Dating catastrophe in China

[timewerx]

I wonder if this is true all over the world now?

 

[DragonFox91]

What a mess.

“There’s many rich single women who are struggling to get married but they can’t get married b/c all the men are poor & the men admit they won’t marry someone over 30 anyways.”

My thoughts w/ those attitudes they’re better off not married. It's easy to fall into those attitudes!

Here in US, I don’t think there’s quite an emphasis on $$$$ when dating. $$$ isn't a barrier to dating here

 

[timewerx]

& the men admit they won’t marry someone over 30 anyways.”

If I'm not mistaken, one of the reasons given are women over 30 have very high standards.

Just to make it clear, I'm not assuming every woman does. I know many who isn't materialistic. You'll know them.

Who knows, maybe this dating catastrophe only happens in Shanghai, China.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

What a mess.

“There’s many rich single women who are struggling to get married but they can’t get married b/c all the men are poor & the men admit they won’t marry someone over 30 anyways.”

My thoughts w/ those attitudes they’re better off not married. It's easy to fall into those attitudes!

Here in US, I don’t think there’s quite an emphasis on $$$$ when dating. $$$ isn't a barrier to dating here

Seems like China and other parts of the world, when it comes to dating, have similarities to the USA. Men are having less and less of a desire to date, because sometimes the juice isn't worth the squeeze, as they had been rejected by women...women who have unrealistic standards.

There had been articles about speed dating events, or, singles mixers where it's mostly women and the matchmaker is putting it out there on social media, "Where are all the men? We need you to sign up!"

Some responded, "I don't want to be rejected by all the women at one time at the event"
Usually this is based on their previous experiences attending these events or dating in general.

Oh, and the fact if they are Christian or not is irrelevant, because dating behaviors are always the same regardless of belief systems.

Here in US, I don’t think there’s quite an emphasis on $$$$ when dating. $$$ isn't a barrier to dating here

Not sure how you got that idea, money IS a big deal to a lot of women in the dating world. It's like if you dont' make 6 figures, you're out of the running. It's China that's following suit with the rest of the world.

 

[timewerx]

Seems like China and other parts of the world, when it comes to dating, have similarities to the USA. Men are having less and less of a desire to date, because sometimes the juice isn't worth the squeeze, as they had been rejected by women...women who have unrealistic standards.

There had been articles about speed dating events, or, singles mixers where it's mostly women and the matchmaker is putting it out there on social media, "Where are all the men? We need you to sign up!"

Some responded, "I don't want to be rejected by all the women at one time at the event"
Usually this is based on their previous experiences attending these events or dating in general.

Oh, and the fact if they are Christian or not is irrelevant, because dating behaviors are always the same regardless of belief systems.

I'm wondering if these dating events only attracts women with high standards.

I'd prefer signing up for sports activities at the chance of finding someone to date. Not that I actually do it to find someone to date. For the moment, I only do it to find friends. Not in any capacity to date atm but I see the huge potential to meet someone you can quickly establish a connection since the sporting activity have already brought you together through a common interest. I have gained friends, met single women on these activities but haven't asked anyone out for a date.

 

[bèlla]

Not sure how you got that idea, money IS a big deal to a lot of women in the dating world. It's like if you dont' make 6 figures, you're out of the running. It's China that's following suit with the rest of the world.

If you’ve ever watched a pendulum you’ll notice the velocity is equal on both sides. Excesses in one direction cause similar extremes on the other end. As greed and hypersexuality increases we see correlating responses in conservatism, tradition and related behaviors. There’s an unspoken belief there’s an oversupply of desirable traits and few consider what percentage of the population that shares the end they have in mind would fall in that group. When you specify it in those terms you realize how small it is.

We have data at our disposal to draw from that would enlighten us if we used it. You don’t have to imagine what percentage of men earn six figures nor would you use that number alone. You’d look at the national average in comparison to the living standard and requisite information related to age and industry. Judging a salary from a higher paying sector with one that compensates less is unfair. It’s better to consider their performance among their peers for equitable scrutiny.

In the same vain, we have data about health and education that’s broken down by age and ethnicity. There’s no need wonder in that regard when it comes to the opposite sex and you’d draw from additional information including the male/female ratio in your area with age in mind and so on.

Once you run the numbers you recognize the futility of fantasy and wishful thinking. Most women will never be stay at home wives and two incomes are the norm and increasingly required to make ends meet. Most people will never move to areas with a lower cost of living because they don’t like the tradeoffs. Most men earn a higher wage later in life. That’s his peak. While some may do the same at an earlier age it isn’t the norm.

There has to be a mutual willingness to build and support one another. Which may require sacrifices for education, health improvement or skill acquisition that benefits both. You can’t have it all upfront but with time and consistency you can accomplish your dreams together.

A lot of people are seduced by what they see in entertainment and social media and that’s the goal they’re chasing. A perceived better that doesn’t tell the story. They’re conflating a highlight reel with the truth and growing disgruntled when it evades them. There’s no place in our society for average. It’s personal non gratis and everything has to be perfect, great, etc. That’s unrealistic.

But if we emphasize character and values in our selections we’d open up the pool. That holds equally true for faith and expectations. The bible shows many people at different places in their walk with the Lord. Some will be more mature ‘at the time of meeting’ and others will grow in that area as the relationship progresses. Just because you’re more knowledgeable than the other in certain subjects doesn’t mean that will always hold true. Life isn’t stagnant.

We have to set aside the candy store mentality when it comes to musts and look at them biblically. If marriage is the goal you’re looking for a help meet or offering to be the same for another. Which begs the question where do you need help as a man and where are you qualified to assist as a woman? With the understanding both will change over time.

When a woman says she desires a man with a six figure salary the appropriate response isn’t anger. Ask her why she’s deserving and how she intends to add to or remove things from his plate and let her respond. The majority will disqualify themselves when doing so. And the reverse holds true for men. If he requires attractiveness ask him to explain how it adds to and serves his needs and let him answer. The majority are driven by the flesh or the culture. Needs can be substantiated. ;-)

I had this conversation with someone recently and noted five qualities I valued in a prospective spouse and money and looks didn’t make the list. But the things I cited will enhance someone’s attractiveness and potential for success and I knew that. But I didn’t end there. I did the same on his behalf and mentioned qualities worth considering and how they served his needs and goals.

We’re bothered by inequities and once you adopt that mindset you’ve moved away from the love Paul extols in Corinthians. It doesn‘t have to be equal and if you’re serving with the other in mind you aren’t keeping score. You’re wholly committed to their betterment with a tool in your arsenal called prayer. There’s nothing too hard for God and if they lay their mutual challenges on the altar as one they can be surmounted.

You have to be more proactive and avoid falling into the belief that most men or women want this or that end of story. The majority aren’t challenged in a manner (as shown above) that would allow them to question their beliefs on that issue. Perhaps that’s what they require from you. Only the truth sets us free.

ETA: This process is made easier when you know who you are from a biblical perspective and why you’re here. If you’re unclear on the first and gave little thought to the other you’ll move haphazardly. Our presence on this plane isn‘t happenstance and we’re meant to serve the kingdom in some way. That doesn’t mean ministry or the pulpit but our gifts and talents are a clue as are our passions.

~bella

 

[timewerx]

It's probably fake news although some things are partly true so who knows.

I'm able to meet single women in skating. They seem to like me as long as I don't tell them my real age. They seem to think I'm still in my mid twenties when I'm at least 20 years older.

However, I don't hesitate to tell them how old I am if they ask but everyone who did tends to freak out. They probably think I'm lying, a freak of nature, half-fairy or worse.

Not one lady is over the age of 30 in the only and largest skating group in our city although we have boys and and men of all ages in the group, a few over the age of 60. Interesting fact.

Anyway, I never had the chance the ask anyone out for a date nor even a coffee. I leave all my cash and cards at home. Keeping things very tight! Some of the guys invite me for free breakfast and I hope they only have friendly intentions.

Although many of the women in the group are nice and would be great partners for marriage, I'm not expecting anything beyond friendship and I'm not making any effort to move things beyond friendship. It's a lot easier that way. No pressure.

 

[trophy33]

However, I don't hesitate to tell them how old I am if they ask but everyone who did tends to freak out. They probably think I'm lying, a freak of nature, half-fairy or worse.

I thought that age differences in dating and marriage are common in Philippines. Preferred, even.

 

[timewerx]

I thought that age differences in dating and marriage are common in Philippines. Preferred, even.

Not uncommon but a lot less common. I think among relatives, the average age gap is less than 5 years. We only have one relative where the age gap is 20 years. Coming in second is 10 years. The rest is roughly the same age in years.

It's only more common among women who married foreigners.

It's not ideal unless the guy is bringing plenty into the table like the prospect of a green card or a large income and the woman's family is in desperate need of money.

Not ideal means women here won't be considering senior American citizens as first option or first priority when looking to get married. Mainly out of desperation or lack of good options locally.

Some women will consider foreign men as the first option and I recommend to avoid these women at all cost. Not all Filipinas are nice and would just use the guy as a "stepping stone" in their quest of greed. They can be highly aggressive and very articulate some may consider highly attractive but really one thing you should watch out for and possibly avoid.

 

[trophy33]

Some women will consider foreign men as the first option and I recommend to avoid these women at all cost. Not all Filipinas are nice and would just use the guy as a "stepping stone" in their quest of greed.

I do not think it is necessarily greed. It is a rational and good inclination to make yourself, your family and your future children financially secured. It is important. It is smarter than living in a misery just because of some hormonal love when they were in 20's.

But I understand what you mean - sometimes this good desire damages their character and makes them pretentious, unrealistically demanding, too egoistic, self-centered, hypocritical and unfaithful.

Everything needs some balance.

 

[timewerx]

But I understand what you mean - sometimes this good desire damages their character and makes them pretentious, unrealistically demanding, too egoistic, self-centered, hypocritical and unfaithful.

I think the damage extends far beyond the character and eventually manifests physically.

Most people don't realize it or thinks its normal because everybody else is obsessed with money,

 

[trophy33]

I think the damage extends far beyond the character and eventually manifests physically.

Most people don't realize it or thinks its normal because everybody else is obsessed with money,

Yes, it manifests physically, like many other things. As for example you can tell that somebody is nervous from the body language, or depressive from how the face looks like, so you can also tell other things.

 

[bèlla]

Marrying for security was a common practice for many years. Including the periods many recount in their rhapsodies. Love wasn’t the first consideration for most nor was attraction in the measure we weigh it today. They were more practical. Whether there was plenty or lack the goal for betterment was always a factor and they worked together. Age gaps weren’t uncommon. Most men increase their income with age much like they do today save those who had an inheritance or better prospects.

What distinguishes this period from others is the lack of respect, erosion of love and morality and frequent partings. Marriage is viewed as a convenience by most rather than a duty. There’s little compulsion to work through differences and stay the course for the sake of the bond and children and divorce is incentivized.

I wouldn’t call greed the culprit in and of itself but a commoditization of companionship that’s become transactional. We’ve gotten away from God and the end result is chaos. We should honor the Lord in our unions whether we find them abroad or in our backyard. If we decry the culture and seek a suitor on other shores we’ll confront similar realities in our return.

No one is born with these ideologies or wrong behaviors. We learn them through experience and exposure. You’ll need a lot of mettle to avoid the same and many adopt the customs of their new home when they immigrate. It helps them to assimilate. Oftentimes it’s emphasized with their children through a desire to fit in. Now you’re back where you started.

~bella

 

[timewerx]

Yes, it manifests physically, like many other things. As for example you can tell that somebody is nervous from the body language, or depressive from how the face looks like, so you can also tell other things.

I know some truly greedy people personally and closely and they live less stressful lives. Greed can eventually pay off monetarily with enough patience and persistence and monetary rewards is quite fulfilling to them. It can create financial security and generally less stressful existence.

The damage is expressed elsewhere like the face, form, strength, health, etc. Most people think it's normal aging but there's more to it.

 

[DragonFox91]

The video re-popped up in my feed & I rewatched it a couple weeks ago. Previously I might’ve said it’s not like that here in the US, all kinds of people from all walks of life get married. Now I’m not sure. There's still barriers here. I don't think income is one tho

 

[timewerx]

The video re-popped up in my feed & I rewatched it a couple weeks ago. Previously I might’ve said it’s not like that here in the US, all kinds of people from all walks of life get married. Now I’m not sure. There's still barriers here. I don't think income is one tho

Oftentimes, it's just two people who see each other regularly and have quite a few things in common like two people who met each other at work. Most people I know who got married, income or status was not the factor and they end up totally fine.

A poor woman is more likely to marry another poor man.

Women who ends up with 6 figure salary husband is just a small minority of marriages around the world. It isn't the reality for most people simply because there's not enough 6 figure salary men for all single women the world.

The only hope of fulfilling one's worldly plans and ambitions is the hope is that most people are less smarter than you or less perfect than you, less persistent than you or more broken/damaged than you. It's not a sustainable plan for everyone and for the planet.

The social media is simply feeding us lies and garbage that is only meant to waste your time. The number of women who will marry a min wage man is far greater in numbers than women only looking for six figure salary men.

 

[DragonFox91]

Yeah

Oftentimes, it's just two people who see each other regularly and have quite a few things in common like two people who met each other at work. Most people I know who got married, income or status was not the factor and they end up totally fine.

A poor woman is more likely to marry another poor man.

Women who ends up with 6 figure salary husband is just a small minority of marriages around the world. It isn't the reality for most people simply because there's not enough 6 figure salary men for all single women the world.

The only hope of fulfilling one's worldly plans and ambitions is the hope is that most people are less smarter than you or less perfect than you, less persistent than you or more broken/damaged than you. It's not a sustainable plan for everyone and for the planet.

The social media is simply feeding us lies and garbage that is only meant to waste your time. The number of women who will marry a min wage man is far greater in numbers than women only looking for six figure salary men.

Yeah. In my experience people especially the poorer don’t like the idea of someone having more $$$ than they do. I’m sure some of it is their own heart but mainstream media feeds it. As such a poor person more likely to marry someone else poor. & having $ doesn’t attract those who have $ bc they already have it. $ doesn’t mean anything when it comes to getting married.
I suspect you either get married or you don’t according to Gods judgement

 

[timewerx]

Yeah

Yeah. In my experience people especially the poorer don’t like the idea of someone having more $$$ than they do.

Actually, they still would like to marry someone richer if the opportunity presents itself. But the chances are smaller as a matter of opportunity and character compatibility, that's why a poor person is more likely to marry someone poorer.

That means if they are dating two people. Both of whom they see regularly, both with equal level of physical attractiveness to them, and both with character compatibility, they'll see the one with more money as more eligible. Although in reality, as poor person, you are less likely to meet a much richer person that is compatible with your character, you are much more likely to meet another poor person who will be attracted to your character.

having $ doesn’t attract those who have $ bc they already have it.

It kinda does! At least indirectly. Money or the lack of it have a strong influence on one's character. If you have lots of money, your character will be similar to other people with lots of money and likewise more likely attract other people with more money.

Also if the richer person also have lots of friends in similar income bracket, it will be less awkward to socialize with their friends if you're in a similar income bracket as well.

Many rich people are aware of this so they don't invite their non-rich friends with their rich friends at the same gathering because things can get very awkward and humiliating or very constraining for both parties.

And richer people in general wouldn't want a downgrade of their standard of living which could happen if they married someone poor. If they have to buy another car and planning to have kids that means a downgrade of standard of living if the other person have much smaller contribution to the finances.

No richer person is going to want to move to a cheaper house unless they have a heart after the Lord's!

Money still have very strong influence in one's choices for partner. But the good news is, even if you don't make six figure salary, you still gave good chances of getting married.

I’m sure some of it is their own heart but mainstream media feeds it.

Sadly, mainstream media have a very strong effect. The people making lots of profit from it have blood on their hands.