forgives our sins. His intention in correcting is not to beat us up. Your past is not an indication of the future he has for you and you are never beyond being able to be healed.
I want you to understand that not every spiritual teacher, even those who profess Jesus, have the Holy Spirit in them, or are walking and believing in real biblical truth. I will be praying for you that you can find the right counselor, or a good bible study to begin your journey. You can definitely have freedom from fear, confusion, mental torment and any other problem you are dealing with.
Do not allow yourself to be tempted into isolation, which will make you a vulnerable target.

God bless
He loves you girl!

 

[Bond_Servant]

I don’t know how to start. I guess I will say that I am losing my faith in God. I don’t want to. But I’m not sure how I can hang on anymore. I just haven’t had many reasons to believe that A) He exists, and B) that He even cares that I question Him. I have prayed repeatedly for Him to reveal Himself to me, to give me some sort of sign, and to help restore my faith. It seems as if the door is shut to me. I used to be able to feel God’s presence when I prayed, I could see Him at work in my life and I could even hear Him speaking through my heart. I no longer feel His presence, I think that the times I thought He was working in my life were just coincidences or my own doing, and anytime I think I might be hearing God’s voice in my heart, I heavily doubt it, and wonder if it’s just me telling my own self what I want to hear.


I can’t pinpoint how and when this crisis of faith came to be, but it has been ongoing for a good year now. Even though, on the surface, I seem to have a very blessed life (great career, independence, secure finances, strong/healthy family, long-life friends, and the chance to travel and live abroad like I’ve always dreamed) it’s been a very difficult year for me emotionally. I am 40 and single; I’ve never been married, and I’m pretty sure I will never have kids. I know my single-status is mainly due to my being shy and reserved around men, and I’m not very fit. I just don’t think I’m very desirable to men. I have low self-esteem. I know that…but it’s hard not to, when no one has really ever given me a reason to feel good about myself.


In my head I know I can’t rely on others to make me feel worthy or loved. I know I have to put myself “out there” and open myself up to others. I know I have to have trust and faith in God. I know I have to trust His timing and His plan.


However, in my heart I don’t feel any of that. It’s really hard to feel worthy when no one in my life gives me reason to believe I am. It’s hard to show confidence and put myself out there when I don’t think anyone would want me anyway. It’s hard to have faith in God when I continually pray to Him about this very aspect of my life, but repeatedly get no response. It’s hard to believe in Him when I plead and cry out to Him night after night, with virtually no response.


I am rambling now. But I guess I just want to know: how can I hang on to my faith and belief in God when I just don’t feel it anymore? How can I regain hope?

I am very sorry to hear about this struggle you are going through. I am (very unfortunately) a 12 year veteran in this exact battle. The distance you feel from God is something I am all too familiar with. I have battled doubts from every angle. From "Who God is" to "Origins of life sciences" both of which I have dedicated years of study towards. And in the OoL studies I am glad I did because I eliminated that doubt at very least (but thats for a whole other talk).

I have felt completely separate from God. Sometimes for years at a time. I have written entire songs about me not being able to hear him, feel him or find him. Along my journey I have uncovered absolute truths as well as extremely useful anecdotes that have helped me in my struggles. I would like to offer this story. Its an old story (its age is important in its meaning) from the times when wealth was measured by how many sheep or horses you had and without a horse you could not even work your fields. There was no money. Think in term of Job's time. The story goes as follows:

There was a man who was respected among the people in his area. One day, while out in the field, his only horse ran away. His neighbor came to comfort him and said to him "what bad luck, your horse ran away" to which the man replied "what do I know of luck?" Soon after his horse returned but with a herd of 10 wild horses that followed him. His neighbor returned and said "what great luck, your horse returned with 10 more!" and to that the man replied "What do I know of luck?" Some time later his only son was training the wild horses and one bucked him and broke his leg. His neighbor returned and said "What terrible luck, your only son is now lame (they had no doctors then and a broken leg sometimes meant certain death|) to which the man replied again "What do I know of luck?" Shortly after this a group of local bandits came to his town. They began kidnapping able bodied boys to steal and kill for them. When they came to the mans home they past his son by because he as lame. His neighbor returned again and said "what good luck, your son was not taken because of his leg" and again the man replied "what do I know of luck?"

The moral here is that times can get very hard in our lives. At times they feel desperate and overwhelming. But we simply can not see the bigger picture. It serves us well to learn to say "what do I know of luck?" It is when we embark to achieve the impossible that we set ourselves up for disappointment and I know in my case in almost all of those times I tend to want to blame God. Which is absurd for me to do. When times get hard try the best you can to practice "what do I know of luck?" it has served me well. Has it made faith easy? HECK NO. Faith will always be a struggle because we long to "know" and you can not know something and still require faith. Knowledge is the death knell of faith. Knowledge makes faith obsolete. And unfortunately we are called to have faith, and therefore can never know for sure that which we long most to know.

Another point that is much easier to address is your sense of self worth. It is an easy explanation but infinitely harder to accomplish. You seek self worth in others. You are seeking validation from outside expression. This is fallacious and can only lead to disastrous consequences. Your self worth can ONLY come from you. And one thing that can help you the most is knowing how incredibly loved you are. YOU as an individual. You are loved by your creator. And I mean REALLY loved. It took me 14 years of struggle and a motorcycle accident where my right leg was severed and my stomach ripped open and everything spilling out. It took me nearly dying to finally understand that YES Jesus would have died on that cross even if it was only for me. I never believed that even though I was a Christian. It took almost everything for me to understand that. Do I have a doubtless life now after my accident? nope. I wish I could say I did. But I still have doubts. And thats because I have to have faith. I can not KNOW anything about my God until I stand before him. It is a battle. Like Paul said "help me finish the race" It is hard, its a struggle. But if you accept a few simple anecdotes as guidance in your race, it can help you finish it. I pray you find your foothold in this battle to keep the faith.