Dealing with Introversion

[faithandtrust]

Psychologists say people can be most distinctly categorized by this one particular distinction best: Introversion vs. Extroversion. I have found that I am quite the introvert. That doesn't mean I'm a freak of nature, but I am also not of the norm. Statistics say that extroverts dominate the society on a ratio of three to one. That means for every four people you meet in the world, three of them are extroverts. No wonder I've been feeling like a fish out of water all my life!

What does it mean to be introverted or extroverted. Introverts tend to gain energy "internally," hence the prefix "intro." Extroverts on the other hand, tend to get their energy from the outer world, for example, being around big crowds, doing non-stop activities. Unlike the extrovert, introverts run out of fuel quite easily in situations where extroverts would find "energizing." Introverts need to "get away" to recharge their batteries per say.

I've always tried to live my life as an extrovert, but I never understood why my friends could have so much energy. I would always get mentally fatigued and would feel overwhelmed in situations where it would seem exhilerating for them. It always seemed like I was a lot slower too. I was never quick to respond, so sometimes I wouldn't respond at all. My timing was off, and sometimes when I would speak up, it would seem to kill the mood. I hated it. I hated myself for it. Maybe i'm being a little over dramatic here, but I'd really like to get along with other people. I'd like to contribute to other peoples' lives without getting so darn uncomfortable with myself. After all, what is life about? It's about giving to others, and how can I do that if I can't be comfortable around them?

 

[Frangible]

Introversion/extroversion is quite simply, a lie that robs people of hope and prevents them from improving their lives. Jung and Freud constructed the theory based on the direction of libido energy flows... which have no relation to reality whatsoever.

The model is a gross and inaccurate oversimplification of a great many physiological processes and factors, the closest modern analog of which is the DSM-IV's social phobia.

Jung actually went so far as to claim his theories about libido energy (which were never based off any actual evidence, proven, or ever verified in a peer reviewed, double blind study) were fixed and not changable by the individual; later, he claimed he changed his. Hmm. It's pretty bad when you can't even adhere to your own fantasy theories.

I don't know why, but there's been a large resurgance of their quack theories lately, it should be readily appearant to anyone who reads them they are not based off data or science, and the belief in them can rob a person of hope.

Don't worry about your "libido energy" flow direction, it doesn't exist and can't affect or control you. It has to do more with your amygdala and the sensitivity of your neural cells in some areas of your brain.

But those are very plastic things. And they can change.

What you're feeling is very real. The reason it happens is because the actual neurological structure of your brain has changed over time, and you have memories linked to social stress elicting an inappropriate response. It is beyond your willpower and immediate control.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2006/02/060210091533.htm is an article about how social stress can impact things physiologically in animals. You can find much more detailed info on PubMed if you're curious.

The bottomline though, is desensitization. You are going to have to place yourself in a ton of social situations, even if it is uncomfortable. And it's going to take a long time-- the underlying factors do not change overnight!

Drugs can help in the short term by suppressing some of the inappropriate response (mainly SSRIs, sometimes beta blockers, benzos, etc), but in the end, it's just a tool for the desensitization process. And well... alcohol has been man's favorite drug for dealing social stress since the dawn of time, but many become dependant upon it and do not personally grow into social functioning without it. So be careful...

Some people have such a severe reaction they literally shake with fear and tremble in social situations. They literally need a drug of some type. Others have a more mild reaction.

Get out there more socially! Buy some books, see a psychiatrist, and get medication for a jumpstart if necessary.

There's no simple answer to your question, other than time and effort. You not only have to overcome your inappropriate physiological reaction, but also learn conversational skills etc which is more of a high level process.

But like I said... it's all very plastic within the brain and quite changable, unlike what Jung and Freud asserted about introversion.

Good luck. Go do something social today.

 

[faithandtrust]

Yeah, I have relied on alcohol in the past to numb my social phobic nerves, but I began to realize that wasn't the way to go. I stopped drinking heavily when going out on the weekends and reduced it to a moderate dose.

I have read a little on Freud and Jungs' theories. I guess Freud was the extrovert and Jung the introvert. It's reassuring to hear that Jung's theory of "libido energy," as you quoted, is not proven to be fixed. That gives me extra added hope in changing my ways.

Frangible, thank you for all your advice and info. I will try to get out there more. Apparently there is a whole world out there waiting for me, and I have no time to lose. Thanks.

 

[UnitynLove]

How To Succeed at Being Yourself

If you don't like yourself, you're not going to enjoy life very much. People who don't accept themselves and don't get along with themselves have a difficult time accepting and getting along with other people. The Bible says, "love your neighbor as you love yourself." I personally spent years having a hard time getting along with other people and finally realized through the Word of God that my difficulty with other people was rooted in my difficulties with myself.
The Bible says a good tree will bear good fruit and a rotten tree will bear rotten fruit. The fruit in our lives comes from the roots within us. If you're rooted in shame, guilt, inferiority, rejection, lack of love and acceptance, etc., you will bear bad fruit in your relationship with yourself and others until you get rooted and grounded in God's love. Once you have a revelation that God loves you unconditionally, you will be able to begin to accept yourself and eventually these new roots will produce good fruit in your relationship with other people. Stop for awhile and ask yourself, "How do I feel about myself?"
I want to share 10 tips on how to succeed at being yourself. I believe they will help you. Also, I encourage you to purchase the special Tape Series we are offering this month, which is an in-depth study on "How to Succeed at Being Yourself."
1. Never, Never say negative things about yourself—things like "I never do anything right. I'll never change. I'm ugly. I look terrible. I'm dumb. Who could ever love me? etc,". Matthew 12:37 says, "...by your words you will be justified..., and by your words you will be condemned..." In other words, however we talk about ourselves is the way we feel about ourselves.
2. Don't meditate (think on) negative things about yourself. Proverbs 23:7 says, "as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he."
3. Speak (as private confessions) good things about yourself. Say something about yourself in line with what the Word says about you. For example: "I am the righteousness of God in Christ. I am made acceptable in the Beloved. God created me and formed me with His own hand and God doesn't make mistakes." I like to start my day saying good things about myself, the day, my future, etc., perhaps while you're taking a shower, driving to work, or cleaning the house. I also encourage you to look at yourself in a full-length mirror and say out loud, "God loves you, I love you, and I accept you." Also, you might try giving yourself a hug. This is very beneficial to people who have lacked love and acceptance in their lives.
4. Never compare yourself with other people. God must love variety or we wouldn't all look different. We are all created differently even down to our fingerprints. You'll never succeed at being yourself if you're trying to be like someone else. Other people can be a good example to you; but even then, good traits if duplicated will manifest differently through your individual personality.
5. Focus on your potential instead of your limitations. I read an interesting story about Helen Hayes. She was a great actress who was told in the early days of her career that if she were 4 inches taller she would be the greatest actress of her time. Helen was 5 feet tall. Her coaches tried various methods of stretching her but nothing increased her height. She refused to concentrate on the supposed limitation of being 5 feet tall and decided to concentrate on her potential. As a result, she was eventually chosen to play Mary, Queen of Scotland, one of the tallest queens who ever lived.
6. Find something you like to do that you do well, and do it over and over. If you spend your time doing things you're not good at, it will frustrate you and cause you to feel defeated and unsuccessful.
7. Have the courage to be different. Be a God pleaser, not a man pleaser. Read Galatians 1:10.
8. Learn to cope with criticism. If you dare to be different, you'll have to expect some criticism. Going along with the crowd when you know in your heart God is leading you in a different way is one of the reasons people don't succeed at being themselves. You won't like yourself very much if you go against your own convictions.
9. Don't let the way another person treats you determine your worth.
10. Keep your flaws in perspective. People with a high level of confidence have just as many weaknesses as people without confidence, but they concentrate on their strengths not their flaws or weaknesses. In conclusion, let me remind you of my opening statement. If you don't like yourself, you're not going to enjoy life very much.

 

[Achichem]

If you learn how to harness your skill set, then what you talk about as being a detriment shall become your greatest strength. At least that is what I found.

I have tried the just throw yourself out there approach to some success, it did work, but after a few “downs” it was reversed almost back to square one, though since it did get easier to get back up, I suppose that it wasn't square one just a part of the process), still I really think of it more as a coping approach then one aiming for you to reach for your fullest potential.