Dating after 30

[mjh0607]

I'm curious, does anybody else find it difficult to date and have meaningful relationships after 30? 30 seems to be that age, that it feels like all is lost when it comes to dating. If you don't find anybody in your 20s, hopeless is probably too strong of a word, but it sure feels that way sometimes.

In my geographical area, going to church, spiritual integrity and morality are practically lost on my generation. I go to church on Sundays, the closest aged peers that go to church are 45 and 21. There is nobody in my age group that goes to church. Everybody my age is married or has kids.

I don't mean to be insensitive and I'm not sure how to say this in a sensitive manner, I'm not interesting in dating someone that already has kids, either out of wedlock or a failed marriage. I've been careful to save myself for marriage (which puts me in the company of nobody for my age group in this geographical area) while I'm not so naive to expect the same from my future spouse, having a family I could call my own has always been a dream. Again, I don't mean any disrespect to anybody that finds themselves being a single mother, it's just not what I'm looking for.

The women that are my age and are single and do have moral integrity, I get the sense that they have been hurt from past relationships and I have difficulty getting close to them. I understand completely why they are guarding their hearts, I've been disappointed a lot too in past relationships. The refrain "I'm not like other guys" I'm sure has been used on them over and over again on them. But I genuinely don't see myself as being like other guys. I wish I knew how to prove that, how to gain their trust.

I've always said that we never fully understand God's will for our lives. But it doesn't mean that we won't try. It's human nature to want to understand life's meaning. I don't know what God's plan is for me. While I trust God's plan, it's also frustrating and it wears me down sometimes. But you can always count on the comfort of Christ. That's why I always pray for God to comfort us whenever we are feeling down and hurt. Just asking for prayers of comfort.

 

[r0keye]

I'm curious, does anybody else find it difficult to date and have meaningful relationships after 30? 30 seems to be that age, that it feels like all is lost when it comes to dating. If you don't find anybody in your 20s, hopeless is probably too strong of a word, but it sure feels that way sometimes.

I found it hard to date after I was 25! but I had other issues going on. But because 30 is a 'coming of age' (and has been for thousands of years) I concur.

In my geographical area, going to church, spiritual integrity and morality are practically lost on my generation. I go to church on Sundays, the closest aged peers that go to church are 45 and 21. There is nobody in my age group that goes to church. Everybody my age is married or has kids.

That sucks, <tongue in cheek>do you know the equation for the youngest person you can date? Half your age + 7, so at 33 that means you can date a woman who is 23.5 years old. Might open up your options slightly </tongue in cheek>

I don't mean to be insensitive and I'm not sure how to say this in a sensitive manner, I'm not interesting in dating someone that already has kids, either out of wedlock or a failed marriage. I've been careful to save myself for marriage (which puts me in the company of nobody for my age group in this geographical area) while I'm not so naive to expect the same from my future spouse, having a family I could call my own has always been a dream. Again, I don't mean any disrespect to anybody that finds themselves being a single mother, it's just not what I'm looking for.

A LOT of singles that I know feel this way. Nothing wrong with preferences though, but for me hearing so many stories of kids growing up being abused by their step mum or dad also freaks me out a bit.

The women that are my age and are single

Hang on I thought you didn't know anyone between 21 and 45??

and do have moral integrity, I get the sense that they have been hurt from past relationships and I have difficulty getting close to them. I understand completely why they are guarding their hearts, I've been disappointed a lot too in past relationships. The refrain "I'm not like other guys" I'm sure has been used on them over and over again on them. But I genuinely don't see myself as being like other guys. I wish I knew how to prove that, how to gain their trust.

Be vulnerable!! My opinion of myself is that 'I am worse than all the other guys because of my past' yet I know Christ, and me plus Christ is infinitely better than anything right?

I have no help when it comes to dating women who have closed their hearts, because I do the exact same thing to them.

I've always said that we never fully understand God's will for our lives. But it doesn't mean that we won't try. It's human nature to want to understand life's meaning. I don't know what God's plan is for me. While I trust God's plan, it's also frustrating and it wears me down sometimes. But you can always count on the comfort of Christ. That's why I always pray for God to comfort us whenever we are feeling down and hurt. Just asking for prayers of comfort.

Have a look at true love dates and Future marriage University on the web. They have many articles about this very topic which have given me much comfort in the past couple of years.

 

[Gnarwhal]

I'm not quite 30 yet (28), but I'm looking forward to what's ahead of me in my thirties. My parents both felt like they really hit their stride in their 30's. My dad was 33 or so when he met my mom, and I've known a few other people who had more romantic success in their thirties than they did in their twenties. Which is encouraging news for me since I've had more failure than success in my twenties.

The pendulum of this getting-married-young trend is probably about to swing the other way here in the next decade or so. These things seem sort of cyclical anyway.

 

[CCHIPSS]

I'm curious, does anybody else find it difficult to date and have meaningful relationships after 30? 30 seems to be that age, that it feels like all is lost when it comes to dating. If you don't find anybody in your 20s, hopeless is probably too strong of a word, but it sure feels that way sometimes.

In my geographical area, going to church, spiritual integrity and morality are practically lost on my generation. I go to church on Sundays, the closest aged peers that go to church are 45 and 21. There is nobody in my age group that goes to church. Everybody my age is married or has kids.

I don't mean to be insensitive and I'm not sure how to say this in a sensitive manner, I'm not interesting in dating someone that already has kids, either out of wedlock or a failed marriage. I've been careful to save myself for marriage (which puts me in the company of nobody for my age group in this geographical area) while I'm not so naive to expect the same from my future spouse, having a family I could call my own has always been a dream. Again, I don't mean any disrespect to anybody that finds themselves being a single mother, it's just not what I'm looking for.

The women that are my age and are single and do have moral integrity, I get the sense that they have been hurt from past relationships and I have difficulty getting close to them. I understand completely why they are guarding their hearts, I've been disappointed a lot too in past relationships. The refrain "I'm not like other guys" I'm sure has been used on them over and over again on them. But I genuinely don't see myself as being like other guys. I wish I knew how to prove that, how to gain their trust.

I've always said that we never fully understand God's will for our lives. But it doesn't mean that we won't try. It's human nature to want to understand life's meaning. I don't know what God's plan is for me. While I trust God's plan, it's also frustrating and it wears me down sometimes. But you can always count on the comfort of Christ. That's why I always pray for God to comfort us whenever we are feeling down and hurt. Just asking for prayers of comfort.

I agree that around that age of 30, it is nearly hopeless to find a girlfriend from church. The girls are either married, dating, age gap too wide, not interested in you or you are not interested in them. There are the odd "miracle" cases, but they are so rare it aren't even worth considering. You can however try online dating. You can also ask your friends for a referal. Tell them you are seriously looking for a girlfriend and marriage. Girls tend to know girls.

I broke up with my EX, first ever girlfriend who I met online 6 months ago, about 4 months ago. Since then I have casually dated 2 Christian ladies. Both of which told me fairly quickly (within 2 weeks) that they are no longer interested. I met both of them online.

I guess my point is you can get dates from the online world. There are Christian ladies looking for Christian guys. However they are not looking for any Christian guy. Their standards are just as high if not higher than non-believers.

 

[Unix]

I get nervous and get a bit of problems with phones. Accidentally muting the phone and such things. It's tiresome to constantly have to change the way of communicating, there's no-one who will both answer the phone and short message on the cell phone and Skype. Also I haven't afforded a battery to my spare cellphone, I'm unsure if I get a used battery for free that's a little better, I doubt.
Btw I don't use smartphones.

Other kind of phone calls have been working decently, I've been talking on the phone for a few hours a Month (up to about 6 hours).

I can call without charge.
I do get the cell phone numbers.
It's just that the girls/women have too high expectations that all the technicalities have to function flawlessly. All my life I've never had to start calling new people - I'm experience talking on the phone, and paying my phone invoices since I was in my mid-teens, but it's still a new situation to get in touch with a new person.

 

[mjh0607]

I spent most of my 20s furthering my education. Working for a good job, moving up the ladder, so that I could be in a position to support a family. I watched people I grew up with struggle to keep their family together and I didn't want to struggle with that. I felt that this was the right thing for me to do. One day, I just turned around, and everybody was gone. Everybody's married (some twice, a few on their third marriages) with kids and the dating pool just isn't there. It's like there's a 10 to 1 male to female ratio around here and I'm one of the 9. It's just frustrating.

That sucks, <tongue in cheek>do you know the equation for the youngest person you can date? Half your age + 7, so at 33 that means you can date a woman who is 23.5 years old. Might open up your options slightly </tongue in cheek>

Yes, I am aware of this. While age is just a number, I don't generally have a lot in common with women at the lower end of that age range. Age 23 is about where I put my limit, anything less than that, I just think it's creepy. I've tried to talk (online dating) to a few 23 or 24 year olds, never got much of a response. Didn't really expect a lot of response either.

Hang on I thought you didn't know anyone between 21 and 45??

Well, I guess there's knowing people and KNOWING people. There's a few people I know basically just from Facebook, hardly ever see them out in real life and even then it's at the grocery store or something like that. I did date one young lady from Facebook, but our personalities didn't really mix. I think we both knew that going in, but we both had trouble finding people, so we took a chance. There was no hard feelings at all in that failed relationship, we were just honest with each other, while we don't exactly talk any more, there was no disappointment in that attempt.

There's also a few people of interest I've had from online dating. But online dating just has never worked well for me. I guess I come across as being too slow in wanting to get to the relationship stage and that turns women off.

I have no help when it comes to dating women who have closed their hearts, because I do the exact same thing to them.

See, I believe you should guard your heart. If you're letting people into your heart left and right, then how does the right other person suppose to know that they are special to you? I believe hard work pays off. I believe that things you accomplish are better than things that are given to you. The desire to want to work to get inside a woman's heart, that's a sign of commitment. And a someone that guards their heart, knows how special they are. And only someone that appreciates that specialness deserves to get in.

So I have an attraction to those that do guard their heart. But there's a difference between guarding your heart and closing your heart. I don't know if these women have closed their hearts or just guarded them, but it's as if other men have ruined them and cried wolf one too many times. Convincing them that I'm "not like other guys" takes a lot of proving.

Have a look at true love dates and Future marriage University on the web. They have many articles about this very topic which have given me much comfort in the past couple of years.

Thanks! I'll have to check that out.

 

[mjh0607]

I'm not quite 30 yet (28), but I'm looking forward to what's ahead of me in my thirties. My parents both felt like they really hit their stride in their 30's.

I'm thinking times were a little different back in the day when your parents were in their 30s.

I feel like I lot of the problems I face are geographically based. Hopefully you don't face the same obstacles.

 

[mjh0607]

I agree that around that age of 30, it is nearly hopeless to find a girlfriend from church. The girls are either married, dating, age gap too wide, not interested in you or you are not interested in them. There are the odd "miracle" cases, but they are so rare it aren't even worth considering. You can however try online dating. You can also ask your friends for a referal. Tell them you are seriously looking for a girlfriend and marriage. Girls tend to know girls.

Are we allowed to still use the friend card? I've always been one that thought my own merits should be good enough. Maybe I don't use the friend card like I should.

 

[sundewgrower]

The feeling of a massively skewed ratio is causing some men to look over seas. To many women in the USA have their own laundry list of criteria so if you have even 2 or 3 items it can put you out in the cold. A great number of women want kids but not necessarily you and you need to ferret that out early. You want a woman that is going to be a better wife than a mother if she wants to be a mother at all. What guy wants to play second fiddle or no fiddle at all to his kids?

A lot of American women these days end up married to their kids and the guy is just there for money. I probably don't need to explain how much sex that guy will be getting in that situation which is becoming quite common these days in the USA.

This is just my two cents here.
But it appears they can be domineering, overly career driven, and in the end not really looking out for the guy. That's with my bare minimum amount of experience there, but that is why sometimes I gravitate towards other cultures some.
Some cultures, not that it's best. But the husband is very important, and will be taken care of.
To the point that the mother will nag the son in law to death on a visit if he doesn't seem very well taken care of.
Not that it's good. But a guy from the US can be seen as a relief in some ways. But that's just a slice of a massive piece of the puzzle.

 

[CCHIPSS]

Dating really early 30's women have baby fever to the max. You will be lucky to find a woman who is not interested in having kids and having them quick. IF you don't want kids dating in your early 30's is a nightmare because there are so few women that don't want kids that if you have any other relationship criteria all of your handful of prospects evaporate.

now dating really late 30's to early 40's I have heard that is when the table shift and for single men who have not aged horribly get to experience what women did in their early 20's. I have heard that a single man in their 40's that has taken half way decent care of themselves will have a lot of dating prosepcts and by that time women are past their prime for having kids and if you manage to make it that far without being saddled with child support then you win.

So the guys that wants kids and raise a regular normal family is screwed.

 

[CCHIPSS]

Are we allowed to still use the friend card? I've always been one that thought my own merits should be good enough. Maybe I don't use the friend card like I should.

I don't see why not. I know a Christian lady who want to recommend to me some of her friends. However none of them are Christian (all her Christian friends were taken or married) so I refused. Maybe I will change my mind one day.

 

[mjh0607]

So the guys that wants kids and raise a regular normal family is screwed.

That's kind of what I thought too.

I don't see why not. I know a Christian lady who want to recommend to me some of her friends. However none of them are Christian (all her Christian friends were taken or married) so I refused. Maybe I will change my mind one day.

I (kind of) know one good Christian woman that I really wouldn't mind getting to know better. That's not at all a statement that we would be a good match. I see a lot of things that I think we have in common. But she's shown no interest in me. I get the sense that she's one of those that may have been hurt from a past relationship, so she's really cautious or just closed up entirely. I wish we had a real strong mutual friend, someone that knows me and someone that knows her, that I could ask about her. But that mutual friend is missing.

 

[George95]

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[Unix]

In little more than a year I've lost three friends one of which was a potential girlfriend due to very slight mistakes because I can't handle phones.
Over a year ago it was a guy from CF, in the U.S. I had talked to for 4 hours on the phone. I eventually lost the notes I had written on the computer during the phone call, it's the only file I've lost lately. If/when I call him his wife answers and doesn't give the phone to him since he's afraid it's some unfriendly person calling when she hears it's from CF. He no-longer posts on CF since recently. We are both on another forum but he hasn't logged in there since last Summer, I PM:d him yesterday over there, probably he'll never read.
A few Weeks ago I accidentally hit the mute button and lost a potential girlfriend who had one small child.
Yesterday, Sunday I didn't answer the phone when a woman called because I wanted to call her back since I can call for free from my desk phone. I don't have desk phone but I'm sure it was her and today she said she had tried to call me. I didn't have my cell on this morning because I slept too long. She's from another part of the country. I would have needed to tell her that our mutual friend (my best friend) wants to see her this Thursday, now she doesn't get to see her and they probably won't remain friends. She who tried to call me also didn't have anywhere to stay between Wednesday to Thursday. I would have told her she could stay at my place, I told last Week but she didn't remember. No sex of course, just because she's dirt poor she could really not afford a hotel or Youth Hostel. Her train ticket got more expensive too since Wednesday when she's leaving is a the eve of a big holiday:

I get nervous and get a bit of problems with phones. Accidentally muting the phone and such things.

 

[Neve]

I'm not quite 30 yet (28), but I'm looking forward to what's ahead of me in my thirties. My parents both felt like they really hit their stride in their 30's. My dad was 33 or so when he met my mom, and I've known a few other people who had more romantic success in their thirties than they did in their twenties. Which is encouraging news for me since I've had more failure than success in my twenties.

The pendulum of this getting-married-young trend is probably about to swing the other way here in the next decade or so. These things seem sort of cyclical anyway.

This is my hope as I approach my 28th birthday.

 

[Mitchy Slacks]

In a Christian sense, dating after 30 sucks for men. Most good Christian catches are gone before 25. Many modern women don't seem to see Christianity as anything more than a label to carry to appear to others as being on the "right team." Most of the unmarried "Christian" adult women I meet still base most of their beliefs and ideologies on worldly principles. Many modern Christian women would still rather marry a non-Christian provider than a poor Christian.

But then again, life in general for single Christians sucks after 30. This is far from a Christian world. Most people find the Bible boring. I've been to plenty of Bible studies and I've never seen a knockout 30-40 something single woman at one. Mostly it's just marrieds and old people. If I could go back and do anything differently it would have been to become a Christian in college. But hey, that's not how life works.

 

[redblue22]

It really depends on whether you are a man or a woman. It sucks more for women. Men can always date younger.

 

[MiniEmu]

Judging by the number of clergy and church workers (male and female) who find spouses after the age of 30 I'm not inclined to think age makes much of a difference.
Dating, whatever your age, seems to involve a dash of good fortune.

 

[blackribbon]

For those who find dating after 30 so difficult....how great was it before 30? I tend to find those that were always comfortable with it don't have any problem regardless of age. I don't think it is an age thing. It might be more about less time to date or your interests have become better defined.

 

[dayhiker]

I didn't start dating the end time around till mid 50s. By then I knew myself really well, had got over my shyness enough so I can lead a conversation as well as listen
really well. I'm also much better at reading body language. All that has made for a lot of fun dating while meeting so many interesting people. I say people because if I don't meet a woman to date, I have some good conversations with the guys there.