Ok...I know this is a hot subject for me as well as others I know and I am going to post my thoughts on this subject of dating Non-Christians. In my case, I have found it very difficult to meet Christian women as their expectations are extremely untouchable for lack of a better word. I have found that Christian women here in Los Angeles are fixated on finding men with lots of money, good looks, successful etc. There seems to be a huge spirit of materialism and supericialism that has invaded the minds and hearts of most of the women I meet at church. This is extremely discouraging for me so I have stayed with dating Non-Christian women. For me, it is much easier for me to meet Non-Christians and have fun. I will not lie but will admit that at times I wish I could be with a Christian woman and I do have second thoughts about being with women who are not Christians. I do have second thoughts about my current girlfriend but I believe that she is open to recieving the Lord not that it makes this any better. At times I have also not been able to tell the difference between the two and that is really weird as well. I would like to know how others feel about this subject and begin to explore this subject in its fullest.
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Dating Non-Christians
- Thread starter etcastle
- Start date
white dove
(she's a) maniac
hrm...that's either really scary or really good...etcastle said:
so...your current gf (although she is not a christian) doesn't mind going to church w/ you, having bible study w/ you, praying w/ you, has the same love for God like you have, etc?
I mean..if you said you cannot tell the difference b/t christian girls and non-christian girls. she (your current gf) would not only 'not mind' those things listed above but she'd enjoy them as much as you do (as you are a man of God, yes?)
...ach! perhaps I'm just misunderstanding you. though..
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the_man
" My heart is spoken for&
For me, it's a no-brainer. Long ago I made a decision that being a Christian is a non-negotiable for me. I've met many non-christian women, excellent in their own ways, but upon learning that they are not believers, the possibility of a romantic relationship goes screaming out the window.etcastle said:
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wow... i don't envy you! Although, things in San Francisco are just as confusing. I have decided that it is no longer appropriate for me to date non-believers... if they wish to come to the Lord on their own, then we can talk. It is too much turmoil and temptation for me to think otherwise....
Where there is darkness, light cannot reside. And the level of light I have experienced through Him cannot compare to any earthly level of 'comfort'. Any time I think I'm 'lonely', I grab myself a big dose of Jesus. His chest is far more comfortable to lay my head upon. And I firmly believe that when my Season has come, he's got FAR better taste in men for me than I *ever* did.
Can I get an 
?
Good luck... keep the faith and dose yourself with praise and worship-- it works wonders on those little voices that try to drag ya down!
Blessings and love,
Sarah
Where there is darkness, light cannot reside. And the level of light I have experienced through Him cannot compare to any earthly level of 'comfort'. Any time I think I'm 'lonely', I grab myself a big dose of Jesus. His chest is far more comfortable to lay my head upon. And I firmly believe that when my Season has come, he's got FAR better taste in men for me than I *ever* did.
Can I get an ? Good luck... keep the faith and dose yourself with praise and worship-- it works wonders on those little voices that try to drag ya down!Blessings and love,
Sarah
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white dove said:
My current girlfriend is not a Christian but I believe in my heart that she would recieve him into her heart. I am not pushing the issue on her. She understands that I do go to Church and she likes that quality about me. All I can do is to be an example and I know I am gonna flamed for this. What I meant by not being able to tell the difference between some Christian and Non-Christian women is that I have known Christian women who drink, have sex, like to party etc. etc. My point is that if I dated a Christian woman who is like that, what is the difference of having a relationship with a woman who is not a Christian. I can tell you that alot of my Christian buds feel the same way as I do and this is a huge problem not to be under-estimated.white dove said:
I am yet to meet a Christian woman who would give me the time of day. It seems to me that all the ones I have met have a huge chip on their shoulder and waiting to meet a guy who is like the "the bomb".
Do I sound ticked off, you got that right!
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white dove
(she's a) maniac
there is absolutely nothing wrong w/ you wanting in your heart to help lead her to christ..not a problem. what may be a problem. though, is when this does not happen in a 'timely' manner or when, as you two continue to date more and more, that both your obligations or priorities may be more visibly different (as you, being a godly man, wish to serve the Lord, in whatever facet that may be and she, perhaps, unaware of what it is like to serve God, may feel confused or even slighted by your faithful efforts for Him. )that's all I'm sayin'.... I, personally, do not know any non-christian guys who would be understanding enough to comply w/ certain things I abstain from; yes, they would tell me they understand, maybe even say that it's admirable but when push comes to shove, they wouldn't be callin' me after awhile...etcastle said:
a godly man wouldn't even question it~he'd understand me...where I'm comin' from...what living a righteous life means..
man..this is just soo disheartening...and I've heard that too..in fact, I have a christian friend right now who is kinda in that category you mentioned..it's hard...but it also gets me upset that just b/c some christians are leading a life that contradicts even the simplest of christian principles, not all are this way; yes, we all struggle~yes, we all make mistakes; but when ppl call themselves 'christian' and in this way, identify themselves w/ christ, they disparage the sacred name that they call out when they do stuff that they know in their hearts is wrong...especially when what they are doing hurts the ppl around them...don't even get me started on christians hurting other christians~ach!!etcastle said:
but ...is your current gf the godly girl that God has in store for you? only He knows..and I won't even try to play it off like I do know....but please, just b/c you have been hurt by other christian girls or just b/c you cannot see a godly girl in your church, does not mean that God does not have one for you....like I said before, there is NOTHING wrong w/ you wanting to lead this young lady to christ, but not knowing exactly how long you guys have been dating and what, if any, conflicts have come up so far, I'd say tread carefully, brother...I am glad you brought this issue up though..
oh, and another thing that is important to remember is the 'evenly yoked' thing...it's one thing for us to encourage one another in the faith; challenging each other to stretch further in our understanding of God~but it is quite another to have to pull someone...that should never be the case....and also if they are pulling you, elsewhere...
God bless!!
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OhhJim
Often wrong, but never in doubt
I've dated mostly non-Christians since I became single 20 years ago. I knew I wasn't going to marry one, so it wasn't really an issue. About 3 years ago, I decided it would be better all around to only have a relationship with a Christian woman. Since then, I've only dated a couple times, and nothing serious.
I guess it would be like regarding one day above another. If the Holy Spirit convicts you of it, then it's a sin for you. If He doesn't, don't worry about it. "Let every man be convinced in his own mind."
I guess it would be like regarding one day above another. If the Holy Spirit convicts you of it, then it's a sin for you. If He doesn't, don't worry about it. "Let every man be convinced in his own mind."
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Eh, I'll be the devil's advocate in here (no pun intended )
I'm open to dating non-Christians, the reasons being:
- Anyone I date would need to agree with God's perfection - that the values God wants us to have are perfect (she would need to share the major Christian values).
- Assuming she has faith in herself, she believes in this perfection - thus she has indirect faith in God's perfection.
- Many Christians I've seen (in here and elsewhere) don't actually believe in the perfection of what God promotes. I recall a poll in the Apologetics forum where an atheist asked if Christians would still act like they do if there was no Heaven... most Christians said no. In other words, they don't really believe the values God advocates are perfect, they just follow them because they've been bribed into following them. Faith in being and God's power (to create Heaven), but not faith in perfection.
- I don't think people whose values largely agree with Christian values are that far from converting, so she'd probably convert at some point anyway.
)I'm open to dating non-Christians, the reasons being:
- Anyone I date would need to agree with God's perfection - that the values God wants us to have are perfect (she would need to share the major Christian values).
- Assuming she has faith in herself, she believes in this perfection - thus she has indirect faith in God's perfection.
- Many Christians I've seen (in here and elsewhere) don't actually believe in the perfection of what God promotes. I recall a poll in the Apologetics forum where an atheist asked if Christians would still act like they do if there was no Heaven... most Christians said no. In other words, they don't really believe the values God advocates are perfect, they just follow them because they've been bribed into following them. Faith in being and God's power (to create Heaven), but not faith in perfection.
- I don't think people whose values largely agree with Christian values are that far from converting, so she'd probably convert at some point anyway.
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I struggle enormously on this one myself
i have just started dating a non-Christian girl (backslidden actually as she grew up in Church etc), even though a few months back i decided i never would
For me its a bit of a choice of well
a) i have been in church weekly for 4 years and have not met anyone who i've been remotely interested in, or the ones who have like me, i have not been at all attracted to; and
b) in the "world" i have met a lot of lovely girls who i have got along with famously
i am not a preacher and i struggle with partying etc so i am not eligible amongst Christian women, i try to get better and hopefully one day i do, but i will never be white clean perfect nor do i want to shout from the rooftops that i am, so i will continue to be unpopular with Church chicks. I don't want to be single forever, so i see no choice but to date non-Christian women who i do really get along with well, as long as they are cool with my beliefs...... i wish it wasn't this way but it seems to be, at least for me..... i don't mean to discourage anyone, just venting a bit of my frustrations with it all
i have just started dating a non-Christian girl (backslidden actually as she grew up in Church etc), even though a few months back i decided i never would
For me its a bit of a choice of well
a) i have been in church weekly for 4 years and have not met anyone who i've been remotely interested in, or the ones who have like me, i have not been at all attracted to; and
b) in the "world" i have met a lot of lovely girls who i have got along with famously
i am not a preacher and i struggle with partying etc so i am not eligible amongst Christian women, i try to get better and hopefully one day i do, but i will never be white clean perfect nor do i want to shout from the rooftops that i am, so i will continue to be unpopular with Church chicks. I don't want to be single forever, so i see no choice but to date non-Christian women who i do really get along with well, as long as they are cool with my beliefs...... i wish it wasn't this way but it seems to be, at least for me..... i don't mean to discourage anyone, just venting a bit of my frustrations with it all
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Stanfi
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The bible tells us not to be unequally yoked. Most refer this to marriage, but I feel that it relates to anyone that we allow ourselves to be in a close realtionship with.
I think it is extremely important not to allow ourselves to get into a situation to be influenced by a non-Christian, as this can harm our walk with God.
I question if some of the people you have met are true Christians.
Like my preacher says. "If you tell me you are a duck, you had better waddle and quack like one."
I think it is extremely important not to allow ourselves to get into a situation to be influenced by a non-Christian, as this can harm our walk with God.
I question if some of the people you have met are true Christians.
Like my preacher says. "If you tell me you are a duck, you had better waddle and quack like one."
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wvmtnkid
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This is an area I have struggled with myself, and I have dated non-Christians. I went through a time period when the Christian fellows treated me like I wasn't good enough for them and the non-Christians treated me like I was too good for them. So what do you do?
I have made some observations that have lead me to make my own decision on who and when I date. When I was with the non-Chrisitians they would all tell me that they respected my decision to be a Christian and they wouldn't stand in my way. However, that wasn't always the case. It started out that way, but it didn't last. If I wanted to do a church activity that interfered with something they wanted to do, well the church activity was always downed. I could not convince them to come with me to things I wanted to do. I was told people at my church were hypocrites and would not accept them, nevermind that they had not meet any of these people and give them a chance. It would become a tug of war after awhile, still with them telling me that they respected my religion and my beliefs. I was constantly making excuses and justifications to myself and to God why I was in this relationship and saying "Just a little bit more and I know they will come around to you. I can pray harder and live my life better, and they will see my example and come to you." Didn't happen. My Christian walk would be what would suffer and my faith would suffer as well.
Then I was given a Christian to date that changed my mind about dating Christian men. He was what I would term a true Christian. He talked the talk and walked the walk. I was given a glimpse of what having a godly man in my life could be like. Things didn't work out with him, but it was enough for me to see that I wanted to date only Christians after that. And they have to be Christians who really meant it, not Christians who only show up on church for Christmas and Easter. Actually I am to the point now that I would rather not date than go back to being in the postion of dating someone that would interfere with my faith. I've been there and done that. Having someone in my life is not as important to me as having God by my side. He's the one that matters in the end.
I have made some observations that have lead me to make my own decision on who and when I date. When I was with the non-Chrisitians they would all tell me that they respected my decision to be a Christian and they wouldn't stand in my way. However, that wasn't always the case. It started out that way, but it didn't last. If I wanted to do a church activity that interfered with something they wanted to do, well the church activity was always downed. I could not convince them to come with me to things I wanted to do. I was told people at my church were hypocrites and would not accept them, nevermind that they had not meet any of these people and give them a chance. It would become a tug of war after awhile, still with them telling me that they respected my religion and my beliefs. I was constantly making excuses and justifications to myself and to God why I was in this relationship and saying "Just a little bit more and I know they will come around to you. I can pray harder and live my life better, and they will see my example and come to you." Didn't happen. My Christian walk would be what would suffer and my faith would suffer as well.
Then I was given a Christian to date that changed my mind about dating Christian men. He was what I would term a true Christian. He talked the talk and walked the walk. I was given a glimpse of what having a godly man in my life could be like. Things didn't work out with him, but it was enough for me to see that I wanted to date only Christians after that. And they have to be Christians who really meant it, not Christians who only show up on church for Christmas and Easter. Actually I am to the point now that I would rather not date than go back to being in the postion of dating someone that would interfere with my faith. I've been there and done that. Having someone in my life is not as important to me as having God by my side. He's the one that matters in the end.
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SandyLou
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Amen WVmtnKid!
I've had similar experiences with non-Christians and with "holiday Christians".
I've not had the experience you shared about dating a godly man, but I am willing and determined to follow God's path.
I've had similar experiences with non-Christians and with "holiday Christians".
I've not had the experience you shared about dating a godly man, but I am willing and determined to follow God's path.
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SandyLou
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etcastle said:
Do I sound ticked off, you got that right!
News Flash! The reason you "couldn't tell the difference" -
there WAS no diff! You weren't dating Christian women!
*Hellllllloooooooo!*
Maybe they went to church ., .. . but
standing in a church
doesn't make you a Christian
anymore than
standing in a garage makes you a Lexus!
Perhaps the chip on your shoulder - "Do I sound ticked off, you got that right!" is the reason for your struggles. Hmmmm. . . . .learn to love God. . . and then yourself. . . .and THEN you will be ready for God's woman in your life.
praying for you,etcastle
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After many years of dating a non-believer/non-Christian, I wouldn't date another one without God's intense will for it in my life. In the end of the relationship, you may find that your faith is one of the reasons for the breakup. It's hard to get a non-Christian to understand exactly why you are willing to follow Jesus Christ wherever He calls you to. Just my humble opinion.
In Christ,
Tink
In Christ,
Tink
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Here is the bottom line...I know where I stand in my faith!! That will not change!! I will continue to date Non-Christian women until God sets me up with a great, fun, loyal, trusting Christian woman.
I have tried dating Christian women in the past and for me I love water and water sports such as taking my boat out or surfing or just going to the beach. That is my life!! The problem I have had with some Christian women is that they are boring. I mean no dis-respect but this is based on my experiences.
I really have nothing further to say on the subject because I stand firm. Let me say that most of the guys in the singles group at my church feel the same way as I. This is a bigger problem than people are willing to admit. This needs to be addressed in Churches all across America and we need to pray for a paradigm shift.
Ok...enough of my ramblings!!
I have tried dating Christian women in the past and for me I love water and water sports such as taking my boat out or surfing or just going to the beach. That is my life!! The problem I have had with some Christian women is that they are boring. I mean no dis-respect but this is based on my experiences.
I also do not appreciate this chip on their shoulders. Most Non-Christian women are pretty laid back and just roll with the punches. Too many times I have been passed up by Christian women because they want a super Christian man who is tall, buff, looks great and has alot of money. That is hogwash!!!!
I really have nothing further to say on the subject because I stand firm. Let me say that most of the guys in the singles group at my church feel the same way as I. This is a bigger problem than people are willing to admit. This needs to be addressed in Churches all across America and we need to pray for a paradigm shift.
Ok...enough of my ramblings!!
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wvmtnkid
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etcastle-you asked for our opinions and we gave them to you. You don't have to agree with us, that is your choice. But just because a group of men in your church agree with you, that doesn't make you right and them right either. I was speaking from my experience and my decision. By all means, do what you feel you are called to do. In the end, the only person who has to answer for your decisions and your actions is you. But please, don't come ask for others opinons and then get mad when we give them to you.
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Let me ask you this...
are you practicing celibacy too? not a judgemnet, just a question. If you are not, you may be able to look at that area first as to why God has not blessed you with your Christian mate yet. Maybe you need to commit to him first truly before you can expect such a treasure.
None of what you've told us sounds like you are surrounded by real, committed Christian women. It's unfair for you to judge all Christian women based on this. No offense, but the location you live in seems like it would be hard to find a lot of truth in people. You seem committed in your faith, in your eyes at least... so why won't you have faith that God would acutally bless you with a "real" Christian woman? because you are on a time schedule and he hasn't met the terms? Agian, I'm not wishing to come off rude or impudent, just posing serious questions that you could ask yourself. I personally would take some 'me' time and seriously go into prayer about it... just one on one with you and Him. I pray you find what you are looking for sooner or later.. preferrably sooner than later.
God Bless and good luck...
Sarah
are you practicing celibacy too? not a judgemnet, just a question. If you are not, you may be able to look at that area first as to why God has not blessed you with your Christian mate yet. Maybe you need to commit to him first truly before you can expect such a treasure.
None of what you've told us sounds like you are surrounded by real, committed Christian women. It's unfair for you to judge all Christian women based on this. No offense, but the location you live in seems like it would be hard to find a lot of truth in people. You seem committed in your faith, in your eyes at least... so why won't you have faith that God would acutally bless you with a "real" Christian woman? because you are on a time schedule and he hasn't met the terms? Agian, I'm not wishing to come off rude or impudent, just posing serious questions that you could ask yourself. I personally would take some 'me' time and seriously go into prayer about it... just one on one with you and Him. I pray you find what you are looking for sooner or later.. preferrably sooner than later.
God Bless and good luck...
Sarah
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BeautyForAshes
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Wow, it saddens me to hear such stereotypes about Christian women. Its one thing to hear it from non-believers, but from a believer........
Everyone knows (or should know) that when it comes to dating, everyone has different quirks and personality traits. Just because someone is Christian, doesn't mean that you and her(or him) will automatically have everything outside of Christianity in common.
Some Christian women like water-sking, some don't. Some Christian women like singing karaokee, some don't. Some Christian women are laid-back (like yours truly ) and some aren't. My point in saying all this is that everyone has their own personalities, qualities, likes, dislikes, hobbies - even Christian women. You should definitely seek prayer concerning this area/decisions.
Now to answer the original questions....
I no longer date non-Christians. I have found that over time, the relationship (and myself) will eventually begin to "give in" on things that are detrimental to my walk with Christ. Does this limit my "dating pool" - YES. But i would rather be with the man that God himself has ordained for me, than to continue the cycle of bad choices and their inevitable consequences.
Its one thing to hear it from non-believers, but from a believer........ Everyone knows (or should know) that when it comes to dating, everyone has different quirks and personality traits. Just because someone is Christian, doesn't mean that you and her(or him) will automatically have everything outside of Christianity in common.
Some Christian women like water-sking, some don't. Some Christian women like singing karaokee, some don't. Some Christian women are laid-back (like yours truly
) and some aren't. My point in saying all this is that everyone has their own personalities, qualities, likes, dislikes, hobbies - even Christian women. You should definitely seek prayer concerning this area/decisions.Now to answer the original questions....
I no longer date non-Christians. I have found that over time, the relationship (and myself) will eventually begin to "give in" on things that are detrimental to my walk with Christ. Does this limit my "dating pool" - YES. But i would rather be with the man that God himself has ordained for me, than to continue the cycle of bad choices and their inevitable consequences.
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