Depressed and Losing Faith in God

[Alessandra]

I don’t know how to start. I guess I will say that I am losing my faith in God. I don’t want to. But I’m not sure how I can hang on anymore. I just haven’t had many reasons to believe that A) He exists, and B) that He even cares that I question Him. I have prayed repeatedly for Him to reveal Himself to me, to give me some sort of sign, and to help restore my faith. It seems as if the door is shut to me. I used to be able to feel God’s presence when I prayed, I could see Him at work in my life and I could even hear Him speaking through my heart. I no longer feel His presence, I think that the times I thought He was working in my life were just coincidences or my own doing, and anytime I think I might be hearing God’s voice in my heart, I heavily doubt it, and wonder if it’s just me telling my own self what I want to hear.


I can’t pinpoint how and when this crisis of faith came to be, but it has been ongoing for a good year now. Even though, on the surface, I seem to have a very blessed life (great career, independence, secure finances, strong/healthy family, long-life friends, and the chance to travel and live abroad like I’ve always dreamed) it’s been a very difficult year for me emotionally. I am 40 and single; I’ve never been married, and I’m pretty sure I will never have kids. I know my single-status is mainly due to my being shy and reserved around men, and I’m not very fit. I just don’t think I’m very desirable to men. I have low self-esteem. I know that…but it’s hard not to, when no one has really ever given me a reason to feel good about myself.


In my head I know I can’t rely on others to make me feel worthy or loved. I know I have to put myself “out there” and open myself up to others. I know I have to have trust and faith in God. I know I have to trust His timing and His plan.


However, in my heart I don’t feel any of that. It’s really hard to feel worthy when no one in my life gives me reason to believe I am. It’s hard to show confidence and put myself out there when I don’t think anyone would want me anyway. It’s hard to have faith in God when I continually pray to Him about this very aspect of my life, but repeatedly get no response. It’s hard to believe in Him when I plead and cry out to Him night after night, with virtually no response.


I am rambling now. But I guess I just want to know: how can I hang on to my faith and belief in God when I just don’t feel it anymore? How can I regain hope?

 

[Neostarwcc]

I don’t know how to start. I guess I will say that I am losing my faith in God. I don’t want to. But I’m not sure how I can hang on anymore. I just haven’t had many reasons to believe that A) He exists, and B) that He even cares that I question Him. I have prayed repeatedly for Him to reveal Himself to me, to give me some sort of sign, and to help restore my faith. It seems as if the door is shut to me. I used to be able to feel God’s presence when I prayed, I could see Him at work in my life and I could even hear Him speaking through my heart. I no longer feel His presence, I think that the times I thought He was working in my life were just coincidences or my own doing, and anytime I think I might be hearing God’s voice in my heart, I heavily doubt it, and wonder if it’s just me telling my own self what I want to hear.


I can’t pinpoint how and when this crisis of faith came to be, but it has been ongoing for a good year now. Even though, on the surface, I seem to have a very blessed life (great career, independence, secure finances, strong/healthy family, long-life friends, and the chance to travel and live abroad like I’ve always dreamed) it’s been a very difficult year for me emotionally. I am 40 and single; I’ve never been married, and I’m pretty sure I will never have kids. I know my single-status is mainly due to my being shy and reserved around men, and I’m not very fit. I just don’t think I’m very desirable to men. I have low self-esteem. I know that…but it’s hard not to, when no one has really ever given me a reason to feel good about myself.


In my head I know I can’t rely on others to make me feel worthy or loved. I know I have to put myself “out there” and open myself up to others. I know I have to have trust and faith in God. I know I have to trust His timing and His plan.


However, in my heart I don’t feel any of that. It’s really hard to feel worthy when no one in my life gives me reason to believe I am. It’s hard to show confidence and put myself out there when I don’t think anyone would want me anyway. It’s hard to have faith in God when I continually pray to Him about this very aspect of my life, but repeatedly get no response. It’s hard to believe in Him when I plead and cry out to Him night after night, with virtually no response.


I am rambling now. But I guess I just want to know: how can I hang on to my faith and belief in God when I just don’t feel it anymore? How can I regain hope?

I know what it feels like to be depressed. I struggled with depression for over 20 years, I even have a mental illness that needs to be treated regularly with medication. Anyway, I am an ex atheist who didn't believe in God for a long time. I never really was religious when I was younger, I was raised Catholic but never really went through with the faith. I struggled for years trying to find God and when I finally found him back in 2013 I no longer was depressed anymore. My depression melted away.

You will be in my prayers. I hope you will find God again and I will be praying that your depression melts away like mine did. When I found God it was the happiest day of my life. Good luck and God bless you.

 

[brinny]

Been there Alessandra, praying for you. Welcome to CF (((hug)))

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Alessandra]

mmbattlestar thanks for your words. If you don't mind my asking...how did you find God? It's hard to reconcile my depression with believing in God. The two are so opposite. The fact that I've been struggling so long is what is making me lose my faith.

 

[Alessandra]

Thank you brinny

 

[Alessandra]

Are you praying to Jesus Christ as your only Mediator?

It's hard to pray right now. Prayer used to be such a huge part of my life. I even write my prayers down in a journal, and whenever I hear God "speaking to me" through my heart, I write those words down as well. But lately I haven't been able to pray much. I just don't feel anything back...

 

[brinny]

Thank you brinny

(((hug)))

 

[Neostarwcc]

mmbattlestar thanks for your words. If you don't mind my asking...how did you find God? It's hard to reconcile my depression with believing in God. The two are so opposite. The fact that I've been struggling so long is what is making me lose my faith.

Well, I always believed in Jesus since I was a three year old pretty much. I never really believed him as my Lord and Savior until 4 years ago. I just believed that he existed and he was a man. I first came to Jesus for salvation and didn't pray to the Father or any other God. When I came to Jesus for salvation I asked him for proof of God since I was an Atheist at the time and I just didn't believe there was a God. He of course, didn't answer me. Until that night I had a dream. I saw my entire born again experience, I saw Jesus (As a silhouette), I saw the Holy Spirit, I saw heaven and all of it's glory. I saw everything. That's why I believe that our souls are sinless when we are born again. I saw the Holy Spirit as it entered inside of my soul cleanse my soul from all sin.

I've been a believer ever since and I probably will never turn my back on God again. Ever since then the Holy Spirit has been guiding me into all truth. Hopefully that answers your question. If not, I don't really know why or how I came to God, I just did. God lead me to himself.

 

[woobadooba]

It seems to me your belief about God is a reflection of how you feel people perceive you. You appear to be saying you don't believe people are loving you in a way you think they should. You want to see and feel that love, but it seems so distant. And because of that, you are looking at God in the same way—as being absent from your life.

1. You don't need to see a sign or feel the presence of God to know of His love. God already showed you how much He loves you when Jesus gave His life for you. And if you are having a hard time believing in that, then I recommend you read a book called The Case for Christ

2. You said you are shy. Could it be possible that you might have a different outlook on life if you learn how to overcome that? I think so. Work towards overcoming your shyness by getting involved in more social activities. Perhaps you can donate some of your time towards reaching out to people who are less fortunate than yourself. There are all kinds of charitable programs in need of volunteers. You will meet new friends and help people at the same time.

3. You said you feel you are not very fit. If you feel you are not where you would like to be in terms of your appearance, then a diet and exercise program can be very helpful. Cut out the sugar. No more fruit juices and soda; drink water instead. You will be shocked to see the difference this makes! Also, cut out the junk food and fried foods. Limit the amount of dairy and carbs you consume. In other words, follow a healthy diet. As for exercise, you can walk at a good pace for 30 minutes to 1 hour a day. You will lose weight and feel the difference. By the way, Apple Cider Vinegar has been very helpful to me in losing weight. Look it up.

We love you, Alessandra. Don't give up on God.

 

[Tempura]

I have times when I severely doubt, don't feel anything, and feel like my faith is being taken away from me.

Which is when I just persevere. I pray, fully acknowledge my weak faith to God, ask for guidance, and try to concentrate on everything except myself after that, for example asking blessings for the people I care about, even for those I don't, and try to look at things and people past my self-centered state, because it's entirely possible for me to love instead of waiting the feeling of being loved and getting bitter about it. But I know these doubts, these things and how it feels. It feels like everything is taken from me and I'm falling apart, but it always ends the same way: a sinner (me) going to Christ, and praying with all his weak faith to the very God he doubts. That's an honest prayer, and it's about actively clinging on to hope. In time, I will notice I bounced back. I just had something to learn.

Sometimes faith is a choice. For me, it's most of the time. If faith was about feeling God, I would've lost my faith many times, because my feelings are fickle and they often betray me. I take "feeling God" as a blessing, as something that doesn't have to last, but it still gives me something that'll stick with me, even when I don't feel God anymore. Something has been planted in me nevertheless. I just have to remember it.

You're struggling, and that's a better thing than what you think it is. These struggles will allow you to think about what the essence of faith really is, and all of these struggles will show you the meaning of staying strong. Being strong isn't about lying to yourself, to God or anyone else, it's about understanding the situation along with your weaknesses, and not giving up. Staying strong isn't about pretending. If your feelings give up, you don't have to follow them. If you feel horrible you feel what you feel, but you hope for what you DON'T feel. That's where hope thrives, in an environment where we FEEL we're hopeless. Where there's struggle, there's often spiritual growth too. Little parts of us getting born again, in a way. Sometimes it's good for us to feel absolutely hollow, empty and useless in front of God. It can pave way for something else, something stronger, and it can help us to throw a lot of baggage away in the process, when that day comes.

Said a prayer for you. No fear. You'll hang on, and you will notice, in time, that it paid off. God won't leave you. You don't have to convince Him to love you, He already does. You don't have to feel Him either, He's more powerful than our feelings. Perhaps you'll be blessed to feel Him again. One day at a time, sister.

 

[Jeshu]

Unbelief.

Your voice turned me utterly insane,
believing your suggestions
thinking there is no God.
For you betrayed my Good Life,
pushing me into that bottomless pit,
into fiery Hell for years on end.

Flying right through my reality,
your miserable voice dividing
myself against myself,
your taunts attacking faithful self,
hopelessness cutting me up,
your lies barring access to true Life!

No faith feeding my starving soul,
instead doubt, confusion and terror,
false evidence locking my hopes away,
devoid from true self or any good thing,
torturing me in those dark dungeons,
you only ever set out to murder me!

Dear sister in Christ,
Yes depression does that - it shakes everything that is not rock solid to pieces - our faith in God as well. i remember clearly how i agonised the death of my faith in my religious icons it was horrible, very much the same as you describe in your story going down hill.

Why would God leave me in ruins i used to think. Why does he hate me? and like you - does he even exist in the first place? This lasted for years and in the end i was suicidal and only wanted to die God or no God i didn't care - all i wanted was to be dead. i begged my wife to allow me to kill myself and was furious with her disagreeing with me at the time.

However the issue was not God not existing but me not knowing Him that was the problem my dear battler. For one night suddenly Jesus was with me in Spirit and asked me how i was doing. To my shame i have to admit that i raged at Jesus i was so angry He had left me out in the cold when i had needed Him so badly for so many years. it was then that my eyes were opened to the crucified God of the Bible. For not only did Jesus show me how i had generated my own depression by heeding the negativity believing the lies my hopelessness, despair, regret, doubt, guilt, unbelief, misery and fear kept firing my way, and hurting Jesus badly doing that, who i now saw was, is and will always be beside me suffering my pain like no one else did, not even myself.

it was a fiery ordeal sister seeing how my doubt and unbelief, in particular, had literally killed drowned out the Voice of Jesus hurting me right inside my own heart. i have to admit i was cut to the heart when i saw how unbelieving and unfaithful i had been to Jesus feeding unbelief instead of faith in Him and so stamping all over Him and hurting Him as well as myself doing this.

One thing i did understand tho and that was that Jesus was, is and will always be very real regardless of how i feel about Him. As a matter of fact i realised that feelings are fickle and untrustworthy to tell us the truth we need to see and hear in hard times.

Anyway after that night i began to rebuild my good life with Jesus. i struggle with much hardship let me assure you, but Jesus grew stronger and stronger in me heart and became more and more visible in my life as time went by. It took me just over 3 1/2 years to get away from the worst of my depression and now 12 years later i'm doing really well even though i have proven to suffer from a depressive illness that keeps reoccurring, my depression has been nowhere near as bad as it wax all that time ago when i was rock bottom.

i suggest that you let go of everything you been taught about Jesus by religion and to re-find Him through the bible and through the good life He will build in your heart when you dare to refuse doubt and unbelief and chuck them out of your psyche and let Him rebuild you - day by day through faith, love and hope - for honest faith in God's love brings us hope - and hope in True God will never disappoint - while faith in religious icons leaves us rock bottom and without any help when we need Him.

The good thing of an undoubted faith is that depression can never torture like it did before He came into my life for real. For no matter how bad the down gets Jesus will give ability and insight to understand why i need to be so low and how to get away from it once the message has been understood.

So i advise you to dump doubt and unbelief rather than your faith in God but do understand that your faith in God can be very much stronger and more helpful than it currently is. For now i find that no one helps and supports me more than Jesus when i struggle rock bottom and that is greatest gift of all in my life for i'm down the dumps regularly.

Much love considering all this.

Peace.

The Beggar Of My Existence

Begging I lay beside the road, unable to get-up or move on.
Paralysed after a viscous assault when I was just a little kid
bloodied I stared at my wretched existence for many years.
Hope had gone, pain throbbing, hungry and thirsty, cold and alone,
the inner demons dragging me deeper and deeper down the drain,
helpless the wicked abused my life, robbing me of all my possessions.

Most of my life I lay there beside the road alone
I don't know how I survived my miserable existence,
by-passers often bashed me, blaming me for their hate.
At first I was raped night after night for years,
lately mainly tortured for cruel fun and cheap thrills,
oh yes, those wicked ones have been hurting me!

Not often have peels been part of my diet,
weeds, grass, rotten fruit and insects,
that's what I ate, such meagre meals.
I was skin over bones and smelled like sewage.
Walking dead, longing for an early ending.
I didn't feel worthy to carry the name human.

Suddenly I became aware of a pleasant aroma,
a beautifully perfumed visitor, a rich stranger,
he knelt beside beside me and took hold of me
I thought, maybe he'll give me something worthwhile,
I'd better ask quickly before he goes on his way,
normally the rich don't ever stop to talk to me!

Facing the visitor I croaked through parched lips,
please? I am unable to move and very hungry,
my last visitor abused me and I'm hurting bad,
could you spare me some food or money,
a sip of water, I'm so thirsty right now?
Expectantly I looked up into the man's eyes.

Chewing delicious bread I stared at the stranger,
the young wine had refreshed me completely
where did all this come from I wonder?
My taste-buds were in Heaven and so was I
I couldn't believe what I was hearing
I remember his lips pronounce the words;

"Shalom... Beloved...

..You're most welcome, my child," he said,
"Eat your fill, here, have another sip of wine,
your clothes are all worn, dirty and broken.
At home I have some new clean garments your size,
a warm bath and a place of safety and rest,
awaiting my dwelling-place high-up New Eden street."

That's what he said, and that's what he did for me!
Amazed I watched as out of nowhere servants arrived,
gently lifting me out of my grime and of the street,
carrying me along an all together different route,
right to the top of a most beautiful mountain hill,
halting before a mansion I didn't know could exist.

A doctor came and tended my wounds and sores
ointments soothing, smelling like fragrant herbs
a massage, gently, carefully rejuvenating me.
Years long ache disappearing, well-being arriving,
heaven on earth how could all this be for me,
when did I do anything to deserve this treatment?

A gentle knock on my door, as I lay sleeping
in a massive bedroom, adorned for royalty.
"You've been invited at The Feast tonight."
I recall this loving moment fleetingly pass by,
how lovely he looked standing there,
"and Dad said he likes to meet you as well."

I remember how confused I had been, Dad?
A party tonight, seeing Dad, who and what else?
Why is he looking after me so fantastically well?
My mind was in turmoil after all these events,
several hours ago I still lay dying in my filth,
and now..? now I was so alive and so fulfilled!

Gratitude arose like paradise restored within,
never before did I feel so much thankfulness,
I'd been rescued from a life of painful misery,
saved from the wretchedness of my existence,
restored to human dignity, loved and cared for,
deep down I knew Life had found me for good.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Jeshu]

Would you get rid of that green print, so I can read your post easier?
I'd really like to read what you have to say. Thanks.

You find it hard to read my poems in green print that is first time someone said something about that.

Sorry about that

Unbelief.

Your voice turned me utterly insane,
believing your suggestions
thinking there is no God.
For you betrayed my Good Life,
pushing me into that bottomless pit,
into fiery Hell for years on end.

Flying right through my reality,
your miserable voice dividing
myself against myself,
your taunts attacking faithful self,
hopelessness cutting me up,
your lies barring access to true Life!

No faith feeding my starving soul,
instead doubt, confusion and terror,
false evidence locking my hopes away,
devoid from true self or any good thing,
torturing me in those dark dungeons,
you only ever set out to murder me!


The Beggar Of My Existence

Begging I lay beside the road, unable to get-up or move on.
Paralysed after a viscous assault when I was just a little kid
bloodied I stared at my wretched existence for many years.
Hope had gone, pain throbbing, hungry and thirsty, cold and alone,
the inner demons dragging me deeper and deeper down the drain,
helpless the wicked abused my life, robbing me of all my possessions.

Most of my life I lay there beside the road alone
I don't know how I survived my miserable existence,
by-passers often bashed me, blaming me for their hate.
At first I was raped night after night for years,
lately mainly tortured for cruel fun and cheap thrills,
oh yes, those wicked ones have been hurting me!

Not often have peels been part of my diet,
weeds, grass, rotten fruit and insects,
that's what I ate, such meagre meals.
I was skin over bones and smelled like sewage.
Walking dead, longing for an early ending.
I didn't feel worthy to carry the name human.

Suddenly I became aware of a pleasant aroma,
a beautifully perfumed visitor, a rich stranger,
he knelt beside beside me and took hold of me
I thought, maybe he'll give me something worthwhile,
I'd better ask quickly before he goes on his way,
normally the rich don't ever stop to talk to me!

Facing the visitor I croaked through parched lips,
please? I am unable to move and very hungry,
my last visitor abused me and I'm hurting bad,
could you spare me some food or money,
a sip of water, I'm so thirsty right now?
Expectantly I looked up into the man's eyes.

Chewing delicious bread I stared at the stranger,
the young wine had refreshed me completely
where did all this come from I wonder?
My taste-buds were in Heaven and so was I
I couldn't believe what I was hearing
I remember his lips pronounce the words;

"Shalom... Beloved...

..You're most welcome, my child," he said,
"Eat your fill, here, have another sip of wine,
your clothes are all worn, dirty and broken.
At home I have some new clean garments your size,
a warm bath and a place of safety and rest,
awaiting my dwelling-place high-up New Eden street."

That's what he said, and that's what he did for me!
Amazed I watched as out of nowhere servants arrived,
gently lifting me out of my grime and of the street,
carrying me along an all together different route,
right to the top of a most beautiful mountain hill,
halting before a mansion I didn't know could exist.

A doctor came and tended my wounds and sores
ointments soothing, smelling like fragrant herbs
a massage, gently, carefully rejuvenating me.
Years long ache disappearing, well-being arriving,
heaven on earth how could all this be for me,
when did I do anything to deserve this treatment?

A gentle knock on my door, as I lay sleeping
in a massive bedroom, adorned for royalty.
"You've been invited at The Feast tonight."
I recall this loving moment fleetingly pass by,
how lovely he looked standing there,
"and Dad said he likes to meet you as well."

I remember how confused I had been, Dad?
A party tonight, seeing Dad, who and what else?
Why is he looking after me so fantastically well?
My mind was in turmoil after all these events,
several hours ago I still lay dying in my filth,
and now..? now I was so alive and so fulfilled!

Gratitude arose like paradise restored within,
never before did I feel so much thankfulness,
I'd been rescued from a life of painful misery,
saved from the wretchedness of my existence,
restored to human dignity, loved and cared for,
deep down I knew Life had found me for good.

 

[JaimeA1]

Wow... Alessandra, that is exactly how I feel right now. I've been struggling with this for several years now. I feel like God just doesn't seem to care about my problems even though I have been praying and pleading with him about it, asking him to just help me. Just like you, I was walking closely with the Lord prior to this whole faith issue. Praying is hard, because I feel like why would God answer any of my prayers if he hasn't this far. I don't have any faith that he will help me, so praying only reminds me of that and I don't want to loose the last bit of hope that I have. Reading the Bible does not help much either, it just seems to make things worse because how am I supposed to belive any promises when non of my prayers have been answered. Going to church is depressing. All those people are happy and "blessed", and they just don't get it at all. After trying to explain to well meaning christians about what was happening in my life, they would only get frustrated. All they would say is "you need to do this", or "you need to do that", or there is some secret unconfessed sin, or you need to pray more... Some Christians would even doubt that I walked sincerily with God before this problem in the first place and that can be very disheartening. I feel like why do I have to do anything? Why doesn't God just come and rescue me when I am in this deep pit? I alredy have tried everything I could. Yes, I read the Bible daily and prayed, and went to church when this began to happen. I had Christian councelling and even medication for depression. But non of these things have helped me. Maybe I don't have faith, ok... well, can't God just help me despite that, when I am sincerity begging him? No, I don't try to get his blessings by my works, merit, or sincerity, I get it that non of us can earn it. My problem is, those times I thought he answered me seem more like just coincidences and not really God helping me. Where is God's comfort, is it real? or does God only "speak" to me when I turn on the Christan radio or pray or read the Bible? I want to have a relationship with the real God not just with my wishful thinking. And as any other human being I need to know that God is real in my life and that He does speak to me and answers my prayers.
I have these doubts, and I am weeping as I am writing this, because I feel like I have nothing to hold on to and no more strength to hold on and believe that God even exists.
I feel like the only one who can help me is God alone, but he hasn't, or st least I cannot see his help and it makes it unbearable at times.
I'm in my mid 30s, single, never married, and no kids. Today I felt especially depressed about that. What Christian man would ever want an unbelieving/doubtful woman as a wife? What kind of a Christian companion would I make? Who would want to carry this burden? Besides, how can you start a healthy christian marriage when one of the partners is having a faith crisis? Yes, there are plenty of secular men who would approach me, but what part does a believer have with an unbeliever? And it hurts, because I wanted to get married in my 20s but because of all this it has been impossible. While I don't want to belive this, I feel like in my life, if it's to be then it's up to me, and God helps those who help themselves. I don't want to live believing that.
I am not asking for signs and wonders, just for God to show up and finally help me and be my strong deliverer. But right now I feel like this will never happen. I feel like God just doesn't care about this, if He does wouldn't he have helped me by now?
Sorry Alessandra that I don't have anything helpful or encouraging to say to you. I was seeking to post my own frustration to anyone who'd just have a heart to listen and not simply shoot out the advice or pass on judgement when I stumbled across your post. Sorry that you are having it rough right now too.

 

[paul1149]

how can I hang on to my faith and belief in God when I just don’t feel it anymore? How can I regain hope?

I feel like why do I have to do anything? Why doesn't God just come and rescue me when I am in this deep pit? I alredy have tried everything I could. Yes, I read the Bible daily and prayed, and went to church when this began to happen. I had Christian councelling and even medication for depression. But non of these things have helped me. Maybe I don't have faith, ok... well, can't God just help me despite that, when I am sincerity begging him?

You don't need to see a sign or feel the presence of God to know of His love. God already showed you how much He loves you when Jesus gave His life for you.

I pray that I have said this the right way.

A lot of us have come to this place at some point in life, where the store of faith seems to have been exhausted, and we're not getting answers or a new supply for moving on. The harder we pray, the weaker we get. All efforts, such as Bible reading, seem to be self works, and to profit nothing. We can't understand the silence, and we begin to reason, is God really love, or does He even exist? It all sounds so reasonable, because if He is God He could do something, we think.

God does save us from distresses, and sometimes directly and even spectacularly. But there are other times where in His perfect wisdom, and for our own good, He chooses to allow us to taste of the trial. In 2Cor 12, Paul was in such a place, and he asked three times that it be lifted, but the answer was "My grace is sufficient. Power is perfected in weakness" (cf Zech 4.6-7).

Does God want us to suffer? Absolutely not (Lam 3.33). But when it happens, as it does in this very fallen world, it should drive us to, not away from, the cross.

Brother woobadooba, above, has, in my opinion, given the key to overcoming this trial and coming out on the victory side. Christ on the cross has shown for all time that God is love. He gave the ultimate sacrifice for each of us. That simply is not longer in question. If God isn't responding to our natural prayers, it may be that He requires a paradigm shift in which we step out of ourselves and immerse ourselves in Him.

The problem on a functional level with depression, discouragement and looking at circumstances is that the focus begins to be placed on ourselves and how we feel. God is still nominally in the picture, but not in a powerful way. We usually at this point are praying our feelings, and all that really does is confirm and strengthen them. It is not really a prayer of faith in God's goodness (see Heb 11.6). And James 5 tells us that it is the prayer of faith that saves the sick.

In a sense, at this point we can be trying too hard to reach God. We pray harder, we read harder, etc. But none of it is actual abandonment to God in faith. None of it gets us off ourselves and onto God.

If any of this resonates, I would suggest simply sitting at the feet of the Lord silently, as did Mary at Bethany. Meditate on what He has already done for you, beginning with the cruel cross. There's really enough there to keep us busy for quite a while. Begin to count the blessings you already have. I submit they are without end. Give Philippians a good read, particularly chps 3 and 4, which deal with letting go of the past and of self, and embracing the new life with a new attitude of thankfulness and goodness and joy.

That attitude shift can be extremely powerful, and not only for the internal emotions. Jesus promises us that if we clean the inside of the cup, the outside will be clean as well. The Lord knows how to open doors when the time is right, and when He does there is no man who can shut them (Rev 3.7).

A little book that might help is Carothers' Prison to Praise.

 

[JaimeA1]

Paul -- thank you for your response, and support, I appreciate you posting a reply. While I agree with you on some, if not most of what you have posted, I need to clarify a few things.

First, Bible reading, prayer, connecting with other Christians were not my attempts at trying to make myself more spiritual or do works in that sense. Rather, I was as you suggested, trying "to sit at the feet of Jesus" and listen to Him through these things. Now I will say that we all have a personal experience and walk with God, and while it may be similar, it will not be necessarily the same as for someone else. My point being is that those things have not worked for me in this situation. Also, depression and trials are experienced differently by everyone and in different degrees. Sometimes it is not something big, but something small that is killing you. Sometimes the "big" trial is nothing in comparison to some "smaller" temptation. I've had times in my life, where turning away from thinking or focusing on myself/my problems and instead focusing on God would help. Sometimes I would have to force myself to do it or if I'd fail, I would continue to try and focus on Jesus. However, I have learned, that this and other such things are not always the right solution or what I may need at the time. I'm sure you have probably heard of C.H. Spurgeon. He had struggled with deep depressive episodes throughout his life. Now, I in no way compare myself to him, but this is (my paraphrase) what he said about it all. He said that nothing that he did (prayed, read, sought God) would help him, except the prayers of his closest friend. I don't get how a spiritual giant like himself was not able to "reach out and recieve" God's help. I'm sure he had faith, and I'm sure he diligently sought God. Yet, nothing that he did helped.
James does say about the "prayer of faith", yet it does not mention whose faith. Perhaps it was Spurgeon's friends' prayer, in that case, but I don't think that the preacher lacked faith either (my personal opinion).
Maybe there is a need in "paradigm shift" for my life, I don't know. 10 years ago, that would have been my advice to myself and to others It is something that has helped me in past issues for sure.
To be more clear, I am asking the "why" questions of God, and I understand that I may never get the answers to them in this life. In fact, I understand that some "answers" are irrelevant and will not solve the problem. What I am seeking, is an "answer" that only God can give. Once again, I don't even dare to compare myself to someone like Job but just to illustrate what I mean: Job asked God many questions. God did not really answer them, he just answered Job. Whatever it was that God did, it was what Job needed. I think God first guided Job into the truth which in turn led to Job' s paradigm shift. I believe God acting in that situation was the key. Perhaps some will say that now that we have the Bible, and direct access to God through Jesus, we have the truth or the answer that we need. I believe that it is both, yes and no. While we need to choose to believe the truth, I think that God himself (the Holy Spirit) must enable us. I don't think that C.H. Spurgeon was lacking in either of these (my opinion). Also, while we may "have" the truth, how often do we forget it?
So maybe I don't have faith. But who can enable me? Did not Jesus raise the dead? They had no faith. Maybe I won't have the answer but need a series of answers over my life time, I don't know. One thing I do know is that I am only human, and while all these things may make perfect sense in my head, it is another thing to have it in my heart.
Paul, please don't get me wrong, I appreciate you reaching out and am greatful for that.
Alessandra, sorry, I don't mean to "hijack" your post. I just didn't know that someone else was going through something similar. What you've posted helped me to not feel so alone.

 

[paul1149]

Thanks, @JaimeA1. There's a lot of truth and insight in your post. I didn't know that anecdote about Spurgeon, though I did know he struggled with depression. James does say to solicit the prayers of the elders, so his friend praying for him might have been the upholding of his arms, as they did with Moses during a certain battle, that Spurgeon needed.

Sometimes it seems we need to go through things. The bottom line for me is that even when I'm not on my best game, I try to recall the unfailing love of Christ. That eases the pain a bit, and gives me hope that the victory is coming.

 

[Tempura]

I just didn't know that someone else was going through something similar. What you've posted helped me to not feel so alone.

...perhaps, in some way, the prayer of Spurgeon's friend worked in the same way: Spurgeon most likely felt understood at last. You and the OP feel the same burden. Something good can come out of that. And perhaps both of you can be "that friend" to each other, in one way or another. Whenever I want any advice or support, it's great if I get it from someone who has "been there". Not to say that I despise other advice, I don't.

 

[Willing-heart]

Unless a person has the gift of remaining single, he or she ought to pray specifically, definitively, and un-embarrassingly for God to provide them with a partner. Even a partner is not going to complete us because only God can. So above all else, Love God and trust Him as your cornerstone. Strength will rise as wait upon the Lord. I trust God hears all your prayers.

We learn from people in the Bible, we learn from examples, from their sins, failures, repentance and their godly lives. But if we ever just learn from people and miss comprehending the character of God and what God wants us to know about Him in these stories then we miss everything.

(Revelation 5:8) The Angels and the Elders are holding golden bowls… What’s inside them? The prayers of the Saints. They are not clay jars, they are ‘Golden bowls’. This shows that God keeps our prayers in Golden bowls to show how much He values, loves and treasures them all.
Fall Upon Your Knees…