How many Christians does it take to change a lightbulb???
Catholic Nuns: The entire convent. The Reverend Mother to compose a homily for the occasion of the lightbulb changing while the rest of the nuns raffle off the old one.
Anglicans: Five. One to screw in the new bulb and four to found an organization for the preservation of the old bulb.
Calvinists: None. God will change the bulb when it's predestined to be changed.
Church of Christ: Where is the scriptural authority for a lightbulb?
United Church of Christ: How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the lightbulb has chosen an alternative light style?
Southern Baptists: One to change the bulb, and 16 million to boycott the maker of the old bulb for bringing darkness into the church.
United Methodists: This statement was issued: "We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a lightbulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that a lightbulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your lightbulb (or light source, or nondark resource), and present it next month at out annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of lightbulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted--all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence."
Assembly of God: Just one--he already has his hands in the air.
Taken from The Unauthorized Guide to Choosing a Church by Carmen Renee Berry (Grand Rapids: Baker, 2003).
Catholic Nuns: The entire convent. The Reverend Mother to compose a homily for the occasion of the lightbulb changing while the rest of the nuns raffle off the old one.
Anglicans: Five. One to screw in the new bulb and four to found an organization for the preservation of the old bulb.
Calvinists: None. God will change the bulb when it's predestined to be changed.
Church of Christ: Where is the scriptural authority for a lightbulb?
United Church of Christ: How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the lightbulb has chosen an alternative light style?
Southern Baptists: One to change the bulb, and 16 million to boycott the maker of the old bulb for bringing darkness into the church.
United Methodists: This statement was issued: "We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a lightbulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that a lightbulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your lightbulb (or light source, or nondark resource), and present it next month at out annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of lightbulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted--all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence."
Assembly of God: Just one--he already has his hands in the air.
Taken from The Unauthorized Guide to Choosing a Church by Carmen Renee Berry (Grand Rapids: Baker, 2003).
