Cutting and don't know why.

[delicate_flower]

I am currently taking anti-depressants and I was doing okay for the last few months but yesterday, and just a few minutes ago, I cut my arm near the wrist and I don't know why. It hurts and I can't stand to see the blood right now but I'm not sure why this is happening. I was doing so well but now I just feel empty. Not happy or sad, just empty. Can someone tell me what is wrong with me?

 

[Soulwings]

*hugs*
Have you ever cut before, hun? cos if not, then you really DO NOT want to get started. Stop while you still can. Talk to someone about it.

You said you're feeling empty. That's why you're cutting.
The pain that cutting brings makes you realise that you're still alive. That you're not just a numb shell of a person. It helps you feel. You can't release your feelings in words so instead you release them by causing yourself harm.

I don't know if that makes any sense or not.
I've been through this, time and time again, so if you want to talk, please know that I'm always here and my PM box is always open. Praying for you. *hugs*

 

[Deamiter]

If you're on antidepressants, presumably you got them from a psychiatrist? Then you'd have a therapist too that you could talk to?

In this case, I would strongly recommend telling them what you did. After doing so well, and since you don't seem suicidal (from what you've said in one post -- obviously I'm not psychic) so they wouldn't even begin to think about hospitalizing you. At the same time, your therapist could give advice that even those of use who've been through it might never consider.

The emptyness is really what I "define" as depression. At least it's one of the hugest symptoms for me. That's probably coupled with disappointment and resignation... Emptyness after my relapses also really showed me something I was really starting to miss -- Christ. It's so easy to walk and tiptoe away slowly, but then one day you realize how lonely it is without the strong friendship he offers!

Not that I know where you are with Christ or anything. Again, that's just what I remember from my own struggles. Reading the Bible won't fix it overnight, but I never smiled so much as when I could force myself to read for a while. The Message might help -- it's obviously a paraphrase, and not as good to LEARN from, but for just reading to be nearer to Christ, I've found nothing better.

Relapsing is tough, but if it taught me anything, it was that cutting does NOT make me feel better. I usually remember cutting almost fondly because it was my one release for REALLY bad suicidal depression for a few years. When I've relapsed though, I always felt just the same as you -- empty and lost. I think it's because you've learned how to use more positive coping skills, and (if you're anything like me) you've found that cutting isn't as great as you remembered.

 

[AnaSnow]

Perhaps you are looking for comfort in the wrong places. You say you feel empty. Nothing in this world can fill that void for you. Turn to Christ. He can fill you with the Holy Spirit. I can guarantee you won't feel empty anymore. Some times life seems so unbearable. Honestly, if you are trying to make it on your own it is unbearable. Don't depend on yourself or other fallable humans. It seems you have already tried that and it didn't work. Give everything to Him. God is the only one who can save you.

 

[Bevlina]

I am currently taking anti-depressants and I was doing okay for the last few months but yesterday, and just a few minutes ago, I cut my arm near the wrist and I don't know why. It hurts and I can't stand to see the blood right now but I'm not sure why this is happening. I was doing so well but now I just feel empty. Not happy or sad, just empty. Can someone tell me what is wrong with me?

The emptiness sounds like a mild form of shock depression Honey, and I would do as Deamiter said. Speak to your Phsychiatrist about this. It's possibly something which can be sorted out.

 

[Mayflower1]

I am currently taking anti-depressants and I was doing okay for the last few months but yesterday, and just a few minutes ago, I cut my arm near the wrist and I don't know why. It hurts and I can't stand to see the blood right now but I'm not sure why this is happening. I was doing so well but now I just feel empty. Not happy or sad, just empty. Can someone tell me what is wrong with me?

You are just going through a difficult time, flower... It is okay... I know how empty you feel, I can definitely feel your pain. I cut to relieve myself from emotions I can't seem to handle. The more you talk to God though, the better you can control your urges and the more whole you will feel... I will pray for you, please just be careful and don't give up. If you feel a real urge to cut, try to pray a prayer of thanks to God or read Psalms. It just cheers me up when I do that... I can't offer you any answers because I am confused of this myself alot, but I will support you and listen to you. You are surrounded by people here who care about you. If you want to talk, I am free to listen. Best Wishes. Lily00