dealing with a rude coworker

[Godlovesmetwo]

trust me hun

 

[Goodbook]

Timahani becUse this is your workplace and sometimes you cant avoid them but you kind of have to get along with them anyway, a book that I found helpful was called pressing the right buttons by Allison Mooney.

Basically she was writing about different personalities types, and so if you know you are a certain type and someone else is a certain type thats different you are not going to always see eye to eye, so you can make allowances. i dont think it solves the problems in the workplace but its something to be aware of cos of the different ways people work.

You wrote this lady presses your buttons it could be you are opposite personalities and theres going to be clashes. You dont have to be friends necessarily and at lunchtimes, i often found I just wanted to eat my lunch in peace. I was with people all the time that that was my time to get away lol.
Sometimes i went for walks with people and socialised with them outside of work but I was quite aware that many werent believers so its not really good to be too close to them...if people arent believers one thing you soon find out, especially in a secular workplace which tend to be competetive, is everyone is out for themselves, esp when it comes to promotion.

I remember many lunchtimes going up to the top carpark just to get some fresh air and to be alone and pray. Just do the work as though you are serving the Lord not men and mind your own business which is the best course of action I find. I really could not stand workplace busybodies. Some people can be real friendly at first then you find they just are soo nosy you cant get away from them. Generally its because they are insecure or want something from you. Sad to say.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

Timahani becUse this is your workplace and sometimes you cant avoid them but you kind of have to get along with them anyway, a book that I found helpful was called pressing the right buttons by Allison Mooney.

Basically she was writing about different personalities types, and so if you know you are a certain type and someone else is a certain type thats different you are not going to always see eye to eye, so you can make allowances. i dont think it solves the problems in the workplace but its something to be aware of cos of the different ways people work.

You wrote this lady presses your buttons it could be you are opposite personalities and theres going to be clashes. You dont have to be friends necessarily and at lunchtimes, i often found I just wanted to eat my lunch in peace. I was with people all the time that that was my time to get away lol.
Sometimes i went for walks with people and socialised with them outside of work but I was quite aware that many werent believers so its not really good to be too close to them...if people arent believers one thing you soon find out, especially in a secular workplace which tend to be competetive, is everyone is out for themselves, esp when it comes to promotion.

I remember many lunchtimes going up to the top carpark just to get some fresh air and to be alone and pray.

I'd like to think I could respect Christian co workers like yourself, Goodbook. We couldn't be close friends but we could respect each other at least.

 

[ChristianFromKazakhstan]

Hi All,

I havent been on here in a very long time but I just needed some quick advice. I have a coworker who I really liked in the beginning because she really helped me get acquainted with my new job. Long story short, the more I get to know her the more I am unsure of rather or not she is really a friend. My coworker is Hindu and is from India. She has been working as a teacher for 10 years and this is my 1st year working as a teacher. In short, she is really great about inviting me to Indian parties, she will help me if I ask her for like a ride or something, and she has invited me over 2x to her house. The problem is she is incredibly rude! For example:

She called me today asking me for advice on assignments or homework for her students. I tried to speak and she talked over me. She then continues to ask me questions, and then gives me short and nasty responses back. She will say something like: I was talking about my 5th and 6th hour kids. Then as I talk she will say:" Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah". Also if I come to her class she will talk to me quickly but then will state " Okay, I gotta go now, bye...and she will shew me off with her hands" ( like you would do a dog). She also stated that the book that I gave her, she will not read because shes not into those kind of books.

In the beginning of the year, she would always tell me things like: You are going to get into trouble for this, you are going to get into trouble for that, lower your expectations for your students, you give them too much work. That ceased however, when my students test scores came back and my class ranked 1st in spelling, and 2nd in all other English subjects. She placed 2nd to the last out of our entire district and she has been teaching 10 years. In addition, her class is COMPLETLY OUT OF CONTROL. They cuss her out, they will talk over her, fights start in her classroom. My classroom is the complete opposite, and her students are often removed from her class and placed in my class instead.

The deal breaker for me came when, I gave her a gift and both of her children gifts. She stated to me that her child was very sick due to one of the hair products for kids that I gave her. Later, she found out that her child was bitten by an insect and had an severe allergic reaction to the insect bite. Which was the cause of her illness, not my gift. In my head I was like REALLY?

Long story short, we eat lunch together everyday; however, I dont know how to feel about her. My fear as a Christian is that I am going to SNAP on her. I do really great with my attitude for months on end, but my problem is that when someone keeps pressing my buttons for an extended period of time. I usually end up getting the last word, and the after math is not nice. I really need advice. Please.

Mayhem. That lady shouldn't be allowed to work as a teacher!

 

[throughfiierytrial]

Hi All,

I havent been on here in a very long time but I just needed some quick advice. I have a coworker who I really liked in the beginning because she really helped me get acquainted with my new job. Long story short, the more I get to know her the more I am unsure of rather or not she is really a friend. My coworker is Hindu and is from India. She has been working as a teacher for 10 years and this is my 1st year working as a teacher. In short, she is really great about inviting me to Indian parties, she will help me if I ask her for like a ride or something, and she has invited me over 2x to her house. The problem is she is incredibly rude! For example:

She called me today asking me for advice on assignments or homework for her students. I tried to speak and she talked over me. She then continues to ask me questions, and then gives me short and nasty responses back. She will say something like: I was talking about my 5th and 6th hour kids. Then as I talk she will say:" Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah". Also if I come to her class she will talk to me quickly but then will state " Okay, I gotta go now, bye...and she will shew me off with her hands" ( like you would do a dog). She also stated that the book that I gave her, she will not read because shes not into those kind of books.

In the beginning of the year, she would always tell me things like: You are going to get into trouble for this, you are going to get into trouble for that, lower your expectations for your students, you give them too much work. That ceased however, when my students test scores came back and my class ranked 1st in spelling, and 2nd in all other English subjects. She placed 2nd to the last out of our entire district and she has been teaching 10 years. In addition, her class is COMPLETLY OUT OF CONTROL. They cuss her out, they will talk over her, fights start in her classroom. My classroom is the complete opposite, and her students are often removed from her class and placed in my class instead.

The deal breaker for me came when, I gave her a gift and both of her children gifts. She stated to me that her child was very sick due to one of the hair products for kids that I gave her. Later, she found out that her child was bitten by an insect and had an severe allergic reaction to the insect bite. Which was the cause of her illness, not my gift. In my head I was like REALLY?

Long story short, we eat lunch together everyday; however, I dont know how to feel about her. My fear as a Christian is that I am going to SNAP on her. I do really great with my attitude for months on end, but my problem is that when someone keeps pressing my buttons for an extended period of time. I usually end up getting the last word, and the after math is not nice. I really need advice. Please.

May be over-simplifying on my part, but can you step back from the relationship gradually seeing her less and less? Or rather gradually interacting with her less and less. It sounds like the interaction is what may make you snap. How about eventually just lunch together and keep the conversation positive...might be difficult...try superficial chit-chat and limit your exposure to her. That means declining "invitations". It also means becoming self-sufficient...no acceptance of rides and invitations from this teacher. You are not indebted to this woman just b/c she helped you in the beginning...you made that up with your return kindness and gratitude it appears. Her kindnesses have turned sour and so you should in my view only reflect that by backing away from the relationship bit by bit. You can still, if you want, evangelize, via special occasion cards with a personal note added.

Some nationalities have such different ways and mannerisms that it is difficult to know what part of that plays into her "rude" behavior. Either way, she needs to learn the Golden Rule of the Bible, so apply it. (Love others as yourself or also expressed as, Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.)

 

[Meowzltov]

She called me today asking me for advice on assignments or homework for her students. I tried to speak and she talked over me. She then continues to ask me questions, and then gives me short and nasty responses back. She will say something like: I was talking about my 5th and 6th hour kids. Then as I talk she will say:" Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah". Also if I come to her class she will talk to me quickly but then will state " Okay, I gotta go now, bye...and she will shew me off with her hands" ( like you would do a dog). She also stated that the book that I gave her, she will not read because shes not into those kind of books.

In the beginning of the year, she would always tell me things like: You are going to get into trouble for this, you are going to get into trouble for that, lower your expectations for your students, you give them too much work. That ceased however, when my students test scores came back and my class ranked 1st in spelling, and 2nd in all other English subjects. She placed 2nd to the last out of our entire district and she has been teaching 10 years. In addition, her class is COMPLETLY OUT OF CONTROL. They cuss her out, they will talk over her, fights start in her classroom. My classroom is the complete opposite, and her students are often removed from her class and placed in my class instead.

First of all, this has nothing to do with her being Hindu, so I'm not sure why you mentioned that.

So she is a rude busy body. I know you enjoy the parties, and the fact that she is from another culture does make her more interesting. But seriously, you have to ask yourself if you want to be friends with her.

Are there other good traits about her? Things that make you laugh or that you appreciate? Her free spirit or sponteneity or something like that/

She is not going to change. I can guarantee that her flaws are going to bug you more with time rather than less.

You have to decide whether her interesting culture and the parties are worth putting up with her obnoxious behavior.

Regardless, you need to start being more assertive. Why are you letting her walk all over you????? If she keeps interrupting you, WALK AWAY.

As far as the hair stuff and the classroom advice, she is just one of those people who thinks there is a right way to do everything: her way. This is not going to change. Some people can let this roll off their back. Some people can't. Which type are you? Only you know. And btw, don't be the kind of friend to give advice -- she not the kind of person that takes it. It's the job of her supervisors to deal with her.

 

[Meowzltov]

Mayhem. That lady shouldn't be allowed to work as a teacher!

Not if her class is STILL out of control after 10 years. However, she has tenure, and there is nothing her principal or the district can do to get rid of her.

 

[tturt]

OP - Asks Yahweh to bless her - like you want Him to bless you.

 

[TravelerFarAwayFromHome]

Hi All,

I havent been on here in a very long time but I just needed some quick advice. I have a coworker who I really liked in the beginning because she really helped me get acquainted with my new job. Long story short, the more I get to know her the more I am unsure of rather or not she is really a friend. My coworker is Hindu and is from India. She has been working as a teacher for 10 years and this is my 1st year working as a teacher. In short, she is really great about inviting me to Indian parties, she will help me if I ask her for like a ride or something, and she has invited me over 2x to her house. The problem is she is incredibly rude! For example:

She called me today asking me for advice on assignments or homework for her students. I tried to speak and she talked over me. She then continues to ask me questions, and then gives me short and nasty responses back. She will say something like: I was talking about my 5th and 6th hour kids. Then as I talk she will say:" Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah". Also if I come to her class she will talk to me quickly but then will state " Okay, I gotta go now, bye...and she will shew me off with her hands" ( like you would do a dog). She also stated that the book that I gave her, she will not read because shes not into those kind of books.

In the beginning of the year, she would always tell me things like: You are going to get into trouble for this, you are going to get into trouble for that, lower your expectations for your students, you give them too much work. That ceased however, when my students test scores came back and my class ranked 1st in spelling, and 2nd in all other English subjects. She placed 2nd to the last out of our entire district and she has been teaching 10 years. In addition, her class is COMPLETLY OUT OF CONTROL. They cuss her out, they will talk over her, fights start in her classroom. My classroom is the complete opposite, and her students are often removed from her class and placed in my class instead.

The deal breaker for me came when, I gave her a gift and both of her children gifts. She stated to me that her child was very sick due to one of the hair products for kids that I gave her. Later, she found out that her child was bitten by an insect and had an severe allergic reaction to the insect bite. Which was the cause of her illness, not my gift. In my head I was like REALLY?

Long story short, we eat lunch together everyday; however, I dont know how to feel about her. My fear as a Christian is that I am going to SNAP on her. I do really great with my attitude for months on end, but my problem is that when someone keeps pressing my buttons for an extended period of time. I usually end up getting the last word, and the after math is not nice. I really need advice. Please.

i think you have to be careful with people coming from Asian cultures

mine personal experiences with Indians, Filipinos and mine fellow Chinese have been quite negative

i find them to be "less likely" to believe in values of honestly and integrity as in doing the right thing even when you don't feel like it

mine experiences with Indians is they can be quite scheming and less direct, they are more likely to want to manipulate people in order to get what they want. They don't seem to care about fairness, if you give them an inch they will try to take a yard

at them time, they also like to slander and listen to evil report, and can be vindictive and extremely passive aggressive, they would rather play games than being up front and direct and try to work out problems with you

it might be culture thing

i would advice to simply keep distance from her, stand your ground when appropriate

just keep your relationship strictly cordial and professional

she sounds like she might be playing mind games, and you don't want to waste your life and energy and get drawn into something like that.

though be careful not to make an enemy out of her in the process.

right now i have this Sri Lankan lab partner, and i find it very difficult with him

he is very self centered, rude and ruthless, basically just a s*** of a person really!

but i also feel bad for him because if he keep going down this direction, he will reap his bad seeds sooner or later.

btw, what i have just said is just mine personal experience, so i am not saying they are spot on. i might be off

 

[TravelerFarAwayFromHome]

First of all, this has nothing to do with her being Hindu, so I'm not sure why you mentioned that.

So she is a rude busy body. I know you enjoy the parties, and the fact that she is from another culture does make her more interesting. But seriously, you have to ask yourself if you want to be friends with her.

Are there other good traits about her? Things that make you laugh or that you appreciate? Her free spirit or sponteneity or something like that/

She is not going to change. I can guarantee that her flaws are going to bug you more with time rather than less.

You have to decide whether her interesting culture and the parties are worth putting up with her obnoxious behavior.

Regardless, you need to start being more assertive. Why are you letting her walk all over you????? If she keeps interrupting you, WALK AWAY.

As far as the hair stuff and the classroom advice, she is just one of those people who thinks there is a right way to do everything: her way. This is not going to change. Some people can let this roll off their back. Some people can't. Which type are you? Only you know. And btw, don't be the kind of friend to give advice -- she not the kind of person that takes it. It's the job of her supervisors to deal with her.

i think it is important to call a spade, a spade

there is nothing wrong with addressing something in a factual manner, even if it is politically incorrest

love tells truth

we are not doing the OP or anyone else a favor by giving her any information that is not based on cold hard facts.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

 

[Timahani]

Speaking of being fired,
She has been begging our district to renew her visa. All of the senior administrators have said no. Even the superintendent. They have told her NO over 15 times, however over spring break she has continued to beg them. She told them that she will keep asking them until she gets a yes! She told me that you have to push people until you get them to do what you want them to. Despite this,there are fights happening left and right in her class; the students run out of her class, and seek haven in my class at times. They say that she is horribly rude to them, especially when I am not around. They also told me that for the last 2 years they have learned nothing until this year. Honestly, random teachers come up to me and say what in the world is going on in that class...security is always there? Long story short, she is being forced to find a school district who will sponsor her and therefore extend her visa. Because our school district will NOT! I am just not the best at being assertive unless I am really upset, but your tips really help. Thanks so much!

 

[Meowzltov]

She has been begging our district to renew her visa.

Well, that's ONE way for the school district to get around the tenure rules! LOL