- Oct 21, 2009
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I've actually been a christian all of my life and when my schizophrenia started I was on adderall ( I was taking it for adhd at the time, and all of the sudden I started to hear and see things that were not there). I kind of started to behave psychotically and went on a satanic worship website and sold my sole to the devil, but I didn't really mean it when I did it. I know that I would never do that in my right mind...but surely God wouldn't allow me to be possessed. Even if I did mean to sell my soul to the Devil, and I was already a Christian, wouldn't God keep me from being possessed since the Holy Spirit was inside of me. and yes you are right about the possessed, in that they do not know they are possessed and would not want to get an exorcism. It's just that with my illness some of my symptoms imitate possession because of the chemical imbalance in my brain. I know for sure that a lot of it is physical because when I take my medication I do get better. Oh, I also keep a prayer journal, and I'm one of those Christians like that christian music band called BarlowGirl. I really agree with their messages and I have been very close to God and most days I feel close to him, its just that sometimes and a lot of the time, I lose my morals because of my illness. That's why I was thinking it was demonic possession. I'll go from listening to christian music to thinking its fine to listen to the other music and then I'll want to do bad things. I know that this is very normal, but not in the way that I do it. It's almost like something evil inside me takes over and makes me do bad things. But then again, it could be the illness.
Here is what the Apostle Paul wrote concerning his own struggles... similar to yours... (and everyone's):
Romans 7:21-25 (New Living Translation)
Struggling with Sin
21. I have discovered this principle of lifethat when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong.
22. I love Gods law with all my heart.
23. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me.
24. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death?
25. Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. . . .
What we all experience is because of sin being in the world. You are certainly not alone, and we know mental illness of any kind is just that; ILLNESS caused by the fall of mankind. Your illness is a heavy cross to bear. Mine is PTSD. Take your meds WHILE you seek a miracle - a healing. In the meantime, God has given us medicine, too.
If you were possessed, you would not be able to confess the Lord Jesus Christ as your Savior. Confess it good and loud and hear yourself confess it. Then you will know you have nothing to fear.
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