courting vs dating ????

[2Timothy2]

"I prefer to court rather than date."

I see this alot lately. But, courting is just another FORM of dating. I know Josh Harris, or whatever his name is, tried to make a distinction, but they are just different forms of the same thing. And yes, I've read two of his books. I have nothing against courting, I like it in fact. But, come on, it is still dating afterall. And I do think it is a better form than asking out some random woman I don't know or barely know.

OK, I feel better now that I got that off my chest.

 

[the_man]

Really, it's all just semantics. If I were in a mixed crowed (non beleivers and believers) I'd say court because I would want the 'intent of marriage' aspect of it to be clear. If I were in the company of believers, dating should imply that there is an intent for marriage.

 

[Niels]

Not that courting vs. dating can't be a good thing, but peoples' definitions of each seem kind of vague to me.

Of course, if dating ran the way I think it should (which it certainly doesn't at least not where I grew up), people would do *a lot* more dating, but the dating would be less serious. This is kind of '50s style dating where you might go out with a girl, but a romantic connection isn't expected. The idea being that if you date lots of folks, and just have healthy fun, you may take a greater interest in one. Eventually you may meet somebody you'd consider becoming more committed to dating on a regular basis, at which point you might talk about life expectations, possibly share a kiss, talk of marriage etc.

Unfortunately, this doesn't seem possible in today's culture, where "Dating" somebody is almost synonymous with being married (spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, significant other etc. all seem to mean the same thing... possibly due to the rampant premarital sex which confuses the issue). Perhaps "Courting" for marriage is a better idea for us marriage minded folks these days, since the dating scene is so full of problems.

 

[renaistre]

I believe Josh Harris does make a clear distinction between dating and courting in this way: Courting is the term for a formal relationship that is intended to explore the possibility for marrage. Dating is "going out" with someone. So theoretically, you can date while you are courting.

There are other more conservative pastors that go even farther in their distinction. Pastors like Dr. S. M. Davis don't like the IKDG "model" precisely because they feel that it is too close to secular dating.

 

[Cherub8]

They're not the same. Joshua Harris makes a perfect distinction, in my opinion.

I believe in courting w/family involvement. She won't belong to me until marriage, so what right would I have to get into a relationship with her without first earning her parents' respect, approval, and so forth. None. I respect the "fitler system," and would also say there is virtue to arranged marriages (not my thing, but works for some) given the proper circumstances.

God bless

 

[JPPT1974]

Well I rather get to know the person as a friend and seek the Lord's help into taking the friendship from there.

 

[2Timothy2]

See, I disagree, Harris doesn't make a distinction. He only defines a different form of dating. This is a minor point, I know, but it still bugs me. heh Courting IS dating, it just isn't the same style as most of the US goes about it.

 

[Cherub8]

Harris points out that terms aren't a big deal. But for the sake of consistency in his book, dating = serial dating, and courtship = dating with a purpose.

 

[the_man]

Harris points out that terms aren't a big deal. But for the sake of consistency in his book, dating = serial dating, and courtship = dating with a purpose.

That is why I said it was semantics. Even to describe courtship you used the word dating.

 

[Cherub8]

I would use the word 'court' around my friends, lest they get the wrong idea.

 

[the_man]

I would use the word 'court' around my friends, lest they get the wrong idea.

Exactly. Read post #2

 

[OhhJim]

True courting wouldn't involve dating. At least not much.

After all, if you are intending to possibly marry a person, of what value is it to see how they behave in a "dress-up-and-be-on-your-best-behavior situation? How often does that happen in a marriage? (Trust me, not often.) Wouldn't you be better served to find out what the other person does in their free time? How they spend an evening on their own? How they spend their disposable income?

And, yeah, I've done it. Iive dated a couple women who preferred to not "date" regularly, but to just live our lives like we normally did, except to spend time together...like we would if we got married.

 

[2Timothy2]

See Jim, that's my point. The "dress-up-and-be-on-your-best-behavior" is ONE type of dating. One I'm not interested in. Spending time with a member of the opp. gender with some intention of romance or marriage (insert phrase here) is dating. It is just a different form than the above. And, IMO, a better form. I only started this thread because I get the sense from many that dating is evil and courting is good, as if courting wasn't a type of dating at all. That's nonsense. It's like saying "we Christians won't watch movies, but films are fine." And I've heard variations of that one many times. LOL

 

[OhhJim]

I understand, and I think it's a good distinction. I'm the flip side. I don't want to "court". I want to "date". I'm not that interested in marriage. I've been there, done that, and have the battle scars. I do, however, like women, and enjoy spending time with them. I like fine restaurants, good entertainment, or the ever-popular "walk on the beach". I would rather do that sort of thing than just hang out.

 

[Tenorvoice]

Court: : to seek the affections of; especially : to seek to win a pledge of marriage from ; to engage in social activities leading to engagement and marriageDate: an appointment to meet at a specified time; especially : a social engagement between two persons that often has a romantic character ; a person with whom one has a usually romantic date


I perfer to use the first term. Court. IMPO the ole fashioned way of courting a young lady has been lost and needs to be revived. This stupid bouncing back and forth between people giving them a part of your heart each time. This makes it soo hard for the one person that God has planned for you to be married to get help mend all those scars of pain from past relationships.

I will elaborate on this more tonight Lunch hour is over

 

[lionman]

I think courting is dating someone to see if that person is someone you would want to marry or not. I would never court someone that I couldn't see myself marrying.

 

[BeautyForAshes]

Court: : to seek the affections of; especially : to seek to win a pledge of marriage from ; to engage in social activities leading to engagement and marriageDate: an appointment to meet at a specified time; especially : a social engagement between two persons that often has a romantic character ; a person with whom one has a usually romantic date


I perfer to use the first term. Court. IMPO the ole fashioned way of courting a young lady has been lost and needs to be revived. This stupid bouncing back and forth between people giving them a part of your heart each time. This makes it soo hard for the one person that God has planned for you to be married to get help mend all those scars of pain from past relationships.

I will elaborate on this more tonight Lunch hour is over

Ditto

 

[Cherub8]

Court: : to seek the affections of; especially : to seek to win a pledge of marriage from ; to engage in social activities leading to engagement and marriageDate: an appointment to meet at a specified time; especially : a social engagement between two persons that often has a romantic character ; a person with whom one has a usually romantic date


I perfer to use the first term. Court. IMPO the ole fashioned way of courting a young lady has been lost and needs to be revived. This stupid bouncing back and forth between people giving them a part of your heart each time. This makes it soo hard for the one person that God has planned for you to be married to get help mend all those scars of pain from past relationships.

I will elaborate on this more tonight Lunch hour is over

Couldn't have said it better myself.

God bless

 

[theophilus05]

I believe courting to be more like dating with a purpose. The purpose of getting married. I do have to agree though. It's the same thing it just has purpose behind it.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

I think the definitions are a bit too 'overworked' in the Christian community.

Do you wanna know who brought up the idea of 'courting'??? If you go back to how words emerged in the English language, William Shakespeare is noted as the first person to use the word, and he basically used it in the way we would define 'date'.

I can't be bothered with working out what someone means by dating or courting. As long as you have the correct heart behind your intentions, you can use whatever term you want (IMNSHO)!!!

Please stop being hung up on semantics guys - just focus on the heart of how you want to treat the woman. It looks kind of sad if someone was to say 'I want to date you', and someone starts freaking out because they used the word 'date' rather than 'court'! They may mean the EXACT same thing as you would when you say 'court'. Don't get stressed because a word just sounds wrong - look at the heart...

Sasch