Decidedly Celibate Singles

[desper84unity]

I would like to start this thread for those of us who have for one reason or another DECIDED to not marry, or decided to STAY permanently single (perhaps after a divorce, whatever), and not to get so friendly that a relationship goes sexual/emotional. This thread is discussing the ramifications of celibacy for those of us who have chosen to do so.

I will start. I was married for 13 years before my wife left and we eventually got a divorce. But now, after five years of being a single dad, I have definitely decided never to remarry. I did go through lots of lonely feelings, and craving more company. Never-the-less, because I wanted to serve in missions, I came to believe that it was not acceptable for me to be remarried because I wanted to meet the strict criteria for an elder by being a man of only one wife.

However, I do like women, especially in thoughtful conversation about God.

So, welcome CELIBs. Please come here and share your thoughts and feelings.

 

[desi]

My dad was a 'celib' for about 12 years after my mother divorced him. Then he married the first woman who came by while I was graduating high school. Since she quit drinking she's turned into a shrew. My advice to you is keep your options open and not hastily commit to being a celib as it is hard on you whether you notice it or not. Ask God to guide your life and be receptive to where ever it leads you.

 

[chris320]

Never-the-less, because I wanted to serve in missions, I came to believe that it was not acceptable for me to be remarried because I wanted to meet the strict criteria for an elder by being a man of only one wife.

However, I do like women, especially in thoughtful conversation about God.QUOTE]

desper84unity,

Sounds like you either are or want to be ordained with the Assemblies of God (or a similar ministry organization), since this is their position on ministers and why they exclude divorced people who have remarried from the pulpit. I have alot of respect for the AG, but as a minister it will be alot easier on you if you find another ministry organization that holds to the same principles as the AG (except on this issue) and get ordained through them instead.

God said that it was not good for man to be alone, and I think this is especially true in your case, since it is evident you still have a healthy sex drive. I am have a calling to missions and am recently divorced, so we are both in the same boat.

-Chris320

 

[Donny_B]

Divorce is rampant these days among Christians, and I am sure this grieves the Spirit and is not what Christ would have wanted. As a minister, I think you are called to a little higher standard than lay persons, but that must be a tough situation to be in. Would it be a good example to those you are minstering to tell them one thing, while you are doing another, following the path of least resistance? What is really going to matter 100 years from now?

Those in the New Testament that remained celibate included Christ Himself, Paul and Barnabas. While they could have married as did the other apostles, they chose not to for the sake of their ministry and to not hinder the gospel. Perhaps, they knew that there would be people in your situation that would come along, and they wanted to be a good example for you. If they can do it, you can do it.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

This committment will be tested. So you have to ask yourself now what you will do when that time comes.
It's a hard life, but a good one. You can devote your entire life rather than compromise between service to God and maintaining a family.
But you gotta be brutally honest with yourself before you enter into this agreement with God.
perhaps you have already considered such things.

 

[ukok]

can't say that i have resolutely decided that i will under no circumstances become seriously involved again, but the idea seems more appealing everyday.

 

[desper84unity]

Well, thanks for your input, and your wisdom.

However, one other reason I have decided to be celibate for the rest of my life, is for my kids. Eventhough its been five years since their mom left there is still a fair amount of hurt left for them. Since the divorce their mom has been with several guys, and now she is remarried. I wanted to provide them with the stability that comes from the assurance that they don't have to adjust to a new mom, or even worry about the new woman friend dad has.

As far as the celib for meeting the strict elder status, that is necessary to be a missionary in most mission organizations. If you have ever applied to a mission group you would know that's true. The one I am with now, required an extensive biographical history, lots of personal references, and they even gave me psychological tests, and had me sit down with a bonifide psychologist and get my head examined. Most mission orgs don't want to take an unknown character into their org that goes overseas and gets weird in the name of God.

The requirement that a missionary be 'man of one wife' is an expressed standard of an elder in the New Testament. It is as all scriptures subject to interpretation, but to play it safe mission groups have interpreted it conservatively. I did shed a tear a few years ago when I made the decision, because it causes some isolation from a real nuturing relationship that we all crave. But now I am concentrating on getting the nuturing feelings directly from Jesus Christ and a little bit through fellowship from my brothers and sister in Christ. I am not completely satisfied with the situation, but I can handle it.

Finally, however, I have come to a place where I would like to increase my CONVERSATIONAL occasions with women. I don't think it is backsliding, it is reasonable to want and have good conversation with women. I miss their point of view, and their way of being the most. I am already able, due to God's grace, not go to sexual thoughts or feelings when I am in the company of women.

I think it is good to talk about these things.

--desp

 

[Brooke]

I'm a little young to say for sure what my decisions are when it comes to celibacy. But I don't have an inkling of an interest in marriage, and I know for sure that I'm not having sex until when or if that happens.

 

[desper84unity]

That's cool. I'll pray for your success.

 

[SpiritPsalmist]

I am celebate as long as I remain unmarried. God may have someone for me somewhere down the line. . .so I remain open to that. His will.

 

[Singleman]

I am celebate as long as I remain unmarried. God may have someone for me somewhere down the line. . .so I remain open to that. His will.

That's exactly how I feel. I think that I will marry one day, since I believe that God wants me to have a partner in my service to Him, but until then I'll go it alone and remain celibate.

 

[ZiSunka]

When I was first divorced (husband's habitual adultery caused it), I determined NOT to be one of those "divorcees" that sleeps around. That commitment has been tested over and over and over, but so far, with God's protection, I have succeeded.

It's been almost 19 years since then, and at times I thought the desire to remarry would kill me, and times when I thought it would be better to die than to live through the loneliness, but over time, with God's help, I haven't failed.

The other week, when I thought the whole question of having a man/woman relationship was finally settled, those feelings welled up out of me all over again, and I cried out to God, "Where is this coming from? I thought this was all over once and for all!"

Like any human being, the emotions and desires wax and wane within me, and it's just part of my path in life to not only withstand them, but to use them to keep me dependent on God.

 

[desper84unity]

Hey, this thread is still alive!

Wow, 19 years! You win. I've only been on my own (with the kids) for 5. Boy, hmmmm, but my personality and my ever increasing homliness are working beyond my wildest dreams in protecting me from the salutations of womens.

Loneliness IS solvable, at least daytime loneliness.

What works for me lately, and in the past, is just before I try to sleep I read the words of my Friend, Jesus. His words, and his actions around them soothe me. What a God!

But yup, waxing and waning...been there! Wooo whooo!

 

[desper84unity]

Did I come across as flippant. Sorry, one my constant struggles. No excuse. I apologize.

 

[Rising_Suns]

God said that it was not good for man to be alone

Paul in 1st cor suggests otherwise, that it is better NOT to marry:

"I should like you to be free of anxieties. An unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord. But a married man is anxious about the things of this world; how he may please his wife, and he is divided...."--1 cor 7:32

and a little further down.....

"..so then, the one who marries his virgin does well; the one who does not marry her will do better"--1 cor 7:38

To take a vow of celibacy before God is quite a feat for anyone to do, and it requires much prayer and discipline, and as evident by paul, is quite an honorable vocation. To thos who are exploring celibacy, or who already are, I applaud you. It truly takes a heart of faith to renounce your earthly desire to be loved by another person so you can devote all your time and energy to God.

May the peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all.

 

[desper84unity]

Thank you so much for your post Rising Suns.

 

[Rising_Suns]

Thank you so much for your post Rising Suns.

You're welcome brother. I commend you on your decision.

 

[Rising_Suns]

bump.

 

[desper84unity]

Hello y'all and those who maybe curious about celibacy:

I am especially keen on saying something POSITIVE about the experience of being celibate.

I am not knocking the marriage bond, but since I am no longer married and have chosen to stay single permanently, I have notice many many advantages to my present state.

It's not like I am on vacation and have no responsiblities, far from it, I still work fulltime, and when I get home I basically take care of my kids.

However, early on after my wife's leaving (seperation, which lead to the divorce) I developed the habit of breaking away from my kids and housework in the hour right after dinner.and praying and reading the Bible. At first it was out of shear panic to find an answer to my predicament, then it became a refuge from pain, then a constant comfort in the Presence of God. Going to God in prayer in this hour has now become a fine meal with God. But I suppose many married and single/but looking christians have those regular experiences.

However, when I was married I remember going to sleep thinking, "I wish I could love her (my wife) more." And almost immediately on waking, I would think in my mind, "what can I do for her this morning"
I was pretty much wrapped up in serving my wife.

Now, I am tuned into God in between every practical thought and activity, which adds up to quite a lot of contact, don't you think? There is great joy in that constant contact with God...a constant filling of my soul.

Now, also, I have been called to mission with Christ in Tibet (China) and Nepal, and northern India. God did that totally. It was a total surprise. And I am still active. I go to missions when my kids go down to visit their mom every summer. I am planning to be sent to Tibet to mininster to the Kham this summer. God has blessed me beyond my wildest expectation, and continues to do so.

So, it's true, the waters are fine in the state of celibacy.

God bless you all.
--desp

 

[Susan]

I'm decidedly celibate, and don't see that changing anywhere soon.

I choose it because I want the freedom to serve God and to live a life that is my own before Him. Also, there are a few other issues which I really don't want to mention here. . .

I've tried in the past to form a deep relationship with a guy because all my life, I've heard that marriage and motherhood are God's highest ideals-and my mother wanted me to get married someday.

However, I can't get past the "close friend" stage, simply because I really have no interest beyond that.

After a lot of soul-searching, I realized that although marriage and motherhood may indeed be the highest callings, I am not called to either, and I'm much happier now that I've decided on a different path for my life.