Hi all. I found this forum yesterday and thought I would join. My name is Lianne. I grew up in a home with a Christian mom since I was 5. Went to church every sunday, followed a couple years later by my father who was born again.
Throughout my teens and now into my twenties I have lived my life for me. I have always believed what I was taught, but never felt truely compelled to live what I believed. At times when I felt a conviction to change my life I had things holding me back. My boyfriend at the time, my love of Vodka, my love of lust, my love of being "in control" of my life.
Well, I am single now and grew to want a husband for myself, and a father for the child I had with the LT boyfriend of yesterday. It was a fun persuit at times. Always having a couple men at my finger tips to choose from. I found it funny when in one swift movement they all seemed to disappear. I was not hertbroken, but curiouse at the happenings.
I love alcohol. I was up to drinking a pint of vodka 3-5 days a week til November 13th. How do I remember this date so well? The next morning I had the most frightening experiance of my life. I thought I was dying. My head hurt like no pain I new. I was vomiting. I could not speak coherently. Half my body was numb. I thought at 22 I was having a stoke. I could not position the phone to my ear right when trying to call 911. I had a sleeping baby in the bedroom, and no one here to help if I collapsed.
Chance or act of God? My mother who was taking a day of rest happened to have her answering machine turned up for a change. She heard a call from my grandmother telling of the problem. My mother came to my rescue and took care of me and my son. I spent a couple days in the hopsital. Come to find out I had (and am still recovering from) Viral Menitigus.
I bring this up because this also gave me one less thing to "hold onto" that was diverting me from God: My secret fear that I might be an alcoholic, or that I would crave and miss being a drunk too much to give it up *sigh*
Well, I have not had the guts to put my battered ill brain through drinking, for fear of what it will do. It's been 6 weeks or so, and that urge is just now tempting me as my more unplesent symptoms subside. What I know now is that I CAN deal with the temptation, even if for the practical purpose of being a good mother and avoiding the risk of addiction.
What really shook me up is a poem I read one day. I was ready to go to bed tired and sick. I read this poem and was disturbed. I felt convicted by God yet again to choose. I took out a book my uncle *a church planter* wrote, given to me by my grandmother to whom I promised to read it.
I started reading. I started to ask myself if I had what it takes to do things right this time. I was skeptical, and still am. BUT! I will NOT loose hope. I have seen too many changed and happy lives growing up in the church to believe that I too can't have that life. I know I am unsure of myself, so I try to ask God to be my strength and help me. I try to listen now to what he asks and what he tells me is right. I have begun a cleaning of house literally and figuratively. I am now taking baby steps, any steps I feel are asked of me by God, to grow in him. I am confident that in doing this, being obedient, he will bless me with a changed heart and closer walk with him. It is tough at the start, as it;s not even two weeks now...But I will not give up...I can't.
I have a son to raise right. I have my salvation and his to think about. I have fullfilling relationships with those who have known and loved me so long, to think about. I have joy and peace to look forward to...
I hope to tell other Christians my story in hopes of holding myself accountable and also to share something that might uplift someone. I hope to remind myself when temptation comes (as I seem to gather is often in new believers) that no man is worth loosing my salvation. I can follow God and be given a better husband than I could ever choose myself. I hope to remember when I am tempted to drink that no drink will dull and justify eternal damnation. I read on here the verse about be hot or cold. Don't be lukewarm.
I know I will sin, I know I will be tempted. BUt I hope to avoid these things and stay away from that lukewarm life that could cause me to fall back to my old one. ANny prayers offered would be gladly recieved
Sorry to go so long here. I've just been feeling an ack in my heart, a yerning to get on the wagon. I've been wanting to full my time reading and thinking about these things. I am glad to feel this way. I hope to soon have a heart that is tender to the thought of Jesus, an overflowing love. I know this too will come, with my groth and obediance. Patience will be something to keep in mind..lol. I went to church on the 22nd, recieved with happy faces to see me, and open arms. Ofcourse, the only Sunday the church takes a break was last Sunday, so I was a bit worried of falling back. But I didn't. I kept in touch with Christians (one being my sister and my parents) and praying and reading what other Christians had to say. I am eager to go again this week, and for the rest of my life.
Lastly, I wanted to share the poem that God used to bring his conviction into my heart. Here goes.
'Twas The Night Before Jesus
'Twas the night Jesus came and all though the house
Not a person was praying, not one in the house.
The Bibles were left on the shelf without care, for no one thought that Jesus would be there.
The children were dressing to crawl into bed, not once ever kneeling or bowing a head.
And mom in her rocker with a baby in her lap was watching the late show while I took a nap.
When out of the east there rose such a clatter, I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash.
Tore open the shutters and lifted the sash!
When what to my wondering eyes should appear but angels proclaiming that Jesus was here!
The light of His face made me cover my head--
It was Jesus returning, just like He said.
And though I possessed worldly wisdom and wealth,
I cried when I saw Him in spite of myself.
In the book of life, which He held in His hand, was written the name of every saved man.
He spoke not a word as He searched for my name; when He said, "Its not here" my head hung in shame.
The people whose names had been written with love, He gathered to take to His Father above.
With those who were ready He rose without a sound.
While all the rest were left standing around.
I fell to my knees, but it was too late; I had waited too long and thus sealed my fate.
I stood and I cried as they rose out of sight; oh, if only Id known that this was the night.
In the words of this poem the meaning is clear; the coming of Jesus is now drawing near.
Theres only one life and when comes the last call
Well find that the Bible was true after all.
Throughout my teens and now into my twenties I have lived my life for me. I have always believed what I was taught, but never felt truely compelled to live what I believed. At times when I felt a conviction to change my life I had things holding me back. My boyfriend at the time, my love of Vodka, my love of lust, my love of being "in control" of my life.
Well, I am single now and grew to want a husband for myself, and a father for the child I had with the LT boyfriend of yesterday. It was a fun persuit at times. Always having a couple men at my finger tips to choose from. I found it funny when in one swift movement they all seemed to disappear. I was not hertbroken, but curiouse at the happenings.
I love alcohol. I was up to drinking a pint of vodka 3-5 days a week til November 13th. How do I remember this date so well? The next morning I had the most frightening experiance of my life. I thought I was dying. My head hurt like no pain I new. I was vomiting. I could not speak coherently. Half my body was numb. I thought at 22 I was having a stoke. I could not position the phone to my ear right when trying to call 911. I had a sleeping baby in the bedroom, and no one here to help if I collapsed.
Chance or act of God? My mother who was taking a day of rest happened to have her answering machine turned up for a change. She heard a call from my grandmother telling of the problem. My mother came to my rescue and took care of me and my son. I spent a couple days in the hopsital. Come to find out I had (and am still recovering from) Viral Menitigus.
I bring this up because this also gave me one less thing to "hold onto" that was diverting me from God: My secret fear that I might be an alcoholic, or that I would crave and miss being a drunk too much to give it up *sigh*
Well, I have not had the guts to put my battered ill brain through drinking, for fear of what it will do. It's been 6 weeks or so, and that urge is just now tempting me as my more unplesent symptoms subside. What I know now is that I CAN deal with the temptation, even if for the practical purpose of being a good mother and avoiding the risk of addiction.
What really shook me up is a poem I read one day. I was ready to go to bed tired and sick. I read this poem and was disturbed. I felt convicted by God yet again to choose. I took out a book my uncle *a church planter* wrote, given to me by my grandmother to whom I promised to read it.
I started reading. I started to ask myself if I had what it takes to do things right this time. I was skeptical, and still am. BUT! I will NOT loose hope. I have seen too many changed and happy lives growing up in the church to believe that I too can't have that life. I know I am unsure of myself, so I try to ask God to be my strength and help me. I try to listen now to what he asks and what he tells me is right. I have begun a cleaning of house literally and figuratively. I am now taking baby steps, any steps I feel are asked of me by God, to grow in him. I am confident that in doing this, being obedient, he will bless me with a changed heart and closer walk with him. It is tough at the start, as it;s not even two weeks now...But I will not give up...I can't.
I have a son to raise right. I have my salvation and his to think about. I have fullfilling relationships with those who have known and loved me so long, to think about. I have joy and peace to look forward to...
I hope to tell other Christians my story in hopes of holding myself accountable and also to share something that might uplift someone. I hope to remind myself when temptation comes (as I seem to gather is often in new believers) that no man is worth loosing my salvation. I can follow God and be given a better husband than I could ever choose myself. I hope to remember when I am tempted to drink that no drink will dull and justify eternal damnation. I read on here the verse about be hot or cold. Don't be lukewarm.
I know I will sin, I know I will be tempted. BUt I hope to avoid these things and stay away from that lukewarm life that could cause me to fall back to my old one. ANny prayers offered would be gladly recieved
Sorry to go so long here. I've just been feeling an ack in my heart, a yerning to get on the wagon. I've been wanting to full my time reading and thinking about these things. I am glad to feel this way. I hope to soon have a heart that is tender to the thought of Jesus, an overflowing love. I know this too will come, with my groth and obediance. Patience will be something to keep in mind..lol. I went to church on the 22nd, recieved with happy faces to see me, and open arms. Ofcourse, the only Sunday the church takes a break was last Sunday, so I was a bit worried of falling back. But I didn't. I kept in touch with Christians (one being my sister and my parents) and praying and reading what other Christians had to say. I am eager to go again this week, and for the rest of my life.
Lastly, I wanted to share the poem that God used to bring his conviction into my heart. Here goes.
'Twas The Night Before Jesus
'Twas the night Jesus came and all though the house
Not a person was praying, not one in the house.
The Bibles were left on the shelf without care, for no one thought that Jesus would be there.
The children were dressing to crawl into bed, not once ever kneeling or bowing a head.
And mom in her rocker with a baby in her lap was watching the late show while I took a nap.
When out of the east there rose such a clatter, I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash.
Tore open the shutters and lifted the sash!
When what to my wondering eyes should appear but angels proclaiming that Jesus was here!
The light of His face made me cover my head--
It was Jesus returning, just like He said.
And though I possessed worldly wisdom and wealth,
I cried when I saw Him in spite of myself.
In the book of life, which He held in His hand, was written the name of every saved man.
He spoke not a word as He searched for my name; when He said, "Its not here" my head hung in shame.
The people whose names had been written with love, He gathered to take to His Father above.
With those who were ready He rose without a sound.
While all the rest were left standing around.
I fell to my knees, but it was too late; I had waited too long and thus sealed my fate.
I stood and I cried as they rose out of sight; oh, if only Id known that this was the night.
In the words of this poem the meaning is clear; the coming of Jesus is now drawing near.
Theres only one life and when comes the last call
Well find that the Bible was true after all.
