Courting vs. Dating

[HisdaughterJen]

I am more at peace right now than I have been in my entire life. I love serving God, I love being submitted to my pastor and where I am in life right now. I really have more freedom than ever.

"SUBMITTED to your PASTOR"? What on earth?

Uh, don't ever submit to anyone but God Himself. Your pastor doesn't qualify. There are no scriptures that say to submit to your pastor.

I grew up in a cult and this all sounds strangely like it. RUN!

 

[LoveJC9]

There is NOTHING wrong with being submitted to your pastor. The bible even says we should be submitted to those in authority over us.

 

[LoveJC9]

I ABSOLUTELY have heard and have helped people who are at a point in life they need it. But YOU said in your OP that the church you went to or the religion you belonged to didn't allow dating, but neglected to give the whole story. At first I just thought you were in some form of religion. THEN you say the guy you like and yourself BOTH live with the pastor right now. So if you would have started out by saying that, my thought process would be totally different. And there is a difference between helping people just because they need it, and/or helping people to indoctinate them into your "religion". I'm not saying that is what your pastor is doing, I don't know. It just sounds weird to me that you can't go on a date. But if your happy, to each his own. Just make sure you follow the true Jesus

They don't believe in dating, not that they don't allow dating. We are adults and have the free will to do what we want to do.

 

[Elisha1961]

No one knows the situation you are in exactly but you. That is between you and God. Don't look at the questions about your situation that is off topic of the original question.

I think you need to talk to your Pastor or his wife or an elder at your church to find out exactly what they are teaching. Ask the Lord for wisdom and discernment just cuz it sounds like you are confused by what you are being told. It is never wrong to question if you do not understand. If they do not welcome questions then you have a decision to make.

 

[dayhiker]

Hi loveJC9,
When I was young I was apart of the sheperding movement. It was a great time in my life. I learned so much from the Lord in that time. Our present experience sounds a lot like what I experienced back then.
I do believe in dating. I also have no problem with those who court and think they are doing what the Bible says. While there was a way people meet in Bible days and got married, no where in the Bible does it this is how Christians are to meet, get to know each other and then marry. The Bible says we are to greet each other with a holy kiss. No one that I know does that. Now some say we aren't to kiss the one we are to get married to till we get married adn think that is God's will enough to teach it and write books about it. My evaluation of this is that its an anti-sexuality philosophy that sounds really nice and ties into church history that goes clear back to the early ascetisism that started in the 2nd century and I find do command in the Bible that says this is how we are to live, but that the ealry church continually held up these ascetics as the greatest Christians and only a few were called to. Yet as time went on the church kept asking more people to live a life of physical denial and we hear this often in the idea of dening ourselves and taking up our cross. But as I erad the Bible Jesus was asking people to identify Him as the Messiah when the leaders of the Jew's at the time were ploting to kill Jesus. The ascetic part would be to identify with Jesus even if it meant being persecuted not to deny ourselves escetically.

OK, I got preaching a bit. So there is not Biblical commant as to how to find a husband. That means we each are to be led by the Holy Spirit. So seek Jesus and the Holy Spirit will lead you.

dayhiker

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

They don't believe in dating, not that they don't allow dating. We are adults and have the free will to do what we want to do.

Glad to hear. I would LOVE to hear how your pastor believes people like yourself should get into a relationship without "dating". Have you asked him about this?

 

[LoveJC9]

Glad to hear. I would LOVE to hear how your pastor believes people like yourself should get into a relationship without "dating". Have you asked him about this?

You meet people at church. You hang out at church, you hang out with groups of people. The whole purpose is that you aren't alone so that temptation can't come in. It really isn't a horrible thing.

 

[FlatpickingJD]

I can understand the resisting temptation part, but . .

Are you completely open and honest with everyone in your circle? Have you told everyone in your circle every dark secret or longing of your heart? I don't and hesitate to talk about any number of things in large groups. Or in small groups, for that matter, but particularly larger groups. I'd be far more likely to share a DUI, a child out of wedlock, or an arrest with someone one on one than I would in a group of people. That's the hesitation I'd have with not being allowed to date.

It seems also to boil down to trust. At some point you have to trust the man you're interested in. And you'd have to trust yourself to say no and move away if he tried anything (or vice versa).

 

[LoveJC9]

I can understand the resisting temptation part, but . .

Are you completely open and honest with everyone in your circle? Have you told everyone in your circle every dark secret or longing of your heart? I don't and hesitate to talk about any number of things in large groups. Or in small groups, for that matter, but particularly larger groups. I'd be far more likely to share a DUI, a child out of wedlock, or an arrest with someone one on one than I would in a group of people. That's the hesitation I'd have with not being allowed to date.

It seems also to boil down to trust. At some point you have to trust the man you're interested in. And you'd have to trust yourself to say no and move away if he tried anything (or vice versa).

You get to talk alone, but not alone alone. If you know what I mean. Like I talk to my "friend" about things that I would not talk about in front of everyone. Like we will be in the garden together, working in the yard, or reading our bibles together in the mornings (not really intentionally together, but I like to read in the mornings and so does he so we both sit at the table and read). We aren't alone, but we don't have people right there with us either.

Most of our deep dark secrets are very much out in the open here. We talk about them in bible study all the time. Plus my church is one of those full gospel churches where 90% of the people come from a back ground of serious drugs and alcohol abuse so it isn't a big secret.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Well it sounds like you'll just have to wait to see if your "friend" will be interested in you and make it known, I guess. Just remember, God is in control, and He can move circumstances and mountains to have His plan played out, so if it is meant to be, it will, if not, you will eventually know that too. Keep following God and the Word and in His time, you will know what you should do.

 

[LoveJC9]

Well it sounds like you'll just have to wait to see if your "friend" will be interested in you and make it known, I guess. Just remember, God is in control, and He can move circumstances and mountains to have His plan played out, so if it is meant to be, it will, if not, you will eventually know that too. Keep following God and the Word and in His time, you will know what you should do.

That is first and foremost in my life. I learned the hard way about making a person your God. It won't happen again.

 

[clary]

I attend a church where they don't believe in dating. As an older woman (almost 40) I am not sure what to even begin to think of marrying someone that I haven't been alone with. I honestly love the idea of the first kiss between you being when you are married, but at the same time I just don't know....

However if you know that it is God it would all work out according to his purpose and it would be amazing.

Any thoughts?

Dating and courting are good enough combination for a lasting realtionship.. I'll have both

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

That is first and foremost in my life. I learned the hard way about making a person your God. It won't happen again.

Well sometimes it's not about making a person your God so to speak, but rather taking things into your own hands. Like in the story where the israelites were tired of eating only manna and wanted meat and they were crying and crying and the Lord said (paraphrasing of course) "alright you want meat, here ya go" and they had meat literally coming out of their eyeballs! Numbers 11. My point is that if we take action on our own (we do it alot actually) without seeking the Lord and waiting on Him, sometimes we get what we want, but it is not God's will or God's best for us and we will pay the consequences for doing it (like having meat come out of our eyes), like struggling financially, or dealing with a bad relationship. Also God is perfectly capable of bringing situations and people together for His purposes and glory, so pray about it, then rest and wait on the Lord and see what happens.

 

[penNpaper]

*taking notes*

Courting is more serious involved

Dating is more "let's see how it goes"

We are want to be loved and hopefully God will direct us all for that special someone

God Bless,
Drew