Dealing with temptation

[Living4Him03]

I haven't read the whole thread, but here's my take on it:

It's about honoring one another and God. If you really care about a person you will do whatever it takes to guard their purity as well as your own. That means not starting conversations about sex, other tempting stuff, etc. For example, (well, he's not someone I'm dating, but anyway the point will get across hopefully) my soldier friend is pretty lonely and misses having a girlfriend. Now, I could have taken advantage of that fact and I could probably get him to flirt with me and go out with me when he's on leave. But, I care about him and he's a good friend. Why would I do anything to tempt a brother in Christ or to make him stumble or grow further from God? It's just not right and not being a good friend at all. I guess my advice is to think of it that way for anyone struggling with temptation/lust, etc.

 

[SoulFly51]

the perennial threat! I "hear" that hell you'll BURN IN HELL if you have sex.

I suppose, for that matter, women shouldn't speak in church, should be submissive to their husbands in all things, etc. cause, you know, everything is always the same everywhere everytime.

I think that the "marriage seal" isn't made by vows, it's either there or not in the hearts of those involved. I think this sort of pact is more in line with what Jesus said about vows on the sermon on the mount.

I believe what the Word of God says. Sorry if that offends you.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

In difficult situations like this my three words of advice are always, "Proceed with Caution."

Try this. Make an exhaustive list of why abstinence is desirable, and come up with good, practical common sense reasons as well. If God promotes something, there are usually several good reasons behind it. No sex before marriage is not without reason. So understanding the logic behind it can help.

Also, due to your past experiences, could you make a list of reasons why giving in is not a good idea. What are your regrets and things you went through as consequences to what you have done, or potential problems as well.

And have one of these: *hug*

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Thanks Mr Cheese,

I've actually been thinking what you suggested to write down, most days when I have the temptation.

I'm thinking, after what you said, that I should write it in the back of my journal, just so I have somewhere to look (probably with a prayer) when it gets too much to handle.

We actually went for a drive the other night (Sunday), and I was sharing with him how much of a failure I was for still having the thoughts. As I've said I'm a MASSIVE perfectionist, so I was feeling that because I was still having thoughts, even if I wasn't actively sinning, I was a failure - a REAL Christian wouldn't have this struggle.

It's still something I will be dealing with. The failure thing (ie 'I'm failing in my walk cos these temptations are still coming') will take a while to work through, but I'll get through it. At least it has ONE good thing - I feel bad enough that I'm getting tempted, that the thought of actually giving in makes me want to throw up

Not to mention that all the tears about 'why am I still having these thoughts' absolutely wear me out! Another plus!

Sasch

 

[choceo]

sasha..matthew chapter 4 tells us that JESUS CHRIST the savior of your soul and God of all creation was tempted yet we know from the word that HE WAS WITHOUT SIN.

in other words being tempted by sin does not = willfully sinning against GOD

That discouragement and condemnation is the work of the enemy..you're not superwoman!!...why would you be any different than any other woman who has biological urges? Yes, you are a new creature in Christ Jesus..but you are still a human. rejoice in the fact that sin makes you uncomfortable. just the fact that you desire to be holy and live in the will of God is evidence that he is working on you..you are his worksmanship..not a perfected product..

.but i feel you...i go through the same thing and i think that most Christians do ..sexual urges are hormonal..they are signs of you being a healthy sexual being...you can't earn your way into God's heart by not thinking sexual thoughts..you already live in God's heart even though you are a sinner...realize that every time you are tempted you are faced with a choice..and every temptation is an opportunity to choose God and call the devil a liar to his face..

God bless you sis...

 

[godsgoofygirl02]

My bf and I are tempted all the time...well at least I am! It is great that I have a guy that wants to save sex till marriage as I do. We both keep eachother in line with the whole physical issues in our relationship. I know it isn't easy. That is just one part of my life that I am too stubborn to screw up.

 

[Johnnz]

Sascha,

Do you know why you are a perfectionist? This can be a real killer, as it sometimes has a base to it that needs soothing.

PM me if you wish re this.

John
NZ

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

That's an interesting question, and one I can't just give a 'pat' answer to...

Theories

1) I KNOW an absent/then abusive father figure has something to do with this

2) Seeing mistakes other people close to me have made - determination to 'do better'

3) I don't want ANYONE saying 'I told you so'! again (plus an ex-friend would be gloating if I failed) - I push myself even further...

That's pretty much all I can think of right here.

Feel free to put down some stuff about perfectionists if you wish John - I'd be interested in hearing it (as I'm sure some other girls and guys would)...

Sasch

 

[TheListener]

I've always found that if I'm trying to be too much of a perfectionist it is my own character defect of ego acting out, not saying anything about you Sasch, just talking about me

 

[Johnnz]

Here are some details about perfectionists, as requested.



Firstly we need to distinguish between having high standards, which is fine, and an unhealthy drive to achieve high standards, which is not fine.



A child born into a loving, nurturing family knows that it is loved and accepted unconditionally. The child’s inner being (spirit) is open, restful and secure in her parents’ love. When this is not the case the child’s inner being becomes agitated and frequently is deeply hurt. In the absence of unconditional love and safety the child can become defensive, withdrawn, angry, leading to later rebelliousness, or perfectionist.



Perfectionists always strive to please, to be wanted and accepted. They are always busy, they cannot just ‘chill out’ or genuinely relax. They always take responsibility. Consequently, they are often given it by others –they are the ‘willing horses’. Because they are perfectionists, and they are inwardly hurt, such people are never satisfied with what they have achieved – they always could have done better in their own eyes. They cannot really accept praise and seldom either accept, enjoy or appreciate it. Their lives are defined by what they do and what they achieve rather than by who they are. They long for intimacy, but can never accept it when offered – they do not deserve it! Perfectionists make wonderfully dedicated Christians – always there, deeply committed, involved in anything and sometimes everything. Pastors just love them – they are examples for all others to follow.



I have discovered that any of the following can result in perfectionism:



Ø Being unwanted during pregnancy

Ø Being the wrong sex – parents wanted a boy, she wasn’t.

Ø An abusive relationship of any kind. The child then tries to please in a desperate effort to earn love, or peace in an argumentative or hostile family environment.

Ø Never being praised. Instead, told “You should have done better” or “It’s your fault that ….” So, the child tries harder to avoid those negative comments.



As you can see, behind the high output and achievement there is a deeply wounded young child inside the adult body, pleading for recognition in her own right.



Frequent outcomes are



Ø Burn out.

Ø Rejection of Christianity – it’s too hard, I am a total failure, God could never love me, it’s all about rules and effort.

Ø Inability to rest in any close relationship. Even in marriage there is constant self doubt- does he still love me, am I sexually satisfying, have I done enough for him/her?

Ø It is tyrannical in leadership (church, family, business) – a driven and driving person in charge.



Such perfectionism is just so deeply saddening. It goes to the very inner core of a person, so cannot be truly healed by sheer willpower (imagine what a true perfectionist will do with that tool!), by making more resolutions, or even by having a loving partner – its like trying to cuddle up to a porcupine!



It greatest danger is that people don’t even recognise it “It’s just the way I am.” Nor do others “She is so busy, such a dedicated mother, such a committed Christian”.



Anyone recognise the symptoms?



John

NZ

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Enough said...

I am a LOT better now - it just seems to be 'acting out' in regards to my main struggle now - the rest of my life seems to be pretty chilled at the moment.

Thanks for that John!

Sasch