Cry it out

[Caprice]

I don't think I could do the "cry it out" thing... I can only imagine what the little person must be feeling like while crying, the "why don't they answer me?" and "don't they care?" thoughts... makes me sad to think of it.

To each their own of course, just wanted to add a disenting view.

 

[Emma's_Mom]

CIO was not useful for us. The children would cry to the point of vomiting. They were all early standers too, which meant that for the ones who slept in cribs (we gave that up after 2 kids) they could pull themselves up and stand forever and not be able to get themselves back down. We coslept our next 2 and they made the transition to their own beds well after we stopped nursing. In fact, our almost 2 year old sleeps so well now, out for 9-10 hours. I think letting it work more on our children's time schedule of when they were ready to have more independence worked best for us. I know I slept better from nursing them to sleep next to me than I did waking (seemingly constantly) to feed them.

I don't think I'll be able to do it either. Emma doesn't cry when she's going to sleep, but after her dr's appointment yesterday where she got her first set of immunizations (2 shots in each leg) I know for a fact that I can't bear to hear her cry. I think I cried more than she did. I guess I'm happy that at 2 months old she is able to comfort herself to sleep as long as she's nursed long enough and has a dry diaper. I hope it's something that will last!

 

[Zoomer]

I don't know how this whole sleep thing has spiraled so out of control in our culture. It is bizarre that it is one of the first quetions people ask- whether or not the baby is sleeping through the night... It's like it is a measure of good parenting, much like early potty training used to be viewed. It is just so strange to me!

So very true! It's like we have to rush our children to become self sufficient as soon as possible. Only then we can be deemed as good parents. I am a parent that lets my child progress at their speed, whether it is potty training or sleeping through the night. My almost 3 year old is not potty trained, not even close, but it doesn't bother me because I know that he is not ready.

 

[EmSchmem]

I don't know how this whole sleep thing has spiraled so out of control in our culture. It is bizarre that it is one of the first quetions people ask- whether or not the baby is sleeping through the night... It's like it is a measure of good parenting, much like early potty training used to be viewed. It is just so strange to me!

LOL! When I ask that I'm just wondering if that PARENTS are getting to sleep through the night yet, for sanity not status!

You know I don't know anyone who uses the CIO method who lets their kid cry for hours or who is heartless about it. I like and will be using (and have used in my years of nannying) the five minute rule. Every night or every few nights, I will wait five more minutes before going in.

 

[Andry]

So very true! It's like we have to rush our children to become self sufficient as soon as possible. Only then we can be deemed as good parents. I am a parent that lets my child progress at their speed, whether it is potty training or sleeping through the night. My almost 3 year old is not potty trained, not even close, but it doesn't bother me because I know that he is not ready.

You've got such a great attitude towards parenting!!

Our kids will do what ever they need to learn when they're ready. In the meantime, enjoy the ride.

Because we often not take notice, that almost all 6 year olds can talk pretty well, are potty trained, sleep on their own, can walk and run, ....... so what's this rush on getting them all grown up?

I don't know any of my peers who have a clear advantage or disadvantage because they slept on their own sooner or they were potty trained quicker, or walked at 8 months instead of at 12.

Unless of course.....we as parents are comparing??? Nooooooooo, we're not that silly, are we?

 

[Addicted2~Jesus]

I believe there's a fundamental flaw with what folks are sayin bout not rushin kids. I agree to an extent, but I also have to disagree in that yes I don't believe we should push our kids we shouldn't sit idly by an see what new thin they decide to learn all on their own today. We need to expose them to this an that, potty trainin for example, your son may not be ready to go on his own an that's fine, but should he simply be allowed to remain in diapers until one day he decides he wants to be potty trained? Is it not our job to expose em to potty trainin an what not? Like when you go to the bathroom have em go sit with you an what not? I'm not pickin on you er anythin er even this potty trainin topic it's jes the one that was here. See I think if we sit back an jes wait for our kids to decide to do sumthin cause they feel their ready you end up wit one of my brothers an my BIL.... their both round 23 er so an both sittin on their butts cause no one is sayin hey git up an git on with thins.

No I believe we do need to push an by that I mean gently nudge our kids towards new thins. I don't think that CIO is so much of a 'tryin to get the kids to grow up' as it is tryin to settle the entire house hold. Some folks cain't er won't co-sleep, each to their own, so it wasn't a great big deal for us cause we did co-sleep, but em folks who don't co-sleep an put their babe to bed else where more often then not must use a CIO method so everbody can get some sleep. I don't think it has anythin to do with wether er not we signed up for sleepless nights when we had children yes of course we did but I don't think it's the same thin here, kinda like comparin apples an oranges. I firmly believe that children need to be able to entertain themsefs so they aren't completely relyin on their parents for everthin. To do everthin for em, for them to depend 100% of the time for everthin I believes teaches them to be lazy. After all, a parent doin that will do everthin, why should they do anythin? Feed themsefs? No maw will do it, git my clothes no maw will do it etc. An I think when folks do that as a babe it sorta sets themsefs an the child up for a failure. Guess what? Most babies do not NEED to be held all the time, it's cause they want to an if they scream long enough they'll git their way. Shows who's wearin the pants I think. Of course there's the odd stuff the babes sick an does need to be held an comforted an what not but I also think to many folks are jes givin in to easily. Jes my two cents ya can give em back if'n ya want hehe

 

[lucypevensie]

There's nothing wrong with introducing our kids to things that might make them temporarily uncomfortable -- such as putting them in their own bed and expecting them to fall asleep, or potty traing when Mom knows they can do it. There are times when people simply HAVE to do what they are told, even if it makes them temporarily uncomfortable or makes little sense. If you KNOW that your kids are capable of learning something there is nothing wrong with a gentle nudge in that direction. To me, I think it shows your kid that you have confidence in them and their abilities. NOTE: I'm not saying to PUSH them if they truly aren't capable yet.

On a more personal level, I introduced toilet traing to my 2 kids before they even conceived that they could even use a potty chair. In the case of my son I absolutely HAD to train him at age 2.5. He rebelled for a couple weeks, but, like I said, it was necessary. I was sick with an undiagnosed pain illness, and diaper changes were excruciating for me. Picking him up and carrying him around was certainly not a smart thing for me to do. So he also did not get carried around very much. He is not permanently traumatized because I didn't hold him. Getting permanent help was not an option. You know, after the first couple dificult weeks where he rebelled against the toilet, he finally started to figure that using the toilet was really pretty fun! I was glad that I had established early on certain other aspects that required him to practice just doing what I say, even though it might make him temporarily uncomfy -- such as falling asleep in his crib by himself.

 

[andiesmama]

See I think if we sit back an jes wait for our kids to decide to do sumthin cause they feel their ready you end up wit one of my brothers an my BIL.... their both round 23 er so an both sittin on their butts cause no one is sayin hey git up an git on with thins.

Excellent point! For example, I believe Andie would have been happy to STILL be sleeping in her crib (at nearly 3 years old)...she never once tried to climb out, was perfectly happy going to bed in her crib, so we as parents took it upon ourselves to upgrade it to the toddler bed shortly after she turned 2. She was fine with it! And just Sunday we dismantled the "baby" bed because she got a brand new "big girl" bed (full twin size) for an early birthday present. And she probably would've stayed in her toddler bed until the cows came home, but we decided it was time to move on. And she loves it, especially with the Strawberry Shortcake sheets she picked out...:o

I think we have to as parents sometimes help our children along the road of growing up....I know there's not one of us who's looking forward to our kids getting bigger & all that, but I think it's occasionally necessary to move them a little bit out of their comfort zone.

 

[Andry]

I think we have to as parents sometimes help our children along the road of growing up....I know there's not one of us who's looking forward to our kids getting bigger & all that, but I think it's occasionally necessary to move them a little bit out of their comfort zone.

I couldn't agree more. Here's the "but"...

In my experience (and for clarity it is anecdotal and not scientific), many parents I know in my own sphere, have a tendency to want their child to be able to do things first, or earlier, or sooner than that other kid. And for reasons that still evade me. (They'll never admit that of course, because that wouldn't be 'right', but it's there just the same.)

So while I do push, and prod, and encourage the way you and A2J have indicated (and my wife often accuses me of doing that too much), I'm also cognizant that if a child is 'late' in some things, it really in the long run doesn't amount to a hill of beans, with no detrimental effect.

But it is a tough balancing act, and very much a child by child issue.

 

[andiesmama]

So while I do push, and prod, and encourage the way you and A2J have indicated (and my wife often accuses me of doing that too much), I'm also cognizant that if a child is 'late' in some things, it really in the long run doesn't amount to a hill of beans, with no detrimental effect.

But it is a tough balancing act, and very much a child by child issue.

I couldn't agree with you more! I was going to add on to my post but it was getting too long, I thought...

It's like, you try something new out, if it doesn't work or if your child doesn't take to it, so what? Back off & try again later. If Andie had issues with us changing out her crib to the toddler bed, so what? It's not that difficult to put the side back on it again.

If we had gone for a week using the CIO method with no indication of anything changing, so what? Try something else & just go with the flow.

You're right, that in the long run everything's gonna work out, each kid is on their own timetable & sometimes they just don't let mom & dad know what that timetable is! lol

 

[Addicted2~Jesus]

I think there's a fine line that gits blurred here as well. There's a difference in folks nudgin thier kids to sleepin in their own bed er pottyin er what not an that whole 4 year old who screwd up trigonometry and has two tons of a ticked off mama comin down on em.

I completely agree that parents should absolutely not compete with other parents, cause then it's not bout the children anymore it's selfish parentin, what can I git outta this deal etc.

I think stickin a bit of pressure on kids is essential cause like I said before if we don't an they stay in a comfort zone then there's really no need for em to do anythin cause they simply jes don't have to.

I agree with both of ya bout if sumthin doesn't work then try sumthin else. We did that with Kat an the CIO cause it simply didn't work the way we were doin it... I think mainly cause we all co-slept and it was to drastic a change... we tried jes havin er take naps in er crib an sleep with us at night an I think it was to confusin. Since my wife nursed it was the best bet to co-sleep, but if she wasn't nursin I think we'd have moved er into er own bed long before an gone through with the CIO.

 

[andiesmama]

I completely agree that parents should absolutely not compete with other parents, cause then it's not bout the children anymore it's selfish parentin, what can I git outta this deal etc.

Right...you're no longer so much looking at what's the best time-table for your child, but looking to see if somehow you can "pass up" the other kids & have the bragging rights...

 

[Zoomer]

I don't know any of my peers who have a clear advantage or disadvantage because they slept on their own sooner or they were potty trained quicker, or walked at 8 months instead of at 12.

Tell that to my great aunt. Everytime we see her, she asks if my son is potty trained. Then she reminds me that my cousin was trained at 14 months. He is almost 30 and she is still bragging!! It drives me batty.

 

[Andry]

Tell that to my great aunt. Everytime we see her, she asks if my son is potty trained. Then she reminds me that my cousin was trained at 14 months. He is almost 30 and she is still bragging!! It drives me batty.

LOL....that is funny!

So is he a gazillionare? An Eistein? Invented something cool? Eradicated the common cold?

I mean, I hope he's doing well. But somehow I think it has little to do with the potty training.

 

[Zoomer]

LOL....that is funny!

So is he a gazillionare? An Eistein? Invented something cool? Eradicated the common cold?

I mean, I hope he's doing well. But somehow I think it has little to do with the potty training.

He installs carpet .

 

[Addicted2~Jesus]

LOL....that is funny!

So is he a gazillionare? An Eistein? Invented something cool? Eradicated the common cold?

I mean, I hope he's doing well. But somehow I think it has little to do with the potty training.

ROFLOL that's it isn't it? I mean it's difficult to think that early potty trainin could equate to some astronomical achievement in life, an I'd feel a lil embarrased if my maw kept goin round tellin folks I came out of the womb potty trained when I was 30 hehe

 

[andiesmama]

He installs carpet .

 

[E-beth]

When we moved my son from co-sleeping to putting himself to sleep, he would cry fro up to an hour for a few nights. Then I posted here and got some good advice. One was to read a book called Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems or something similar which was written by a child sleep doctor. I got it from teh library and it taught me some stuff that helped.

I can't remember all of the advice, but what worked for us was a continuous play lullabye CD which was set kinda loud at first when he was crying loudedst. Then I would go in and pat him and lay him down again after a longer time each night. It is also a good idea to make a bedtime ritual. Ours was bath, bottle, cleanup, hugs and kisses, music on, bed. Then they make bedtime a routine and they are more content since they know what happens next.

Oh- and if you can get some lavendar bedtime baby lotion where you are, I recommend it. It worked wonders for us!

 

[Kiwi]

Well update, on the 4th night she woke up at 4.00 cried for 5 minutes and went back to sleep till 6.00. Last night she woke up at 5.00, cried for 5 minutes and then went back to sleep till 6.00 (and she had her immunisations yesterday as well). So we seem to be making progress!!! Yay. Thankyou all for the advice, I didn't realize there was such strong feelings on the issue.

 

[kellykelley]

I couldn't do cio. Sarah still sleeps with us at 2 but we put a toddler bed right by ours and are trying to transition her to it first. It's really not working. Right now we are planing to buy a co-sleeper to use when the baby is born and try to transition both of them to the same room after 4 or 5 months. Then again maybe the waking at night ot nurse will make Sarah decide to move to her room on her own.

KK