dating in group setting

[dude87]

Ive been officially dating this girl for just more than 4 months now whilst having been good friends for 1 and a half years before that. We recently exchanged 'i love you's and kisses on the cheeks before Christmas because we realise how much we care for one another. However when we go out with a group of people, things feel very different.

When we are with a group of people, I picture us as being very individual from each other, we have our own separate conversations and interact with different people at the party. Through this, I tend to feel that our relationship does not exist and that she tends to be ignoring what we have together. Sometimes when I look over to her, I get an idea that she might be having more fun with them and that it seems like she is give more attention to other people (even to other guys) than to me. I felt like she just puts me on hold and places me in the background (even when I'm sitting next to her). I talked to her about it once right after a party with a group of people we barely know and she said she didnt have the intention to give more attention to other guys and thats how she is with people. Somehow, I can agree with that because it was her interests in me when I first met her that got me falling for her coz she made me feel special. Now, when she does that with everyone else she meets, I feel cheated.

Im really confused in this situation, What is it suppose to be like when a couple goes out to meet other people? how attached to your SO should you be in these group situations? any1 feel the same way?

Thanks for reading, help and advice is appreciated!

 

[invisiblebabe]

I think how you will act in a group with your SO can vary greatly depending upon the personality dynamics involved. Both my husband and I are introverts. He is more introverted than I am, which I like. He is also shy, and I am not... and I like that, too.

I hate groups and my husband and I are very attached to each other when we're in group situations. This was the case when we were engaged, too (we set a wedding date within 10 days of meeting, so we were never really in the 'dating' stage). We make it quite clear we are 'taken' and stay together for the length of the social gathering.

It sounds like your girlfriend is more extroverted than you. From the time I was 12, I knew I wanted to end up with a guy who was an introvert like me. You should absolutely make your girlfriend aware of how you are feeling (and let her know that it is likely because your personalities and social styles are different). I would also think about it if I were you... is she too extroverted to be a good match for you? I had dated extroverts and found that because of the very thing you mention, it didn't work for me.

Hope this helps!
-Kayli

 

[dude87]

Hey Kayli,
Thanks for being able to see it in ur perspective and help making more sense into what I'm feeling. I've never thought of it as an introvert-extrovert personality difference, now you've mentioned it, it really makes sense coz I know for myself that I'm an introvert and she might be a bit more extroverted than I am.

Does anyone else have this issue with introverted/extroverted SO different to yourself? how does it work out for you guys?

Thanks heaps again every1 who is reading!

 

[Mskedi]

My boyfriend is MUCH more extroverted than me. He socializes a lot in large groups and gives attention to everyone... and that's fine. It doesn't change how he feels towards me.

 

[Markus6]

Dude! You really need to stop feeling cheated and jealous. The girl is just having conversations so your feelings don't make sense. Do you honestly want her to only have fun when she's with you? When you start going out you don't suddenly merge into one person. You still have different interests, ways of communicating and sexes meaning you're going to enjoy talking to different people about different things. It's obvious she likes you though because...

... she's going out with you, duh!

You only need to worry if she completely blanks you in a group and pretends you're not going out, or if she's flirting with guys (having a conversation isn't flirting, nor is having fun).

 

[invisiblebabe]

Hey Kayli,
Thanks for being able to see it in ur perspective and help making more sense into what I'm feeling. I've never thought of it as an introvert-extrovert personality difference, now you've mentioned it, it really makes sense coz I know for myself that I'm an introvert and she might be a bit more extroverted than I am.

Does anyone else have this issue with introverted/extroverted SO different to yourself? how does it work out for you guys?

Thanks heaps again every1 who is reading!

You're welcome

Again I really think it depends on the individual. Just because some introverts may work well with extroverts, doesn't mean it will work for you. No offense at all towards the others who posted, but it sounds like they have different relationship needs than you and may not be able to relate to your situation. From what it sounds like, it is difficult for you to feel loved by her because of this difference. And, I think that's a perfectly OK and valid way to feel.

I broke up with an ex who was nearly to the point of engagement, because of a very significant personality difference (it wasn't introvert/extrovert, but it greatly hindered any possibility of my feeling I could relate to him on an intimate level). If I'd have married him, I would have felt very lonely.

If her being more extroverted makes you unable to connect socially or makes you unable to feel you relate to her well enough... I'd really, seriously consider breaking things off. If it doesn't hinder your connection with her, then by all means stay together

God bless!
Kayli

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I'm more introverted and my SO is an extrovert. He talks to everyone and that doesn't bother me. He does include me in conversations though. I did have to tell him how it bothered me when he had lengthy conversations with my needy best friend who doesn't have good boundary sense when talking to men.

My friend asked me why he was acting weird on Christmas. I hadn't even thought about it, but apparently he took my feelings to heart and distanced himself from her. Your gf shouldn't leave you completely alone at a party if she understands that you're not that into conversing with total strangers.

*It seems strange to me that you're exchanging I love yous already.

 

[Gods4me]

e and my bf tend were with a group of ppl just the other day (first time). it was a group of his friend who i had only just met and both of us felt it was great to be in a group cause we had such a good laugh and we had indviduall convos with other people and group convos and it think a happy mediums lovely. we aare both shy to begin and we are both happy to talk away.

you cant spend every minutue together when in a group personallly i think make you seem as 1 person when you are two. i loved watchin my b f talk to his mate while i spoke to his other friends.

 

[A2597]

from what you describe, it sounds all good to me!

So many couples start focusing on just eachother that they neglect their other friends, even in group settings. So long as you are not 100% ignoring eachother or something that would just be...odd...
I see no problem.

 

[Weasel7711]

Ive been officially dating this girl for just more than 4 months now whilst having been good friends for 1 and a half years before that. We recently exchanged 'i love you's and kisses on the cheeks before Christmas because we realise how much we care for one another. However when we go out with a group of people, things feel very different.

When we are with a group of people, I picture us as being very individual from each other, we have our own separate conversations and interact with different people at the party. Through this, I tend to feel that our relationship does not exist and that she tends to be ignoring what we have together. Sometimes when I look over to her, I get an idea that she might be having more fun with them and that it seems like she is give more attention to other people (even to other guys) than to me. I felt like she just puts me on hold and places me in the background (even when I'm sitting next to her). I talked to her about it once right after a party with a group of people we barely know and she said she didnt have the intention to give more attention to other guys and thats how she is with people. Somehow, I can agree with that because it was her interests in me when I first met her that got me falling for her coz she made me feel special. Now, when she does that with everyone else she meets, I feel cheated.

Im really confused in this situation, What is it suppose to be like when a couple goes out to meet other people? how attached to your SO should you be in these group situations? any1 feel the same way?

Thanks for reading, help and advice is appreciated!

When my girlfriend and I go out together we usually stay pretty close and show a restrained amount of public affection. I dont think a couple should be joined at the hip, though, if they go out somewhere. If we are hanging out after chuch or something and she is talking to one of her friends, I will go off and entertain myself until they are done. If we go out with a group of people, I will let her talk to her girlfriends and I will talk with some guy. I like when we do double dates, because it allows us to see how eachother act in group situations, not just around eachother. Plus, I can have a conversation with the other guy while her and her GF are doing that ceremonial "leave to the bathroom together" thing that women like to do. Couples should be able to interact with other people. I have no problem with her interacting with other people, as long as she doesnt (and she doesnt) act like I dont exist or that we arent a couple.