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Courtship Advice...please help!
- Thread starter beelliot
- Start date
So are you guys in graduate school? Wow sleeping with your best friends GF, thats pretty low, I mean it sounds like she still wants to get with this guy your interested in. No one wants to be alone so its a bit of a tense situation, this woman is not going to dump this guys friend until he commits to her but he wants to get with you? I guess alot of the creepyness hinges on how this guys best friend treats his GF otherwise its unlikely she would cheat.
Why would you say she is the woman to avoid in proverbs...because she is not you? Some people are not comfortable letting go of the bird in the hand for the one in the bush until the one in the bush is in their second hand then they can let go of the other one and not be empty handed, espeically if your not particularly fortunate finding someone decent in the past, it can get really sticky. People who have no issues finding new partners dont usually do that, they will just straight up dump you.
Another thing is he could be looking at you as a hard nut to crack, when his hormones start raging he is not going to want to have awkward dates with no sex and a courtship that lasts until he has one foot in the grave, he may really like you but that could be a major black mark on his list of your traits. I highly doubt that this other woman is just a mentor, he may not be having sex with her but he is thinking about it, I would be surprised if he has willingly not had sex in a year (maybe unwillingly). The fact that this woman is his best friends GF is the real crux of this whole situation, maybe not for you but from a 3rd party stand point thats the only thing that really separates this situation from a guy thats just playing the field to get what he really wants.
That is the crux of waiting till "marriage" for sex with outragious courtship time lenghts, some guys dont really view that as a real relationship, your basicly just friends having coffee or whatever so if some woman comes along that suits him better you may be starting over and its not really cheating because you really have nothing invested in each other other than some time drinking coffee. These super long engagements and courtships can really hose up your chances at finding someone.
Maybe just break it off and join a church singles group where the intention is to meet someone and get married. Anyone who is willing to just sit and drink coffee with no sex for months and months or years is looking for a real relationship on the side at the same time, I gaurentee it, unless they are a total putz and then you have to really question their masculinity.
Why would you say she is the woman to avoid in proverbs...because she is not you? Some people are not comfortable letting go of the bird in the hand for the one in the bush until the one in the bush is in their second hand then they can let go of the other one and not be empty handed, espeically if your not particularly fortunate finding someone decent in the past, it can get really sticky. People who have no issues finding new partners dont usually do that, they will just straight up dump you.
Another thing is he could be looking at you as a hard nut to crack, when his hormones start raging he is not going to want to have awkward dates with no sex and a courtship that lasts until he has one foot in the grave, he may really like you but that could be a major black mark on his list of your traits. I highly doubt that this other woman is just a mentor, he may not be having sex with her but he is thinking about it, I would be surprised if he has willingly not had sex in a year (maybe unwillingly). The fact that this woman is his best friends GF is the real crux of this whole situation, maybe not for you but from a 3rd party stand point thats the only thing that really separates this situation from a guy thats just playing the field to get what he really wants.
That is the crux of waiting till "marriage" for sex with outragious courtship time lenghts, some guys dont really view that as a real relationship, your basicly just friends having coffee or whatever so if some woman comes along that suits him better you may be starting over and its not really cheating because you really have nothing invested in each other other than some time drinking coffee. These super long engagements and courtships can really hose up your chances at finding someone.
Maybe just break it off and join a church singles group where the intention is to meet someone and get married. Anyone who is willing to just sit and drink coffee with no sex for months and months or years is looking for a real relationship on the side at the same time, I gaurentee it, unless they are a total putz and then you have to really question their masculinity.
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We are in pharmacy school. I forgot to mention (for length's sake) that the best friend and his girlfriend have been dating for three years. My boyfriend hadn't really known them that long...like a year. When his best friend heard that he was applying to pharmacy school, he told his girlfriend and the girl gave some entrance exam books to her boyfriend to give to his friend. She had never met him before, but when they did meet, she was attracted to him My boyfriend says that his best friend is a very nice guy and treats her well, but they were living in different cities at the time because they are both in graduate school. I believe she has cheated on her boyfriend before with other men....that's why I say she reminds me of the women they warn about in Proverbs. Aside from that, I don't trust her as an acquaintance let alone a friend....i find her to be very deceitful.
I have told him, in moments of anger and in moments of peace, that he needs to get that situation resolved. He's afraid of the consequence though....of losing his friend, but I think that he should stop being selfish, be a man, and deal with it. I know that he confessed to God, but I feel that he owes it to his friend to confess to him if he wants to continue the friendship.
I have told him, in moments of anger and in moments of peace, that he needs to get that situation resolved. He's afraid of the consequence though....of losing his friend, but I think that he should stop being selfish, be a man, and deal with it. I know that he confessed to God, but I feel that he owes it to his friend to confess to him if he wants to continue the friendship.
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dayhiker
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I could go both ways with him telling his friend about what his GF has been up to.
If he doesn't want to tell then I'd let that he his decision and I'm not try to form him to do what I'd do in his situation.
As for the woman in Proverbs. She was married and her husband was traveling. She would go out as a prostitute. Your right there are some parallels to this girls situation. Yet they aren't married, so its not exactly the same either.
If he doesn't want to tell then I'd let that he his decision and I'm not try to form him to do what I'd do in his situation.
As for the woman in Proverbs. She was married and her husband was traveling. She would go out as a prostitute. Your right there are some parallels to this girls situation. Yet they aren't married, so its not exactly the same either.
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gzt
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I think it'd be pretty classless for him, if his friend and that girl get married, to be their best man.
I don't think what he's up to is very good. I don't think it's good that he was having sex with his best friend's girlfriend, but he's repented of that, so we can disregard it. I don't think it's good that his friend doesn't know about her betrayal or his betrayal. That is something we can't disregard. The relationship between the best friend and the girl is really none of your business (my opinion is that, when sex enters the picture, all the partners need to know, but it's not anybody outside the relations' business to inform), but your boyfriends' relationship with both kind of is - but it's not any of your business to interfere or inform. So I think that your boyfriend ought to tell his friend that he was having sex with his girlfriend because that means they were having sex with the same person at the same time. The girlfriend ought to tell the best friend that she was cheating on him for the same reason. I think you should suggest this to him, but, well, you can't make him do anything.
I won't comment on your boyfriend's relationship with that girl because, I don't know, sometimes it's okay for people to be friends with people they've slept with.
I don't think what he's up to is very good. I don't think it's good that he was having sex with his best friend's girlfriend, but he's repented of that, so we can disregard it. I don't think it's good that his friend doesn't know about her betrayal or his betrayal. That is something we can't disregard. The relationship between the best friend and the girl is really none of your business (my opinion is that, when sex enters the picture, all the partners need to know, but it's not anybody outside the relations' business to inform), but your boyfriends' relationship with both kind of is - but it's not any of your business to interfere or inform. So I think that your boyfriend ought to tell his friend that he was having sex with his girlfriend because that means they were having sex with the same person at the same time. The girlfriend ought to tell the best friend that she was cheating on him for the same reason. I think you should suggest this to him, but, well, you can't make him do anything.
I won't comment on your boyfriend's relationship with that girl because, I don't know, sometimes it's okay for people to be friends with people they've slept with.
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I agree he needs to sort out this best friend thing but after that I beleive there are going to be issues with the 2 of you if this engagement is drug out forever. It is absolute hell on a man to have long drawn out engagements if there is no sex. I would have the uncomfortable deal breaker discussions ASAP so that you are not wasting each others time and have him resolve this best friend thing ASAP.
The longer this drags on the worse its going to get and he is eventually just going to want to get laid. If he refuses to talk about the hard stuff or get the ball rolling on his part then you should cut him loose, I understand patiences and all that but we all evetually die so there is a line where patiences crosses into absurdity.
The longer this drags on the worse its going to get and he is eventually just going to want to get laid. If he refuses to talk about the hard stuff or get the ball rolling on his part then you should cut him loose, I understand patiences and all that but we all evetually die so there is a line where patiences crosses into absurdity.
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