dating a nonbeliever

[Travis Dale]

Hi guys, This is my first time using any forum. I have spent the last two days online looking for any advise to help me out, and I havent found anything to give me any hope yet. here is my story. I am 20 years old and I was dating a girl about four years ago who I thought was perfect for me. I later found out that she had a lot of growing up to do when she left me for no real reason. The thing was that we had meshed together so well that I never really did get over her until I met the Lord about a year later. Well, I have been doing really well in the church. I did a descipleship program at church to get to know God more. god has called me to missions and I have been on two and already have three more planned. anyway God is doing great things in my life accept for one thing. I still havent met any girls who compare to this girl. Which brings me to my problem today. The girl got a hold of me about a week and a half ago and we saw eachother a couple times, then I asked her if she would like to go camping with some friends and me. WE went and we really hit it aff again. I told her all about what God has done in my life, and she told me that she wanted to start going to church with me again. we talked about our past relationship and how unhealthy it was and how it would have to be different this time. Well I brought her to church and she enjoyed it, and I introdused her to a lot of my friends. However I am getting strange reactions from all my friends. They all tell me Im wrong and that I need to end it now. I really care about this girl and I know that she is comming around and I really hate to end it now and take the chance of her not comming to Christ because of me. I know that when she comes around we could have a great future and I am really the only person she knows who goes to church. Her old friends are a bunch of losers who will only take down the wrong path and I cant see that happen again. Somebody please give me some good advise because I am really struggleing with this and I dont want to do anything to hurt her. I just need to know the best way to negotiate this whole situation. I appreciate any advice you have. Thank you and God bless you.

 

[tonya]

First and foremaost I feel you should pray strongly about this!! As I am sure you will. Secondly, the BIBLE says we should not marry an unbeliever...are you married to her yet? And most of all, who's to say that the LOrd did not send her to you for the reason that you are to be a light and witness to her, win her to the Lord, and marry her..Take it slow and see what God says...Have a blessed day!!!

 

[LiberatedChick]

I am married to a non-believer and very very happy. A lot of people are happy in a relationship with a person who is not Christian. This does not have to be a barrier.

I highly suggest taking a glance at this thread: http://www.christianforums.com/t731188

Do not be short sighted in your relationship with her! You *can* have a loving and happy relationship with her no matter what she chooses, but it is up to you if you can truly bring yourself to accept her *as she is* without hoping she will change.

Pray for her, but remember that if you are in a relationship and have to say "we will be together if she changes this, that and the other thing", no matter what these changes may be (religious, physical, emotional, etc), then this is not correct! It is not your place to change her. The Lord can change her heart, but she is not withered and unlovable if she does not do it now, quickly, or ever.

If you love her for who she is, there will be no issues. If you love her for who you think she could be? Then there is a major problem.

I too am married to a non-believer and we've been together for over 5 years now. Our differences in beliefs have never caused a problem and I completely agree with Blue Impluses post...especially that you should make sure you love her for who she is and not who should could be.

 

[Whitestone]

If you feel comfortable with re kindleing an old relationship GREAT!, I know many times this is not an option. If she is willing to go to church with you that is also WONDERFUL!.

I would stay with the relationship, under the condition that you can't get married until she becomes a Christian. Your friends that are trying to deter you from staying with her are not being mean but trying to help. They know it is written that were are not to be joined unevenly with non believers, and if it wasn't important God would not have put it in the bible.

I know others on these forums that are blessed to have happy marriage with a non believer, but I have also read many post about how sad some Christians are being married to a non believer. Not that their mate is a bad person, but that they do not Know Jesus and have secured eternal salvation. That the Christian can not share the joy of knowing God with their spouse. They can share His word but not the joy that comes from knowing Him. That children may be more tempted by not seeing both parents devoted to the Lord.

These are just my opinions, I speak from a little bit of experience. My wife would not marry me until I became a Christian and I am very thankful for her steadfastness to the Lord.

I pray that your road will be made smooth.

Whitestone

PS One more thought, do not rush the young lady with a relationship to the Lord. You could very easily push her away from the Lord.

 

[WashedClean]

If you feel comfortable with re kindleing an old relationship GREAT!, I know many times this is not an option. If she is willing to go to church with you that is also WONDERFUL!.

I would stay with the relationship, under the condition that you can't get married until she becomes a Christian. Your friends that are trying to deter you from staying with her are not being mean but trying to help. They know it is written that were are not to be joined unevenly with non believers, and if it wasn't important God would not have put it in the bible.

I know others on these forums that are blessed to have happy marriage with a non believer, but I have also read many post about how sad some Christians are being married to a non believer. Not that their mate is a bad person, but that they do not Know Jesus and have secured eternal salvation. That the Christian can not share the joy of knowing God with their spouse. They can share His word but not the joy that comes from knowing Him. That children may be more tempted by not seeing both parents devoted to the Lord.

These are just my opinions, I speak from a little bit of experience. My wife would not marry me until I became a Christian and I am very thankful for her steadfastness to the Lord.

I pray that your road will be made smooth.

Whitestone

PS One more thought, do not rush the young lady with a relationship to the Lord. You could very easily push her away from the Lord.

This is excellent advice.

I would caution you do move really slowly in your relationship. If you decide to marry her or develop a long-term relationship, I believe this is not God's will. You can be friends and witness to her. But the Bible is explicit that we are NOT to be unequally yoked. Eventually, if she does not accept the Lord, you will feel a pull away from Him. I'm sure others may disagree with me, but I'm married to a non-believer who is very supportive. And yet, there is still a huge void in my life. I long to share the joy of the Lord with him and it's very painful to know he would go to hell if he died now.

I'm not trying to sound like a downer, believe me. But God's rules are not for no good reason.

Just my humble $.02.

Love in Christ,

WashedClean

 

[Andy D]

I can give you some encouragement. My younger brother started dating a non-believer who was actively seeking to find out more about God. We prayed heaps and explained things to her but didnt Bible bash her because it is the Holy Spirit who works and our testimony was the important thing. Whilst I dont advise people to date non-believers, it does happen but like someone earlier stated, you shouldnt marry them. If you do whilst they are an unbeliever it will cause you many struggles with your walk with God. After all, it is a beautiful thing to marry and spend time with that special person as well as with God, sharing your spiritual and physical sides.

Well, my younger brother asked this girl to marry him and she said yes, then told him that earlier that day she had accepted Christ into her heart...so God knew and had it all worked out. "But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold."—Job 23:10

God knows the path we take and if we totally trust in Him then we will know if we should break it up with that person...If you find that you are struggling with temptation and having to compromise your Christian values, then I would definately stand back until she made a decision...other than that...cant see how dating is a problem as long as you are strong on your testimony. Keep praying. God will hear you and knows your situation and will show you the way

 

[pegatha]

... I am really the only person she knows who goes to church. Her old friends are a bunch of losers who will only take down the wrong path and I cant see that happen again.

See what you can do to broaden her circle of Christian friends. Get her active in your church's young singles group, or the local Campus Crusade or Navigators(even if she's not a student). It's not good for you to be the only Christian influence in her life. You want to be sure that if she does accept the Lord, that it's sincere, and not just something she does to please you. Also remember that you're still very young in years and young in Christ to choose a wife, so don't rush your relationship with her even if she does get saved.

Remember that if you honor God in your choice of a wife, He will honor your obedience. That means, among other things, wait for a Christian woman who loves God at least as much as you do. She may become that woman, or you may have to look for someone else. But be very leary of getting overly involved with her romantically right now, especially if you find yourself feeling obligated to date her just so she won't reject Christ. That's where the body of Christ comes in; let them help you bring her into the fold, so that her decision will be based on the truth and not on her romantic feelings for you.

 

[KleinerApfel]

Travis, welcome to the forums.
I hope you'll come back and explore some more!

If you believe your girlfriend is genuinely interested in Christianity, you are doing a good thing helping her, but how far your invlovement should go is a tough question.

Being romantically involved is a complicated way to witness for Christ, but perhaps sometimes it might be the right thing.
Only time will tell in each instance.

Witnessing for Christ always carries a risk, as your missions will have shown you, and human relationships of any kind, ( romantic ones in particular), also carry risks.

If she ultimately comes to Christ, and your relationship together works too, that will be wonderful, but there are other possibilities to consider;

She may reject Jesus, or you, or both, and you will suffer pain in any of these scenarios.
That is why your friends are concerned for you.

Therefore you have to prayerfully decide for yourself how much risk and potential pain you are prepared to take on in hope of this young woman:

A/ being saved,
and
B/ you two working out together.

I hope it all works out in the best possible way, bless you, Susana.

(BTW, in case you're wondering, we were married 20+ years ago when neither of us had faith. I came to the Lord 11 years ago, and am still waiting for my husband to do so. Good marriage, but very difficult being unequally yoked.)

 

[hugnluvable]

Hey there Travis! Great to see that you're asking others for opinions n stuff - it shows that you're really commited and open to doing the best thing you can possibly do! My boyfriend isnt a Christian so I can see where you're coming from.

The main advice that I can give to you is DON'T BREAK UP WITH HER BECAUSE YOUR FRIENDS THINK ITS UNHEALTHY etcetc! You need to make this your decision in your own time if thats ever going to be the case. All you can do is be the man that God has created you to be, and live by that! It sounds like she's really interested in Him and thats a really good thing - especially if you can practise what you preach. Converstaions about your faith with her are fantastic, keep on praying for opportunities when you can talk to her about it.

Yeah, just keep on praying. The thing is though, YOU CANT CHANGE who she is. And she needs to find the Lord in her own time and precious way. Just remember as well that dating her shouldnt be some kind of mission to convert her. Your love for her should be unconditional - saying you wont marry her unless she becomes a christian will force her either further and further away from you or even worse, further and further away from God.

And make sure that you put the Lord first in all you do before anything else. Having a non-believing partner is one thing that can break a relationship up between a person and God, thats why your mates are so concerned...please make sure that doesnt happen

Love and hugs
Erica
xxx

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

Hi Travis,

Welcome to the forums!

I'd be inclined to agree with WashedClean's advice. Take your relationship slowly and pray for your girlfriend. Technically you're not married and are not planning to marry any time too soon. I don't see anything wrong with you being a witness to your girlfriend, especially if she also is showing an interest in G-d too

The potential tough area may be the next stage which is when the two of you talk about marriage and it is this stage that we're cautioned against in the Bible. Whilst for some it may work, for others there are also equally unhappy consequences to being with a non-believing spouse - hence the Biblical advice. As a Christian husband you deserve to have a wife who can nurture your children in the same way that you are discovering G-d, a woman who will be able to support your 'Christ-based' decisions on how you (husband & wife) operate as a family.

G-d willing, she will be saved at a point where the two of you are ready to tie the knot and by the looks of things this could very well be your 'Eve' the one you've been waiting for all your life. Perhaps her interest in G-d and returning back into your life, is as a result of Divine Intervention.

Keep praying and see what happens.

Blessings to you

LP