Cutting...again

[Corbobs]

My friends and I finally got to see each other, for like, the first time this summer. It was supposed to be a fun thing, right? Well, when I was there, I felt so left out, almost like I was just an observer, like I wasn't even welcome, almost like I wasn't even really there. Afterwards, when I got home, I just started crying. One of the biggest comforters in my life has basically forgotten about me. We were so close, and then she just pulled away, and I don't think she's ever coming back. It's almost like here entire personality has changed, like she's a completely different person. Well, losing the comfort that she brought me left me, well, left me about as depressed as I've ever been before. I got my knife out, and well, you know. All I wanted to do was to just get in my car and drive, drive until I just couldn't anymore, drive until I got as far away from this life as I could muster. I had gone weeks without cutting, and now this, and I don't think it'll be the last time either. I guess what I am trying to say is, pray for me, please? I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I don't know how to look at the future with any sort of a positive viewpoint. I can't even remember the last time I was happy, and I can't seem to find anything that I enjoy. So please, pray for me?

May the God of all creation bless us all beyond our own comprehension.

 

[madison1101]

I hope you are in therapy now. I have learned in my therapy that I have choices to not cut or self-harm. I have also learned some coping skills which I can do before the urges hit to help me relieve the tension, and after the urges hit, to not give into them.

My coping list includes the following:

1. Reading positive self-statements. I like the Who I Am In Christ by Neil Anderson
2. Exercise: Great tension release
3. Deep breathing exercises at least 6 times a day.
4. Prayer and meditation
5. Doing something for someone less fortunatel than me- Volunteer work is a great way to do this.
6. Helping in Sunday School at church, being a role model for others.
7. Bible reading, especially the Psalms.

I speak from having been where you are, I still have scars from my last episode in the spring.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[BlackRain]

i felt like that a few weeks ago...not about relationships, but about other stuff, but still i know the feeling. i did drive for a loooooooong time. i parked and just cried. it was probably one of the worst days ever...worst weeks too. i'm out and through praying next time i'll be brave and stronger. i'm not strong enough, but i'm working on it. the Lord is giving me his strength daily. i went for 4 months without cutting and i bailed on myself a few weeks ago. it was crud!! it's like your life is falling apart and you're trying to get in and change, but you can't. like sitting in an empty room. a dark empty room. with that said, know that God is near you, bud. he hears you and he feels for you. allow yourself to feel his embrace and to receive his grace and forgiveness. the Lord is so awesome about that! he really hears cares for us. read my thread in deeper fellowship. i know it's hard to be happy...i'm still having a hang over from all my unhappiness. you just have to press on. when you feel like you can't fight anymore, pray. cry out to the Lord...literally cry. tell him everything. yell at him, scream....let it out to HIM. be honest. He loves honesty of the heart. be open before him. reach out, and hold on. his love is all over the place! it's painted everywhere!! i wish i could cheer you up some, but i'll just pray for you.

 

[ebonyelegance]

i'm so sorry. i have felt like that before. when i first started telling my boy friend the one true person who i can really open up to, he didn't understand. and till this day he doesn't completely get it but he's trying very hard to and trying to help me as much as he can, as well. but sometimes he gets so very fustraited with trying to understand me, and that just makes me fustraited with myself which causes those uncontrolable urges to arive. well, just that other day we were camping with his youth group and it happened. I got so very angry/sad/hurt you know. And i went to be alone so i could cut myself, which i did. But i hadden been where i was long until my boyfriend came and saw me and took away what i was using (which he always does,.. but i guess it's a good thing) and i cried and cried and screamed and yelled, i tried to get away to, so i could cut even more but he wouldn't let me. He helded me tight, and told me to keep letting out my feelings, so i wouldn't have to harm myself to. But now when i look back at that. i wish i had yelled at the Lord instead i wish i had let out my feelings to Him, Because i know it hurt my boyfriend to see me like that. But to you i say God Bless, and do yell out to him when you feel like doing It again.

 

[Corbobs]

Alright...no more cutting for me.... Ok, I met this girl on here, and she and I are, well, we aren't dating, but we're more than friends, to say the least. And I wanted her to promise me that she would never cut...because she hadn't, but wanted to very badly...but only because I was.... But the only way she would promise was if I promised her that I would never do it again.... So I decided that I could do that, though probably only for her....So I will no longer cut so long as I know her. Thanks for your prayers everyone.

May the God of all creation bless us all beyond our own comprehension.

 

[Princess Leia]

Alright...no more cutting for me.... Ok, I met this girl on here, and she and I are, well, we aren't dating, but we're more than friends, to say the least. And I wanted her to promise me that she would never cut...because she hadn't, but wanted to very badly...but only because I was.... But the only way she would promise was if I promised her that I would never do it again.... So I decided that I could do that, though probably only for her....So I will no longer cut so long as I know her. Thanks for your prayers everyone.

May the God of all creation bless us all beyond our own comprehension.

I know that was a hard thing for you to promise me, Cory, but I'm so glad you did.

Princess Leia/Kendra