Of course you are.
You are not perfect, so you are, simply as a matter of inevitability, doing
something wrong.
Therefore, stop asking
that question and start asking a more fruitful question(s). For example, the word "
wrong" can have to meanings, one more and one efficacious. The question, "
Have I done something that is immoral?" is a MUCH different question than, "
Have I done something that is ineffective?" The first question is going to bring on guilt and shame and guilt and shame rarely help anyone solve a problem objectively or effectively. The second question can facilitate a goal-oriented response and that might contribute to improving the many problems existing within you and your marriage. Your wife's problems are not yours to solve. Thinking you can or should solve her problems may be one of the things you've done wrong
. That's not a moral wrong, though. That is an
ineffective wrong, not a moral wrong.
Think of it this way: the popular tele-counselor Dr. Phil often asks his victim's
a very simple question. He asks them a bunch of questions and lets them tell their stories, and as they do so the audience increasingly sees the inanity of the game show participant's life. When the obviousness of the inanity reaches a critical point Dr. Phil springs the infamous question, "
Why's that working for you?" And, of course, the other person has that momentary introspective look and answers, "
I guess it's not."
In all the many years I was a counselor I rarely happened upon a client who did not already know if and when their behavior was immoral. No one needs to be told yelling epithets at a spouse is morally wrong. No one needs to be told rape, battery, theft, etc. are morally wrong. A few, occasionally, need that explained to them but most of counseling has absolutely nothing to do with morality. They better question is always "
How is what you are currently doing helping you achieve your goals?" or "
How is what you are currently doing help you achieve the life you would like to obtain?"
The answers to those questions mean you must first know what your goals are.
If you do not know where you are going, then you most definitely will not get there . It's not rocket science, but the simplicity and value of that principle often escapes people. If you're moralizing, then stop it. On the occasion that you do err morally the prescription is very plain and already known: apologize! Or, if you're interested in a more thorough response the confess the wrongdoing, purpose not to repeat the behavior and replace it with more godly alternatives, make amends wherever possible and ask for forgiveness (and receive it when given). You already know this. On the occasion you try something that does not work then, again, the prescription is readily available: chalk it up to an ineffective action, something that didn't get you where you wanted to go and try something else.
Guard your mind against "
Nothing I do will ever make a difference!" and train yourself to say, "
Well, that didn't work as well as I thought i might so let me try something else."
1 Corinthians 10:23
All things are permitted, but not all things are of benefit. All things are permitted, but not all things build people up.
Moralizing yourself into guilt, shame, and remorse is permitted, but it is not very beneficial and does not edify you. Accepting the fact that you, me, your wife, Ricky, Lucy, Bert, Ernie, and everyone else is a sinner is a reality that everyone should accept. Once accepted, the power the Christian has facing sin to overcome it in the otherwise ordinary circumstances of life can be enormously empowering.
Set some goals. Set a few easily accomplished ones that prospectively will move you toward solving the problems alluded to in the op OR moving you, personally, toward a position where you are better able to do so. Set some moderately distant goals and set some goals that are more over-arching and will take time to accomplish. Work them all a little at a time. Review them periodically to 1) measure progress and 2) make adjustments wherever needed (because mistakes will be made).