Dates - not the fruit

[TerranceL]

But apparently some men think they are superior to women.

What the heck are you talking about? There are plenty of feminist who are totally about equality of the genders up until it comes time to pay the bill for a date.

I meant some woman think their dates SHOULD be paid for by men, that's different.

They think they should be entitled to a mans money because they are women. How is that really all that different?

To answer your overall question: You could behave as an adult and talk about it with your date before the bill comes. Being able to have potentially uncomfortable conversations like this and not spazzing out will tell you if your date is a child or an adult and how fast you should run from EVER dating them again if they spaz.

 

[Eudaimonist]

How many people think men should pay for the first date? Or dates in general?

I think that customs form for various reasons, and there isn't any sort of contextless right or wrong here. Consider dowries. This custom may have come into existence because "bridewealth is paid as a compensation to her family for the loss of her labour".

One may think that men "shouldn't" pay for the first date, but the existence of the custom probably depends on many factors of desire and context.


eudaimonia,

Mark

 

[quatona]

How many people think men should pay for the first date? Or dates in general?

I genuinely didn't know this was an issue till recently. Apparently I've been living under a rock and so was very much astonished.

I assumed if you eat something you pay for it... because real life?

But apparently some men think they are superior to women. I meant some woman think their dates SHOULD be paid for by men, that's different.

Is this a general rule I should remember?

I consider it a left-over from times when men were supposed to get a decent education, have a job, bring money home, while women were supposed to wait for being chosen by a man who is educated, makes money, gives instructions and rules, so that the woman can fulfill her role as a housewife.

 

[Sketcher]

I wouldn't call it a superiority thing, I would call it expected by most. If the man offers to pay, it's generally considered polite to accept.

 

[Sketcher]

Men are hunters.

Except, we won't do the food shopping (the modern day equivalent of the hunt). That's ... errr... women's work.

Because shopping is closer to gathering than hunting.

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

And that's fine, as long as you NEVER EVER bring up gender equality.

I said, I was willing to buy him something from Taco Bell. I'm very frugal with my money. I'm sure after a little more thought. I might be willing to loosen my purse strings. Also I more into letting woman and men do things they want for a living. Like if a woman wants to work, While the man watches the kids. I see nothing wrong with it.

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

Don't want a rich but you want a good guy.

As long as that good guy has money.

I like a man, that can afford rent . Or can help pay for it.

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

I'm not sure what you really mean, or if you're joking.

I was drinking wine and meant it.

 

[Cearbhall]

How many people think men should pay for the first date? Or dates in general?

I think my personal opinion on the matter is completely irrelevant to what other people should or shouldn't do on their dates. It's for them to discuss.

As for me, I would never ask anyone to pay for me or assume that they're going to. The one exception would be if they paid for something as a surprise and didn't ask me first.

 

[MehGuy]

I do not think men should automatically have to pay for the date. Not in this day and age at least.

Although if it feels right for both parties go for it, I'd just say there is sexism lurking beneath such sentiments. I know for some it makes them feel more "masculine" or more "feminine". The provider and the provided. Despite whether or not the woman makes more than the man or not.

 

[Dave-W]

Oh, when I was dating I didn't "expect" sex...that doesn't mean I wouldn't actively pursue it though.

Entirely inappropriate.

 

[Skavau]

Entirely inappropriate.

Completely vanilla now.

 

[Ana the Ist]

Entirely inappropriate.

Says you...

 

[Chesterton]

Says you...

Said your date...

 

[Gadarene]

The asker pays; they split evenly; they alternate; all of these options exist, and there is, I think, still some lingering thought that the man pays.

Might have something to do with the fact that men are still expected to initiate more than women.

"Asker pays" in that scenario is about as fair as saying "whoever cooked the dinner cleans the kitchen". In the former, it's more likely to be men paying because men tend do the asking. In the latter, it's more likely to be women cleaning the kitchen because they tend to do the cooking.

 

[High Fidelity]

I don't really care for that dated mentality that men should always pay.

If you invited me out then either you're paying or we'll split it if that's a theme we'd continue.

 

[Gadarene]

Says you...

 

[Ana the Ist]

At least I left out the part where if I do get some sex, I ask for them to reimburse me for the dinner. I figure since they get the satisfaction of sleeping with me...I should at least get a free meal out of it.

 

[Gadarene]

At least I left out the part where if I do get some sex, I ask for them to reimburse me for the dinner. I figure since they get the satisfaction of sleeping with me...I should at least get a free meal out of it.

AND THISH GIVESH YOU....POWER OVER ME?

 

[Ana the Ist]

AND THISH GIVESH YOU....POWER OVER ME?

Lol
Words that are thrown around entirely too lightly these days by sjws...

Power
Marginalized
Violence
Identity
Oppression

....and probably others I can't think of atm.