Courting vs. Dating

[LoveJC9]

I attend a church where they don't believe in dating. As an older woman (almost 40) I am not sure what to even begin to think of marrying someone that I haven't been alone with. I honestly love the idea of the first kiss between you being when you are married, but at the same time I just don't know....

However if you know that it is God it would all work out according to his purpose and it would be amazing.

Any thoughts?

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I don't understand...what kind of church is this? I can't understand how a woman your age (or mine for that matter and I'm older lol) could ever get married if you can't go on dates. . I guess I would need more information on what denomination we are talking about. What's your church's stance on it? Do they expect some 40 something guy to marry you in some pre-arranged fashion? Or do they just expect you to be single for the rest of your life? I mean what is their position as it relates to you personally? I just don't get it, sorry. I mean I am a widow that was married for almost 25 years. I don't know if I will marry again, but if the right guy comes along I will consider it, but I would think we would need a few dates to determine if we like each other, let alone spending the rest of our lives together.

 

[LoveJC9]

We are full gospel. We don't date, at least not alone. You can do things in groups but you are never alone.

They don't believe in staying single. It isn't a pre-arrainged thing. You do have a decision in the matter. You just don't go out and look for it. The other women who have been married in the church married men that were in the church.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

We are full gospel. We don't date, at least not alone. You can do things in groups but you are never alone.

They don't believe in staying single. It isn't a pre-arrainged thing. You do have a decision in the matter. You just don't go out and look for it. The other women who have been married in the church married men that were in the church.

OK then, is there any men in the church you are interested in? Cuz that alone could make it tough, ya know? And then do you have to wait until someone asks you to go to a "group" event or what? And are you saying in your church it's kinda considered somewhat of a sin if you are single? I guess I woulda been kicked out then. I'm not single by my choice, but I have been single for the last 5 years.

 

[IreneAdler]

I think you could probably date in groups then. Have a bunch of friends go out together and make sure "guy you're interested" is there too. Repeatedly.

 

[LoveJC9]

OK then, is there any men in the church you are interested in? Cuz that alone could make it tough, ya know? And then do you have to wait until someone asks you to go to a "group" event or what? And are you saying in your church it's kinda considered somewhat of a sin if you are single? I guess I woulda been kicked out then. I'm not single by my choice, but I have been single for the last 5 years.

That isn't what I am saying at all, being single isn't a sin. I think it is Gods will for women to be married (this is my opinion, not the churchs). There is one man in my church that I have flipped over and I can't do or say anything about it. All I can do is pray that if it is meant to happen it will.

It is a different life than what I have lived in the past because before I wouldn't have been shy and humble I would have gotten what I wanted.

 

[LoveJC9]

I think you could probably date in groups then. Have a bunch of friends go out together and make sure "guy you're interested" is there too. Repeatedly.

We have church events 3-4 times a week. Then on Sundays the entire church eats together and hangs out for a couple hours after church. So, you do have time to get to know a person, it just isn't one on one.

 

[IreneAdler]

You can call him on the phone can't you?

 

[LoveJC9]

You can call him on the phone can't you?

I think we would be allowed to talk by phone if necessary. The thing where this one gets tricky is right now we both live in our pastors house. So I see him all day every day.

Before you think this is odd he brings people into his home to disciple them, when the Lord puts someone on his heart.
Mat 25:35 For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:

 

[IreneAdler]

I think maybe your leaders who teach this kind of ideation should be fixing this problem for you then. It almost seems like you're in social bondage. I hope you are happy. I really do. I just find it shouldn't be so hard to be a Christian and a woman (in the sense of seeking a mate). I'm sorry.

 

[LoveJC9]

I think maybe your leaders who teach this kind of ideation should be fixing this problem for you then. It almost seems like you're in social bondage. I hope you are happy. I really do. I just find it shouldn't be so hard to be a Christian and a woman (in the sense of seeking a mate). I'm sorry.

There isn't anything to fix. I wouldn't dare let anyone know that I am even slightly interested in this man. The way things are here is that if he is interested he will start this, not me. That would not be the proper way for things to happen at all.

 

[IreneAdler]

Again, I'm sorry. You don't want to hear any more from me. I hope he notices you.

 

[LoveJC9]

Again, I'm sorry. You don't want to hear any more from me. I hope he notices you.

I have no problem hearing anything you have to say. I have odd beliefs but everyone has something odd about them.

 

[IreneAdler]

I think what you're living in is bondage and I hate to see someone who so wants to be a good and faithful servant living like that instead of in the freedom that is Christ. It's like you're heart is there and you're missing the rewards of being his child.

 

[LoveJC9]

I think what you're living in is bondage and I hate to see someone who so wants to be a good and faithful servant living like that instead of in the freedom that is Christ. It's like you're heart is there and you're missing the rewards of being his child.

I am more at peace right now than I have been in my entire life. I love serving God, I love being submitted to my pastor and where I am in life right now. I really have more freedom than ever.

 

[IreneAdler]

Well, then I suppose this shouldn't be much of an issue for you. Like I said, you don't wanna hear my thoughts (absorb and roll them around). Good luck (I honestly mean that)

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I think we would be allowed to talk by phone if necessary. The thing where this one gets tricky is right now we both live in our pastors house. So I see him all day every day.

Before you think this is odd he brings people into his home to disciple them, when the Lord puts someone on his heart.
Mat 25:35For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:

"The thing where this one gets tricky is right now we both live in our pastors house." ?????? OK yeah I guess that would make it "tricky". I have never heard of this type of "religion". I am glad you feel free. You don't sound it, but if your happy, it's your life. The bible doesn't really talk about "dating" either way. I personally could not live like that, but...I wish you well, and yeah, I hope he notices you if that is God's will for your life. If it is not God's will for your life I pray He shows you that also.

 

[Elisha1961]

There isn't anything to fix. I wouldn't dare let anyone know that I am even slightly interested in this man. The way things are here is that if he is interested he will start this, not me. That would not be the proper way for things to happen at all.

If this is what you are feeling, then you need to leave it in God's hands. Be a friend first. You are house mates right now, so dating or any other type of relationship would be awkward, really awkward. Work at being a friend to him.

 

[LoveJC9]

"The thing where this one gets tricky is right now we both live in our pastors house." ?????? OK yeah I guess that would make it "tricky". I have never heard of this type of "religion". I am glad you feel free. You don't sound it, but if your happy, it's your life. The bible doesn't really talk about "dating" either way. I personally could not live like that, but...I wish you well, and yeah, I hope he notices you if that is God's will for your life. If it is not God's will for your life I pray He shows you that also.

You have never heard of helping people who are at a point in life that they need help?

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

You have never heard of helping people who are at a point in life that they need help?

I ABSOLUTELY have heard and have helped people who are at a point in life they need it. But YOU said in your OP that the church you went to or the religion you belonged to didn't allow dating, but neglected to give the whole story. At first I just thought you were in some form of religion. THEN you say the guy you like and yourself BOTH live with the pastor right now. So if you would have started out by saying that, my thought process would be totally different. And there is a difference between helping people just because they need it, and/or helping people to indoctinate them into your "religion". I'm not saying that is what your pastor is doing, I don't know. It just sounds weird to me that you can't go on a date. But if your happy, to each his own. Just make sure you follow the true Jesus