Dealing with pent up aggression

[frater_domus]

Things are getting more tense in the family. Well, at least for me, anyway. I am stuck with them until the end of August. None are Christians, which makes it rather difficult for me. The problem is that I've simply had enough. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I hate them, but I would be happy if I'd never see them again in my live.
I tend to avoid confrontation as best as possible, remain silent and do the things I am asked to do, no matter how pointless or idiotic they may be. The problem is that all these emotions I keep holding back are taking a massive toll on me. I am always on edge, I tend to explode in private at the slightest provocation, such as losing in a video game or simply misplacing something by accident. I have already broken several of things and it isn't getting any better. I have trouble focusing on God through all that pet up aggression and the constant feeling of restlessness makes it impossible to do things that matter or even react adequately towards my family. I also fear that instead of teaching me patience, it will instead cause long-term damage and turn me into a passive-aggressive seclusionist. I assume, it is getting worse because I am this close to leaving them all behind. Nevertheless, it is not good. How do I deal with that?

 

[God bless Joshua]

How do I deal with that?

To seek God is not the same as seeking fish in the sea, you throw the bait and pray for sometimes for the fish to catch it.

People seek educational degree and they learn for many years at universities.

To seek and understand God we need years of humility and meekness with forgiving hearts, the whole of our lives.

This is what God has to say regarding the people of the world :
Romans 3:11 there is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God.
12 All have turned away; they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one.…

Just try to leave our dignity and fill each day with gratitude, humility and forgiving heart, despite of the ignorant world around.

"Enter through the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the road broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who go through it

 

[God bless Joshua]

Moses has walked for 40 years in the painstaking desert, just obeying the
Lord thru many battles and rebellions with humility and forgiving hearts.

 

[Babe Ruth]

Moses walked for 40 years in the painstaking desert

I was just gonna suggest exercise, as a method for exorcising pent up stress.. Not necessarily a 40 year walk, but maybe weightlifting, riding a bike etc..
Good luck to the original poster..

 

[Mountainmanbob]

The problem is that I've simply had enough.

taking a massive toll on me. I am always on edge

I also fear that instead of teaching me patience

I've had great troubles at times because of not being a patient person. As the Bible says we should be anxious for nothing.

My old Mentor says often that if we don't have patience we will become a patient. Remembering this during those hard times has helped me to do my best so as to relax. Trust in God take a breath and relax.

M-Bob

 

[com7fy8]

Hi, I am Bill, pleased to meet you; God simply bless you howsoever He pleases. I tend to give Bible knowledge answers; others here have already given very good things to help you. So, you can consider what I am about to offer, but most of all others have already given some extremely good and helpful things. So, most of all, just be encouraged, get the correction we all need from God. You can feel like you are some special case, but all of us have been like you, somehow, and if any of us have gotten into peace with God, we know it is thanks purely to God, and we have not been somehow superior to you or anyone else, but thank You, O God our Heavenly Father.

So, let me offer some things in a little bit of detail, in case they can help you.

Things are getting more tense in the family. Well, at least for me, anyway. I am stuck with them until the end of August. None are Christians, which makes it rather difficult for me. The problem is that I've simply had enough. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I hate them, but I would be happy if I'd never see them again in my live.

We all will always have impossible things to deal with; so may be we could say there is no hurry to make some present hard social or family thing go away. But get with God about it, and even use it for His good purposes, so we learn better and mature more in how to love, including how to please our Heavenly Father.

Instead of being mainly concerned about how to satisfy and please our own selves . . . we are here first for pleasing our Father in Heaven.

The problem is that all these emotions I keep holding back are taking a massive toll on me.

yes

Ones say we need to have an outlet for our hard emotions. But I now understand that God is able to totally remove whatever is not good for us; we do not let it come out in some way of expressing it, but with God we get rid of it.

"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice." (Ephesians 4:31)

You are not ready for this, ones will say. But we all are not so spiritual like we might like to suppose. God is the One who is spiritual enough and almighty to put away what is damaging and conceited and nasty and degrading and dominating. Jesus is "gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." (in Matthew 11:28-30)

Consider how it was like for Jesus who is so real and right and tender and kind to be with His disciples and all those enemies, so much of the time. Yet, Jesus did not give up on any of His disciples, then Jesus suffered and died like He did on the cross, with hope for any evil person, at all.

So, Jesus is the One who can make you able to handle it.

None of us can, without Jesus.

I am always on edge, I tend to explode in private at the slightest provocation, such as losing in a video game or simply misplacing something by accident. I have already broken several of things and it isn't getting any better.

Ok, so you have made yourself clear that you know you have a problem.

Even so > I will say > this is a problem!! And when I can give in to being nasty against innocent things and people . . . I am my real problem, right? And even though I know this and admit this, still it can be frustrating to keep getting proof that I have not become real with God the way we all can be.

God's best blessing for us is Himself through Jesus, and where was Jesus? > right in the middle of selfish disciples and horrible people.

I have trouble focusing on God through all that pet up aggression and the constant feeling of restlessness makes it impossible to do things that matter or even react adequately towards my family.

I understand you do not mean "that pet up aggression", but "pent-up" aggression. Even so, you might have made a revealing mistake here > how you are allowing that aggressive stuff to be a pet. It won't be animal cruelty if you neglect and starve it!!

When you are getting aggressive, don't you also have a feeling that you are entitled to something? So, this can be a pet thing, how you feel things and people have to be a certain way for you > your way!! We need for God to get rid of that pet!!!!

I also fear that instead of teaching me patience, it will instead cause long-term damage and turn me into a passive-aggressive seclusionist.

It is an abusive pet.

I assume, it is getting worse because I am this close to leaving them all behind.

It is better to leave your own self behind > we are our own main problem, and Jesus knows this so He has said >

"If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me." (in Luke 9:23)

So, we need to be encouraged how our Heavenly Father is committed to giving us real correction > Hebrews 12:4-11 < and so, do not be afraid of this problem but trust God who is almighty to be able to change you into how His love will have our character be.

 

[akaDaScribe]

What are they doing that is so bad? Could it be that they don't even know they are annoying you because you haven't said anything? It's ok to express yourself and it is better to do it with self control and wisdom than to build up and then explode out of control. What are some of the things bothering you? Maybe we could help you find ways of expressing yourself without causing friction.

 

[frater_domus]

What are they doing that is so bad? Could it be that they don't even know they are annoying you because you haven't said anything? It's ok to express yourself and it is better to do it with self control and wisdom than to build up and then explode out of control. What are some of the things bothering you? Maybe we could help you find ways of expressing yourself without causing friction.

Nothing that extreme. My grandmother, having had a dissatisfactory life, has apparently made it her life goal to help the rest of the family. While noble in thought, it regularly amounts to her doing things no one asked for or needs and the amount of food she makes is wasting a lot of money and no one can eat that much. Seeing as I am the person she has the most contact with, as her relationship with my mother and her husband are tense, I get to feel the full force of that compulsion. While she means well, it takes its toll on me.
My mother's husband is the very definition of passive aggressive and always reacts adversly when things aren't done exactly according to how he wants it. My mother is ordering stuff from online stores every day and I get stuck with the snarky comments of the postmen and bringing it all back as retoure, on top of being rather full of herself.

In the end, this is nothing special or uncommon. It is the fact that there are many small things that add up to something big. I have my own life to live and preparation for uni to do and yet I get treated like a child and get bombarded by pointless tasks, ontop of the difficult character traits or my family.

Though as has been metioned above, the core of the issue is within me. I am very impulsive and anger flares up within me rather quickly. However, I try to keep peace within the house and thus I do not complain and attempt to be as obedient as possible while I am here. Part of it is to reach my parents through my actions, as they will not listen to me when I talk about God, calling it immature idealism of youth. But the result is repressed anger and it makes me feel bad.

I can not change my parents or my grandmother, and I sympathize with them. This is why I ask how to deal with those repressed emotions and become more patient instead of becoming more angry.

Edit: Mind you, they have plenty pf positive traits. I just mentioned the things that jumped out at me at the present time. We simply aren't compatible anymore, but I will have to wait until August to leave. I want to leave on good terms, not flee.

 

[ValleyGal]

What you are feeling is actually good for you, if you can turn it into a strength. Here's what I mean. First, your angst about your family situation is motivating you to do all your preparations and have a strongly positive attitude about leaving the nest and anticipate launching into your life apart from them. I would caution against having nothing to do with them when you leave, though. Remember this is the family who raised you and cared for you; be sure to always honor that. Your mom loves you... stay in touch with her.

A second potential strength is that this situation can be a terrific learning for you - just in time, too. One of the qualities of successful people is the ability to regulate themselves, and have emotional self-control. This is a great opportunity for you to build on the self regulation you already have. Learn some healthy coping strategies, some simple conflict management strategies and some excellent communication strategies. You can teach yourself discernment on what to say, how to say it and when. Take your grandma for instance. She makes too much food. Have you (or has anyone) ever let her know that you don't want to eat that much? Learn to appreciate that this is how she says "I love you."

You admit to having a quick temper. Having also broken things, it seems you are good at expressing your anger whether that is in front of them or alone. Is there another way you can get all that energy out in a healthier way? Some introverted people tend to turn towards things like meditation or prayer; some extroverted people tend to head to the gym or go for a run. Either way, it's about moving from your intense emotions and into your rational thinking brain. While you are not angry is the time to make a plan for when you do become angry.

I love the story of the fence and the young boy. I don't recall where I read this, but it could have been from "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff". I'm going to "quote" because it's not my story to tell.

There once was a young boy with a very bad temper. The boy’s father wanted to teach him a lesson, so he gave him a bag on nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into their wooden fence. On the first day of the lesson, the little boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. He was really mad! Over the course of the next few weeks, the little boy began to control his temper, so the number of nails that were hammered into the fence dramatically decreased. It wasn’t long before the little boy discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.


Then, the day finally came when the little boy didn’t lose his temper even once, and he became so proud of himself, he couldn’t wait to tell his father. Pleased, his father suggested that he now pull out one nail for each day that he could hold his temper. Several months went by and the day finally came when the young boy was able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.


Very gently, the father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. “You have done very well, my son,” he smiled, “but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same.” The young boy listened carefully as his father continued to speak. “When you say things in anger, they leave permanent scars just like these. And no matter how many times you say you’re sorry, the wounds will still be there.”

For you, it might not be so much about the words you speak, but the things you break. Some day it might not be meaningless things of your own that you break; it might be someone else's expensive car if you drive angry. The results of your anger could leave permanent scars... so please take this opportunity and figure that part out.

Find something to be grateful for every day... and be sure to express it.