Dating Scam?

[Im_A]

Ok so here's the story, I met a guy from India on a Christian dating site. He messaged me initially and after a few messages back and forth we started chatting via i.m. The first big huge red flag to was that he started talking about marriage the first day and that he wanted to be with me forever, and I'm like "How can you know this?" and he's like "I just knew when I saw you" and "Pray about it, ask God if you're the one for me then you can come to India to be together..." and all this. So this should have been enough for me to block him for good but I didn't, I "humored" him just to see what would happen.

Fast forward a week later, and I've met and talked to his entire family via webcam and he and I are talking for 1-2 hr stretches via webcam and instant messaging and as embarrassed as I am to say this, I'm starting to really like him. Even his parents have verified his age and other things he's been telling me but it could still be part of a scam.

The only reason I'm so confused as to if he just wants a "green card" is that he keeps saying that he wants me to move to India when I finish school or we can stay in the US. And I was suspicious of his behavior on webcam like not talking or not asking questions until he told me he had never been in a relationship before (and somehow it made sense) and he has slowly been improving with thinking of topics to talk about etc. and it seems like he is a believer and the rest of his family too.

I've been praying a lot about this situation (and he claims he has been too hmmm) because he's really cute and kind and we're slowly getting to know each other better (or so I think) but could this all be a scam? How could it not be if he was talking about marriage on the first day? I'm so confused and sorry it's so long... I hope I'm not leaving any information out...

I make a personal rule...
No matter the culture, no matter the life circumstances of that person, no matter what...if they start talking about marriage the first time talking to me as in regards to marrying me, or to be honest, marriage period...stay the heck away. The 'M' word has to tread on thin ice if someone wants it as a topic discussion the first time we talk.

Don't be a green card. I am watching my best friend's dad get used as a green card while he suffers from cancer from some woman from Peru while he lives in Ohio and she lives in California getting her education. Do not do it. Doesn't matter what you think some god is telling you. Simply do not do it.

If there is some supernatural power out there, I am sure that 'force' will have someone that doesn't want you as a green card. If there isn't anything out there, I am sure there are better.

 

[trentlogain2]

reminds me of someone. where 'ya at aneesh!?!?!?!?

 

[Boondock_Saint]

I'm sorry to tell you this is very common in the Indian community. You become the sponsor, get married and he comes to the US or Canada and suddenly disappears.


Your instinct was strong in the beginning, trust it.

I agree, you should stay away from this one.
Another question for you if you still may be thinking. How can you build trust with this person if you already don't trust him?

 

[Blank123]

yeah, sounds like a scam. I've gotten messages before from guys on dating sites and even before we've actually had a conversation they're telling me all the wonderful things they can offer me if i choose to marry them. I delete those messages immediately.

not to say that international relationships are wrong or you should be inherently distrustful of any non-USA person who contacts you - heck i've dated an American and I would again if it was right but i have no interest in using someone to get a green card. I`m happy as a Canadian but you do have to use your commonsense. if he`s talking about marriage right away - he`s after something. If he`s hinting about wanting to move to the US before its appropriate to discuss who moves where - he`s after something. You have to be careful and not get suckered in because he`s cute or seems kind. the truth is you really don`t know him and its very easy to put on act to get something you want.

 

[.Nevermore.]

Run away, sorry to say. Your instincts are more than likely correct.

 

[elenore]

It's called find a sucker. It may be flattering to your ego, but you're a fool if you fall for it.

 

[stephanieamber]

Above any and all proof or story you could give, the fact that almost immediately something didn't feel right should be enough reason for you to drop the rope and let go.

As women we are desperate for attention. Disagree all you want, but I believe it's just an innate part of who we are. We crave affirmation and belonging and to be told we are enough. and one of the HARDEST things to do is to walk away from someone who feeds that inappropriately. We sit around and rationalize it.. "oh, well even if this doesn't work out, we'll just be friends" or "it's not like anything will ever really come of this.." and we become foolish and loose with our hearts.

As hard as it is, I think you should completely sever communication with this guy. Don't even give a "reason," because you'll just give him something to figure out how to disprove. Just let it go.

There's something to be said for having a wrong first impression of someone, and there's something completely else to have a bad gut feeling about someone. Don't confuse the two.

 

[SeekJusticeLoveMercy]

Talking about marriage the first day (regardless of where the person is from) is a red flag in my book. People who do that usually aren't stable and can become a little stalkerish from what I've seen.

 

[TwistTim]

it sounds to me like he's part of the sex trade... getting girls to leave their own country and go to another one on a promise of marriage and then since they have no money and no one they are forced to join a group of women which turns out to be a harlot house... I would avoid this situation if you don't have any family over there and I don't trust this guy one bit... I am sorry if I misjudge this guy, but this is what it sounds like to me after having read several stories of women who have been trapped like this... all over Europe and Russia into America and from America to Europe and Russia... India would not surprise me at all as I know it also happens for the middle east.

Just my .02 cents.

 

[white dove]

Thanks everybody, I have been fervently googling it, and the talking about love and marriage very quickly is a definite sign. I also read that the person hides you from friends and family and he's done the opposite and he wants to talk to my parents via webcam, and that the person wants to actually get married as soon as possible, which he seems fine with "waiting" until I graduate (I asked him this in humor). And after talking to his dad, I saw physical proof (again via webcam after demanding it) that his father does in fact have his own church.

And it also said that the person seems desperate to leave their country, which he says he doesn't really want to but would. Talking to him via webcam I guess is what got me thinking could he actually be serious, b/c some of his mannerisms and behaviors didn't seem like they could really be fake, but even that could all be part of the scam.

Grrr, maybe I'm just in denial, thanks so much for you guys' honest responses

Please go with your gut next time. If your first instinct had red lights ablazing, it was time to disconnect right then and there.


Going on webcam makes you put a face to the text - it connects you and makes that person more "human," not just a bunch of text. By going so many hours, you've already emotionally invested yourself. Take it easy next time.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

Beware Of Strangers Bearing Webcams

Be extremely careful.

 

[Blank123]

good site, apollo. i thought this was a good article too What Do I Need To Know About Online Dating Scams?

it is so incredibly easy to manipulate someone online if that person is not listening to their gut instinct.

 

[Fremdin]

Girl, run.

 

[mjmcmillan]

I'm going to tell you to run, same as everyone else is doing. The very fact this question was asked shows that something is very wrong here and you know it.

Personal story, from a couple of years back: I answered a spam email (yes, I know, you're never supposed to do that and the fact that it was a spam email shows right off that something "just ain't right") from a woman claiming she wanted a friend. For a bit, nothing happened and then I got a reply from a Russian woman. Just like your experience, marriage was one of the first words written in the reply. In the exchange which followed, which took about a month and a half to play out, she started on a trip across half of the Eurasian continent to Moscow, there to get a plane to meet me here in Chicagoland.

She sent several photos, very good looking young woman. But, several red flags. First, young women don't, as a rule, set off at once on round-the-world trips to meet a man they've only just met in email and only half a dozen of those at that. Women don't come down the hall in my apartment building to meet me, and I've been here now for three years-- so a woman going on a "Sadie Hawkins Race*" (for you out-of-the USA types, look up the "Li'l Abner" cartoons for an explanation of that) halfway around the world is a bit odd to say the least. Second, the way she went about it seemed like a recipe for trouble. She used less apparent planning to go halfway around the world than you use to go from your living room to your kitchen, so trouble was inevitable. I was just afraid it would happen here. Third-- OK, the photos. They show a beautiful young woman, she said she's about twenty-five, and she complains she can't get a man in Russia. Wait, what???? She walks into any American dance-hall looking like that, and she'll have men around her like candle flames have moths. Somethin's wrong here.

She got into trouble-- no surprise-- in Moscow. Couldn't get a passport and tickets, could I help? Only eleven-hundred dollars would fix it. She sent me her full name so I would be able to send the money. I Googled the name--- oh boy, just what I suspected. Well known scammer, complete with nearly identical emails to the ones she's been sending me. Actually, I was kind of glad, because I was afraid she'd get into trouble here instead of there and that maybe it wasn't a scam. The very last thing I needed was somebody from halfway around the world, suddenly having her plans pulled out from under her, and here I am the only "friend" she's got on this side of the ocean.

Right now, as I speak, I've received half a dozen spam emails from women in a box I recently opened. I haven't answered any of them, been there done that don't wanna go again.

* I decided to post the following link just so's you can save some trouble having to look up Sadie Hawkins. Suffice to say, it would take a really desperate woman to trek halfway around the world to meet a guy based on a half-dozen email exchanges and that is what put the exchange I relate above into "scam" territory right off the bat. It was so phony it just couldn't be true.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadie_Hawkins_Day

 

[Apollo Celestio]

Not that you weren't scammed.. but women in Russia have the same problems Men in america have. There are some lookers that can't get a man.

 

[mjmcmillan]

Not that you weren't scammed.. but women in Russia have the same problems Men in america have. There are some lookers that can't get a man.

Maybe so, but I'd be willing to bet that none would set off on a round-the-world trek to get to be with a financially broke truck driver in the Mid-West, based on less than half-a-dozen emails. She moved on her own initiative, as the story goes, and did things in a way that no real woman ever, under any reasonable conditions, would.

Think of it! She leaves friends and family behind to go to a foreign land, to meet a man she knows less about than almost anybody she has ever met back home--- I'd have to be second only to Jesus Christ to make such a leap of faith worth it, and I assure you right now that I'm somewhat down the ladder from being second to Jesus. No woman with any sense would ever do this. Especially since I told her it sounded like a really bad idea, and didn't offer much encouragement to come on ahead.

Note to OP... Before trekking to India, think about it seriously. Right now, you have friends and family nearby. Really, you know more about the stranger you stood behind in line at the Wal-Mart than you do about this guy. Go there to be with him, and he's the only friend you've got for maybe eight thousand miles or so. You're going to be completely at his mercy. Better hope he has some mercy. Just crossing town to meet him based on what you actually know about him would be a risk, and you're proposing crossing half a world. Give the matter lots and lots of serious thought.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

It's only a fun fact from my side, like I said.. I'm sure she was a scumbag.