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Dating, 3 Year Difference

Autumnleaf

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I didn't start dating her to get in her pants. :p And there's no way I would ever leave her for something as silly as a three year age difference. We have too good of a relationship. We get along quite well and she's very mature for her age. As for her parents, they like me.

Nobody is going to believe that you didn't start dating her because she was young and naive. Having sex with her could land you in jail fast. I know of guys it has happened to. One guy even married the girl with her parent's permission. She had his kid, he went to jail, then she had some other guys kid. "Danger Will Robinson! Danger!"
 
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Jade Margery

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There is a age/dating formula, you know...
dating_pools.png


So, 18/2 + 7 = 16. I am sorry, but you are officially creepy.

More seriously, take it from a gal with a much younger boyfriend--age doesn't matter so much... until it does. Do not forget that no matter how mature or similar to you she acts, she is going to need time to grow up. You guys aren't really going to be on the same level for about four or five years. She won't be ready for things when you are, won't be able to take care of herself when you are looking to become independent, won't be able to follow you to college or wherever grown-up work takes you. Don't let that stop you from dating her though, just keep it in mind. You gotta be patient. It's hard. But if you truly love her, it will be worth it.
 
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Nobody is going to believe that you didn't start dating her because she was young and naive.

Really? How can you possibly say this - you don't know him and you don't know her.

I've met plenty of 15 year olds that were more mature than 18 year olds. It completely depends on the people involved.
 
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Autumnleaf

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Really? How can you possibly say this - you don't know him and you don't know her.

I've met plenty of 15 year olds that were more mature than 18 year olds. It completely depends on the people involved.

The judge honestly won't care. Neither will the cops, and neither will her father 95% of the time.

When you are their age you can have all the fun you want with impunity. After that you play you pay legally for the rest of your life. ie Convicted sex offender. The price is exceedingly high.
 
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lawtonfogle

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It does not matter how good the relationship is, your giving someone to much control over your future.

You are missing the whole comparison deal. I know it has numerous flaws, I know how bad the parents can mess it up. But the point remain, it is a far better solution than what we currently do.


Currently, no one has control over your future, you get into one of those relationships and your future is over, period. In this system, the parents get to choose if your future is over or not. Granted if you just avoid those relationships, then there isn't a problem at all.
 
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lawtonfogle

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There is a age/dating formula, you know...

So, 18/2 + 7 = 16. I am sorry, but you are officially creepy.
Yeah, a 18 year old dating a 15 year old and waiting for marriage is creepy, but the 16 year old trying to trick a 15 year old into giving up her viriginity with false promises is perfectly fine.

Honest, judging a relationship purely on the age is as superficial is judging a person purely on their income. You have to see the workings to make any good judgment.

Of course, you are joking with the formula, but so many others will look at the age and not even give a second glance to if the relationship is respectful, loving, ect.
More seriously, take it from a gal with a much younger boyfriend--age doesn't matter so much... until it does. Do not forget that no matter how mature or similar to you she acts, she is going to need time to grow up. You guys aren't really going to be on the same level for about four or five years. She won't be ready for things when you are, won't be able to take care of herself when you are looking to become independent, won't be able to follow you to college or wherever grown-up work takes you. Don't let that stop you from dating her though, just keep it in mind. You gotta be patient. It's hard. But if you truly love her, it will be worth it.

The harder it is, perhaps the more the next step (marriage) will be treasured.
 
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flicka

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There are TONS of 15 year old girls dating 18 year old boys. It's frosh/soph and seniors for the most part, but sometimes even college boys. My daughter dated a boy 3 years older when she was 15 and they were together for 2 years. In the end she outgrew him and broke his heart. That happens alot.
 
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theblackcat

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Her parents like you, you have a good relationship and your relationship is based on more than an interest in sleeping with her - stay together! Age differences can matter, but not as much as some people think. I'm in a relationship with someone *significantly* older than me (no specifics, but he's more than a decade my senior). We've known each other several years and decided to slowly enter a relationship about a year ago. Despite the age difference, we share a lot of interests in common and our personalities are symbiotic. As long as you're both pleased with the way you're connecting, there doesn't seem to be a problem. With regard to a physical relationship if you have it, you need to be aware of the laws in your area, and as the senior partner you should probably be cautious not to push her into anything she's not prepared for. Otherwise, congratulations on a good relationship and good luck making it work!
 
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underpressure

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So she is 14, almost 15, and you are 18. I'm a broad minded person, but that age gap seems a bit much, as a general rule (not saying a 3 year gap is too much as a general rule). It could be she is really mature, but still, I wouldn't have even considered it when I was your age, in fact I thought any friends when I was your age dating a 16 year old was pushing it a bit, but who am I too judge, but people do judge, and I'd think this age gap is going to be more grief than it's worth.
 
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JohnJ

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I understand that the age difference can prove difficult, with me being eighteen and her only fourteen, but that doesn't matter to me. I love her very much and I would never hurt her over someone grieving me about our ages. If I were to leave her because someone told me she was too young, I could not honestly say that I love her. I am not with her because of sex. I am with her because I love her personality; I love her company; and I love being with her.

She has mentioned having sex but I have told her that we should wait. If I was in this relationship for the wrong reason, I would not be waiting.
 
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JohnJ

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I cannot word this strongly enough:

GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN. THIS GIRL ON SOME LEVEL WANTS TO TURN YOU INTO A SEX OFFENDER.

It's not like she is going to force me to have sex with her...
 
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Mystman

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It's not like she is going to force me to have sex with her...

When things get hot, people stop thinking rationally. When you two are alone and she seductively starts taking her clothes off while caressing your body, there's a good chance that your conscious mind (that knows that you're going to jail if you participate) will just completely shut down, and let the sub-conscious take over. In that case.. you'll be screwed.

Seriously. If she has shown interest in having sex: start checking the laws in your area. There are places where the age of consent is 14. In which case: congrats! There are places where you're ok as long as no one sues you, in which case you're giving a lot of power to the parents over your life, but still. And finally, there are places where you'll be going to jail for a very long time, no matter how much she and her parents protest that you shouldn't.
 
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lawtonfogle

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'Easy' solution. She fights for emancipation. Then you get married.

'Harder' solution. Get married in Arizona (one of the few states that will marry someone that young). Sex between spouses in some states (including Arizona) is legal regardless of age.

Just remember, there are people out there, lots of them in fact, who would want to see you thrown in prison for having sex in a loving relationship, but wouldn't blink twice if she was being taken advantage by someone who was only a year older. In general though, if you go the extra mile and marry her first, things will be much easier. Some people might complain about your marrying too young, but they fall into three groups. Either they are the above mentioned group who wants to see your in prison, in which case should you really care about what they say? Second group is people who would be ok with the sexual relationship but think you are too young for marriage, in which case point out that it is society forcing you to get married to protect the relationship from being broken apart. The third group things all sex outside of marriage is wrong, and that you are too young. Since these are mostly religious people, ask for what is the minimum age their religion says you must wait to get married first.
 
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underpressure

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Going to jail would be bad enough under any normal circumstances, going to jail as a sex offender though, it probably doesn't get any worse, you'll automatically be a target for every inmate there, even the rapists and murderers will be taking the moral high ground and will want a shot at you as it's their one chance to feel 'righteous'. You might not have committed a crime yet, but the chances are you will. Break it off I think is good advice,
 
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lawtonfogle

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Going to jail would be bad enough under any normal circumstances, going to jail as a sex offender though, it probably doesn't get any worse, you'll automatically be a target for every inmate there, even the rapists and murderers will be taking the moral high ground and will want a shot at you as it's their one chance to feel 'righteous'. You might not have committed a crime yet, but the chances are you will. Break it off I think is good advice,

I wonder if there is any difference if they know that is was a 'yeah, so my girlfriend was a bit younger than me' case verses an actual child rapist? do you think inmates care, or do they use any chance they can to grab the moral high ground?
 
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theblackcat

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I recommend not having sex with her at this point in your lives. For one thing, your icon shows you are a Christian and I think that most Christians would say pre-marital sex is to be avoided. Also, you're not sure if the consent laws in your area and it could result in your being arrested and convicted. If convicted, you might be subject to things like having to register as a sex offender, meaning when you apply for jobs or buy a house, it'll interfere with your opportunities. Even if there aren't any legal issues, your relationship with her parents, your parents and other people might deteriorate. Her parents might be fine with the two of you dating but uncomfortable or angry about you moving into a physical relationship with their young daughter. You could be looked down upon by others who suspect your motives for dating a younger girl.

Plus, you know, at your ages you're probably not ready to deal with the consequences of sex. At fifteen, she's probably not prepared to make decisions about birth control methods and might feel uncomfortable going to a gynaecologist or clinic for examinations and information. Neither of you probably have money to cover more reliable methods of birth control like Nuva Ring, pills like Yaz or Depo-Provera (it's better to combine methods, like pills and foam and condoms). You may also not have money for necessary emergency measures; I think all sexually active couples who aren't ready for children should have Plan B or know exactly how to get it within 24 hours of sex in cases where the birth control failed or was forgotten. Are you both responsible enough to guarantee you'll use reliable birth control each time, every time, regardless of how passionate or hurried the moment is, or where you are (like in a car or hotel)? She's probably not emotionally ready to deal with a pregnancy scare or an actual pregnancy, which can result even if you use a number of birth control devices.

I say wait, continue building your relationship and use this time to start discussing how you'll handle these things in the future. Before you have sex, you should have decided on the methods of birth control you want to use, and should have researched them well and have them on hand. You should also know each other's reasons for wanting to, and know whether she's into sex for the same reasons you are. For instance, a lot of girls and probably some guys have sex because they feel it's abnormal not to after a certain age, or to please their partner, or out of curiosity rather than desire. If that's the case, it's better to have waited. ;)
 
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The Nihilist

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It's not like she is going to force me to have sex with her...
Don't be stupid. This girl basically wants to ruin your life, and she's more than capable of doing it. You're almost 18? Then handle this like an adult, and get out. Do you want to tell every neighbor you ever have for the rest of your life that you're a child molester?
 
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