Dating

[Sketcher]

He was married and they divorced because she cheated on him, they went to counseling and at the end she decided she wanted to stay with the other guy. He doesn’t have them permanently they share custody and he has them on the weekends. I don’t mind him having kids because I can tell he’s a great father by the way his daughter talks about him. I guess my doubts come in when I think of my church would be ok with me dating him if my family will accept him and if God separated him for me. I don’t know if it’s Gods will or how to read the signs.

Sounds like he's in the clear for you to pursue, Biblically. God wouldn't have separated the two of them for your sake, but you may be a blessing in his life for his sake, since his wife chose poorly. What I would recommend that you do is evaluate the relationship on its other merits, since we have the question of legitimacy out of the way.

 

[TheGirlOnFire]

You've already had sound advise.

Others can't lead our lives for us, and only we can make the judgements (With God) that is right for us.

Good luck my lovely x

 

[JAM2b]

I guess I was a little confused because people I had been taking to told me that God would not give me someone with kids since I didn’t have any.

People say weird things.

I haven't read all of the responses, and stopped at this post.

No time is wasted if it is spent on healthy relationships. You won't know if a romantic relationship followed up by marriage is right until you give it a chance. If you aren't feeling conviction against it, then move forward appropriately.

If you are still at a friendship phase and aren't even dating or romantically involved, then you are getting ahead of yourself in wondering if you should marry this guy.

If you are unwilling to be friends with someone because you don't know if it is going to lead to a marriage and don't want to "invest time" on liking them if it's not, then you are being friends for the wrong reason.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

his wife was unfaithful to him in the marriage and had an affair with another man. this guy fought for the marriage and she refused to be faithful to her marriage covenant. per matthew 19:9, he can annul the marriage without guilt and remarry.

you're free to go. however, as mentioned already, taking a line from the spice girls, "if you wanna be his lover, you gotta get with his kids".

 

[NurseAbigail]

I'm inexperienced to give advice on matters like this, but when in doubt, seek God. Have a long prayer time, fast, and ask God to give you a sign or even just peace in your heart, tell the guy the same thing too, so atleast both of you will have peace in your hearts. Also pray for your family and his family that God would warm their hearts so that they can give their blessings. Patience is the key.

 

[Godspurpose07]

People say weird things.

I haven't read all of the responses, and stopped at this post.

No time is wasted if it is spent on healthy relationships. You won't know if a romantic relationship followed up by marriage is right until you give it a chance. If you aren't feeling conviction against it, then move forward appropriately.

If you are still at a friendship phase and aren't even dating or romantically involved, then you are getting ahead of yourself in wondering if you should marry this guy.

If you are unwilling to be friends with someone because you don't know if it is going to lead to a marriage and don't want to "invest time" on liking them if it's not, then you are being friends for the wrong reason.

Thanks for your response. It makes me feel a lot better. We are definitely in the romantic phase of the relationship and he makes me think of marriage that’s how much I like him. ☺️ I guess the only thing left here is to pray to God for his blessing and so my family can warm up to him.

 

[CCHIPSS]

I would get to know his close friends (not acquaintances, those mean nothing). Ideally these close friend would know him for more than 10 years, hopefully some from high school. What type of people does he hang out with? Pay attention to the way his friends talk about and treat their own spouses.

Why is this important? Statistics has shown that sins like divorce and abuse are contagious. If his close friends disrespect woman, he has a high chance of disrespecting woman. If his close friends aren't Christians, he faith will also most likely be shallow. If his close friends thinks divorce is ok and they are on their 3rd marriage already, he will probably think the same.

Is divorce contagious?

And if he doesn't have any close friends, you also have to watch out. Why is is that no one really know this guy? is this guy rude to everyone? Is he weird? etc

And here is the most dangerous type. Watch out for guys that are "quiet". I mean yes there are those shy and quiet guys. But if a guy is obviously smart, proud of himself but yet "quiet", chances are that he is quiet just because they don't want to open up. Is it because he has some dark secret so he kept everyone else away at bay?

 

[Godspurpose07]

Can I pray to God and ask him to make him my husband. How do I ask God to help my mom and family accept him?

 

[JAM2b]

Sure you can. Just ask, just keep it simple. There's no magic words or special codes in prayer. Just be open with God about the desires of your heart with thankfulness.

 

[ViaCrucis]

Can I pray to God and ask him to make him my husband. How do I ask God to help my mom and family accept him?

We can bring all things to God in prayer; but God isn't our fairy godmother or cosmic wish-fulfiller, and it can be dangerous to think like He is. I think a better prayer would be for God to strengthen you, and to give you peace to accept whatever outcome may come your way. Prayer that you'll be able to endure the unnecessary judgment of others would also be good--because it can be a terrible thing to suffer from judging eyes and gossiping lips. It is deeply tragic that the people of Christ are frequently the most judgmental, moral busy-bodies around; our Lord is He who spoke to the woman caught in adultery saying, "Neither do I condemn you", being known as "a friend of sinners". Scripture is replete with condemnation against moral busy-bodying, judgmentalism, and gossip in the Church; and yet we are frequently the most guilty people around. St. James writes, "With the tongue we bless our God and Father and with it we curse our fellow man created in God's image, my brothers, this should not be."

-CryptoLutheran

 

[Godspurpose07]

I was not implying that God is my personal fairy godmother I was just asking because although I’ve been a Christian for a long time I just recently started really taking things serious and I didn’t know how to approach things like this with God.

 

[ViaCrucis]

I was not implying that God is my personal fairy godmother I was just asking because although I’ve been a Christian for a long time I just recently started really taking things serious and I didn’t know how to approach things like this with God.

I apologize if it came across that I was accusing you of thinking God is your fairy godmother--it was more of a general statement that it's a way of thinking that should be avoided. Christ invites us to know His Father as our Father, and that we can therefore bring all our concerns before God openly and honestly. So have no worry on that account--bring your cares, concerns, needs, and wants to Him. I'm just, perhaps, somewhat cautious--I have encountered many people who do hold to a theology of prayer in which the idea is that through prayer we can get what we want in life, that we can conform reality to our will through it (which amounts to little more than magic); whereas prayer isn't about changing reality, but about changing us. In the book of Job, the eponymous Job after losing literally everything except his own life rents his robe in half and shaves his head, then declares, "Naked I came into this world, and naked shall I leave it; the Lord has given, and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." I believe prayer gives us eyes to see the world differently, and invites us to change the way we think.

-CryptoLutheran

 

[ShadowsChild]

Not gonna lie everyone. This thread has me shaking in my boots so to speak. Cause I am thinking from the male's end as well. As a single mother (i made a few wrong choices when I was younger) my biggest fear is that I will never find a good, strong, Godly man for reasons brought up in this very thread.
That because I made choices that were wrong when I was younger, I am undeserving of being loved by a man now. And my daughter will suffer by not having an earthly father for her life because of my choices. But by his wounds we are made clean. Right. I believe the scripture quoted in Matthew is just another example of how far we can NOT do it without God's help and salvation. So yes, your male friend has kids. I can't remember who said it, but if you can love and care for them unconditionally. And if you are already at that stage.. then why not try? Though proceed with caution, not only for your sake and his.. but for his kids sake as well. Kids make attachments quickly and deeply sometimes. As for trying to get your own mother to accept him and his children.... um. Why? If your own family can't respect you enough to respect your choices, why would you be putting yourself under such stress? Yes, they are your parents and we are told to respect them. But you are an adult. And I would hope they could respect that as well.

I hope some of this helps. Probably going to get a bit of backlash. But still wishing you the best!

 

[Saucy]

Not gonna lie everyone. This thread has me shaking in my boots so to speak. Cause I am thinking from the male's end as well. As a single mother (i made a few wrong choices when I was younger) my biggest fear is that I will never find a good, strong, Godly man for reasons brought up in this very thread.
That because I made choices that were wrong when I was younger, I am undeserving of being loved by a man now. And my daughter will suffer by not having an earthly father for her life because of my choices. But by his wounds we are made clean. Right. I believe the scripture quoted in Matthew is just another example of how far we can NOT do it without God's help and salvation. So yes, your male friend has kids. I can't remember who said it, but if you can love and care for them unconditionally. And if you are already at that stage.. then why not try? Though proceed with caution, not only for your sake and his.. but for his kids sake as well. Kids make attachments quickly and deeply sometimes. As for trying to get your own mother to accept him and his children.... um. Why? If your own family can't respect you enough to respect your choices, why would you be putting yourself under such stress? Yes, they are your parents and we are told to respect them. But you are an adult. And I would hope they could respect that as well.

I hope some of this helps. Probably going to get a bit of backlash. But still wishing you the best!

Try not to fret there are a lot of amazing guys out there (even if they are in short supply as far as you can see) who love kids and would love you AND your daughter. Keep the faith!

 

[Saucy]

God Bless!!
I am new here and I was hoping to get some advice. A guy started coming to my church and a couple months ago we started taking. I am 30 and he is 32 but he has 2 daughters from a previous relationship. I have grown to really care about him but I am afraid that people won’t accept our relationship because he has kids. How do I know if this is a relationship approved by God? Can I ask God for a sign or how do I pray on this? I don’t want to invest time in liking him more if we are not meant to be. Thank

Simply put: some people are idiots. Don't listen to them! People might think he's not right for you because they can only imagine bad reasons why he has kids and isn't married. If your church suddenly starts looking down on you, then go to another church. They should not judge you for something like this. At the same time, sit down with your pastor if you can. Have a conversation with him about it.

 

[Godspurpose07]

Thanks for the support. I’ve seen more support her on this thread then I have from my own family. My mom suspects I’m talking to him and she tells me horrible things about him. She always brings him up in conversation and tells me I heard that guy is horrible and he has kids which means that he’s not responsible and he just wants to sleep with women to get them pregnant. So when I hear things I start to doubt not my feelings for him but if I should even keep perusing him. My mom is very judgemental and I can only imagine if I tell her I’m dating him she will probably disown me. He’s a great guy and I’m not just saying it cause I really like him I’m saying it cause I see it in his daughters face when she talks about her dad he’s an amazing dad and a great person and the things are said about him are not true. Like I said at the beginning of this thread I am 30 and I’m looking to settle down and have my own family and after so many heartbreaks I finally feel like I found someone worth my time but I ask myself if everything is against us could it mean it’s not Gods will for us to be together?

 

[Servant68]

Thanks for the support. I’ve seen more support her on this thread then I have from my own family. My mom suspects I’m talking to him and she tells me horrible things about him. She always brings him up in conversation and tells me I heard that guy is horrible and he has kids which means that he’s not responsible and he just wants to sleep with women to get them pregnant. So when I hear things I start to doubt not my feelings for him but if I should even keep perusing him. My mom is very judgemental and I can only imagine if I tell her I’m dating him she will probably disown me. He’s a great guy and I’m not just saying it cause I really like him I’m saying it cause I see it in his daughters face when she talks about her dad he’s an amazing dad and a great person and the things are said about him are not true. Like I said at the beginning of this thread I am 30 and I’m looking to settle down and have my own family and after so many heartbreaks I finally feel like I found someone worth my time but I ask myself if everything is against us could it mean it’s not Gods will for us to be together?

Your mom is sick and you are going to need a significant amount of therapy to undo the emotional and mental harm she's caused you.

I've seen it many times and suffer some of the same damage from my biological father. Parents have such awesome power to affect their kids positively or negatively that I sometimes think the government needs to step in and set up standards for allowing people to procreate.

I think your many heartbreaks are the result of the damage your mother has done and I encourage you to seek counseling from someone far removed from your toxic mother.

My best friend was raised by toxic and mentally ill parents. He became a believer in his mid-twenties and sought heavy counseling soon after. He is now finally able to put everything in perspective and have healthy relationships. He is 65.

 

[dayhiker]

One of the things I've learned in the last 5 years is if someone has a troubled, bad, traumatic childhood it takes for ever to work thru those things.

 

[Godspurpose07]

Yes you are absolutely right. My mom comes from a troubled childhood and she was married to my father for 18 long abusive years. My dad was an alcoholic and he hit and cheated on my mom for almost their entire marriage. That is where she comes up with “all men are bad” there are not good men and no marriages last. She tells me all the time that men are just good to you when they want to sleep with you and once they have slept with you it all goes down and then when they get bored of you they leave you for someone better. I grew up beleiveing this that is why it is so hard for my to beleive any guy that approaches me is doing it with the right intentions. I want to be able to be happy with someone without having to hide it from her because I’m afraid she will never talk to me again. I think in her wanting to protect me and not want what happened to her happen to me she has kept me from everything it’s almost as if she wants to keep me to herself because she has told me that the only way she will accept any guy is if God tells her he is the one for me. And if I even imply I like someone she tells me she’s gonna start praying so that God removes that person from my life.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Have you considered professional Christian counseling? If you have the means, I think it would be helpful for you.