Dating to save

[ummidrinkcherrycoke]

Dating to save. What do you think?

Around 6 years ago my girlfriends mother told me that if I wanted to continue dating her daughter I would have to start going to church. Of course as love sick as I was I started going. A couple of months later I came to know Christ. A few years later my girlfriend and I broke up and I continued to follow after God. Now I work with High schoolers and I have a hard time telling them not to date to save because thats how I came to know Christ myself.

I was just wondering if any of you have had similar experiences to mine. Any thoughts or ideas?

 

[Durelen]

Nope, Chances are they will pull me down before I pull them up. I definitely feel that dating non-believers is reckless. What fellowship does the believer have with the non-believer? This of course is more like trying to change someone into whom they really are not and that is a heartbreak in the works.

Actually I don’t even advocate “dating” as the world sees it but stick to courtship which is considering a future life long mate for myself. Can I court a non-believer? Only if I go against what scripture clearly teaches.

 

[mina]

I agree that it will pull you down to date a non believer. I would not date someone that I would not marry, and I would not marry a non believer. Missionary dating will only hurt you. Of course there is nothing wrong with being friends with a non Christian and sharing your faith with them. But being in an emotionally close relationship , like dating, is not good.

 

[Living4Him03]

You could explain your situation and how thankful you are God brought that girl into your life, but also how you know that your dating relationship with her was not healthy and not a good idea. Help them to see that while you became saved as a result, the relationship ended. And, the purpose of dating or courting is not to get someone to accept Christ. Point out ways they can be a friend to non-believers of the opposite sex and how they can lead them to Christ without dating them. Hope that helps!

 

[Arikereba]

I wasn't Christian when I started dating my current boyfriend. Now I am. He had something to do with that, though he never pressured me.

I don't think you can universally condemn dating non-Christians. They're not all alike. There's a difference between the one who says "I admire and respect your beliefs, even if I don't agree with them, and if you want to wait until marriage to have sex that's fine" and the one who is contemptuous of Christianity. The first probably won't drag you down... and if someone hadn't been willing to give me a chance, then I wouldn't be Christian now and I would have missed out on the best relationship I've ever had.

If you would only marry a Christian, I think you have to be honest about that. It's emotional blackmail to try to force someone to become Christian in order to keep dating you, and pinning your hopes on the idea that someone you love will become Christian probably isn't a good idea. So in many circumstances, "dating to save" is a pretty bad idea.

But I think of this boy who giggled with me about so many things and then recommended a book to me, and what that led to, and... I dunno. Sometimes it's worth taking a chance on.

 

[Durelen]

You could explain your situation and how thankful you are God brought that girl into your life, but also how you know that your dating relationship with her was not healthy and not a good idea. Help them to see that while you became saved as a result, the relationship ended. And, the purpose of dating or courting is not to get someone to accept Christ. Point out ways they can be a friend to non-believers of the opposite sex and how they can lead them to Christ without dating them. Hope that helps!

Yes that was very well put. Ultimately, remember that it is by grace and not by works that we were saved. Though your boyfriend or girlfriend may have been Christians it is by Gods grace for your salvation and not just because your boyfriend or girlfriend was Christian and did a work of witnessing. The work that was started in you concerning your salvation began long before you met your friends. We only see part of the picture now but one day we will know all that was done in our lives by God.

 

[ummidrinkcherrycoke]

In respect to my ex she was only fifteen when we started dating. At that age you can only be so mature. I truly believe that she respected and loved God at that time but was just unaware of the dangers of dating a non-christian. Teenagers have a hard time grasping things like that sometimes.

There's a difference between the one who says "I admire and respect your beliefs, even if I don't agree with them, and if you want to wait until marriage to have sex that's fine" and the one who is contemptuous of Christianity.

When I was told that I had to start going to church in order to continue our relationship. I told her that I would never stand in the way of her and her God. And I truly ment it. I understand that there are dangers in dating non-christians but I'm certainly glad that my ex had the courage to.

 

[oworm]

Generally speaking i would say its a NO-NO ive tried it many times and it has always ended in failure. Misunderstanding,and guilt have always ensued as a result of dating a non believer for me. Nothing atall wrong with befriending and maybe spending time as part of a group.There are exceptions like the one mentioned earlier but on the whole its a bad idea and satan will ALWAYS be in there scheming to bring down the believer.

 

[wvmtnkid]

I would agree with oworm and others who said it is a bad idea. It tends to lead to a lot of heartbreak. And I agree that satan uses this as an opportunity to bring down the believer. Our hearts and emotions are something we hold very close to us and what better way for satan to cause a little bitterness. We may go into the relationship with the best of intentions, but for the most part, things seem to always turn sour. When they do, who do we have a tendency to blame? God. You can bet satan laughs his head off at that.

Even though there are some exceptions, I think it is best avoided if at all possible. Nothing wrong with being their friend, but starting a relationship would be something I would shy away from. Not that I have always followed this advice. I am the type that learns the hard way sometimes.

 

[msjones21]

The Bible says not only should you not be unequally yoked, but also should not forge bonds with lost people. You are to witness to and pray for non-believers, but you should not be spending alot of time around them. Who was it in this thread that stated they're more likely to drag you down than you to bring them up. Amen! There are reasons God's Word says not to associate with non-believers. It's to safegaurd our minds, bodies, and souls.

I do not think a Christian should date a non-Christian in hopes of "saving" them.

 

[Stanfi]

I feel this is a no-no especially as you get older. When you are a young teenager, it might not be that big of a deal, but let's face it once you get older. The dating styles of believers and non-believer drastically. Getting emotionally involved with a non-believer would more than likely pull you down, than bring you up.

 

[futide]

what do you think of missionary dating? {edit}

 

[SDSUMarcus01]

.

 

[Tinydancer19]

I had a very similar thing happen to me when I first started dating my bf. I started going to the bible study he attended each week. Now I wasn't forced to go by any means. I was just curious by the meanings and concepts of the faith he lived by.

Anyways I ended up attending every week and became very interested in it. Then there did come a time when we broke up for a couple weeks. I didn't know how long the break up was going to last and i questioned wether I would attend the bible study with him still.

But I thought about it and realized my relationship with god was totally separate to the one I had with my bf. So instead of rebelling against god I turned to him in that time of need and prayed for his help and strength to help me support my bf during his need to take time away. Honestly things turned out for the best and we got back together and still are together to this day. Now I know i'm not saying you'll get back together with your old girlfriend. But i'm just saying its a good thing you still want to keep your relationship with christ because that should come first in your life.

 

[Tinydancer19]

I don't think of it so much as dating to save...its allowing another to witness something so holy and wonderful that you also experience. Its allowing someone to enjoy what you enjoy. Isn't that part of being in a relationship. A non believer can transition into a believer it just takes time.

Sometimes it could be gods plan for a man or a women to show their partner the way towards god. You see finding love in one person also allows you to find trust and truth within them; therefore, if you trust and love your partner then you'll trust and want to share and be apart of your partners other passions in life.

Sorry i duno if that makes any sense...i tried my best