Dad with Bipolar

[Princess Leia]

My Dad has Bipolar Disorder, along with other problems, and I was just wondering if anyone else grew up with a parent that had this. I know it was very hard for me, especially when I was young. I couldn't understand why my Dad was so different and why he never wanted to do things with me. I couldn't understand why he got so mad.
-Princess Leia

 

[fireaboss]

Hi Leia: I am so sorry you are dealing with the aftermath of growing up with a bi-polar parent. I raised 4 kids now out of the home -- I have a 12-year-old still at home and am raising a 2-year-old granddaughter. You would have to ask my kids what it was like -- but, for me, (and maybe it's different with moms because of our nurturing drive) I spent every ounce of my energy trying to act normal. But, my kids will tell that they totally could notice my ups and downs. One minute I would be lying on the couch and the next I would be out shopping! I do remember having to force myself to play with them -- sometimes I was successful -- sometimes not. I would try to do all my laying around and isolating when they were in school so they never knew.

Maybe you could talk to your dad in order to understand the disorder from his point of view. I can almost guarantee you that he has immense guilt over it. With bi-polar you know what you want to do and what you should do -- but, sometimes you can't muster the will to even force yourself to do it -- the result is IMMENSE guilt and shame. Little children cannot understand that -- nor should they have to! To them it just looks like daddy doesn't care.

If you did decide to talk to him, it might be healing for both of you -- if you feel you are up to it -- and if you feel safe that he would hear your concerns -- maybe with a counselor? If you don't feel safe or feel scared -- you have to take care of yourself first.

Blessings to you!
Karen

 

[Cara J]

My father was bipolar and it was horrible! I know how you feel, because it is impossible as a child to understand a bipolar parent's behavior. My dad was a lot more manic than he was depressed, and I think it is the manic phases that were the worst. He would blow up at me for no particular reason. He would yell and scream at my mom, throw dishes across the room, to the point where I would be sent to stay at my neighbors house for days at a time. He would never shut up, talked constantly, and slept maybe an hour or two a night, it was horrible.

One time, he quit his job, then proceeded to throw out all of his clothes, buy a whole new wardrobe, a corvette, a new car for my mother, and a van...and couldn't understand why my mother was upset! It's like he thought that we would never run out of money, even though he wasn't working.

He kept coming up with crazy ideas, that just weren't feasible. I can't even name how many different types of businesses he thought he should start, most of them were ludicrous, and he was thankfully talked out of them.

This list goes on and on about his obnoxious behavior during his manic phases. We managed to get him hospitalized once, and on meds, but he eventually checked himself out and threw his medicine in the river.

After a succession of manic episodes, he became severly depressed my senior year in high school, 1996. He wouldn't take his meds, or get help, and the summer after my senior year he committed suicide.

I have had a hard time dealing with all of my feelings about him, over the years. I have been to a lot of therapy, and this has helped me enormously in sorting out all my feelings. One thing that was hard for me was to accept the fact that it was okay for me to be angry with him. I had a lot of anger, but thought I wasn't allowed to be angry because he was sick, it was a disease, and now he was dead, and I felt guilty. But it is okay to be angry for their behavior, esp. in my case where he could've helped himself and didn't. Once I dealt with the anger, I was able to grieve for my lost childhood, and for him.

I really feel for you, as I would not wish this on anyone. Is your father on meds?
I will pray for you and your father! Hang in there, and try not to take your father's behavior personally!

hugs for you!

 

[Princess Leia]

Hi Leia: I am so sorry you are dealing with the aftermath of growing up with a bi-polar parent. I raised 4 kids now out of the home -- I have a 12-year-old still at home and am raising a 2-year-old granddaughter. You would have to ask my kids what it was like -- but, for me, (and maybe it's different with moms because of our nurturing drive) I spent every ounce of my energy trying to act normal. But, my kids will tell that they totally could notice my ups and downs. One minute I would be lying on the couch and the next I would be out shopping! I do remember having to force myself to play with them -- sometimes I was successful -- sometimes not. I would try to do all my laying around and isolating when they were in school so they never knew.

Maybe you could talk to your dad in order to understand the disorder from his point of view. I can almost guarantee you that he has immense guilt over it. With bi-polar you know what you want to do and what you should do -- but, sometimes you can't muster the will to even force yourself to do it -- the result is IMMENSE guilt and shame. Little children cannot understand that -- nor should they have to! To them it just looks like daddy doesn't care.

If you did decide to talk to him, it might be healing for both of you -- if you feel you are up to it -- and if you feel safe that he would hear your concerns -- maybe with a counselor? If you don't feel safe or feel scared -- you have to take care of yourself first.

Blessings to you!
Karen

My parents aren't together anymore, and I rarely talk to my Dad. I just don't think that he cares, and if he does, he either doesn't show it or doesn't know how to show it.
My Mom was the same way, she tried to act normal for me and my brothers, but I could always tell when she was upset.

 

[Princess Leia]

My father was bipolar and it was horrible! I know how you feel, because it is impossible as a child to understand a bipolar parent's behavior. My dad was a lot more manic than he was depressed, and I think it is the manic phases that were the worst. He would blow up at me for no particular reason. He would yell and scream at my mom, throw dishes across the room, to the point where I would be sent to stay at my neighbors house for days at a time. He would never shut up, talked constantly, and slept maybe an hour or two a night, it was horrible.

One time, he quit his job, then proceeded to throw out all of his clothes, buy a whole new wardrobe, a corvette, a new car for my mother, and a van...and couldn't understand why my mother was upset! It's like he thought that we would never run out of money, even though he wasn't working.

He kept coming up with crazy ideas, that just weren't feasible. I can't even name how many different types of businesses he thought he should start, most of them were ludicrous, and he was thankfully talked out of them.

This list goes on and on about his obnoxious behavior during his manic phases. We managed to get him hospitalized once, and on meds, but he eventually checked himself out and threw his medicine in the river.

After a succession of manic episodes, he became severly depressed my senior year in high school, 1996. He wouldn't take his meds, or get help, and the summer after my senior year he committed suicide.

I have had a hard time dealing with all of my feelings about him, over the years. I have been to a lot of therapy, and this has helped me enormously in sorting out all my feelings. One thing that was hard for me was to accept the fact that it was okay for me to be angry with him. I had a lot of anger, but thought I wasn't allowed to be angry because he was sick, it was a disease, and now he was dead, and I felt guilty. But it is okay to be angry for their behavior, esp. in my case where he could've helped himself and didn't. Once I dealt with the anger, I was able to grieve for my lost childhood, and for him.

I really feel for you, as I would not wish this on anyone. Is your father on meds?
I will pray for you and your father! Hang in there, and try not to take your father's behavior personally!

hugs for you!

I remember that my Dad would be more depressed than manic. There would be days that he would just sit in his chair and cry, or stay in bed all day. I was ashamed of him, and embarrassed to have friends come over. I felt guilty for being ashamed, but I couldn't understand why he wasn't like other dads.
He would have periods of mania where he would yell at Mom and me, and sometimes hit Mom. Mom thought that I didn't know, but I would listen to them fight at night and pray that my Dad would go away forever. Dad is on meds, but not the right ones. They don't help at all. And his parents see no reason for him to go to a counselor or be on meds because "He's just sick". Sometimes I hate him, and my grandparents. I feel bad when I do, but I can't help it sometimes. I have read some about it, and tried to understand how it is for him, but I really think he could change if he wanted to.
Thanks for sharing.
-Princess Leia