Dating, 3 Year Difference

[JohnJ]

I have been dating my girl friend for seven months (we started dating on January 1st, but started talking in November of last year). She is about to turn fifteen and I just turned eighteen in March, so there's a three year difference in our ages. Do you think it is wrong of me to be dating her? I love her very much and I am very committed to her.

 

[Mystman]

I have been dating my girl friend for seven months (we started dating on January 1st, but started talking in November of last year). She is about to turn fifteen and I just turned eighteen in March, so there's a three year difference in our ages. Do you think it is wrong of me to be dating her? I love her very much and I am very committed to her.

I'd start checking the laws in your area if I were you, especially if you're planning on having sex anytime soon. Plenty of areas in the world where you could go to jail.

As for my personal opinion.. depending on the exact nature of the relationship and the mental/physical state of the girl, it might be totally fine. Some girls are quite adult for their ages, and some boys quite juvenile, so if that's the case, you could be a perfect match.

But other girls of that age still have a lot of development to do, experimenting with stuff, rebelling against the parents, etc. In that case, an older boyfriend may be stifling that development. Basically, she may just be "playing" at having a boyfriend, while you may be searching for a life partner. That's not a good situation, imho

 

[nolongerhome]

There is no one answer to these types of questions. It depends on you and the other person.

I'm 24, I just got married to my wife who is about to turn 30. It turned some heads, but for us it makes no difference - we are both adults, we are both responsible people, neither of us really "acts our age" (I'm an "older" 24, she's a "younger" 29), we are at a similar point in our lives, we have the same goals and desires... so it works.

3 years isn't that much of an age gap in the greater scheme of things, but it does make more of a different the younger you are. No one would worry about a 29 year old man and a 26 year old woman, but 18 and 15 is a time when both of you are still developing. That being said, if both of you are on the same page about what you want and where you want the relationship to head, I see no reason why your relationship can't work out.

Girls do develop faster than guys, physically and emotionally, so in some sense it might actually be better for a 15 year old girl to go out with an 18 year old guy - they are unlikely to be satisfied by a 15 year old guy... but again, all this is generalisation - returning to what I first said it depends on who the two of you are if it is going to work or not. There is nothing inherently immoral about it, though, by any stretch (though as Mystman says, be aware of things like laws about consent!).

 

[Singermom]

I was 17 when I met my husband, who was 21, and this fall we'll be celebrating our 25th anniversary...

...I'm just sayin'...

 

[Gwenyfur]

I dated an 18 yr old when I was 14...stayed with him for several years...
Still friends too...go figure

 

[lawtonfogle]

I have been dating my girl friend for seven months (we started dating on January 1st, but started talking in November of last year). She is about to turn fifteen and I just turned eighteen in March, so there's a three year difference in our ages. Do you think it is wrong of me to be dating her? I love her very much and I am very committed to her.

You're a child raping pedophile ... at least if you have sex with her in many states.

In general, if you are just dating, there are no laws against it, and you are close enough in age that you won't get slack from the police. But be wary of her parents. If they don't approve, they can still make your life horrible, i.e. reporting you for engaging in sexual activity (read "kissing") with an underage minor or such. In general though, as long as you plan to keep it in the pants till marriage, there shouldn't be any problems.

As to how I morally feel, I don't know you. I don't know the relationship. I don't know if it is abusive or one of the purest relationships out there. As such, I can't really say, but I don't see any inherent problems with you dating. Then again, back in high school, I had a good friend who was dating a girl 4 and a half years his junior for 3+ years. He kept is very much non-sexual and was open about the relationship with the parents for a number of reasons, the primary one being her father was a po-po. They ended up breaking up when he moved away.

In general, there aren't age limits on dating as long as you keep it non-sexual, though if you hide such a relationship from her parents, things will not end well.

 

[Autumnleaf]

If its legal you're okay. If its not and you believe in Murphy's law its probably best you walk away now.

 

[Dark_Lite]

Age matters less the older you get. However, there is a big difference between an 18 year old and a 15 year old. The 18 year old is (theoretically) more mature and has more experience in life. Plus, you'd likely be going away to college soon. A lot can happen in 3 years in high school.

So while it's strictly illegal, you should probably consider the above.

 

[JohnJ]

I didn't start dating her to get in her pants. And there's no way I would ever leave her for something as silly as a three year age difference. We have too good of a relationship. We get along quite well and she's very mature for her age. As for her parents, they like me.

 

[Jase]

The only issue, as has been said is if you plan on having a sexual relationship anytime soon. Depending on your state, 15 is probably below the age of consent (16 is the age of consent in my state), so you could potentially be charged with statutory rape. Otherwise, a relatively platonic relationship, at least until she gets a bit older shouldn't be a problem.

 

[keith99]

I didn't start dating her to get in her pants. And there's no way I would ever leave her for something as silly as a three year age difference. We have too good of a relationship. We get along quite well and she's very mature for her age. As for her parents, they like me.

Sounds good in your case. But remember there are laws that were created because such relationships can be exploitive. That give 2 things to be on guard about. Morally the more important is make sure you do not exploit the age or status difference. Legally be careful. There seem to be far too many over the top DAs out there. Be aware that things short of sex can get you in trouble.

Be aware that on the legal end you can slip in and out of being OK. Check up carefully (You may be far far better off if her birthday is before yours. If the next change is she is 16 and you are 18 may turn out to have significant differences between you being 19 and her 15).

 

[Drathnor]

I know nothing about the amercian law system(England its 16 to have sex, 18 to drink/vote/pretty much everything) but iv known several couples who had an age gap across the legal age, it all really depends on what the younger parties parents think about the older party dating their son/daughter.

Best just to be open with her parents about your intentions.

 

[janman345]

Its so not even worth it, being celibate with her for years is likely a non starter and its to easy to get into a situation where you do end up having sex and then her and her parents have way to much power over you if they decide to use it.

 

[lawtonfogle]

Its so not even worth it, being celibate with her for years is likely a non starter and its to easy to get into a situation where you do end up having sex and then her and her parents have way to much power over you if they decide to use it.

Well, depending upon the state, he might only have one year left to be celibate (most states age of consent is 16). Also, their might be a Romeo and Juliet exception for where he lives (they normally cover 2 year differences, but there might be a three year difference one).

 

[lawtonfogle]

Sounds good in your case. But remember there are laws that were created because such relationships can be exploitive. That give 2 things to be on guard about. Morally the more important is make sure you do not exploit the age or status difference. Legally be careful. There seem to be far too many over the top DAs out there. Be aware that things short of sex can get you in trouble.

I kinda like how the law is supposed to be in Mexico, where it requires the parents or minor to complain of the relationship being exploitative for charges to be brought up. Granted, that only goes so young. Below a certain age, charges can (and will) be filed regardless of if the parents are ok with the relationship, but that is in the 'black' area. As long as you are in the gray area (i.e. 15 with 18) letting the parents decide if the relationship is exploitative seems much better than outright outlawing it.

 

[janman345]

I kinda like how the law is supposed to be in Mexico, where it requires the parents or minor to complain of the relationship being exploitative for charges to be brought up. Granted, that only goes so young. Below a certain age, charges can (and will) be filed regardless of if the parents are ok with the relationship, but that is in the 'black' area. As long as you are in the gray area (i.e. 15 with 18) letting the parents decide if the relationship is exploitative seems much better than outright outlawing it.

As long as you can get something in writing that will stand legal scrutiny so that when you spill grape juice on their floor you dont find yourself in jail for 5-10.

 

[bliz]

15/18 is too large an age difference!

18/21 - not such a big difference.

 

[The Nihilist]

I didn't start dating her to get in her pants.

Mistakes happen all the time, friend. What state are you in?

 

[lawtonfogle]

As long as you can get something in writing that will stand legal scrutiny so that when you spill grape juice on their floor you dont find yourself in jail for 5-10.

Yes, the parents can still stab you in the back, but they are no longer required to. With current laws...

Live in Virginia. Have relationship with someone under 18, parents are required by law to bust you.

With other idea...

Live in Virginia. Have relationship with someone under 18 (but not under 15 or so), parents decide if they want to file charges.

Yes, in both cases, the parents can mess your life up, but in the latter case, they don't have to. For the OP, the latter case is far better than the former cases for him. And if you have a really good relationship with the parents...

If nothing else, this encourages those gray relationships to be more open with the parents of the minor, which does a world more good than hiding such relationships.

 

[janman345]

Yes, the parents can still stab you in the back, but they are no longer required to. With current laws...

Live in Virginia. Have relationship with someone under 18, parents are required by law to bust you.

With other idea...

Live in Virginia. Have relationship with someone under 18 (but not under 15 or so), parents decide if they want to file charges.

Yes, in both cases, the parents can mess your life up, but in the latter case, they don't have to. For the OP, the latter case is far better than the former cases for him. And if you have a really good relationship with the parents...

If nothing else, this encourages those gray relationships to be more open with the parents of the minor, which does a world more good than hiding such relationships.

It does not matter how good the relationship is, your giving someone to much control over your future.