• Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.

  • CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.

Dealing with seeing everyone

llghoney

Life is preparation for eternity
May 31, 2005
15,138
229
✟38,925.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
How in the world do you make time to see everyone for Christmas when they live out of town? We are going to go to my moms for Christmas & are staying with her. My husband wants to stay here & there for a few days & I'm not up for that at ALL. It's gonna be crazy enough just being at my moms for a few days. So he's getting at mad & saying we just won't go anywhere to which I'd go to my moms with or without him.
 
Last edited:

Hadassah

Well-Known Member
May 22, 2006
9,242
382
Germany
✟22,560.00
Country
Germany
Faith
Messianic
Marital Status
Married
Well, I guess it doesn't help any - my family is in the US... I'm in Germany so the family I have to worry with is split between the same village I'm in and a city 1 hr south of us.

We tend to get together when time allows, so if I think I can manage it, I travel south - if not, I don't go and we just "blame" the baby - saying he needed rest or was in a growth spurt - whatever (which is usually very true) and my nerves are taxed so I stayed home to rest. Most people understand.

However, I go back to the US come spring........ I have NO idea how I am going to swing my visit with the family back home. I either will need to stay in a hotel or have to really express to my grandma how important it is I have my own food, cook it myself and cannot eat what they have available -- at all... nor can the baby, and everyone has to wash their hands to handle him because he reacts like my dad and me to gluten.

Visiting all of them is going to be a literal nightmare. How do you visit 20 people? LOL

So... whomever can come to my grandma's, or if I can swing it, I'll go to my two aunts and I'll just have to see if I can visit my cousins or not (one moving to NC and the other in TN at college)...

I dunno about visiting my brother either, he's kind of cutting me out of his life due to his lifestyle and feelings, and if he does visit it has to be at my moms...
 
Upvote 0

jgonz

What G-d calls you to do, He equips you to do.
Feb 11, 2005
5,037
123
El Paso, TX
✟28,280.00
Faith
Messianic
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Constitution
My brother & his wife, and my oldest DD & her DH have this problem. What both of them ended up doing was to pick ONE place to stay, and then plan different days at different people's houses. It's a lot of work (not to mention planning) but this way they can visit pretty much everyone and avoid hurt feelings of other family members.
 
Upvote 0

llghoney

Life is preparation for eternity
May 31, 2005
15,138
229
✟38,925.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Visiting all of them is going to be a literal nightmare. How do you visit 20 people? LOL
That is the problem I don't know. :)

My brother & his wife, and my oldest DD & her DH have this problem. What both of them ended up doing was to pick ONE place to stay, and then plan different days at different people's houses. It's a lot of work (not to mention planning) but this way they can visit pretty much everyone and avoid hurt feelings of other family members.

It would be ok if everyone was in the same city but his grandparents live 2 hrs away from my mom so what he watns to do is stay with them on the way home. I just can't see packing & unpacking so many times. My husband isn't understanding of what it takes. Heck he just thinks right now the baby is just a 10 minute play toy.
 
Upvote 0

Leanna

Just me
Jul 20, 2004
15,660
175
✟39,278.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Oh man I already replied to this but I am having internet problems so it got lost. Grrr. In short for now yes I am getting tired of running here or there. Last year we went to 5 Christmases. This year we are going to 3 and that's a major cut back, we had to be ruthless. Now that the kids are getting more fun and we enjoy each others company I am longing to just have a quiet day at home with our immediate family, but we can't do that because we will offend people. When I was growing up we got to stay home on Christmas until 2pm and then we would go to a grandparent. We did two Christmases a year. Now we have to see my parents, dh's parents, each of THEIR parents all have a different Christmas.... it really gets ridiculous. I don't have any desire to do 6 different Christmas gatherings per year. Sigh.
 
Upvote 0

Linnis

Legend
Jun 27, 2005
12,963
534
✟38,168.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
I refuse to run around with a small child. Why should he spend half his day cooped up in a car seat. So I am making Christmas and letting everyone know they can come to us. :) I am sick of trying to trade off.

It also helps we have the youngest kid - everyone else has older children so it's easier to travel. No diaper bags, car seats, nap times etc.
 
Upvote 0

Assisi

not a sissy
Sep 7, 2006
4,155
463
Sydney
✟29,280.00
Faith
Catholic
Marital Status
Married
I understand this feeling. I hate running round after everyone at Christmas, especially as we are always the ones who have travelled and we don't have a car. Last time we visited, I invited everyone to come to dinner with us and booked a huge table at a club. Everyone came out, it was fair, we saw everyone, and we could actually enjoy our holiday.:)
 
Upvote 0

Neenie1

Senior Veteran
Feb 17, 2005
5,353
175
49
✟28,806.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
How in the world do you make time to see everyone for Christmas when they live out of town? We are going to go to my moms for Christmas & are staying with her. My husband wants to stay here & there for a few days & I'm not up for that at ALL. It's gonna be crazy enough just being at my moms for a few days. So he's getting at mad & saying we just won't go anywhere to which I'd go to my moms with or without him.


Is this your first year of being married? The only reason I ask, is because dh and I had the same problem our first year of marriage. Our mothers both live within an hour of us, so that's not the big deal (I have brothers who are interstate) but the main thing we struggled with as a family with a newborn child as well was who we were going to do Christmas day with.

What it's finally evolved into is that we do Christmas day JUST US (ROFL, much to the disgust of my BIL but I'm sure he can get over it) and do Christmas eve and boxing day with extended family. I know that probably won't work for you if you have to travel.

But where did you spend Christmas last year? We are very much (dh and I) into trying to make things equal with extended family. Is there a way you can have Christmas with your mum this year and dh mum next year, or even travel to Christmas one way, stay for a few days and then maybe move onto somewhere else for New Years.

I am finding increasingly I am "over" Christmas and all the stress, so much to other's disgust we want it low key all the way.


I honestly think if you can't come to an agreement, maybe you need to put the names in a hat and draw one out. and that's who you go to see.
 
Upvote 0

Neenie1

Senior Veteran
Feb 17, 2005
5,353
175
49
✟28,806.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Oh man I already replied to this but I am having internet problems so it got lost. Grrr. In short for now yes I am getting tired of running here or there. Last year we went to 5 Christmases. This year we are going to 3 and that's a major cut back, we had to be ruthless. Now that the kids are getting more fun and we enjoy each others company I am longing to just have a quiet day at home with our immediate family, but we can't do that because we will offend people. When I was growing up we got to stay home on Christmas until 2pm and then we would go to a grandparent. We did two Christmases a year. Now we have to see my parents, dh's parents, each of THEIR parents all have a different Christmas.... it really gets ridiculous. I don't have any desire to do 6 different Christmas gatherings per year. Sigh.


He, he. We hat that problem of offending people our first year we stayed home as immediate family. This year it hasn't been too bad, although BIL keeps dropping hints about how wonderful it would be for us to go to their place for Christmas day. As it is we have a breakfast with church friends in the morning, church service and that's more than enough. Plus my dd is getting a bike for Christmas, so I want her to be able to spend some time riding it. Also this is my first Christmas without my dad (who passed on in September) so as far as I'm concerned we're entitled this year to make our own plans.

When I was growing up , it was usually only 2 Christmases too, (my grandmothers one day, Christmas day at home with immediate family) these days it's in-laws, my mum and our day at home. That's 3. I refuse to do any more than that.
 
Upvote 0

Macx

Well-Known Member
Aug 7, 2007
5,544
412
Twin Cities, Whittier-hood
✟7,667.00
Faith
Anglican
Marital Status
Private
Politics
US-Libertarian
C's parents came up and visited for 3 days, they had business in the state between them and us, so they just extended and had a longer drive home. That was the beginning of last week. Both my folks will come up just after Christmas, don't know the schedule yet, but there is a breakfast on the 27th I'd really like my father to go to & would hate to drag C to/ or it might be more bearable for C if my father was there.

It is alot of work doing the packing and unpacking. As a father I say the following: If he doesn't get the job entailed, send him to the store one day, with the baby & make him pack the bag and take the baby. Next day, send him to the mall to pick up socks, same deal. ECFE sometimes has daddy and me classes, find out when and where and send him with baby to check it out (and hopefully sign up for the next session set) . . . basically, figure out three places to send your hubby in three days, back to back to back and make him take the baby, pack the diaper bag, and all that jazz. He should "get it" after that.

Ours is 14 months and we didn't have Christmas last year (I don't mean in the "didn't have presents" sense, I mean we sat agonizing in silence and waited and hurt) so this year we are doing our best not to let last year ruin this one. We sure aren't going to go anywhere. It is 8 hours to either set of parents and half way across the country to either of our siblings (opposite corners). I just don't see dragging a baby on more than a single hop. If you can work a loop cool, but more than that is just too much. Put another way, you child's schedule is hard to keep while traveling and being around stranger is taxing on the little ones. Ours gets progressively more exhausted and just won't rest enough, we can put her down, swaddle, or whatever, but she wants to see and hear everything & will not rest when we travel. Gotta put the baby first & sometimes that means asking people to come to you.
 
Upvote 0

jgonz

What G-d calls you to do, He equips you to do.
Feb 11, 2005
5,037
123
El Paso, TX
✟28,280.00
Faith
Messianic
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Constitution
Frankly, if it was me, I'd stay home.

Traveling with a small baby is HARD. Not only do you pack & unpack, the baby isn't used to the new smells, new people, etc. and typically won't let mommy (or daddy) put him/her down... or sleep. We had a hard time with traveling with a baby for a year or more each time!

If relatives can't understand all that, it's too bad. They should be willing to come visit you instead. IMO, doing 5 or 6 Christmas' is nuts. lol
 
Upvote 0

llghoney

Life is preparation for eternity
May 31, 2005
15,138
229
✟38,925.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Is this your first year of being married?

lol, it will be 10 yrs this year. We ususally go to my moms for Christmas every year. I just want it over with already. Especially becsue Grace is on such a routine & I'm concerned that this is going to mess her all up.

Frankly, if it was me, I'd stay home.

Traveling with a small baby is HARD. Not only do you pack & unpack, the baby isn't used to the new smells, new people, etc. and typically won't let mommy (or daddy) put him/her down... or sleep. We had a hard time with traveling with a baby for a year or more each time!

If relatives can't understand all that, it's too bad. They should be willing to come visit you instead. IMO, doing 5 or 6 Christmas' is nuts. lol

Ugg I know this is what I dread.


Macx, that is a good idea. If I only had some time before Christmas to do that. Grace is the type to wanna see everything as well. But she does go to sleep if we are out & about. So I'm just praying that she will do the same at my moms.
 
Upvote 0

Birbitt

Regular Member
Mar 10, 2008
1,081
344
43
Arizona
Visit site
✟25,263.00
Faith
Baptist
Marital Status
Married
Would Dh's family be able to come to your mom's? I mean if you drive the distance to your mom's and they drive the distance to your mom's everyone gets to spend the day together and everyone is happy! DH and I did this one year...we drove with our baby from NC to PA and we went to my family then told his family where we'd be and that they were welcome to come and visit if they'd like...we drove like 12 hours to get there (a little longer because of the baby) and his family only had to drive like 3 or 4 hours to come visit. So some of them came and others didn't the ones that didn't said it was unfair to expect them to drive that distance...(like it wasn't unfair to expect us to drive that distance in addition to what we already did? besides my family had better setup to have a baby around)
 
Upvote 0

tiredwalker

Veteran
Sep 21, 2006
2,375
232
✟26,133.00
Faith
Agnostic
Marital Status
Married
I let everyone know that they are welcome to come over. Sis lives in town, so she'll be here, but everyone else is on the west coast. If they were within driving distance, I'd say, "Come on over!" If they didn't or couldn't, no skin off mt nose. It's sort of ben the rule in my family that once kids come, other people have to travel.
 
Upvote 0

llghoney

Life is preparation for eternity
May 31, 2005
15,138
229
✟38,925.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Would Dh's family be able to come to your mom's?

It's really his grandparents to which his G-mother is in a nursing home & his G-dad really doesn't travel at all. It would be a 2 hr trip for him. I'll just compromise & stay one night there but that is it. I don't even wanna do that.

I let everyone know that they are welcome to come over. Sis lives in town, so she'll be here, but everyone else is on the west coast. If they were within driving distance, I'd say, "Come on over!" If they didn't or couldn't, no skin off mt nose. It's sort of ben the rule in my family that once kids come, other people have to travel.

This will be our last year of travel for Christmas. Santa Claus is coming next year! :)
 
Upvote 0

latebloomer

An Autumn Lutheran Rose
May 4, 2007
920
92
69
Iowa
✟24,125.00
Faith
Lutheran
Marital Status
Married
Every family is different. What my parents did when they were first married, Mom's side got Thanksgiving, Dad's side the Sunday after. Then Dad's side would have Christmas and Mom's side had the Sunday after. The next year would be the other way around. Where it was would rotate between households on either side. It worked because we were a small family and within a couple hours from each other. When we grew up, we added the adult children's households to the rotation. Now that my sister has her own grandchildren, she has her own Christmas. I live only 5 minutes from my parents, so we just go with whatever fits our crazy schedules these days. My husband's side usually gets together sometime during the kids' Christmas break. Sometimes the weekend after, one year it was New Years. One year, due to bad weather, my retired in-laws waited until it improved, then travelled to see each of their children's families.

I would suggest that after the chaos of this Christmas season is over, work out a compromise schedule that will work for your extended family and have it agreed upon well before next Thanksgiving. And get the gift exchange, if any, agreed upon at the same time.
 
Upvote 0