Dating Websites

Reeniee · Jun 18, 2015

I'm thinking of signing up for Christian Connections or Christian Mingle, but I was wondering if anyone out there had any experience with these or any views on dating websites in general, or these Christian specific ones.

They seem pretty expensive, but maybe it's worth it? Anyone got any ideas? : )

SnowyMacie · Jun 18, 2015

It's a waste of time and money. I was a member of eHarmony and Match for 5 months, and sent countless messages. Out of those countless messages, I received 5 or 6 replies, and out of those 5 or 6 replies only 1 date. In my experience with people on online dating, they're either people who are simply undateable, or have too high of standards.

Cute Tink · Jun 18, 2015

I had a lot of success with online dating ... if I was willing to be a hookup. I'd say, in general, women have an easier time than men. My brother has been on Match for a long time and gets a date now and then, but nothing that has lasted.

redblue22 · Jun 18, 2015

A long time ago I tried it out. I met a lot of interesting beautiful people. It was fun.

AirForceTeacher · Jun 18, 2015

I married someone from a dating site. While it didn't turn out all that well, it was hardly the dating sites fault that I didn't see the warning signs. I'm still good friends with three or four girls I met on personals sites.

Messy · Jun 18, 2015

There's a lot of weird people on dating sites. You should really take a red flag list if you go there. My ex married someone from a dating site who left 6 months later. They told me it was so great so I went there and only met weirdo's that just wanted sex and come over to my place.
Here in Holland you have one that's good because you can see immediately if they want no sex before marriage and if they're serious about God.

Gnarwhal · Jun 18, 2015

Reeniee said:
I'm thinking of signing up for Christian Connections or Christian Mingle, but I was wondering if anyone out there had any experience with these or any views on dating websites in general, or these Christian specific ones.

They seem pretty expensive, but maybe it's worth it? Anyone got any ideas? : )

In my experience, online dating is a joke, especially Christian Mingle. CM is hardwired towards a specific type of Christian, if you fall outside of those boundaries you're far less likely to be successful. On eHarmony people on there are almost rabidly desperate to get married, it poured through the screen when I checked it out, and Match.com wasn't much better. OKCupid and Tinder can be pretty scummy, but sometimes they're entertaining.

A while back I just had a realization that if I'm going to meet someone, I'd much rather say I met her somewhere in real life (church, school, the gym) than online. The whole process is much more organic if you keep things offline.

SnowyMacie · Jun 18, 2015

Darth Bagel said:
The whole process is much more organic if you keep things offline.

This is a great point, while I have no doubt their processes work, obviously, people do have successful relationships about them. It just seems more natural to meet offline, it doesn't seem as special. When I first texted that girl I ended up going on the date with, I knew she was attracted to me when I started interacting with her. Sure, it made it easier, but it just wasn't the same.

Reeniee · Jun 18, 2015

TX_Matt said:
This is a great point, while I have no doubt their processes work, obviously, people do have successful relationships about them. It just seems more natural to meet offline, it doesn't seem as special. When I first texted that girl I ended up going on the date with, I knew she was attracted to me when I started interacting with her. Sure, it made it easier, but it just wasn't the same.

It doesn't feel like I'm ever meeting anyone offline though, if I thought I was then I doubt I'd be looking at using a website!

Gnarwhal · Jun 18, 2015

Reeniee said:
It doesn't feel like I'm ever meeting anyone offline though, if I thought I was then I doubt I'd be looking at using a website!

I feel like I'm not going to meet anyone either, but I'm going to persist in the real world because it's worth the wait.

Aldebaran · Jun 18, 2015

TX_Matt said:
It's a waste of time and money. I was a member of eHarmony and Match for 5 months, and sent countless messages. Out of those countless messages, I received 5 or 6 replies, and out of those 5 or 6 replies only 1 date. In my experience with people on online dating, they're either people who are simply undateable, or have too high of standards.

Ain't that the truth! I have a profile on OKCupid and found someone in my area who is a Christian and has a 96% match. We got in touch to exchange 2 messages and that was it. She'd obviously been on this site for a long time and hadn't found anyone yet, and still decided to ignore me even though we had a pleasant couple of exchanges. Sounds like the too high standard you were talking about. I guess being 96% matched (the highest throughout the entire region) isn't good enough to even stay in contact with.

SnowyMacie · Jun 18, 2015

Aldebaran said:
Ain't that the truth! I have a profile on OKCupid and found someone in my area who is a Christian and has a 96% match. We got in touch to exchange 2 messages and that was it. She'd obviously been on this site for a long time and hadn't found anyone yet, and still decided to ignore me even though we had a pleasant couple of exchanges. Sounds like the too high standard you were talking about. I guess being 96% matched (the highest throughout the entire region) isn't good enough to even stay in contact with.

There are people out there who won't settle for anything less than 100% of their ideal.

Aldebaran · Jun 18, 2015

TX_Matt said:
There are people out there who won't settle for anything less than 100% of their ideal.

Yep! And that's why they end up staying on those sites forever. I've expanded my search to out of town and have even found 98% matches. They've ignored me right from the start.

Travelers.Soul · Jun 18, 2015

Ugh....I have mixed feelings about dating websites. I have tried eharmony and it was a nightmare. I tried Christian Cafe which also turned out to be a disaster. I met this guy who I thought was great but turned out to be a liar. He said he was single but it turned out he wasn't. Yep...you can guess how I felt about that revelation. I thought I'd give it another go since all of that happened a few years ago with no luck. I'm on Christian Mingle now and I am starting to think it was a mistake. I seem to gain the interest of men either old enough to be my Dad, of questionable character, or I just don't mesh with (theology and lifestyles are just too different). Yet, I know some people that online dating has really worked for. So maybe it's just that it isn't for everyone or maybe just not for me.

Tess · Jun 18, 2015

I tried a couple at the beginning of the year.. The main thing I'd say is if you want a Christian you need to use a Christian dating site. I tried Christian Connection, and I quite liked it

CCHIPSS · Jun 18, 2015

Before I tried online dating all my dates were either from school or from referral. None of those lasted long term. After I finished school it became very difficult to find anyone of interest. I just do not meet new people nearly as quickly as before.

I dated, but has never had a GF, until I started doing online dating on OKCupid and Plenty of Fish. Both are free.

When I first started online dating years ago I was having a huge crush on the Caucasian ladies. It was very tough for me since I am Asian and 5'8. For that first year I had like zero replies and went on zero dates. I got discouraged and stopped going online for over a year.

Looking back it seems that Caucasian ladies would only be interested in Caucasian men. That is ok it is their free choice. And given how hard it already was for a Caucasian man to find a Caucasian lady online, it actually shouldn't be a surprise that an Asian guy like me got zero replies.

After that I asked a lady from my small group out for a date. I don't want to get into too much details but I wish I never asked her. I suggest everyone to stay away from small group dating. And if your church happens to be small stay away from same-church dating also.

When I returned to online dating last year, I no longer want a Caucasian lady. In fact I am against it since they wasted a whole year of my time (once again not their fault. But they did waste my time). Now I aim for Asian ladies. And I had much more success.

I went on multiple dates and found my very first GF. We dated for a few months but that ended in a break up. I was devastated but hey I was 31 years old and it is about time I get my very first heart break. And nothing regretful happened so I passed the test.

After a break I went back online. Since then I had dated multiple ladies. Some has ended totally. Some has become casual friends with me. Got to keep trying. =)

Trogdor the Burninator · Jun 18, 2015

CCHIPSS said:
When I first started online dating years ago I was having a huge crush on the Caucasian ladies. It was very tough for me since I am Asian and 5'8. For that first year I had like zero replies and went on zero dates. I got discouraged and stopped going online for over a year.

Looking back it seems that Caucasian ladies would only be interested in Caucasian men. That is ok it is their free choice. And given how hard it already was for a Caucasian man to find a Caucasian lady online, it actually shouldn't be a surprise that an Asian guy like me got zero replies.

Actually, I have 4 friends who are all in Asian guy/Caucasian girl marriages - maybe you shouldn't give up just yet

Citanul · Jun 19, 2015

I had been a bit hesitant about trying online dating, but at the end of last year I figured that I wasn't having much success meeting women offline, so I didn't really have anything to lose by signing up. So far I've only tried OkCupid (I did try signing up for Christian Mingle recently but for some reason I can't log in once I've gone through the sign up process), as I haven't reached the point where I'm prepared to pay, especially when there may not be a lot of women close to me on those sites.

I haven't had much success in messaging women as I've only had a couple of replies and those conversations ending up petering out with no resolution. I've been a lot more successful in terms of women messaging me, and ended up going on a few dates as a result. Unfortunately, they didn't lead to anything more serious, but it's better than I've done in recent times.

KitKatMatt · Jun 19, 2015

I have met many creeps through online dating, but I also have met many creeps via offline dating.

I deem it scarier to meet the creeps in real life, face to face. So I would like to personally stick to online dating for now.

Also, I'd like to mention that you don't really know why someone ignores you on a dating site (or anywhere) without asking them. Maybe they met someone else, maybe they felt a little uncomfortable, etc.

My small success:

I met a pretty cool guy on OkCupid. We had many shared interests, talked for a while then met once. It didn't work out, but we still talk and keep in touch on Tumblr. I'm glad I met him, he's a great friend.

Blue Wren · Jun 19, 2015

My cousin met her husband, through a dating site. They have 5 years together now. Friends have met their spouses online, also. I think it can be nice. You have the basic info - job, age, religion, ect, ect, all laid out, before you meet. Can chat, via email and text first. I haven't ever tried it, as I have been with my boyfriend, for years now.

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