Dealing with the terrible two's

[Jodi Sue]

I'm new here and this is my first thread. I need some advice on how to deal with a little girl in the "terrible two's." She recently aquired two new baby brothers(twins) and I'm having some problems with jealously. Spankings do not seem to have much effect except upsetting everybody. HELP!!! 

 

[HesMyAll]

Maybe time-outs will work with her.  If she is misbehaving send her to her room, or take away a privelege. 

If she is having temper tantrums sometimes the thing that works best is to ignore her and just walk away.  After all with no audience there is no point in a performance.

My mother used to take care of a little boy who would hold his breath to get his own way.  My mom would be frantic afraid that he would pass out.  Someone told her to just walk away and if he passed out he would automatically start breathing again.  It did the trick.  He soon learned that holding his breath would get him nothing but ignored.

 

[ACougar]

I know you have got to be terribly busy, however I would try to make a point of spending a little bit more quality time with your daughter to reinforce her importance to you in her mind. Perhaps when the twins are in bed you could do something together without the twins that would make her feel special, even if it's just a little bowl of ice cream or a tea time.

Being able to help a little more, even if it's just handing you diapers might also make her feel a little more needed and secure. Her whole world and her place in it changed dramaticly when you brought the twins home, it's going to take a while for her to get "comfortable" in it again.

 

[OracleX]

She could feel threaten that she is no longer important or needed since there are two others that now soak up a large amount of your time. I can't image how frustrating it must but you got to give her as much positive attention as you can. Let her know that she is still important and loved no matter that the time that can be spent is less.

The one thing that works wonders with our two year old daughter is ask her to help. Our daughter loves to help almost any time we ask. Even if she is not 'helping,' letting her know that you need her will mean the world. She wants to feel like she still has a spot in the family. Try to take her out and do something special with just her sometime soon.

 

[karla]

Congrats on the twins. I know you are probably exhausted. My son is 5 months and my daughter turned 2 in November. Whenever she had a temper tantrum I have found that ignoring her is best. She will usually give it up in a few minutes, but those few minutes can get very frustrating. I have also had her sit on a chair when she is misbehaving and then tell her when she can get up. I call her over to me, sit her on my lap, and make her look at my eyes when I am talking to her about what happened. Those are a couple of things that have worked for me. I wish you the best and just remember that eventually it all passes.

 

[lucypevensie]

Welcome Jodi Sue and congratulations on two new additions to your family!

I'm no expert in such things, but I would immagine that some of this initial jealosy will wear off. The suggestions already given for spending special time just with her are good. But in the meantime make sure your are teaching her how to show love for her brothers ( because God commands us to love one another). Teach her concrete ways she can show love and caring for her brothers and her family (helping with the bath, diapers, kisses, saying kind things, picking up her toys). Two years old can be a trying time for everyone in the family. It's the ideal time to really concentrate on teaching God's laws of children obeying and honoring their parents. Be understanding that this is kind of a trying time for her, but she still must obey Mom and Dad.

 

[Evening Mist]

My goodness! You have your hands full! I'm sure each of them is a wonderful blessing. What a spectacular crew!

My 2 year old is my youngest, and he is still my baby. I know it must be very hard to see her as a baby when you have TWO actual tiny babies in your family now. But in very tense or frustrating moments, try to remember that she is still a very small child and don't expect more from her than she is capable of at such a young age.

I find that 2 is an age when children have a lot of strong feelings, but don't yet have to vocabulary to express them. I find it helps to verbalize what they are feeling FOR them. Out loud. Sometimes feeling understood and empathized with can go a long way toward calming an uncooperative child. That doesn't mean she gets her way about things, but at least she knows you understand and are there to listen.

Also, along with having "helping" responsibilities as others have mentioned, try to fill her life with choices. "Do you want to wear the blue coat or the red coat?" Easy win-win choices that give her a sense of power in her little life. It will give her confidence and appease her need to exersize her strong will in constructive ways.

 

[slightlypuzzled]

A lot of good advice has been given. I find that if you accentuate the good, reward, and if you ignore the bad, as much as possible; you can teach the child positive behaviour. You do have to give them a way to fit in and lots of encouragement and love so that that they feel needed and loved. Sometimes, when you are busy with the twins, I imagine your two year old feels neglected at a time when she is beginning to form a working 'model' of what her world is. BTW, congratulations on the twins and good luck with the two year old-----------I am glad my daughter is out of that stage!