Dating Scam?

[Mizzcriss]

Ok so here's the story, I met a guy from India on a Christian dating site. He messaged me initially and after a few messages back and forth we started chatting via i.m. The first big huge red flag to was that he started talking about marriage the first day and that he wanted to be with me forever, and I'm like "How can you know this?" and he's like "I just knew when I saw you" and "Pray about it, ask God if you're the one for me then you can come to India to be together..." and all this. So this should have been enough for me to block him for good but I didn't, I "humored" him just to see what would happen.

Fast forward a week later, and I've met and talked to his entire family via webcam and he and I are talking for 1-2 hr stretches via webcam and instant messaging and as embarrassed as I am to say this, I'm starting to really like him. Even his parents have verified his age and other things he's been telling me but it could still be part of a scam.

The only reason I'm so confused as to if he just wants a "green card" is that he keeps saying that he wants me to move to India when I finish school or we can stay in the US. And I was suspicious of his behavior on webcam like not talking or not asking questions until he told me he had never been in a relationship before (and somehow it made sense) and he has slowly been improving with thinking of topics to talk about etc. and it seems like he is a believer and the rest of his family too.

I've been praying a lot about this situation (and he claims he has been too hmmm) because he's really cute and kind and we're slowly getting to know each other better (or so I think) but could this all be a scam? How could it not be if he was talking about marriage on the first day? I'm so confused and sorry it's so long... I hope I'm not leaving any information out...

 

[Steffenfield]

It's probably a scam.

Try typing some of his responses and behaviors into Google.

 

[SnowyMacie]

Sounds like a scam.

Try googling "dating site scam behaviors" or something of that nature and see what comes up.

 

[Sketcher]

I have a personal rule. If she's not a US citizen, forget it.

 

[Inkachu]

It's a scam. Avoid. I've dealt with identical situations. He's probably "hesitant" because everything he's saying is a rehearsed script and his "parents" are probably fellow scammers. Sorry

 

[Mizzcriss]

Thanks everybody, I have been fervently googling it, and the talking about love and marriage very quickly is a definite sign. I also read that the person hides you from friends and family and he's done the opposite and he wants to talk to my parents via webcam, and that the person wants to actually get married as soon as possible, which he seems fine with "waiting" until I graduate (I asked him this in humor). And after talking to his dad, I saw physical proof (again via webcam after demanding it) that his father does in fact have his own church.

And it also said that the person seems desperate to leave their country, which he says he doesn't really want to but would. Talking to him via webcam I guess is what got me thinking could he actually be serious, b/c some of his mannerisms and behaviors didn't seem like they could really be fake, but even that could all be part of the scam.

Grrr, maybe I'm just in denial, thanks so much for you guys' honest responses

 

[Reborn_in_Christ2003]

Keep in mind that the scammers will change patterns as people become aware of scams. General rule for me=If not a U.S. Citizen in the USA, then I won't even talk to them unless I already know them.

Thanks everybody, I have been fervently googling it, and the talking about love and marriage very quickly is a definite sign. I also read that the person hides you from friends and family and he's done the opposite and he wants to talk to my parents via webcam, and that the person wants to actually get married as soon as possible, which he seems fine with "waiting" until I graduate (I asked him this in humor). And after talking to his dad, I saw physical proof (again via webcam after demanding it) that his father does in fact have his own church.

And it also said that the person seems desperate to leave their country, which he says he doesn't really want to but would. Talking to him via webcam I guess is what got me thinking could he actually be serious, b/c some of his mannerisms and behaviors didn't seem like they could really be fake, but even that could all be part of the scam.

Grrr, maybe I'm just in denial, thanks so much for you guys' honest responses

 

[Inkachu]

Hon, these people trained to say the "right" things (like everything you listed above), and have the "right" pictures and proofs to snag your heart. As soon as he thinks you're falling for him, his stories will gradually change, little by little, and their motive is that, by that time, you'll be doing exactly what you're doing; rationalizing it so that you don't believe it's a scam.

I hope you get out of this quickly and keep your wits about you. People aren't warning you for no good reason.

 

[Oddish]

Please don't let yourself be fooled.

 

[K9_Trainer]

Yeah, I would be very, VERY cautious about dating somebody who isn't a US citizen. Even more so on a dating site.

Tell him that you will only marry him if he becomes a citizen FIRST and see what happens.

But just be careful. Vicky is right...People who operate scams are trained. They know exactly what behavior to use and what to say to keep people on the other end hooked.

 

[Saucy]

In this situation, you should take control. Give it a lot of time and time will tell the kind of person he really is. I just pray if he is a predator that he isn't very patient, which is typical of predators

For safety reasons, I wouldn't date anyone outside of the US like the others have said. I will pray for you that it is what you deserve it to be.

 

[Mizzcriss]

Yeah, I've told him from the beginning that I feel like he's trying to scam me (and why I keep talking to him I don't know), and of course he denies it. I really don't know how to prove either way if he's legitimate or not, I mean, if he wouldn't have talked about love and marriage on the first day, I would have no doubts based on everything else. I'm not desperate but for some reason I have really started to like him (probably all in his scheme ) and it would be awesome if he was legit but I don't know how to prove it.

 

[Saucy]

Go with your gut instinct. To talk about marriage in the first day is kinda ridiculous IMO.

 

[Steffenfield]

I had something very similar happen to me with a girl from the Philippines on a Christian dating site.

I finally just let it go after stupid Google maps couldn't give me driving directions on how to go see her.

 

[Mizzcriss]

And thanks again everybody, this past week has been quite a roller coaster of emotions that I've been trying to keep stuffed down lol I know other guys from other countries (Australia and Philippines) and none of them have been like this so I don't know what else it could be but a scam. He looks and acts so young (college age like me) but if it is a scam he sure is good at what he does

 

[Mizzcriss]

It's just weird, there are a lot of things that add up but the marriage talk just doesn't. I know lot of people from India in my area, they got here somehow and if he's legitimate, I guess he will too.

 

[ks777]

Sounds like true love to me


My advice is, continue talking to him as long as you're enjoying his company, you don't have to marry the guy If after a while you learn he's a scammer, ditch him, if in time there is still no signs of being a scammer, at the least you've made a friend.

There's this thing going on over here lately, it's happened to so many family and friends. Your computer gets infected with a certain virus, then a couple of days later you get a call from Indians asking whether your computer needs to be fixed The worst part is so many people don't see the connection.

 

[Rose of Eden]

Yeah, I've told him from the beginning that I feel like he's trying to scam me (and why I keep talking to him I don't know), and of course he denies it. I really don't know how to prove either way if he's legitimate or not, I mean, if he wouldn't have talked about love and marriage on the first day, I would have no doubts based on everything else. I'm not desperate but for some reason I have really started to like him (probably all in his scheme ) and it would be awesome if he was legit but I don't know how to prove it.

Honestly, just the fact that he talked about marriage and how he wanted to "be with you forever" on the first day, is reason enough to RUN! Best case scenario: he is legit, but he's also super desperate and has some serious issues. Worst case scenario (and also the likely scenario, in my opinion): it's all a scam.

I really think you should stop talking to this guy. Run! RUN AWAY REAL FAST! Please get yourself out of this before it's too late! Leave while you still can, while you can still think clearly. Leave before you fall hopelessly and irrevocably in love with this guy, lose the last bit of your sanity, and fall right into his plan. Please leave this guy and this whole mess because it REALLY sounds like a scam!

You will meet someone else! I promise, sister!

 

[ks777]

Honestly, just the fact that he talked about marriage and how he wanted to "be with you forever" on the first day, is reason enough to RUN!

He could just be a huge anti-social. Or people might get married earlier in his culture. Don't traditional Indians have arranged marriages? They don't even talk to the person they're marrying until their wedding day

But I agree with you, at any rate, major issues

 

[traingosorry]

I'm sorry to tell you this is very common in the Indian community. You become the sponsor, get married and he comes to the US or Canada and suddenly disappears.


Your instinct was strong in the beginning, trust it.