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If you lay down with them to get them to sleep, it creates another situation that has to be dealt with later on.
I brought up the sleeping issue yesterday with his Pediatrician for his 12 mos checkup and she did encourage the CIO method if all else had failed - in the case where his every need was met, he has soft music, night lite, etc he may be the "strongly assertive" type and require a few nights of CIO to learn self soothing.
I agree with the posters who have said CIO and spanking is NOT the proper option to help your child sleep. I dont know where society feels that 'good babies' are those who sleep all night, that just isnt scientifically the case! Children's sleep cycles are much shorter than ours, so they will naturally awaken throughout the night. Some are good at self-soothing and many are not. It doesnt mean they are 'bad babies', there really is no such thing as a bad baby and it's cruel to talk of small children in such a way.
Now concerning tantrums before bed, if you do indeed have a strong willed child, addressing the strong will by pushing your will on him is only likely to make his will all the stronger. Strong will feeds on strong will. Also by spanking him, you're not making the nightime routine pleasant. I always [try] to put my child to bed with the idea that sleep/nighttime is a PLEASANT time, not a time for a battle of the wills. So when my little girl desperately wants out of her crib when its time for sleep, I try to redirect her in a positive way to appreciate nighttime such as 'it's time to go night night with doggy and blankie' and other positive reinforcements. Bedtime should be pleasant (yes even though its exhausting for parents sometimes but thats life) and by you being harsh with using CIO or spanking, its just making bedtime stressful and unpleasant for all involved.
By the way - is calling our child 'Stubborn' really the best confession we want to speak over our children? An 11 month old is just a baby yet, it frustrates me to no end when people call their small children 'bad children' or 'spoiled' or 'stubborn' as if they can process the way older people can... It reveals a lot about the way society views children - again as burdens to be molded into mini-adults, not blessings that need nurture and stability the first years especially!
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The basic idea is that babies need to learn to fall asleep without "crutches," like nursing, getting rocked to sleep, or sucking a pacifier that parents have to plug back in throughout the night. Apparently everyone wakes up several times a night, but they fall back to sleep so quickly that they don't notice. Babies who haven't learned this skill rely on their crutch to get back to sleep. So you teach them to use techniques like thumb-sucking, snuggling a stuffed animal, or hugging a blanket to fall asleep. Then they won't need anyone to help them fall back to sleep throughout the night.
You put your baby to bed "drowsy but awake." He should be tired, but not already sleeping or on the verge of sleeping. You want to make sure he gets to that point by himself, not by getting nursed or rocked. You sit next to him to provide reassurance while he falls asleep, before it escalates into a full-blown cry or tantrum. You can touch him for comfort, but don't pick him up or play. Make sure it's dark, quiet and boring in there (no mobiles or toys) to encourage sleep. As he gets used to it, try to comfort him with only your voice. When he's ready, move the chair a little farther away each night, until it's just outside his door where he can't see you. Continue comforting him with your voice, so he knows you're there. Eventually you won't need to wait around any more.
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I am personally against the crying-it-out method. I don't think it's abuse, but I do think it's a poor choice. (Like teaching a child to swim by throwing him in a lake... yeah, it'll work, but it's worth the extra effort to develop their confidence and teach each component in stride.) Being there to comfort your child, while being firm that he needs to sleep, helps him to be receptive to the idea. How you teach and discipline your child now sets the stage for how you interact with him as he gets older. If you are patient and receptive to his needs - without giving into his demands - you can develop a nurturing and trusting relationship. If you set a precedent of hurting him to correct behaviors, or ignoring him when he expresses his needs, he will avoid your parenting as much as independence allows. (Hurting and ignoring are essentially what spanking and crying-it-out are.) Spanking is neither age-appropriate for an 11-month-old, nor effective for sleep-training. It's an act of exasperation. Think about the long-term parent/child relationship and how your approach affects that, not just how it achieves each goal along the way.
Don't let him fall asleep nursing. He's associating that with comfort. He neesds to learn comfort on his own. Please don't spank him. An 11 month old does not have the cognitive ability to understand why you are spanking him. It does no good and creates more stess and does not address his needs.
Go into his room and reassure him. Give him a night light.
What are your habits for day time naps? Do you nurse him to sleep then?
I hate to tell you but I have 3 childen, my youngest is 7 and wakes up frequently scared and I have to take him back to his room during the night and reassure him he is okay. I still don't get a full nights sleep.
Damaging Effects of Punishment on Children | Why Not Train A Child?Speaking of damage, did you know that when babies are left to cry it out, their little bodies are being flooded with Cortisol? Discipleship Parenting looks at what effect that has on them.
Ignoring Your Instincts? | Why Not Train A Child?God designed babies to be very needy and He gave mothers the instincts to attend to their baby’s needs. This is why a baby’s cry affects mothers so negatively. And yet mothers often try to squelch those instincts because a man has told them that their God given instincts were wrong.
Long term cognitive development in children w... [Arch Dis Child. 2004] - PubMed - NCBIExcessive, uncontrolled crying that persists beyond 3 months of age in infants without other signs of neurological damage may be a marker for cognitive deficits during childhood. Such infants need to be examined and followed up more intensively.
A Conversation with The Big Bang Theory’s Mayim Bialik on Attachment Parenting : ParentsDeskParentsDesk: A lot of people reading this article will ask, so what’s wrong with “Crying it Out?” (the practice of not responding to a child’s cry at night as part of sleep training.)
Bialik: Children have needs at night and day. A baby does not know it needs to sleep. ‘Crying it Out’ is telling a child I won’t respond to your needs at night. The child will stop asking. But you’re teaching the child to give up. A baby’s wants and needs are the same thing. We believe there’s no such thing as crocodile tears. Babies and toddlers have a limited vocabulary and we need to honor what they’re saying. Especially in the first year, parents need to respond to the mammalian signals for distress. The baby’s developing brain needs these secure attachments. A baby’s cry is designed to get a parent to respond. There are parents who will lock themselves in another room or leave the house because they can’t stand to hear their babies cry when they are “crying it out.” That goes against all parental instincts.
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