*cry*

[oneandlonely]

I was doing better after camp, I was eating 3 normal sized meals a day. I was doing alright, and then I started to gain weight...

Now I am not doing well this week, it is back to eating very little and I feel awful about it. everyone seems to think that I am doing better, and I don't want to let them down by telling them otherwise...

I don't know what to do... I have just felt so depressed this week and it has made eating hard, and then I feel bad about not eating right and in weird ways that also makes me want to eat less... and I am scared that I will gain more weight...

I want to get back to where I was! why can't I just be normal and not be thinking about my weight all of the time! why can't I go out to eat with friend's without having a painc attack

sorry for my rant

Bethany

 

[Kaylee4Christ]

Kay

 

[Music4Hym777]

I was doing better after camp, I was eating 3 normal sized meals a day. I was doing alright, and then I started to gain weight...

Now I am not doing well this week, it is back to eating very little and I feel awful about it. everyone seems to think that I am doing better, and I don't want to let them down by telling them otherwise...

I don't know what to do... I have just felt so depressed this week and it has made eating hard, and then I feel bad about not eating right and in weird ways that also makes me want to eat less... and I am scared that I will gain more weight...

I want to get back to where I was! why can't I just be normal and not be thinking about my weight all of the time! why can't I go out to eat with friend's without having a painc attack

sorry for my rant

Bethany

That is really hard, I know how it feels. I was asking my fiance the same questions last night "Why can't I be normal?" In getting better you are going to gain some weight, its part of getting healthy. Don't be scared about going out with your friends, if they know, then they love and care about you and will help you through all this.

I remember my first time going out to eat (besides a little dessert) with my fiance after he found out that I had an eating disorder (I had told him, but we were both out of town so we couldn't see each other for about a month after). He was sooo supportive. We did a "progressive dinner" of Starbucks for an appetizer, then Bourdon's for dinner, then somewhere for dessert. He was watching me the entire time. I drank the Starbucks so fast because I was sooo nervous and then barely ate my pizza. Because I was already full by about two of the pizza my fiance ate the rest so that I wouldn't be tempted to overeat and purge.

If they are truly your friends they will love and support you!

If you ever want, my PM box is ALWAYS open for rants, for questions, for anything.

Monica

 

[oneandlonely]

That is really hard, I know how it feels. I was asking my fiance the same questions last night "Why can't I be normal?" In getting better you are going to gain some weight, its part of getting healthy. Don't be scared about going out with your friends, if they know, then they love and care about you and will help you through all this.

I remember my first time going out to eat (besides a little dessert) with my fiance after he found out that I had an eating disorder (I had told him, but we were both out of town so we couldn't see each other for about a month after). He was sooo supportive. We did a "progressive dinner" of Starbucks for an appetizer, then Bourdon's for dinner, then somewhere for dessert. He was watching me the entire time. I drank the Starbucks so fast because I was sooo nervous and then barely ate my pizza. Because I was already full by about two of the pizza my fiance ate the rest so that I wouldn't be tempted to overeat and purge.

If they are truly your friends they will love and support you!

If you ever want, my PM box is ALWAYS open for rants, for questions, for anything.

Monica

Thanks

I guess you are right, if they are my friends, they will support me. But I just don't want to let them down

Thanks so much for your support , I might take you up on that offer sometime.

Bethany

 

[oneandlonely]

and anoughter thing that is bothering me...

Does anyone else ever have nightmares that you are pigging out? for like the past week or so I keep having these dreams that I am eating all of the really fatty foods in our fridge, then I waking up in a painc attack and run to the fridge to make sure it is all still there...*sigh*

Bethany

 

[Music4Hym777]

I sometimes have nightmares as well, mine are more me eating and then throwing up, but yes, nightmares are common.

 

[oneandlonely]

I sometimes have nightmares as well, mine are more me eating and then throwing up, but yes, nightmares are common.

Thanks, I am gald that I am not the only one that has dreams about eating.

 

[Music4Hym777]

Thanks, I am gald that I am not the only one that has dreams about eating.

I've had the same dream for about 3 or 4 years all having to do with eating chicken and then throwing it up.

 

[oneandlonely]

So last night was really bad...

Everyone one in my youth group is covniced that i am anorexic. So everytime I am at youth group they are trying to get me to eat. Well last night they where all trying to get me to eat junk food, and as much as I wanted to, I can't. my body is not used to it so when i do eat it I get sick. all night they bugged me about if i had ate anytime recently, and my friend sarah even told everyone that i ate dinner with her, but they wouldn't leave me alone. So I got sick of it and broke down and got a bowl of icecream. Everyone was all like "Oh my gosh!! Bethany's eating! Bethany we are so proud of you!!" it just made me feel really uneasy. I don't mind that from some people (like my youth pastor, or the other leaders) because it helps me to remember that I am doing the right thing. But from everyone else there, it makes me feel really stressed. and it makes me want to stop eating.

Is there anything I can say to get everyone to back off a little? it is to the point that I want to avoid youth group if I know there is going to be food there.

Bethany

 

[blessedmomof5]

Bethany, Can you talk with your youth pastor, or pastor about all the pressure they the other kids are putting on you, and maybe take a smaller bowl of ice cream? just a thought.....
I will be praying for you.

ps i am sure they all thought they were doing the right thing, i am sure they meant no harm especially since they were so proud of you.....maybe if it is not to hard you can fill them in some?
I find the futher along i go and cannot hide it anymore what is the point? everyone knows, so i just tell them well right now i am having issues with food, and it helps me alot if i am not pressured into anything i am not yet ready for....
but it does help to blurt out those words, i am.............
Denise

 

[oneandlonely]

Bethany, Can you talk with your youth pastor, or pastor about all the pressure they the other kids are putting on you, and maybe take a smaller bowl of ice cream? just a thought.....
I will be praying for you.

ps i am sure they all thought they were doing the right thing, i am sure they meant no harm especially since they were so proud of you.....maybe if it is not to hard you can fill them in some?
I find the futher along i go and cannot hide it anymore what is the point? everyone knows, so i just tell them well right now i am having issues with food, and it helps me alot if i am not pressured into anything i am not yet ready for....
but it does help to blurt out those words, i am.............
Denise

Yeah I guess I can talk to my youth pastor.
The bowl of ice cream wasn't even that big. It wasn't even a scoop

I know that they all ment well, but it just made it really hard. I don't think I want to fill them in, I don't know, I just don't trust everyone there not to go to my parents.
I know that your right it is realy hard to eat that I have eating issuses at youth group, I just wish that they would back off a little

I think that I will talk to my youth pastor about it

Thanks

Bethany