Hey all,
Bit of a serious topic here. Not sure how I’m supposed to deal with it.
The context is that I come from an extremely abusive family. My parents were never happy; they fought each other every chance they got, and our family conversations would be filled with crap like my dad blaming my mom for ruining his life (he gave up an impressive job for her), and my mom threatening to commit suicide so he could collect life insurance, or bragging about how she once won a screaming match with my dad, then held a knife outside their bedroom, waiting for him to retaliate (which never happened). Towards me, my mom was the abusive one (just to give an example, she liked to tell me how she’ll kill herself if I don’t get some extraordinarily lucrative job by the time I’m twenty), while my dad was pretty good, though he seemed to think that his relationship with my mom had no bearing on me, and was more or less none of my business.
Fast forward to the point where I was planning to die, via a series of mistakes that were half mine, half there-was-nothing-else-I-could-have-done, since I really didn’t know better. God intervened and my mom and I were saved as a package deal; if she didn’t stop the abuse there was no way I could, in hindsight, take God seriously, nor begin the healing process. This was fine and all, but then something rather unexpected happened:
My mom and dad have been screaming at each other for divorce for as long as I can remember, but only after God intervened did they actually begin the process. Originally I thought it was resentment bursting, and thus didn’t pay too much attention, but it later turned out my dad began an affair with a married woman. My dad had always been an okay guy in my eyes, so I couldn't wrap my head around it. And prior to that woman my dad has NEVER lied to me; I’d like to think I’m right on this, for when the lies began they were so bloody transparent they were downright insulting.
This woman’s married and has two daughters. Her overseas husband works to support their family, in a developing country if I'm not mistaken; my dad, since they’ve met, has basically become her nanny/some other disgusting terms I’d really like to put here but can’t. Forgive me if I’m not sorry.
This was all two years ago. Now my parents are divorced, and I travel frequently between my parents’ houses. The affair continues, the woman’s husband has no idea, and my father’s becoming more and more brazen. The woman’s two daughters are aware of their affair, and has time to time proven extremely supportive. I said nothing to begin with, because there’s a real chance my father might kick me to the streets (it’s clear that to him I’m basically a burden he’s morally obligated to keep around), but it’s come to the point where he’d rather have his adultery-acquired? stepdaughters than his actual daughter, who, to give a little context, has been near-bedridden for three years. He’s becoming a slightly more taciturn version of my formerly abusive mother.
The woman’s husband found out a while ago, as far as I know. She managed to convince him everything was alright, and the affair continues. My dad sees no problem with it.
I don’t know what to do. Pray, yes, I know, but sometimes praying for certain people makes you so angry you no longer mean those prayers. Worse: you start to blame God for ordaining prayer in these situations. I’ve tried talking to my dad, and all I got were lies. This has honestly gone too far, and I see no plausible way out. The worst part is that God has called me to something He wants me to wait for (a little bit longer it seems), and I can’t do that without facing my parents. I don’t know what to do. My father has never screamed at me before this woman came along, and these days we can't talk without him degrading me in whatever way comes to mind, and screaming it at the top of his lungs.
The next time we do speak, I don’t think I’ll be able to control myself.
Works of the devil? An argument, yes, but I've prayed FOR TWO YEARS - nothing. Now what?
So, got any advice? I'm willing to take anything at this point. Also, the abuse doesn't actually bother me that much. My dad's had a hard life too, and he is unsaved, so I don't hold him all that accountable. It's the woman and her daughters and him basically pushing me out because of them that really gets to me.
Bit of a serious topic here. Not sure how I’m supposed to deal with it.
The context is that I come from an extremely abusive family. My parents were never happy; they fought each other every chance they got, and our family conversations would be filled with crap like my dad blaming my mom for ruining his life (he gave up an impressive job for her), and my mom threatening to commit suicide so he could collect life insurance, or bragging about how she once won a screaming match with my dad, then held a knife outside their bedroom, waiting for him to retaliate (which never happened). Towards me, my mom was the abusive one (just to give an example, she liked to tell me how she’ll kill herself if I don’t get some extraordinarily lucrative job by the time I’m twenty), while my dad was pretty good, though he seemed to think that his relationship with my mom had no bearing on me, and was more or less none of my business.
Fast forward to the point where I was planning to die, via a series of mistakes that were half mine, half there-was-nothing-else-I-could-have-done, since I really didn’t know better. God intervened and my mom and I were saved as a package deal; if she didn’t stop the abuse there was no way I could, in hindsight, take God seriously, nor begin the healing process. This was fine and all, but then something rather unexpected happened:
My mom and dad have been screaming at each other for divorce for as long as I can remember, but only after God intervened did they actually begin the process. Originally I thought it was resentment bursting, and thus didn’t pay too much attention, but it later turned out my dad began an affair with a married woman. My dad had always been an okay guy in my eyes, so I couldn't wrap my head around it. And prior to that woman my dad has NEVER lied to me; I’d like to think I’m right on this, for when the lies began they were so bloody transparent they were downright insulting.
This woman’s married and has two daughters. Her overseas husband works to support their family, in a developing country if I'm not mistaken; my dad, since they’ve met, has basically become her nanny/some other disgusting terms I’d really like to put here but can’t. Forgive me if I’m not sorry.
This was all two years ago. Now my parents are divorced, and I travel frequently between my parents’ houses. The affair continues, the woman’s husband has no idea, and my father’s becoming more and more brazen. The woman’s two daughters are aware of their affair, and has time to time proven extremely supportive. I said nothing to begin with, because there’s a real chance my father might kick me to the streets (it’s clear that to him I’m basically a burden he’s morally obligated to keep around), but it’s come to the point where he’d rather have his adultery-acquired? stepdaughters than his actual daughter, who, to give a little context, has been near-bedridden for three years. He’s becoming a slightly more taciturn version of my formerly abusive mother.
The woman’s husband found out a while ago, as far as I know. She managed to convince him everything was alright, and the affair continues. My dad sees no problem with it.
I don’t know what to do. Pray, yes, I know, but sometimes praying for certain people makes you so angry you no longer mean those prayers. Worse: you start to blame God for ordaining prayer in these situations. I’ve tried talking to my dad, and all I got were lies. This has honestly gone too far, and I see no plausible way out. The worst part is that God has called me to something He wants me to wait for (a little bit longer it seems), and I can’t do that without facing my parents. I don’t know what to do. My father has never screamed at me before this woman came along, and these days we can't talk without him degrading me in whatever way comes to mind, and screaming it at the top of his lungs.
The next time we do speak, I don’t think I’ll be able to control myself.
Works of the devil? An argument, yes, but I've prayed FOR TWO YEARS - nothing. Now what?
So, got any advice? I'm willing to take anything at this point. Also, the abuse doesn't actually bother me that much. My dad's had a hard life too, and he is unsaved, so I don't hold him all that accountable. It's the woman and her daughters and him basically pushing me out because of them that really gets to me.
