Dating a nonbeliever

[Hannah I.]

Hey all,

So a couple of years ago I went through a very rough patch in my faith, nearly renouncing my relationship with God to live my own life. It was at this time that I started dating C, my current boyfriend. At the time, we had very similar beliefs and we worked quite well. However, as time went by, I reintegrated myself in to a church and found my love of Christ again. However, C has not done so. He is definitely a seeker, asking questions now that I often don’t have answers to. But we are now seniors in college and are beginning to look at engagement and marriage. We’ve discussed the fact of the matter that I don’t think I want to marry a non-Christian but I’ve also been dating him for over 2 years and I love him very much. I know that Paul said to not be unequally yoked with nonbelievers in Corinthians, I think I’m just hoping that C will come to know Jesus on his own and I won’t have to make the decision I fear I may have to make.

I’m looking for some advice on how to approach him and some of the difficult conversations we may have to have in the near future. I’m also hoping that you all might add him to your prayers, as I know he wants to find the love of God, he just doesn’t quite know enough of the faith or the Bible to get there just yet.

Any and all advice is welcome, I’m really quite desperate, and I don’t know how to approach this situation any longer.

Thank you so very much.

 

[salt-n-light]

Hey all,

So a couple of years ago I went through a very rough patch in my faith, nearly renouncing my relationship with God to live my own life. It was at this time that I started dating C, my current boyfriend. At the time, we had very similar beliefs and we worked quite well. However, as time went by, I reintegrated myself in to a church and found my love of Christ again. However, C has not done so. He is definitely a seeker, asking questions now that I often don’t have answers to. But we are now seniors in college and are beginning to look at engagement and marriage. We’ve discussed the fact of the matter that I don’t think I want to marry a non-Christian but I’ve also been dating him for over 2 years and I love him very much. I know that Paul said to not be unequally yoked with nonbelievers in Corinthians, I think I’m just hoping that C will come to know Jesus on his own and I won’t have to make the decision I fear I may have to make.

I’m looking for some advice on how to approach him and some of the difficult conversations we may have to have in the near future. I’m also hoping that you all might add him to your prayers, as I know he wants to find the love of God, he just doesn’t quite know enough of the faith or the Bible to get there just yet.

Any and all advice is welcome, I’m really quite desperate, and I don’t know how to approach this situation any longer.

Thank you so very much.

I would ask him straight up if he actually accepts Jesus as his Lord and Savior, as now discussions about marriage is coming up.Get a more concrete idea of where he stands. Let him know that in order for the marriage to be fruitful, God has to be center for the both of you. If its not, later down the line it will create conflict of values and a strain in the relationship. The good thing is that he is seeking, so maybe there shouldn't be a rush for marriage until he sorts that out...

If he doesn't accept Jesus though and doesn't plan to, be prepare to have to make that decision to move on.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Well if marriage ever becomes a thing that you two want to move onto, he will have to choose if he wants to become saved or not. Because if he doesn't, you'll have to move on. Also never marry someone in hopes they might change later. While its not impossible, most marriages never end with the other spouse becoming saved.

 

[Grace2022]

Hi
If you truly love him and he loves you, i think it will be fine. Give it time. He is not an atheist, he just needs to find his own way yo God. Don't pressure him. You have a developing faith, so let him be influenced by your example. Be the best you can be, shiw him what love is when Christ is in a life.
Do not throw away a loving relationship without very good reason. I think uou will be fine, pray for him but leave him to find his own path. You are so young with all of life before you. It is rare to find true love so don't be hasty in your decisions. Leave marriage for now. Concentrate on your study and career.

I too have a partner who is not yet a christian. But he is open to it. Weve bwen together 18 incredibly happy months. It gets better and better. We are in our 50's. I am a widow and he never married. I have kept calm, never pressured him. I go to church and am very committed to Jesus. He can see through how i live, how i love, how i behave, who Christ is. Increasingly he is interested. He came to church last Sunday, his idea. He wanted to experience the christmas service. He also came on Remembrance Day when i did a reading. It's all new to him. I've introduced him to my christian friends. He watches christian films with me which he suggests. I never force him to. There is an excellent series called 'The Bible' on Netflix. Weve watched all twn eoisodes and it is very accurate and well acted. Gradually he asks questions and we discuss who Jesus was and is. Overall i can see my partner eventually coming to Christ. It absolutely must be his choice.
So be patient, pray for your man and show him every day what a christian woman is all about.

 

[Tolworth John]

Hey all,

So a couple of years ago I went through a very rough patch in my faith, nearly renouncing my relationship with God to live my own life. It was at this time that I started dating C, my current boyfriend. At the time, we had very similar beliefs and we worked quite well. However, as time went by, I reintegrated myself in to a church and found my love of Christ again. However, C has not done so. He is definitely a seeker, asking questions now that I often don’t have answers to. But we are now seniors in college and are beginning to look at engagement and marriage. We’ve discussed the fact of the matter that I don’t think I want to marry a non-Christian but I’ve also been dating him for over 2 years and I love him very much. I know that Paul said to not be unequally yoked with nonbelievers in Corinthians, I think I’m just hoping that C will come to know Jesus on his own and I won’t have to make the decision I fear I may have to make.

I’m looking for some advice on how to approach him and some of the difficult conversations we may have to have in the near future. I’m also hoping that you all might add him to your prayers, as I know he wants to find the love of God, he just doesn’t quite know enough of the faith or the Bible to get there just yet.

Any and all advice is welcome, I’m really quite desperate, and I don’t know how to approach this situation any longer.

Thank you so very much.

Does he attend church with you each Sunday? if not why not?
As to seeking and questions. Check out the christianityexplored web site and find a church in your area running this course and sign up for it.
It will give you both the chance to meet others and to explore Christianity.
Otherwise stat following blogs/web sites like coldcasechristianity, winteryknight, reasonablefaith.

Re marriage one simple question needs to be answered. Where will he be on Sunday, at church or where?

Be brutaly practical, you are going to build a life around a church that preaches its way through the bible. Sunday service, sunday school for the children, outings and other meetings.
Will he be with you at these events?

If he isn't ttending church with you now, he won't once you are married.

 

[blackribbon]

Watch how you word this or he may just "become a Christian" to marry you. However, unless he becomes a Christian because he has a heart change, he stands a very good chance of returning to where he is now after the shine wears off you marriage.

 

[SkyWriting]

Hey all,

So a couple of years ago I went through a very rough patch in my faith, nearly renouncing my relationship with God to live my own life. It was at this time that I started dating C, my current boyfriend. At the time, we had very similar beliefs and we worked quite well. However, as time went by, I reintegrated myself in to a church and found my love of Christ again. However, C has not done so. He is definitely a seeker, asking questions now that I often don’t have answers to. But we are now seniors in college and are beginning to look at engagement and marriage. We’ve discussed the fact of the matter that I don’t think I want to marry a non-Christian but I’ve also been dating him for over 2 years and I love him very much. I know that Paul said to not be unequally yoked with nonbelievers in Corinthians, I think I’m just hoping that C will come to know Jesus on his own and I won’t have to make the decision I fear I may have to make.

I’m looking for some advice on how to approach him and some of the difficult conversations we may have to have in the near future. I’m also hoping that you all might add him to your prayers, as I know he wants to find the love of God, he just doesn’t quite know enough of the faith or the Bible to get there just yet.

Any and all advice is welcome, I’m really quite desperate, and I don’t know how to approach this situation any longer.

Thank you so very much.

Live your life so that he comes to to the Lord
becasue He is impressed by you.

Likely you are having sex with him and that
will remain a stumbling block in your path.

 

[Johnny4ChristJesus]

Hey all,

So a couple of years ago I went through a very rough patch in my faith, nearly renouncing my relationship with God to live my own life. It was at this time that I started dating C, my current boyfriend. At the time, we had very similar beliefs and we worked quite well. However, as time went by, I reintegrated myself in to a church and found my love of Christ again. However, C has not done so. He is definitely a seeker, asking questions now that I often don’t have answers to. But we are now seniors in college and are beginning to look at engagement and marriage. We’ve discussed the fact of the matter that I don’t think I want to marry a non-Christian but I’ve also been dating him for over 2 years and I love him very much. I know that Paul said to not be unequally yoked with nonbelievers in Corinthians, I think I’m just hoping that C will come to know Jesus on his own and I won’t have to make the decision I fear I may have to make.

I’m looking for some advice on how to approach him and some of the difficult conversations we may have to have in the near future. I’m also hoping that you all might add him to your prayers, as I know he wants to find the love of God, he just doesn’t quite know enough of the faith or the Bible to get there just yet.

Any and all advice is welcome, I’m really quite desperate, and I don’t know how to approach this situation any longer.

Thank you so very much.

You are in a difficult spot and from a Christian perspective, you are in a very dangerous place--as you already realize. When I used to get involved in the online dating sites, there were many women who were devastated because they believed they could change a guy, married him, drifted from Christ, and then the marriage went bad to the point of divorce. Some had repeated the same cycle as many as three times.

If you were married, you only have one choice: stay (according to Paul). If you engaged in sexual intercourse, God may see you married already. That is between you and God. If you aren't married, I would urge you not to get married or even date someone who doesn't live out of a relationship with Jesus Christ. You will see the genuine when and if it happens. The values are very different--not because of pressure, but desire.

Some of those who I referenced were tricked. They thought the person had become a Christian (some before and some after they had been dating them) and they played the part for a time until it was too late.

Putting pressure on the boyfriend may only result in a false conversion that will temporarily last. But, I would also hope you are praying for him that God would save him. And, if so, the best advice I could give is ask God what he wants you to do. It may just be a lot harder to hear clearly when you already have an attachment that you don't want to give up. I would also urge you to ask God to make him into "someone after God's own heart" or send someone like that to you. God brought me one of those and we have worked together as houseparents for almost 5 of our 6 years of marriage. We rarely even have arguments. We are very different and the synergy that brings to our relationship is incredible. God knows what we need. But, often, we just think we do.

 

[Jonathan Leo]

Hey all,

So a couple of years ago I went through a very rough patch in my faith, nearly renouncing my relationship with God to live my own life. It was at this time that I started dating C, my current boyfriend. At the time, we had very similar beliefs and we worked quite well. However, as time went by, I reintegrated myself in to a church and found my love of Christ again. However, C has not done so. He is definitely a seeker, asking questions now that I often don’t have answers to. But we are now seniors in college and are beginning to look at engagement and marriage. We’ve discussed the fact of the matter that I don’t think I want to marry a non-Christian but I’ve also been dating him for over 2 years and I love him very much. I know that Paul said to not be unequally yoked with nonbelievers in Corinthians, I think I’m just hoping that C will come to know Jesus on his own and I won’t have to make the decision I fear I may have to make.

I’m looking for some advice on how to approach him and some of the difficult conversations we may have to have in the near future. I’m also hoping that you all might add him to your prayers, as I know he wants to find the love of God, he just doesn’t quite know enough of the faith or the Bible to get there just yet.

Any and all advice is welcome, I’m really quite desperate, and I don’t know how to approach this situation any longer.

Thank you so very much.

Not being yoked with unbelievers is a tricky one.
Yes a Christian should never marry a Muslim, Buddhist etc deep in their faith. What about someone who was born a catholic but doesn't know who Jesus really is?

If someone know of Jesus Christ but hasn't accepted to lay down their lives and accept him as saviour as of yet, there is always hope with that person. I think you should let Jesus shine out from you and hopefully your bf will see it and turn to Jesus. Don't rush into marriage rather build both of ye up in the lord.

Just for the record, Christians love quoting " don't be yoked with unbelievers " yet in the church there are adulterous affairs and divorces. Being yoked together in the faith is no guarantee of a successful marriage the same way unbelieving marriages can stand the test of time. Marriage is a chance people take, there are no gaurantees and as God said Himself, you will have troubles in marriage. God is telling us that being yoked together as believers will still bring conflict.
That's why He also states that if one unbeliever is willing to live with a believer, do not divorce for one might see the love of Christ and turn and believe.

Stick with your bf if there's pure devoting love to each other.
I think the unbelieving in that passage 2nd Corinthians 6 14 is referring to those who know Christ but won't submit or believe in who He is. This unbeliever is in complete opposite to what Jesus is. Example of a marriage like this

One is loving, the other is abusing
One is selfless, the other selfish
One wants to give in marriage, the other is in for what they can get out of it.
One is forgiving, the other holds grudges
One is happy, the other is a burden
One builds up, the other breaks down
One is light, the other is darkness

As I stated, if two people, one beliving in Christ and the other simply not knowing who he is are together, and in being together produces a loving, forgiving, accepting, building up, faithful, peaceful ( most often times than not) and trusting relationship, then that really isn't being yoked with an unbeliever. The passage about what has light to do with darkness doesn't fit this category.

My wife believes in Jesus, but that's because of the Catholic Church. She still prays to Mary and blesses herself at statues. She don't know Him the way I know Him. One can say I'm saved and she is not. Am I then to leave her because she is an unbeliever per say? No. We have our arguments like every marriage does, but we work well together and when it's good, it's epic. She never tries to get me not to believe or denounce my faith. She encourages if anything.
I hope this clarifies things a little. Don't be throwing away a loving relationship and entering one because both are believers . That one believing can turn out nasty and divorced the same way the loving one can come to Jesus. I have witnessed both sides of my point in church.

 

[Grace2022]

These answers are very wise. I will confide something personal. Though i love my boyfriend, he is not a christian. So i will wait and never rush into marriage. I will be very vigilant in case he pretends to become christian. I know he would marry me no hesitation. But my Lord is Christ above all others. Love and commitment are wonderful but you do need to be wise and take great care. I do what is right for me. The poster who has warned of men who convert just for marriage is very wise. I thank him. I have other reasons too. Good ones, to take my time over ever marrying again. It is a legal binding contract, never forget it.

 

[Jonathan Leo]

These answers are very wise. I will confide something personal. Though i love my boyfriend, he is not a christian. So i will wait and never rush into marriage. I will be very vigilant in case he pretends to become christian. I know he would marry me no hesitation. But my Lord is Christ above all others. Love and commitment are wonderful but you do need to be wise and take great care. I do what is right for me. The poster who has warned of men who convert just for marriage is very wise. I thank him. I have other reasons too. Good ones, to take my time over ever marrying again. It is a legal binding contract, never forget it.

Indeed, it's like a covenant as God says and you are not to divorce except for the adulterous purposes. Even at that God would prefer if we forgave and stayed married. It's a very serious decision.
And men who convert for the sake of marriage are not men at all. They fall into the catogory of darkness (what can I get out of it)
Would you rather marry a false convert, or a loving atheist?? Lol
There's always hope for the atheist but to know Jesus and use Him for worldly gain??
God Bless, Jonathan

 

[Grace2022]

I pray for good judgment and clear thinking and strength. I am nobody's fool. I believe in love but not in losing your head.

 

[Grace2022]

I pray for good judgment and clear thinking and strength. I am nobody's fool. I believe in love but not in losing your head.

 

[Jonathan Leo]

I pray for good judgment and clear thinking and strength. I am nobody's fool. I believe in love but not in losing your head.

Yes, our hearts can deceive us into feeling loved but in turn might not me. I'm glad your not a fool and I'm pretty sure your more than capable of making wise decisions.

What I will say though as a way to make you aware is
That men although have emotions, they do not make judgements on emotions so easily. They tend to rule using logic and mind rather than emotions. Women are different because they live according to emotions. Example, if a woman loves you and you break her heart, she will piece it all back together and be stronger and move on. But the very same guy might come along and because of living by emotions, she will give him her heart again in the hope he doesn't break it again. Logic would tell us run, emotion would tell us try again.
It's the same disciplining our kids. My wife goes of emotions and is quiet soft where as I would discipline using logic. Lol no wonder they prefer mammy more. They can get around her soft and loving heart. I guess that's why God made the man as leader.
I'm not saying this talking krap, I watched a love and respect series by Dr, eggleston I think and it has really strengthened our relationship. In it, it talked about such topics

 

[Grace2022]

Yes, our hearts can deceive us into feeling loved but in turn might not me. I'm glad your not a fool and I'm pretty sure your more than capable of making wise decisions.

What I will say though as a way to make you aware is
That men although have emotions, they do not make judgements on emotions so easily. They tend to rule using logic and mind rather than emotions. Women are different because they live according to emotions. Example, if a woman loves you and you break her heart, she will piece it all back together and be stronger and move on. But the very same guy might come along and because of living by emotions, she will give him her heart again in the hope he doesn't break it again. Logic would tell us run, emotion would tell us try again.
It's the same disciplining our kids. My wife goes of emotions and is quiet soft where as I would discipline using logic. Lol no wonder they prefer mammy more. They can get around her soft and loving heart. I guess that's why God made the man as leader.
I'm not saying this talking krap, I watched a love and respect series by Dr, eggleston I think and it has really strengthened our relationship. In it, it talked about such topics

Thankyou. I appreciate your advice. I know men think in a different way. I've been reading Men are from Mars, Women from Venus. Very illuminating.
I do not act in haste. I wait, pray and see. I put it in Jesus hands but also use the brain he gave me!

 

[Jonathan Leo]

Thankyou. I appreciate your advice. I know men think in a different way. I've been reading Men are from Mars, Women from Venus. Very illuminating.
I do not act in haste. I wait, pray and see. I put it in Jesus hands but also use the brain he gave me!

You'll be ok girl, you'll be ok

 

[2PhiloVoid]

Hey all,

So a couple of years ago I went through a very rough patch in my faith, nearly renouncing my relationship with God to live my own life. It was at this time that I started dating C, my current boyfriend. At the time, we had very similar beliefs and we worked quite well. However, as time went by, I reintegrated myself in to a church and found my love of Christ again. However, C has not done so. He is definitely a seeker, asking questions now that I often don’t have answers to. But we are now seniors in college and are beginning to look at engagement and marriage. We’ve discussed the fact of the matter that I don’t think I want to marry a non-Christian but I’ve also been dating him for over 2 years and I love him very much. I know that Paul said to not be unequally yoked with nonbelievers in Corinthians, I think I’m just hoping that C will come to know Jesus on his own and I won’t have to make the decision I fear I may have to make.

I’m looking for some advice on how to approach him and some of the difficult conversations we may have to have in the near future. I’m also hoping that you all might add him to your prayers, as I know he wants to find the love of God, he just doesn’t quite know enough of the faith or the Bible to get there just yet.

Any and all advice is welcome, I’m really quite desperate, and I don’t know how to approach this situation any longer.

Thank you so very much.

...well, Hannah, what questions is he asking you that you don't have answers for? Maybe searching for some possible answers to his questions together could be a way in which the door of faith opens to him and/or a way in which you can both draw closer together through the exploration of your respective beliefs at the current time. Moreover, what if he could find faith in Christ, but just not as a Baptist? Would that be a 'deal-breaker' for you?

Peace,
2PhiloVoid